Again, I thank everyone for their outstanding patience and amazing support; I feel very lucky that I have people who understand what I'm going through and still forgive me for my long delays.
I have also published a continuation of the Alternative Ending ("Rest") titled Flight. It's part of the reason why this chapter took so long to complete. Please feel free to check out Flight!
Thank you for your support, everyone! Please have a safe, healthy, and enjoyable holiday, and I wish everyone an early Happy New Year!
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
"And so, the woman's ghost continues to roam through the forest to this day, luring travelers to their doom in order to take revenge on the bandits who killed her," Genma finished in a hushed voice, his face eerily wreathed in shadows from the crackling fire.
"Ugh." Shivering appreciatively, Sayuri grimaced, breaking the silence that followed Genma's story. "I don't know how I'm going to sleep now."
"Aw, don't worry about it. It's just a ghost story." His mouth curling in a crooked grin, Genma stretched, his ANBU armor glowing dull orange in the firelight. "Man, I'm exhausted. Exactly how much ground did we cover today?"
"About six hundred miles, give or take a few. We'd better go to sleep; we still have seven hundred more to go." Ignoring Genma's groan of exasperation, I stood slowly, wincing as my spine cracked. "Who's taking first watch?"
"I think Karasu should." Karasu's face, blank with shock, snapped up. "Sorry, but you're the newest member of this squad. Seniority rules, right, Cyclopes?"
"Are you okay with that, Karasu?" She glanced at me, her eyes meeting mine; my faint smile faded as she quickly looked away.
"It's fine."
"Great!" Standing up, Genma stripped off his armguards as he kicked dirt over the fire, extinguishing the flame. I followed Sayuri to the bushes where our supplies were stacked, glancing over my shoulder to catch a glimpse of Karasu's lithe figure vanishing into the inky darkness. Stripping off my armor, I placed it in a neat pile on the ground before unrolling my sleeping bag and gingerly easing my aching body inside. Sayuri followed suit, gracefully sliding her slender body into her sleeping bag with the softest sigh; Genma's grunt as he collapsed heavily to the ground echoed seconds later. Closing my eyes, I listened to the rustle of tree branches as the wind flowed past, the occasional mournful cry of an animal, the steady tattoo of my heartbeat.
The image of Karasu's face flashed through my mind. Her eyes were dark, wide pools in her pale face, her mouth clamped in a thin, drooping line. Now that I thought about it, she had been biting her lip in a display of… what? Anger? Irritation? Fear?
Sitting up, I slowly pulled my legs out of my sleeping bag, careful not to disturb Sayuri's slow, even breaths. I opened my Sharingan and scanned the surrounding forest; locating a familiar chakra signature only twelve yards away, I began to slowly walk in its direction, carefully navigating through the tangle of tree trunks that loomed darkly in the moonless night.
"Cyclopes? What's going on?" Genma mumbled groggily as I stepped past him, his voice thick with drowsiness.
"Nothing. Go to sleep." Careful to avoid stepping on any branches or making loud noises, I slowly made my way towards Karasu. Perched on a rock, she seemed like a statue, the white plane of her back armor bisected by the black ink of her ponytail. She still didn't move when I was right behind her; reaching out to touch her gently on the shoulder, I spoke softly.
"Hey."
A muffled scream, a blur of white; the next thing I knew, I was flat on my back with a knee dug in my chest and the stiletto edge of a ninjato pressed against my throat. With all my breath knocked out of me, I could only stare dazedly at the porcelain bird mask that loomed overhead, its beak centimeters from my face as it peered at me before recoiling almost instantly.
"K-Kakashi!"
"Yeah, Karasu! Go get 'im!" Genma's muffled whoop made the bird snap its head in the direction of the sound before turning quickly back to me.
"W-what happened? What was that crash?" Sayuri's concerned voice, tinged with sleepiness, floated through the darkness. The pressure on my chest lessened considerably as Karasu shifted her knee and sheathed her ninjato with a soft hiss.
"It's nothing, Sayuri. Don't…don't worry about it. G-go back to sleep," I managed to choke out, coughing as I struggled to catch my breath. Accepting Karasu's hand, I let her pull me into a sitting position as I batted away the long strands of black hair that had fallen over her shoulder and tickled my masked nose.
"A-are you okay? Did I hurt you anywhere?" Clawed fingers gently probed my back, my chest, my neck.
"I-I'm okay. Just… just give me a minute." Karasu sat back on her heels, her fingers twisting the hem of her shirt as I coughed and shuddered.
"Good reflexes," I wheezed several minutes later, my eye crinkling as I met the emotionless stare of her mask. She quickly looked away; I could almost see her face darkening in embarrassment.
"I-I'm sorry. I didn't realize it was you. I thought that it was… that it was-"
"That ghost from Genma's story?" Still refusing to look at me, she nodded almost imperceptibly, the tip of her beak moving the smallest fraction of an inch. Sighing softly, I patted the ground next to me. "You want to take off your mask?"
After a long pause, Karasu eased herself onto the spot I indicated, her hands trembling as she undid the cord that wrapped around her head and slid off her mask. Her eyes remained averted from my face, her cheeks dark with blood.
"Hey. Look at me." Her dark eyes slowly slid to meet my own. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let Genma tell his ghost story. I just found it so interesting that I forgot that you were-"
"Scared of the dark. Yeah." Exhaling quietly, Karasu shifted so she could clutch her knees to her chest. "It's okay. If you guys enjoy listening to ghost stories, I don't want to stop you."
"But now you'll have nightmares for weeks, won't you?" Tightening her grip on her knees, she didn't respond. "Look, it's fine, Karasu. I don't mind if you don't want to listen to ghost stories, and I'm sure Genma and Sayuri won't mind either. I'll just tell them-"
"Don't!" Surprised by her grip on my arm, I broke off, turning to meet her wide eyes. "Please, don't!"
"Why not?"
"I-it's just that I need to learn to get over being scared of the dark anyway, right? If I keep listening to them tell ghost stories, maybe I'll get over it. And besides," her gaze dropped to my knees as her voice dropped to a whisper, "a person… a person my age shouldn't be scared of the dark, right? Especially an ANBU member. It just… it doesn't seem normal."
"I don't really see anything wrong with it." I shrugged, wincing as the tips of her gloves dug into my shoulder.
"What?"
"I mean, sure, it's kind of weird that a ninja could be scared of the dark, but I don't think it's anything to be embarrassed about. At least, I don't think any less of you because you're scared of the dark, and I certainly wouldn't make fun of you for it. I don't think anybody else would, either."
"Genma would," Karasu muttered, shifting her legs.
"Give him some credit, Karasu. I'll admit that his maturity is a little questionable sometimes-"
"A little?" Karasu's whisper became an outraged hiss. "He tried to slide his hands into my pants when I first met him!"
"Ok, a little questionable most of the time, but you have to at least admit that he's a shrewd and dependable teammate. Right?" Cocking my eyebrow, I stared at Karasu, who defiantly met my gaze before jerking her chin in a grudging nod. "And I'm pretty sure that he respects you a lot. He wouldn't think any less of you if he found out you were scared of the dark."
"Maybe he wouldn't, but what about other people?"
"Stop worrying so much about what other people think. Don't flatter yourself by thinking that other people are always analyzing what you're doing; they've got more important things to worry about." Karasu flinched, her cheeks coloring. Oops. That had come out much harsher than I had intended it to. Rubbing the heel of one hand against my eye, I sighed. "Look, I think it's great that you're trying to get over your fear of the dark, but if it's too much for you to take, just speak up. And stop being so self-conscious. If you're always worrying about what others think, you'll never get anywhere because you'll always be too focused on others and not on yourself. And if being Kuro Karasu means being scared of the dark, so what? I don't care. And anyone else who truly respects you for the person you are shouldn't care either." Hesitantly catching my eye, Karasu smiled faintly, gently squeezing my arm in a silent gesture of thanks that I returned.
"Do you want me to stay out here with you?" I asked quietly after several minutes.
"No, it's okay. You must be very tired; thank you for the offer, though." Karasu began to stand up; my grip on her wrist stopped her.
"You sure? What if some ghosts come floating by to scare you out of your wits?"
"I'm fine, Kakashi. Go to sleep." Gently shoving my shoulder, Karasu bent to pick up her mask; I caught a glimpse of a dark dimple in her left cheek before hard porcelain slipped over her soft skin.
"If you insist." Placing my hand on the ground, I pushed myself onto my feet, grimacing as the dull ache in my muscles flared into searing pain. "Give me a shout if you need anything, okay?"
"Okay. Thank you," Karasu said softly. Clapping her once on the shoulder, I limped in the direction of Sayuri's and Genma's sleeping figures, pausing after I had taken a few steps. "Oh, and Karasu?"
"Yes?"
"When it's time for the second watch, go wake up Genma. He's the second-newest member of squad sixteen."
"Yes, Captain." Her voice was mellow with suppressed laughter. Grinning, I turned back towards my sleeping bag.
"This is Hatake Kakashi of squad sixteen." I spoke quietly, casting a glance at the other ninja in the room. "I'm here to pick up the documents regarding Kuro Karasu's, um, retirement from ANBU."
"Please hold on a minute, Hatake-san." Turning to the file cabinets behind the desk, the woman pulled open a drawer and rifled through the contents before pulling out a sealed, white envelope. Shoving the drawer shut with her hip, she scrawled something in her binder before handing me the envelope. "This contains her certificate of honorable discharge, which you will have to sign in my presence so I can stamp it. There's also a packet of information about her pension; she should be receiving the first payment within three weeks. You'll also have to sign this form before you can take out the documents."
"Thank you." I took the pen she offered me, scanning the form that she pushed across the table before scribbling my name on the line she indicated. Tearing open the envelope, I rifled through the stack of papers inside and slowly pulled out the document labeled "Certificate of Honorable Discharge from the Ansatsu Senjutsu Tokushu Butai". I placed the tip of the pen next to the line marked "Squad Captain Signature" but found that, try as I might, I could not get my trembling fingers to move.
As soon as I signed the document, Karasu would no longer be a member of ANBU. All her years of hard training, all the pain she had suffered during the ANBU examinations, all her pride and joy in being inducted into the Black Ops would be rendered as useless as her vision. Once I finished writing the kanji that spelled my name, I would eject Karasu from my squad and from one of Konoha's most elite military forces. And she would never be coming back.
Squeezing my eye shut, I took a deep breath before scribbling my name on the document, fighting down the lump in my throat. The woman turned the certificate towards her and stamped it carefully, leaving an imprint of scarlet ink that glistened like fresh blood.
"Here you go."
"Thank you." Inclining my head, I slid the certificate back into the envelope, tucked it under my arm, and took a step towards the door.
"Hey! Cyclopes!" I stopped, turning to face the senbon-chewing man who hurried from the far corner of the room. "Wait up!"
"Hey, Genma. Hello, Sayuri." The brunette who trailed after her squad member returned my slight bow, her eyes glowing warm emerald in the dim lighting.
"Hello, Kakashi."
"Cyclopes, what's going on? Sayuri and I went to check to see if we had any new missions this week, and it said that our squad was currently inactive and that Sayuri and I would be acting as temporary replacements in other squads." Genma jabbed a finger in the direction of the bulletin boards on which mission information was posted. "Did something happen?"
"Well, um…" I lowered my voice, painfully aware of the inquisitive gazes that we were drawing, "could we talk about this outside?"
"Oh, uh, sure." His eyebrow arching slightly, Genma followed me out the door and into a side alleyway. When Sayuri finished settling against the alley's brick wall, her eyes wide in perplexity, I squeezed my eye shut and took a deep breath before cracking my normal eye open again.
"Karasu's been retired from ANBU."
"What?" The metal needle almost fell out of Genma's open mouth. "You mean… she's not coming back to squad sixteen?"
"No. I'm afraid not."
"Then will you be looking for another squad member?" Sayuri's soft voice gently broke the long silence that followed my quiet affirmation.
"Actually, I was planning to pull Karasu out of the hospital as soon as she's able to leave so that I can take care of her at home. It'll just be for six months; after that, I'm back on active duty and will be looking for someone to replace Karasu." After several seconds, Genma gave a long, low whistle.
"And Tsunade actually agreed?"
"She said she was fine with it if Karasu gave me her permission."
"Did she?"
"That's the thing." Shifting my weight onto my other leg, I adjusted my grip on the envelope. "Karasu still isn't…" I trailed off, swallowing as my pain, loneliness, and desperation choked off my voice. Fortunately, Genma understood and supplied the word that I couldn't force out.
"Talking?" I nodded slowly.
"Wait, what do you mean she isn't talking?" Sayuri's frown was reflected in the furrow that dug through the middle of her forehead.
"What, you haven't heard?" Arching his brow, Genma leaned against the alley wall, his right foot resting on the rough brick.
"No. All I've heard is that she's blind. Did something else happen? Is she mute as well?"
"Well, not exactly." Casting a glance at me, Genma crossed his arms, the metal needle in his mouth wiggling as he spoke. "Karasu hasn't spoken a word to anyone ever since she woke up. When I stopped by last week, she wouldn't react to anything I said. She just lay there staring… well, not really staring because she can't see anymore… she just lay there and kept facing the ceiling. Didn't move an inch."
"Really?" Dark brown locks rippled as their owner whirled to face me. "What about you? Did she say anything when you went to visit her?"
"Nothing." Unable to muster the energy to completely mask my pain, I avoided meeting Sayuri's eyes. "I've visited her two or three times over the past week, but she still won't respond to me."
"Why? Did the doctors say anything? Is something wrong with her?"
"Tsuande-sama told me that Karasu has an extremely severe case of depression and that she's tried over and over again to snap her out of it and get her to have some sort of reaction, but nothing's working. Karasu's not crying, venting, or… or doing anything to express what that she's feeling. She also said that if Karasu doesn't snap out of it soon, she's going to have an extremely hard time recovering both mentally and physically." I held up the envelope, my mouth twisting in a crooked line. "I don't think finding out about this is going to help her, either."
"What's in there?"
"Mostly documents about her retirement from ANBU. Her certificate of honorable discharge is in here, too."
"Who's the lucky person who's going to give that to her?"
"I am." Shrugging slightly at their shocked expressions, I shifted my weight onto my other foot. "I'm her squad captain, the one person in the ANBU organization who's supposed to know her best. The least I can do to repay her service in my squad is to be the one to break the news to her." To be honest, I would have done almost anything to not be the one to do it. Telling Karasu that she was no longer part of ANBU was going to be as painful, if not more, for me as it was going to be for her. There was also the very real risk that if I was the one who gave her the news, then our relationship would be permanently destroyed; if Karasu didn't already hate me for using my Sharingan on her and essentially setting off the chain of events that had ended in her becoming blind, then she would almost certainly hate me after I told her that she had been retired from ANBU.
But, at the same time, I would rather be the one to deliver the message than to let some other emotionless ANBU official that Karasu had never seen in her life be the one to present the certificate to her. I would try to break the news as gently as possible and to help her cope afterwards; I couldn't say the same thing for other ANBU officers.
"When are you planning to tell her?"
"I was heading over to the hospital right now."
"What? You're telling her now?" The pitch of Genma's voice rose in disbelief and outrage. "She's already depressed enough as it is! Shouldn't you at least give her some time to, well, recover or something?"
"If not now, then when?" I fought to keep my own voice from rising in frustration and despair. "What if I tell her after she starts to get better and she gets depressed again? She might think that I betrayed her because I waited so long to tell her something so important. I'm not looking forward to this, either. But I'd rather have her hate me now than lose her again later."
"I'll go with you," Sayuri said softly after a long pause. My head snapped in her direction, my normal eye widening.
"What?"
"I'll go with you," she repeated in a slightly louder voice. "I am her teammate. It's only right for me to go with my captain to pay my respects to my colleague." Her emerald eyes slid from my face to bore into Genma's dark brown ones. Genma stared back for several seconds, his senbon dangling from his open mouth, before his eyes darted towards mine and he gave a start of comprehension.
"I'll…I'll go too." Clearing his throat, Genma straightened and jammed his hands into his pockets, his voice becoming steadier. "I'll go."
I opened my mouth, but, unable to find the right words to express my gratitude, I closed it and simply nodded as I brushed past them and began to walk towards the hospital.
Knocking quietly on the door, I waited briefly for an invitation I knew would never come before sliding the door open and carefully stepping into the room.
"Hatake-san!" A guttural croak made my eye dart toward the windowsill, where two black shadows, framing the dark beak that poked through the open window, were perched.
"Hane-san, Tsume-san, I did not expect to see you here." As I returned the crows' low bows, I noticed that their feathers seemed less lustrous, the lines of their profiles less smooth and the edges more sharp and pronounced. "An'ya-san, I apologize. I did not realize anyone was visiting Karasu. I will wait outside, if you wish."
"There is no need." An'ya could only dip the tip of her beak to avoid hitting the window frame. "We were just about to take our leave."
"Are you sure? I can wait outside if you want to keep talking to Karasu."
"No, but I thank you for your kind offer." Turning to her children, An'ya nodded at the motionless figure on the hospital bed. "Hane, Tsume, say your good-byes to Mistress."
"Bye, Mistress." Hopping onto the snowy bed sheets, Tsume tentatively nudged Karasu's fingers. "Please stay safe."
"Good-bye, Mistress." His sister took her place next to him. "Please… please recover soon." As Hane turned away, her feathers drooping, I caught a glimpse of the dark pain in her dull black eye.
"Mistress, I will return in three days. Until then, p-please… please…" An'ya paused, the black feathers of her throat rippling as she swallowed. "I-I bid you farewell." After a long pause, her eye swiveled towards my direction. "Good-bye, Hatake-san."
"Good-bye, An'ya-san, Hane-san, Tsume-san." When I slowly straightened from my bow, the crows had disappeared, leaving their silent mistress lying prone on the bed.
It's now or never. Swallowing, I pulled the envelope from underneath my arm and extracted the certificate of honorable discharge. I cast a glance at Genma, who wet his lips and nodded encouragingly, before shifting my gaze to Sayuri, who gently rested her fingers on my shoulder. My pulse pounding in my ears, I took a shuddering breath before using the flat, emotionless tone that all ANBU members were trained to use to utter words that I had never dreamed I would have to say.
"Kuro Karasu of squad sixteen, it is my duty as your squad captain to inform you that you have been honorably discharged from the Ansatsu Senjutsu Tokushu Butai." I paused, fighting down the lump in my throat. "As a sign of appreciation for your years of dedicated service, the administration has decided to grant you a pension that will be provided to you every month for the remainder of your life; the details of your pension are outlined in the documents in this envelope." Stepping forward, I carefully placed the envelope on her bedside table. "The Ansatsu Senjutsu Tokushu Butai regrets the necessity of this decision and once again expresses its gratitude for your service in the organization." Squeezing my eye shut, I bent my upper body so that it was nearly parallel to the ground.
"I'm sorry, Karasu," I rasped after countless seconds of deafening silence, unable to stop my pain from creeping into the edges of my colorless voice. "I really am."
Two heartbeats later, a harsh, grating sound filled the silent room; my eye snapped open. I turned towards Sayuri, who shook her head, her mouth slightly open and her leaf-green eyes darting between me and the hospital bed. Swallowing, I slowly raised my head to look at Karasu.
Her dull brown eyes were half-open, staring lifelessly at the ceiling; her cracked lips, however, were parted in a laugh that was completely devoid of life or emotion. It was terrifying. Disturbing.
Alien.
When the sound finally died away, I gradually straightened, hardly daring to breathe, unable to speak, not daring to move. On either side of me, Sayuri and Genma remained motionless, paralyzed as I was by the fact that Karasu had finally reacted and that she had been able to produce such a noise.
"Sorry? Is that all you have to say?" Her voice was a hoarse whisper, a ragged remnant of its former self that was almost as unbearable to listen to as her laugh. "I've lost my vision, my health, and now my career, and… and all you can say i-is sorry?" Her shuddering breath broke into a deep, harsh cough that wracked through her thin body; when the last spasms died away, several seconds passed before she continued in a guttural voice that was hardly audible.
"W-when you asked me about Sakura and I g-gave you my opinion, you wouldn't listen. You forgot that for more than t-twenty years, I've always tried to help you, always tried to stop you from g-getting hurt." She shifted slightly, the tip of her tongue tracing the curve of one cracked lip. "Now… now, I can't understand why I spent so much time protecting and loving such an arrogant hypocrite."
"You… you told me that your friends were the most important things you had, that you would… that you would always use your Sharingan to p-protect your companions. Bullshit."
Stepping forward, Genma opened his mouth; he froze, his eyes meeting mine as I grabbed his shoulder and shook my head. Let her talk.
"You knew I was s-scared of the Sharingan, but you still used it on me, you still… you still put me under some interrogation genjutsu to try to force information out of me. You still pushed… pushed me against a tree and yelled at me. And now you think that just saying sorry is going to make it all okay? You think that I'll forgive you just like that? A-and that we can be 'best friends' again?" Her voice was quiet, frail, ruthless. "You…you… you're so fucking naïve." I flinched, clenching my fists at my sides, my fingernails digging into my palms.
It was all I could do to not cry out in pain or break down in anguished tears. It was so much more unbearably painful than I had imagined to stand still and to silently endure this sort of abuse from the person I longed so desperately to throw my arms around and bury my face in her neck as I begged for forgiveness. It was agony, torture, pain beyond words. But I had to endure it. I couldn't give her back her vision, her career; she wouldn't let me comfort her. The least I could do as a friend was accept her hate.
"You've hurt me so many times that I've lost count. I've always… I've always made excuses for you. I've always looked the other way. I've always tried to convince myself that I was o-overreacting, that whatever you said or did didn't mean anything." Her voice cracked; the jagged scar on her throat rippled as she swallowed. "I can't pretend anymore. I'm done. I can't… I can't forgive you anymore. Look where it got me. I w-wasted half my life chasing an impossible dream. The organization that I've worked my whole life to get into k-kicked me out. I'm a sick, useless, b-broken piece of garbage that has to stay on a hospital bed all day. I can't see; I can't even talk normally because…because it hurts too much." She broke into another wracking cough that was excruciating to listen to.
"I wish… I wish I'd never met you." Staggering as my gut twisted in a wrench of indescribable agony, I bit my lip until a coppery tang filled my mouth. "Then I wouldn't have had to endure so much pain. I wouldn't have had to deal with all your… all your lies and arrogance and back-stabbing and-"
A blur of movement on my left; striding forward, Sayuri raised her right hand and, before I could comprehend what she was about to do, slapped Karasu hard across the mouth with a loud crack.
"Sayuri!"
"Sayuri!" Lurching forward, I grabbed her wrist and squeezed it with more force than I had intended to. "What the hell do you think you're-"
"Karasu, I understand that you are in a lot of pain right now." Sayuri spoke loudly, her narrowed eyes trained on Karasu. "I also understand that you are very angry, confused, scared, and depressed, and that you probably aren't in a normal, healthy state of mind right now. But that gives you absolutely no excuse whatsoever to talk to Kakashi this way. He is, if you will consider him as nothing else, your former squad captain. You are obligated to treat him with respect."
"Sayuri-"
"He was absolutely frantic when he found out that you'd been abducted. He didn't stop running and searching for you even when all of us were completely exhausted; I don't know how he was able to coordinate a mission when he had so little sleep and rest. When we found your trail and broke into Aranoko's lair, he fought like a madman to get you back. And his scream… his scream when that woman sliced your throat wide open…" Squeezing her eyes shut, Sayuri swallowed; my grip on her wrist had long since gone limp.
"H-he wouldn't let go of your hand; he was squeezing it like his life depended on it, and nobody could pry him off of you. He was still holding your hand when they sent you back to Konoha through a long-range teleportation jutsu. I heard that he waited outside the operating room for the whole twenty-one hours that you were in surgery. And when they finally released you and put you in this room, he sat on a chair and stayed with you the whole night. Sakura-san told me that when she came in to check on you the next morning, he was still holding your hand even though he was asleep. While you were unconscious, he never left your side except to go home to eat, shower, change, and settle a few urgent matters."
My neck and face were flushed with hot blood; Sayuri was making it sound like I was some sort of… hero. I wasn't. I'd never been. I'd just been a person who had been desperate to save his best friend's life. Nothing more, nothing less.
And how did she know all those details? Had people been gossiping about me? Had my mission to retrieve Karasu become… really become that famous?
"And when you woke up, the only reason that he didn't visit you right away was because Tsunade-sama sent him on a week-long mission. He wasn't trying to avoid you. He wasn't trying to run away. He didn't have a choice." Feeling my face heat up again, I shifted my weight onto my other foot. "And when he came back and visited you, even when you wouldn't talk to him, even when you kept ignoring him like you've been ignoring everyone else, he didn't give up. He kept visiting you even though you wouldn't say a thing to him."
"Sayuri-"
"And now you're treating him like garbage. You're treating him like you've forgotten how many times he's cared for you. Did you ever wonder why you were put in his squad? Did you?" Sayuri's voice was trembling in either anger or disgust; I couldn't tell which. "He asked the Hokage to put you in his squad so he could watch over you. He was that desperate to protect you. And do you remember when your parents died in that earthquake on your first mission? Even though he knew that the Hokage was planning to call all ANBU and jounins to an emergency meeting later that day, he still chased after you to make sure that you were okay. He risked being punished for not attending the meeting because you were more important to him."
"Now… now, you're just going to completely disregard all that. You're going to throw away your closest and dearest friend. You're going to reject all of the people who care about you so much because you're so blinded by your pain. So many people want to help you, Karasu; we're all worried sick about you." Her voice had softened into a tremulous whisper; her watery green eyes suddenly seemed overbright. "Please, don't push us away. Don't treat us like we're ignorant fools who can't understand what you're going through, who can't help you. The Kuro Karasu that I know and respect would never do that. Not in a million years."
A bright scarlet blotch on Karasu's left cheek marked where Sayuri had struck her. Quivering and roiling through a shimmering film of salt water, the muddy brown of her eyes suddenly seemed to once again possess the spark of life. A crystalline pearl perched precariously on her eyelashes before spilling over the corner of her eye and along the curve of her temple, leaving a glistening trail in its wake; a hoarse, mangled whimper escaped through her cracked, trembling lips.
I wasn't exactly sure how it happened. One second, Sayuri was standing beside me, her fists clenched; the next second, she had wrapped her arms around Karasu's shaking torso and was gently rocking back and forth, sniffling as she whispered words of encouragement and comfort that were lost in Karasu's broken sobs and moans. I glanced at Genma, who was staring at the two women with a bewildered expression on his face; clearly, he couldn't understand what was going on, either. Giving a muffled cough, I caught Genma's eye and jerked my chin towards the door. Starting in surprise, he nodded furiously and held the door open for me as we slipped out of the room as quietly as possible.
The door slid shut with a muffled click. Collapsing against the wall, Genma crossed his arms, the metal needle in his mouth jerking in erratic circles as he chewed thoughtfully.
"I never thought Sayuri had it in her. Did you?" His voice was hollow, hoarse. Shaking my head, I shoved my hands into my pockets as I closed my eyes and leaned against the door; my keen ears could barely detect the low, melodic murmur of Sayuri's voice as she struggled to comfort Karasu and the faintest traces of a high, animal-like cry.
My entire body felt strangely weightless and numb; it suddenly seemed to take an exhausting amount of effort to remain standing. Still reeling in shock, my mind struggled to process the startlingly fierce intensity of Karasu's hate and frustration. Karasu had sworn at me. She'd never done that before; in fact, the only time I could remember her using expletives was the infrequent exclamation in the midst of heated battle or the occasional huff of irritation. Otherwise, I was hard-pressed to recall an instance when Karasu had cursed.
She'd also called me an arrogant hypocrite, a naïve fool, a backstabbing liar. For some reason, I couldn't get mad at her for calling me such horrible names; I knew that the words had been spoken in a desperate effort to escape from a blinding haze of pain. But part of me couldn't help but fearfully wonder… had she really meant any of it? Had there been the slightest ring of truth in her voice when she'd said that she wished she'd never met me? Did she really want to erase me from her life? If she truly wanted to terminate our friendship, if she truly hated me from the bottom of her heart… I struggled to bite back a groan as the burning pain in my chest twisted sharply.
And why… why had Sayuri defended me? Why had she so meticulously described my effort to save Karasu and my behavior while Karasu had been unconscious? Had my conduct really been worth so much attention, so much respect? Hadn't Sayuri heard Karasu describe how I'd abused Obito's gift and ruined her health, career, and vision? Didn't Sayuri know that my attempt to rescue Karasu and stay by her side in the hospital were inadequate payment for what I'd done to my best friend? Why had she still praised me? Why had she slapped Karasu across the face and reprimanded her for rightfully criticizing me?
The muffled sounds behind the door had gradually faded into silence. After several seconds, I heard the light, hollow tapping of footsteps; I had just lifted my cheek from its position against the door when Sayuri slid it open, her normally jade eyes streaked bleary red and her cheeks stained with tears. Catching my eye, she whispered, "Go in" before grabbing Genma by the shoulder; I caught a glimpse of him mouthing "Good luck" as Sayuri dragged him down the hallway. Long after they had turned the corner and vanished from sight, I squeezed my eye shut, my fingers digging into the wooden doorframe as I took a deep, shaky breath and stepped back inside the room.
The figure on the hospital bed had undergone a dramatic transformation in my fifteen-minute absence. Once pale and nearly translucent in the hospital's harsh fluorescent lighting, Karasu's face was red and blotchy, her left cheek a dark maroon. Her lifeless eyes had swollen into dark brown slits; a glistening mix of mucus and tears was smeared around her nose and mouth. Shuddering in shallow, hiccupping gasps for breath, her frail frame jerked and trembled under the bed sheet.
Resting my hip on the bed frame, I hesitated, opening my mouth despite the fact that I didn't know what to say, didn't know how to respond to Karasu's fury, didn't know how-
"Don't h-hate me." I blinked, unsure if I had imagined the hoarse, ragged whisper.
"W-what?"
"P-please… don't hate me." There was no mistaking it; Karasu's lips had shifted in the slightest movement that I would have missed if I hadn't been searching for a sign to link the sound to reality. "Please, p-please don't… please don't h-hate me." Her mouth twisting into a vicious grimace of helplessness and agony, Karasu shifted feebly, the narrow slits of her eyes beginning to fill with glistening liquid. "Please…"
What took me aback was the raw anguish in her voice, the desperate fear and pain. She was beseeching me to stay, terrified that I would abandon her and leave her to suffer alone. She didn't dare to ask for what she thought was impossible: my acceptance, forgiveness, and comfort in spite of all the abuse that she'd hurled at me. She wasn't even begging for me to like her; she was begging, pleading for me to simply not hate her.
She was five years old, asking me to hold her hand because it was so dark.
She was thirteen years old, shuddering in the corner as she mentally replayed her first kill.
She was twenty years old, her blank eyes glazed over at the sight of her parents' mutilated corpses.
She was twenty-eight years old, her limp hand turning white in mine, her body jerking on the cave floor as blood gushed out of her throat.
She was twenty-nine years old, her voice cracking in a desperate plea for me to stay with her.
"K-Karasu, I can't… I can't hate you." Reaching out slowly, I brushed my thumb against her cheek; she flinched at my gentle touch, the tears in her swollen eyes spilling onto her cheekbones. "I could never hate you."
"R-really?" My chest tightened at the desperate hope, the raw disbelief in her voice.
"Yeah. Really." This time, she didn't pull away when I gently cupped her cheek with my gloved hand. She didn't pull away when I carefully brushed away the liquid pooling at the corner of her eyes. Instead, she slowly slid one hand from beneath the covers and reached towards me, shaking with the effort of holding her arm aloft five inches above the bed sheets. Swallowing, I bent and gingerly wrapped my arms around her shoulders, my heart beating in my throat.
Exploding in a burst of noisy tears, Karasu began to sob into my shoulder like a small child, her hand feebly clutching the back of my shirt as mangled syllables of my name escaped between her loud whimpers.
"Ka… Kaka… kashi… I'm s-sorry, I d-didn't mean to-"
"Shh, it's okay. It's okay." I swallowed, blinking hard as rubbed my hand along her back; through the flimsy material of her hospital gown, I could easily feel the sharp edges of her spine and ribs. "I'm here. It's okay."
"I can't... I c-can't take t-this anymore." An endless chain of tears was streaming out of each of her squeezed-shut eyes. "It h-hurts too much. I can't… I don't wanna-"
The door slid open with a loud bang; twisting awkwardly, I met the wide, blue-eyed gaze of a nurse who had a hand pressed against her open mouth.
"Could you, um, come back later, please?" I smiled weakly, my raspy croak nearly drowned out by Karasu's wracking sobs, only all too aware of the steadily-growing wet stain on the front of my shirt.
"Oh, uh, s-sure." Dipping her head in silent apology, the nurse backed out the door, her dark brown locks brushing against her white uniform. As I turned back towards Karasu, who was clinging onto me as if her life depended on it, I was suddenly reminded of a time when I myself had desperately wanted to hold on to somebody else for comfort.
In the months after I had lost my father as a five-year old child, some of my distant aunts and uncles that I had never seen before in my short life had come to visit me. When I had not responded to their awkward pats or feeble words of reassurance, all of them had been more than glad to leave the silent little boy alone. What they hadn't understood was that underneath my wish for solitude, there had been a deep, conflicting longing for someone to reach out and hold me tightly despite my shell of ice. I'd wanted someone to hang in there and not give up on me.
Had Karasu felt the same way? Had she also been pining for some form, any form of comfort? Underneath her cold, emotionless exterior, had she also been desperate for the slightest scrap of love, the faintest sign that someone still cared for her?
"I-it's so dark, Ka-Kakashi. I'm so scared. It's d-dark. Kakashi, why… why is it so dark? I'm s-scared. I'm so s-scared." I tightened my grip on her trembling body, cupping my right hand around the back of her head and pressing her forehead against my shoulder.
"Shh, I'm right here. You're okay. I've got you."
"Don't leave me." Her fingers dug weakly into my back as her ragged voice cracked. "P-please, don't… please don't leave me. It's so dark. Please, please… don't leave."
"I won't." Fighting back the hot tears that jerked at the corners of my eyes, I swallowed hard. "I'm not going to leave you, Karasu. I never will."
Thank you very much for reading. Please review! I really appreciate feedback; it's always very encouraging and makes me want to keep writing.
