Glazed Feelings

Part 29

Rizzoli and Isles are the property of TNT and Tess Gerritson. I am just borrowing them to knit a certain detective back together again. Well, I am slowly working toward a healthy detective. Hope you enjoy the next piece here.

"Tell me Jane why that scares you?" Doctor Fontaine asked. Jane sat in the chair in her room at the hospital bristling with frustration and anger.

"I…I don't want to fail Maura." Jane said leaning her head back closing her eyes attempting to pretend she had disappeared. This was not how she handled things. Doctor Fontaine was an outside psychologist Jane had agreed to see after arguing with Maura, Frankie, and then Korsak. Korsak and Maura's arguments had been the strongest. The department had made it mandatory for Jane see the BPD shrink or an outside one of her choosing for the next year. There were concerns that Jane had a hero complex that would get her killed. In reality, it had more to do with concerns that Jane had just experienced too much. Cavanaugh had told Korsak either Rizzoli did this or the department may resign her to a desk position for a long while. Korsak had agreed to take on Jane over it. Jane had eventually agreed, though begrudgingly for Korsak and Maura. Dr. Fontaine waited. She knew that there was more. "…again."

"Why do you say again Jane?" Dr. Fontaine asked. Dr. Fontaine was an older woman in her forties with salt and pepper short hair. She had a strong face that reminded you of those Dutch women that painters often portrayed in paintings from the 1800's. She was of medium height, athletic in nature. She had served in the military at one time and now walked with a cane. Most wouldn't know she had a brace on her right leg to help her. Jane struggled to bring the words out she wanted to say. She just didn't want that pain to come to the top again.

"Aaargh! How do you sit there and just listen? Why am I doing this?" Jane got up from the chair faltering for a minute. Her strength was slowly returning, but her body resisted her quick demands still. Dr. Fontaine grabbed Jane's arm steadying her. Jane closed her eyes as Eric Leonard's voice slithered into her mind…"You're weak Jane. How are you going to protect Maura when you can't even take care of yourself? You're weak Jane. Weak! Its how I caught you so easily." Suddenly Jane could see Eric in front of her with the knife. His evil face was drawn into a snarl as he stepped closer with the knife glinting in the sun.

"Jane!" Jane's eyes flashed open as Dr. Fontaine's voice called forcefully to her. Jane looked around confused for a moment. Dr. Fontaine still steadied her with her hand. "Jane, what did you see?" The doctor's voice commanded.

"I saw…"Jane struggled as the word "weak" whispered through her mind "…nothing. Nothing doctor, I just had a moment of dizziness. I'm tired. Do you think we could stop for today?" Jane asked fervently hoping the good doctor would capitulate. Dr. Fontaine eyed Jane for a moment and then nodded when she knew she would get nothing more from her.

"Alright, we can stop for the day." Dr. Fontaine let Jane's arm go and watched as she walked to the bed collapsing. The doctor was loathed to leave Jane until Maura's return. "I spoke to your pulmonologist. He said that your breathing capacity is definitely improving after the last few days. You may be able to get out of here on Friday and go home." Jane perked up from where she lay in the bed.

"That would be good. I just want to go home. I am so tired of hospitals right now." Jane said tiredly. The young woman closed her eyes as sleep began to pull her down. Dr. Fontaine watched for a moment.

"Jane, I am leaving now. I will see you tomorrow at the same time." Dr. Fontaine watched as Jane nodded and rolled over. Dr. Fontaine lingered a moment longer watching the detective. She was worried about Jane's control on her mind. When Maura had engaged her she knew it was bad from the interview she had given the medical examiner. Then she had read Rizzoli's patient files the department had sent over with Jane's approval. There was a great deal for the department to be concerned about. The detective though had always found a way to deal with the trauma. Now though, there were pieces of the trauma's Jane had previously experienced leaking from their little compartments Jane had locked them away in and they had begun to blend together.

"Maura, hope you come back soon." Jane whispered. She was tired and wanted to sleep. But she didn't think she could now that her mind was active again. The Occupational Therapist had been by to help Jane through some strengthening exercises. Between the pulmonologist, OT, and psychologist Jane felt like she was being pummeled. She needed to get out of the hospital and back to her home. She needed to be able to relax. Jane felt soft hands wrap around her as a warm body snuggled close. "Mmmmmmm, I'm happy you are back." Jane said reveling in Maura's touch. Maura began a slow massage along Jane's shoulders feeling the tension from her session with Dr. Fontaine.

"I'm happy to be back too. How are you?" Maura asked softly nuzzling into Jane's neck. Jane was silent for a long while.

"Maura you know I would do anything for you? Right?" Jane asked softly. Maura brought her lips even to Jane's ear.

"Yes, Jane. I know. I feel very safe with you." Maura said softly bringing a soft smile to Jane's lips as the voice in her mind attempted to ruin the moment. "Do you know I would do everything and anything for you Jane? I will be here when you fall Jane. Not just physically, it's a promise emotionally and mentally. I love you. I won't have you thinking that love is temporary. I plan on making sure that doubt your feeling goes away forever. Do you understand?" Maura spoke softly and clearly making sure Jane heard each word. Jane closed her eyes and took a shaky breath.

"I love you Maura. I couldn't make it without you." Jane said turning in the ME's arms to face her. "I am totally, completely in love with you." Jane looked up at her girlfriend. "Be patient with me. This is not easy this time. It may take me a little longer to get back on my feet." Maura gazed into Jane's eyes. Her little chat with Dr. Fontaine had served her well in being able to help Jane right now.

"I am not going anywhere except to sleep with you." Maura said quietly. Maura saw the wariness in Jane's eyes when she said sleep. "Jane, he is dead. He cannot hurt you."

"My heart knows that, but my mind is having some trouble believing that Maur." Jane said softly.

"What does Dr. Fontaine say?" Maura asked softly kissing Jane on the forehead. Jane rolled her eyes and began to look away. Maura grabbed her chin and forced her to look at her. Jane sighed exasperatedly.

"It's hard Maura." Jane blurted out. "I'm only use to talking to you. Why can't it be you?" Jane asked plaintively.

"Because you're good at hiding things from me Jane. Especially if you think they will hurt me. Dr. Fontaine is someone you can tell anything to even if it would hurt me. She is not going to tell anyone. She can give you good advice and allow the demons that haunt you to become less threatening." Jane nodded her head as Maura moved her hair behind her ear. "I will be here all the way. You can run to me when it's too much. Okay?" Maura asked softly. Jane looked into Maura's eyes seeing that haunted look she got every once in a while.

"All right, but only if you see her too. You're hurting inside too. I know it. I can't fix everything Maura as much as I try. I need to know you are okay too. Agreed?" Jane asked looking at the shock in Maura's eyes. "Yes love, I know Hoyt still haunts you. I also know that Eric's torture of me haunts you too, not to mention all that happened at the warehouse. We do this together." Jane said hoping Maura went for it.

"Together Jane, Always." Maura said as she hugged the detective.