In Freak Show, Ryan Murphy made a point to feature only songs by artists who were also "freaks" or outcasts. While I haven't necessarily followed this, no one fits the bill better than Daniel Johnston, whose song is featured in this chapter. He's a schizophrenic indie-pop musician whose life story is as fascinating as it is sad. If you never have, check out the documentary The Devil and Daniel Johnston.

So... sigh. Suffice to say that I really didn't care for the Freak Show finale. I got that this story will never be canon. I'm shipping two mortal enemies, for god's sake. But the finale episode sort of killed my headcanon, and I struggled with that. I feel like all season, Dandy was portrayed as someone who COULD be halfway decent. He wasn't a good person. He'd always have the urge to kill and struggle with depersonalization and selfishness, but he had some heart. The Dandy in my head wouldn't have mistreated the performers once he owned the freak show. And he certainly wouldn't have massacred them.

But! The show must go on. So I've decided to ignore canon and continue writing the slightly different, softer, admittedly Draco-in-leather-pants version of Dandy you've all grown to know and love here.


Sun shone through the tops of the tall trees, illuminating the thick, dense woods. Dandy stooped to pick up a frayed scrap of the clown's tattered costume. He wouldn't have dared try to find the spot at night. Even in daylight, he'd surprised himself, relying only on his own sense of direction and mother's old compass to guide him. It didn't matter, though. He had to go alone. No one, not even Jimmy, ever could have understood what the monster had meant to him.

"I'm sorry, clown," he said with quiet gravitas, looking down at the spot where he'd hurriedly buried the dead clown's remains after hacking them to pieces on Halloween. "You deserved better than this... in life, in death. In everything. But it was the best I could do."

Sighing, he stooped again to pick up the sentimental token he'd dared not grab on Halloween. He held the blood-stained mask to his heart and exhaled roughly. He thought to himself that the clown deserved tears, but none came. The sad ghost of a smile crossed Dandy's face.

"Thank you," he whispered, before turning and walking away.


The evidence itself was pretty damning. Dandy, not without his share of theatrics, brought in the tattered polka-dot scrap to the station, claiming he'd found it in the home. Since mother's murder, he said with a bit of a quaver, he hadn't much been able to go through her things yet. He was sure the kind policemen understood.

The scrap undoubtedly matched the ones found at the grisly bus scene several months earlier. Things looked good, but Jimmy couldn't be set free without a proper trial.


"We want to be there!" cried Dot. "We should be there, every bit as much as you two."

Opposing the conjoined women stood Dandy and Maggie. He was dressed in a navy blue suit jacket, tan dress slacks and a red striped tie; she in a khaki skirt that reached mid-calf and a red sweater twinset. Someone who didn't know them could have easily taken the pair for a young couple on their way to a church ice cream social.

"You girls don't know the ways of the world," said Desiree. "You've gotta let the pretty white ones do the showing up, the talking. Like it or not-and believe me, I don't-they're the ones with all the power."

"No," spoke up Bette, her high voice shaking. "...My sister and I spent thirty years hiding in the shadows. We won't anymore; we won't."

"We know we're good people," said Dot firmly, looking at Dandy. "And I know that you know. We don't care anymore what anyone else has to say. If they're going to be uncomfortable, let them be uncomfortable, and if they want to look away, then look away they will. What you and we know is enough. It has to be enough. I'm too tired to carry the burden of public opinion around any longer."

Dandy's silence was enough to speak volumes. Usually he was unrelenting and quick to argue. "Fair enough," he said quietly, nodding.

Paul stepped forward, Penny's hand clasped in his. "If they're going, so are we," he said firmly.

"And me," added Eve, joining Paul at the side opposite Penny.

"And me," said Suzi, crawling forward at their feet.

Behind them the other performers murmured, stepping forward to stand side by side, forming a wall. Only Desiree hung back before finally joining the group.

Dandy grinned.


True love will find you in the end / You'll find out just who was your friend / Don't be sad, I know you will / But don't give up until / True love will find you in the end...

The whole courtroom watched, mouths gaping, as the beautiful pair was followed in by the brigade of the unusual. The twins took up the rear in matching pillbox hats, heads held high, their high heeled pumps clicking across the linoleum floor against the crowd's hush. A few gasps sounded. In truth, many of the jury members had seen Bette and Dot before at the freak show after-hours, though they dared not admit it. There was something endlessly more jarring about seeing them in the light of day.

The large group clasped hands and sat silent, on edge, as Jimmy's fate was decided. When Jimmy was declared a free man, Dandy was sure he heard cheering, though it played out to him in slow-motion, emotive and silent.

Jimmy was flocked outside the courthouse by hugs, kisses, excited words and slaps on the back. He appreciated it, but he hardly heard or felt any of it. All he could see was Dandy at the end of the line. All he could think about was him-the little things about him.

This is a promise with a catch / Only if you're looking can it find you / Cause true love is searching too / But how can it recognize you unless you step out into the light, the light, the light...

There, at the end of that gauntlet of all Jimmy's dearest friends, was Dandy. Dandy, and his pigeon-toed stance. Dandy, and his rampant moral myopia. Dandy, and his frantic dash back and forth between narcissism and self-loathing, brutality and gentleness. Dandy, and the way emotions flew across his face like a child's, wrinkling his forehead, untouched by the vain stoicism that Jimmy performed so well. Dandy, and his ever-twisted loyalty. Dandy, and his surprisingly tender hands-no one would have guessed that, those hands. Drying tears and tucking bed sheets, they were just Jimmy's.

Dandy, Dandy, Dandy. Jimmy wouldn't have changed a damn thing about him even if he could have.

The pair embraced at the end of the line, tentatively at first but with growing ferocity, until it was practically primal. Both longed to kiss, but in the light of day they didn't dare. Jimmy threw his whole weight against his lover instead, letting Dandy lift him for an instant, his feet in the air.

Don't be sad, I know you will / But don't give up until / True love will find you in the end...


The bathroom was as spotless and shiny as the rest of the pricey hotel. Even the toilet seat looked polished and smelled vaguely of bleach. Jimmy knew, because he was knelt over it, puking so desperately that his abs ached.

Getting a room for the night had been Dandy's idea. He wasn't ready yet to revisit home with Jimmy. To him, the air there still hung heavy with unhappy memories of the fair boy's absence. That, and the fact that with no maid left, it was starting to look a little less glorious.

Jimmy gasped, coughing up what paltry bit was left of the contents of his stomach. Dandy listened from the next room and wondered if telling him everything had been a mistake.

But Jimmy wasn't angry. Not about Maggie: That was just Dandy finishing what he'd started on Halloween. Besides, he was secretly relieved to know that Dandy liked girls enough to sleep with one on his own accord. That promised possible threesomes with pretty gals in the future, a prospect that bisexual Jimmy greatly liked.

He wasn't angry about Dell, either-at least, not at Dandy. He was furious at Dell. He'd thought he couldn't hate the bastard any more than he already did, but now he'd gone and taken advantage of the person Jimmy loved most at a point when he was vulnerable and desperate. He didn't blame Dandy, but the thought of Dell's dirty hands all over his lover's body was enough to send him running to the bathroom clutching his stomach. It had been an emotional day already. That pushed him over the edge.

Jimmy finished and returned to the bed after rinsing his mouth out, collapsing beside Dandy with red-rimmed eyes and a slight sniffle. "Sorry," he muttered. "Real attractive, I know. Our first night back together and I spend it puking my guts out. Romantic."

Dandy ran a hand down the side of Jimmy's pallid face, noting that his cheeks looked a little more hallowed. He was no less beautiful for it. If anything he was more so, the picture now of vulnerability and pathos. But it still made him sad, a sensation that Dandy wasn't used to.

"No matter," he said, but he seemed distracted.

"Hey," Jimmy whispered, taking one of Dandy's hands and placing it low on his own abdomen. "Come on, it's okay..."

Jimmy crawled atop him and went in for a kiss, but Dandy stopped him after only a few seconds. "You think I can't love," he said intently. It was almost a question.

The corner of Jimmy's mouth twitched with empathy. He owed his best friend the truth, and the truth wasn't pretty. "I think you love selectively," he corrected. Again his mouth spasmed, eyes rheumy as he ran a sad hand down from Dandy's jaw to his chest. "Sometimes, doll, you just don't see people as people. It's not your fault; it's a sickness, baby. I know you can't help it." Jimmy sniffled. "It's like... a little piece of the jigsaw puzzle is just..." He tapped at Dandy's breastbone with two fused fingers. "...missing."

Dandy looked ready to cry.

"Hey," whispered Jimmy, kissing him, "it's okay... Loving selectively means that when you do love, doll, you love better and more than anyone else could ever even imagine."

A smile broke Dandy's sullen face. "Does that mean you're finally admitting that I love you more?"

Jimmy bit gently at his lover's lower lip. "Nice try, buddy," he laughed. "Not a chance."

He rolled over so that Dandy was on top of him now, struggling to undo the rich boy's tie with his oddly made fingers.

"You need rest," Dandy said as the tie fell to the floor and Jimmy began on his shirt. "The big show is tomorrow, remember?"

"I need you," breathed Jimmy, shirtless, his erection twitching through his slacks against Dandy, making his dick respond in kind. "Come on, please? I need you inside of me. You said it doesn't hurt, right? Remember? You said it feels good..."

Dandy took pity on the struggling boy and undid the buttons on his shirt himself, flinging it off and resting his face roughly against Jimmy's thin chest. He bit, animalistic, at the freshly showered skin, feeling the tickle of blond peach fuzz against his scratchy cheek.

Jimmy giggled. "Is that a yes?"

Dandy pulled away, standing for an instant to get fully naked while Jimmy did the same. "Get it a little wet first," he ordered, lowering himself back down onto the bed and gently pushing Jimmy's head down.

Jimmy accepted the guy's dick into his mouth as if it were a lollipop. Dandy shuddered, the wet pleasure of it fluttering all the way from his shoulders to his perfect toes. They curled into the bedspread. It was as if Jimmy had no gag reflex.

He worried he'd come just from that, but Jimmy was merciful. He stopped, departing with a small lick, and eased himself below Dandy so that their similar noses touched. He wrapped his legs high around Dandy's torso as the guy lifted his hips.

Jimmy sighed, feeling the wet tip of him against the crack of his ass. For all his brutality, in the bedroom and outside of it, Dandy was gentle easing inside, stopping when Jimmy bit his lip and cried out.

There was a brief moment of pain as Dandy slipped fully inside of him, and then in an instant it all made perfect sense. It was as if Jimmy's body held secrets, ones even he himself had been oblivious to, that only another man could ever unlock. It was all so intense and amazing that he couldn't help but reach down and jerk himself off as Dandy thrust inside of him.

It had been weeks for both of them. The sight of Jimmy jerking off-those freakish hands on that perfect dick-combined with the tight pleasure of fucking him brought Dandy to the edge. "Oh g-god," he quivered, placing one rough hand on Jimmy's hip to steady himself. "I th-think I'm gonna come..."

"Go ahead, doll," breathed Jimmy, "it's okay..."

Dandy pulled out and jerked desperately until he cried out, coming all over Jimmy's upper chest. A little splashed onto his face. Jimmy could smell the chlorine scent of it, the clean acidity mixed with the underlying bread-dough sweetness. The noises made him come, too, his own mess ending up a little lower on his stomach.

He felt Dandy collapse beside him, spent, and reach for his hand. Jimmy took it, squeezing back when he felt pressure. It was the two of them now, hand in hand against everything. They would conquer. They would persevere.

"C-Can I keep you?" Dandy shuddered, his voice shaking with more than just sexual release.

Jimmy drew a breath through his nose, deep and rough. "Always," he whispered, exhaling. "Always and forever..."