Chapter 4 of year 4: Confessions of a Teenage Werewolf
From where he sat, Remus could see both Lily's and James's facial expressions. While he had no idea what they were saying because he had never mastered the art of lip reading, Remus could tell that it wasn't going well.
It started with James, nervously gnawing on his lip and almost obsessively "fixing" his hair, leading Lily, looking confused, concerned, then determined, across the Great Hall and into a private corner. (Why James didn't take her out of the Hall completely, Remus didn't understand.) It ended with Lily stomping off, back to her friends, leaving James watching her leave, looking completely gutted.
James continued to watch her as she, Remus assumed, explained what had happened to her friends. James shook his head, looking like he was trying to get water out of his ears, and returned to their table; his face expressionless.
"How'd it go, mate?" Sirius asked, as soon as James sat down. Sirius had sat with his back to the scene so he didn't see James's expression when Lily walked away. If he had Remus felt sure that Sirius wouldn't be asking this question. Instead, Sirius would have found some artful way of getting James out of the crowded Great Hall so could do whatever he needed to do to get over this. Unfortunately for James, he was not Sirius.
"I think she's going with that Ravenclaw bloke," James said, simply and monotonously. He blinked wildly and then his smirk returned to his face. Remus tried to remember if he had seen Lily Evans with and Ravenclaws recently. The only one Remus could think of was one he had made up the night before.
"Chill Potter, there are other girls," Gabe Pevensie said. Remus wondered if he too had seen James's face when Lily walked away. Had Lily told James that she was going with Nick Graves?
"Of course there are," James grinned though it didn't reach his eyes. He wondered if Sirius noticed it by now or if he was putting on a show for their present company.
"Nick Graves?" Remus asked, for clarification. Lily could have been referring to a different Ravenclaw.
"Yes, Lupin. Pass the butter will you?" James said, clearly wanting the conversation to end. As previously stated, Remus was not Sirius; he was not raised to be tactful.
"Did she say that?" Remus continued, ignoring the butter.
"Moonchild, I swear if you don't pass the butter I'll put your face in it," James threatened so Remus passed the butter. He tried to convince himself that Nick Graves actually existed. In a world of wizards and werewolves, such a strong coincidence had to be possible. Right?
"There's always Sally-Anne Perks," Peter laughed and Remus's throat tightened. Sally-Anne Perks was a Hufflepuff in their year who had a bit of a crush on James. She was nice enough but James didn't like Sally-Anne Perks, he liked Lily Evans but because of him, James would probably end up going with Sally-Anne Perks.
"James, I have to tell you something," Remus said, cutting off his reply. He made no apologies as he probably should have done. Instead, he got up and left the Great Hall, leaving his friends looking confused and concerned probably assuming it had something to do with the upcoming full moon.
Remus leant against the wall across the Great Hall feeling nervous and guilty. James showed up a minute later.
"What is it Remus?" James asked, studying his expression. Remus took a deep breath trying summon the courage to confess. When he couldn't he started to pace.
"Lily said she was going with Nick Graves?" Remus asked, putting emphasis on the name so it would not be misheard.
"That's what she said," James said, heavily. He shoved his hands in his pockets and aggressively kicked the wall, probably imagining it to be Nick Graves.
Another wave of guilt hit Remus. He prevented James from going to this ball with Lily. And Lily was going to the ball with an imaginary Ravenclaw named Nick Graves. Nick Graves was a truly awful name - he could have done better.
"I'm sorry James," he said softly. James's head shot up. He looked surprised but as the wheels turned anger washed over his face. Remus stood determinedly rooted to the spot, convinced he deserved James's anger. He wondered what James was thinking, if he could see the guilt written on his face, if he could hear the sincerity in his apology.
"What happened Remus?" James asked, his expression and voice controlled.
"I made him up," Remus felt himself grimace when meant to give an apologetic smile. "Nick Graves doesn't exist. I made him up just to mess with you. Guess it worked." He chuckled weakly. He glanced at his shoes then at James anticipating his reaction. James looked like he wanted to laugh but also like he'd very much like to hit him.
"You thick git!" James yelled. His voice sounded odd like he was fighting a laugh.
"I know! I didn't think you'd ask her about it or that she'd say she was going with him. It was just supposed to - I don't know what it was supposed to be, but I'm sorry. I should have told you before you asked her," Remus said. James clenched his jaw. His lips twitched into a hint of a smile.
"She probably thinks I'm an idiot," James said.
"I'll explain it to her. Maybe she'll go with you then," Remus said, smiling weakly.
"Nah, don't worry about it. She always thinks I'm an idiot," James said and hung his head growing suddenly sombre. He was no longer a storm of amusement and rage. There was no hidden smirk written on his face. He was just sad. Somehow this was worse "Thanks for telling me mate." James started to walk away, not back to the Great Hall but to the marble staircase.
"Where are you going?" Remus called.
"Just feel like a walk," James shrugged and gave a half smile before turning around again. Remus felt like he should do something or say something to stop him but he didn't know what. He stood immobilized and mouth glued shut watching James disappear around a corner. He heard the heavy oak doors shut and finally felt like he could move.
"Remus," Sirius said, coming out of the Great Hall with Peter. "Where's James?"
"I don't know, he just went for a walk," Remus said.
"Well, what happened? Is everything okay?" Sirius asked.
Remus thought for a moment. He could easily say that everything was fine. However, Sirius could probably fix the situation with a simple joke. It didn't matter if he didn't want to admit it again or that he didn't want anyone else to know. More than anything he wanted everything between James and him to be right again.
"Actually… I told him I made Nick Graves up," Remus said with great reluctance. He found it difficult to look either of them in the eye.
"Oh," Peter said. Sirius laughed, clutching his stomach. "Is it true?"
"Like, you actually made up some bloke just to get him jealous?" Sirius asked, laughing still.
"Your sympathy is really touching, Sirius," Remus said.
"Remus, come now, you have to admit it is a little funny," Sirius said, trying to cheer Remus up.
"James was really hurt," Remus said. "It only made it worse when I told the truth."
"Mate, it's James. He'll come 'round. Now, we've got to get to Maggies to get our new schedules," Sirius said, leading the way to Professor McGonagall's office.
"Maybe we should find him," Remus suggested.
"You just said he wants to be alone," Peter said.
"When does James ever want to be alone?" Remus challenged.
"When he's thinking," said Sirius. "It's not like he's never coming back. He's probably just working out a plan to get Lily to the ball." Remus heaved a sigh, hoping that James wasn't wandering around the Forbidden Forest. "I wonder how many detentions Maggie's gonna give us for skipping most of the day!" Sirius said brightly.
"Probably another week's worth," Remus said, smiling, buying into Sirius's distraction.
Professor McGonagall only gave them one more detention for missing the day and said she wanted to see James the minute he returned. James didn't show up to fourth period Herbology or Ancient Runes and barely made it in time for Defense Against the Dark Arts.
He skidded in, just before Professor Haas shut the door, winded and cherry nosed with the smell of leaves on him. Thankfully there was a huge grin on his face. Professor Haas was nice, but his lessons weren't very informative nor entertaining. Obviously, this led to some mischief.
James mocked the way Evan Rosier slept on his arm with drool pooling out of his mouth and how Severus Snape seemed to write every word the professor said. Sirius made very loud comments about how "interesting" Professor Haas was. What made it even funnier was that Haas seemed to believe him. Peter drew a very artistic picture of Snape that dramatised his worst features. (Yes it did mysteriously end up in Snape's possession by the end of class.)
They had gone back up to their dorm room to drop off their books and head to dinner when Remus pulled him aside.
"Mate, are we cool?" Remus asked tentatively.
"Yeah, mate, we're cool." James chuckled and gripped his shoulder. Remus sighed in relief. "I reckon I owe you one. If it hadn't been for Nick Graves there would have been direct insults to my intelligence."
"Oy, Potter! Try outs on the 10th right after breakfast," Cresswell said, coming out of nowhere.
"Aces," James grinned and skipped down the steps to tell Sirius.
***God, Remus stop worrying so much.
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Until next time,
XO***
