Fish Tale 2: This Is Letting Go
Chapter Twenty Eight: Mud
It's hard to listen to a hard hard heart
Beating close to mine
Pounding up against the stone and steel
Walls that I won't climb
Sometimes a hurt is so deep deep deep
You think that you're gonna drown
Sometimes all I can do is weep weep weep
With all this rain falling down
-Patty Griffin
(Rain)
October 2014
Macey was laughing at something Preston was telling her on the phone. Clearly, something was funny. Cammie didn't mean to, but she couldn't help but find it obnoxious. She knew it wasn't, she was just bitter. Very, very bitter.
She kind of hated everyone that was in a happy relationship now. It wasn't intentional, it just kind of happened.
Her and Zach hadn't talked much. She'd called him after Will had come over the day he left. She told him to be safe and that she loved him. She didn't mention the Joe thing because she knew that was conversation they needed to have face to face.
He'd been surprised at her politeness, she could tell. Obviously he'd been preparing himself for a screaming match on the phone.
But she was tired.
So tired.
Of fighting, of being angry all the time. She'd come to the point where she just wanted to let it all go and put it in the past. So instead of fighting over the phone she told him they'd talk when he got back, and it wasn't worth worrying about till then.
He'd agreed with some hesitancy, wondering how she was really feeling. Since then, the phone calls had been few and far between. They were cordial and awkwardly stiff. Cammie almost wished he didn't call, because the phone calls were kind of hard to deal with. They reminded her that they didn't have what they use to they could talk for hours without ever running out of things to say. She missed that couple, the one who were ignorant to the problems. She wanted that back, so desperately. The worst part was that she feared she'd never get it.
As the weeks went by, and then the months, her anger finally started to dissipate. And she let it, unwilling to hold onto hard feelings any longer.
It had also helped that Macey was counseling her on how to deal with a boyfriend when you don't get to see him for months at a time. Macey had adjusted, she tried to get her to see the bright sides.
Ever so slowly, Cammie crept closer to understand why Zach was doing what he was doing.
Why he'd lied that night, about staying for her. He didn't want to lose her. She'd been naive at the time, thinking Zach would give up his dream because she was being a whiney brat. He'd only lied because he knew what she needed to hear, if he hadn't she might of just fallen apart.
"You still there Cam?"
Macey was looking at her expectantly. She'd hung up the phone and could now give Cammie her undivided attention.
Cammie nodded. "Yeah, sorry. I got tired of listening to you and Preston's cuteness."
"How could you ever get tired of that?" Macey asked sarcastically. "What were you thinking about anyway?"
"What do you think?"
"Zachy boy?"
"Don't let him hear you call him that," Cammie muttered lowly.
"Nah, we're tight. I'm sure he'd love it," Macey laughed. "So how's that thinking going anyway? You still pissed?"
Cammie shrugged. "Not so much."
"Oh?" Macey raised an eyebrow.
"I guess I'm just sick of the fighting. I just can't do it anymore."
"So you gonna break up then? Call a quits?"
Cammie shrugged. "I don't know anymore. We hardly talk."
"Preston has been saying he's been pretty mopey."
"And I'm sure you've been telling Preston I'm pretty mopey."
Macey had a chagrin smile."Maybe."
Cammie gave a small smile. "I don't know how it's going to work anymore."
"Cammie you love this boy. This boy loves you. You can' t just give up."
"Says who?"she muttered under her breath.
"Me," Macey replied, although she hadn't been meant to hear it.
"I just don't know."
"You are in such a slump."
"Yup."
Macey sighed. "Alright we're going to fix this right now."
"I mean if you have a teleportation device," Cammie said in an oddly serious voice. "That could probably work."
Macey rolled her eyes.
"I think we need to drill a couple of facts into your head."
"Do we?"
"Zach left, initially, because you did something that severely pissed him off, correct?"
Cammie nodded.
"Then you guys spent months apart, basically hating each other, but wishing you were together."
Another nod.
"Then you finally made up. Zach forgave you."
"Yes."
"Then you assumed he would just up and quit because now you guys could live happily ever after."
"Well—"
"Yes or no."
Cammie rolled her eyes. "Yes."
"Good. So why did you think you had any right to tell him what he could and couldn't do?"
"I wasn't telling him to do anything," Cammie answered quickly. "I just assumed he loved me more than he loved his damn job."
"Alright," Macey said. "Now I see the problem."
"Oh?" Cammie asked. "Care to enlighten me?"
Macey nodded. "You think what he's doing is a job."
"Isn't it?"
"No," she said. "A job is something you do to bring in money. You don't enjoy it, and you'd quit apart from the fact that it's your only source of income. Will had a job at Larry's Lanes. What Zach isn't a job to him. It's a calling. It where he feels he's meant to be. He feels like he was made for this, like he's making a difference by doing it. Like how you want to be an Olympic swimmer and then a swim coach."
"Which isn't going to happen," Cammie muttered. She'd been slacking on her swimming as of late.
"So you maybe you have another calling. Anyway, Zach's found his. Imagine if you were an Olympic swimmer, and then Zach just told you, you weren't allowed to anymore?"
Cammie frowned. "This is different," Cammie said stubbornly. "This is—"
"Exactly the same," Macey said. "You can't expect him to give up something he loves. A place where he belongs. They're like brothers Cammie, each and every one of them. He needs other people beside you. After the childhood he had especially."
"We;ll he should love me."
"Problem numero dose. You're jealous."
"I am not."
"Are too," Macey said. "You wish you had something else that you loved, that way you wouldn't feel like he was just brushing you to the side. You think that to love you the most he has to give up everything else he loves."
Cammie was quite. Because Macey was right, and she knew it.
"Find something else you love Cammie," Macey said. "I know you've kind of stopped swimming but I remember in high school when we couldn't get you out of the water. I called you fish butt, fish butt. Water was your first love, before Zach. Maybe you guys should reconnect."
Cammie knew Macey was right. But she was still hesitant. She was unsure, she didn't know if that would help anything.
"I'm not saying that you'll become an Olympic swimmer or anything. I'm saying you need to try something else. And maybe you'll find a different calling along the way."
"I don't know. . ."
"Look," Macey said, seeing the doubt in Cammie's eyes. "You said you weren't mad anymore, right? That you just didn't know how it would work?"
She gave a weak nod.
"Well you're never going to figure it out if you don't make an effort. You have to make an effort if you want it to work again. Unless you do really want to lose him?" Macey asked, leaving the question open ended for Cammie to answer.
Cammie was quite for a long time. Eventually she shook her head.
"No," she replied. "I don't want to lose him."
"Good," Macey said. "Let's go find a pool."
:*:*:*:
"You better not be watching porn," Brennan said as he entered the room, seeing Preston lying on his bed with his laptop propped up in front of him.
Preston rolled his eyes and turned the screen towards Brennan. "Macey, Brennan's here."
Macey grinned and waved, her blue eyes glowing.
"Dude she's barely wearing anything, you are watching porn."
This time both Macey and Preston rolled their eyes, making Brennan laugh.
"Hey M."
"Hey B," she replied, easily. "Where are the other four then?"
The door banged open again and Zach and Elliot walked in, laughing about something.
"Well two down, two to go."
Brennan shrugged.
"Hi Mace." Zach called over, while taking of a grimy looking jacket.
"Hey Zach, hi Elliot."
"Hey Macey," Elliot replied, with his easy soft grin.
"Why are you guys so dirty?" she asked, noticing that the boys were covered in mud from head to toe. "And wet?" she added, seeing a puddle forming on the floor.
"Because we knew we'd see you," Zach replied, winking and Preston's computer screen.
"Alright," Preston said, turning his laptop back towards him. "That's enough. I'll talk to you later okay Macey?"
"Yeah, Love you, bye!"
"Bye babe."
Zach, Elliot, and Brennan were all snickering at Preston. He just ignored it. They all did this to each other. Whether it was Elliot on the phone to his wife, or Alex calling his new girlfriend.
"It is shitting rain out there," Elliot said offhandedly as he grabbed a towel to wipe his neck.
"That's what made it fun," Brennan replied.
"What the hell were you guys doing out there?" Preston asked.
"Playing futbol," he said, putting on a distinctly Hispanic accent.
"You missed out," Zach said. "Alex totally ate it."
Elliot laughed. "That was so fucking funny."
Zach's phone began to ring. The others gave him a knowing look as he fished it out of his pocket. They all knew it would be Cammie. She was the only one that ever called him.
"Tell Cams I say hi!" Brennan said in a girly voice.
Truth be told he wished it wasn't her. The conversations had been so empty and mundane recently. He felt like he was talking to a zombie. He'd hated that he'd done this to her. He preferred it when she was yelling. He didn't like her seeming so distant.
As it turned out, Zach got his wish.
The number on his phone wasn't one he recognized.
"It's not her," he mumbled, mostly to himself, although the others could hear. He glanced up. "I'm gonna take this outside."
He walked into the rain pulling his hat down low over his head so his phone wouldn't get wet.
"Hello?"
"Zach?"
He recognized the voice, but couldn't place it.
"Uh yeah, who is this?"
The voice on the other end laughed. "Its Abby, kiddo."
Zach felt a smile come to his face. He'd only met Cammie's aunt on a few occasions at family dinners at her house. He'd always thought of her as a fun, floating spirit, nothing like Rachel. However, when he came to the special ops team he learned that she was high ranking member of the CIA, which had been quite the shock.
"Oh, hey Abs," he replied causally. Even though her call was way out of the blue. How did she even get his number? He didn't even want to know.
"Forgotten me so quickly I see," she mused.
"Of course not," he said. "I just wasn't expecting you."
"Sorry I couldn't be Cammie."
His smile fell at the mention of her name. He cleared his throat and hoped to change the subject.
"Yeah, so why are you calling?"
"Promise not to hang up?"
He laughed. "What?"
"You have to promise."
"Is this about Cammie?" he asked, hesitantly.
"No."
If that was the case, Zach couldn't think of anything or anyone on the earth this conversation might be about.
"So you promise?"
"Sure," he murmured. "I promise."
"It's about Joe."
Well now he knew why she had made him promise.
Zach breathed in sharply. She must be calling him to question him about it. When he'd first joined, he been extensively questioned about Joe Solomon. Zach had been cleared, obviously, but it appeared some remained doubtful.
"Zach?" Abby inquired, wondering if he was still there.
"I've already talked to my superiors about this," he finally replied in a very cold voice. "If you need to know anything about it, you can ask them."
"I don't need to know anything Zach," she replied. "It's what I need to tell you."
"God, what's he done now then?"
"Nothing Zach," she said, her voice becoming very serious. "There are some things you don't know about him."
"I know all I want to," he replied, his tone clipped.
"Please Zach," Abby said. "Just hear me out. Then you can decide what you want to do when I'm done."
Zach held his breath. He didn't want to talk about Joe, not now, not ever. But Abby wouldn't have called him if it wasn't important. He supposed he owed it to her, and maybe to himself, to hear what she had to say.
"Fine," He finally said, letting out a deep breath. "Talk away."
:*:*:*:
When Preston found Zach his dark hair was soaking wet, and he was sitting in a pile of mud. He was clenching his phone in his hand. It was probably broken, considering how much it was raining. Preston could see the distraught look on his friend's face. It was disbelief, mostly. There was something else there though, anger maybe. Preston couldn't really tell.
"Must've been one hell of a phone call," Preston called to him. Preston remained under the awning, not ready to through himself into the rain and mud.
Zach glanced over at him, obviously not having heard him come outside. He sighed and just nodded, looking back down at the mud.
"You wanna talk about it?"
Zach shook his head quickly. "Not sure I'm ready for that."
"You're going to get sick," Preston said. "Cold rain and mud aren't really good friends to the body."
Zach coughed, proving Preston's point. However, he got up, tossing his phone in the mud, knowing it wasn't salvageable. He came under the awning with Preston and tried to smile.
"They're going to send you home, you know," Preston said, glancing at his appearance. Zach's skin was pale, his eyes almost droopy. He'd already caught a cold, the damage was done. Elliot would never let him go on assignments when he wasn't at his best.
Zach shrugged. He didn't much care at this point. All he could think about was Joe, and everything Abby had just told him.
His head was swirling with the new information, and he was struggling to make sense of it all.
"Yeah," he said, as they walked inside. "I know."
Preston clapped him on the back and wished there was more he could do for his friend. That being said, he knew that if Zach didn't want to discuss it there wasn't nothing really for him to do.
"Can I ask who was on the phone?" Preston asked, hoping to get some information out of him.
Zach shrugged. "Cammie's Aunt."
"Did something to Cammie?" Preston asked, alarm rising in his voice.
He shook his head. "No. Cammie's Aunt is Abby Morgan."
Preston's mouth fell open. "For real?"
Zach nodded.
"Damn," he continued. "Small world."
"She called to talk to me about Joe."
This time Preston didn't say anything. He had no clue what to say to that. It didn't matter though. Because Zach continued. He told Preston the same thing Abby had told him.
How Joe had never really been a bad person, or a traitor. How Zach's evil mother and vindictive father had tricked him into a stupid scheme he really never had a clue about. Abby had mentioned something about Joe being led to believe that whatever Catherine and Bradley were doing was in Zach's best interest. Which, in hindsight, it wasn't. And that the only reason Joe sent Zach off to boarding school was because he knew he'd never be safe with him. There was more, but Zach was so overwhelmed with the new information that he couldn't really spit it all out fast enough.
He didn't know whether to believe it or not. However, Abby hadn't called just to tell him all these things. She'd called to ask him to beg Joe to turn himself in. She said that it was time, and that he needed to move on from the past.
Zach didn't know all about that. He'd spent the better part of his life believing Joe had betrayed his country, and Zach. He'd bottled up hatred for him so long he wasn't sure if the story was true. But it had to be, didn't it? Why would Abby tell him all of this if it weren't? She was part of the CIA. One of Joe's old partners.
Still it was hard to process. As he retold everything to Preston, it seemed even more surreal.
"What are you going to do?" Preston muttered when he'd finished. As though Zach had any clue. He shook his head and didn't answer.
"Jesus Zach," a voice said from the doorway. "Why do you look like hell?" It was Elliot, leaning against the wall with a blank expression on his face.
Although his face was blank, Zach could see in his eyes that there was some sort of sympathy. He must've heard some of their conversation, which would make Zach nervous, except Elliot didn't seem mad.
"Got stuck in the rain."
"You look like shit," he murmured. He was quite for a second. "Pack your bags, you're going home."
Zach started to protest but Elliot shook his head. "No argument," Elliot said. "Those are orders." Then he left without saying another word.
Zach didn't have it in his heart to be upset Elliot was sending him home. They both knew he needed to go, and he wouldn't be 100% until he sorted everything out.
"Well," he said to Preston. "I guess that's what I'm going to do. Go Home."
For some reason, the thought wasn't as comforting as it use to be.
:*:*:*:*:
AN: I know I'm an asshole and most of ya'll have probably given up hope
Two more chapter. I think, maybe three if necessary.
Hang in there, I am :)
I love everyone who is still reading this story, and if you can leave some reviews it really does motivate me to find time to write and update.
Love Ya'll 3
