AUTHOR'S NOTES: Sure enough, there's an epilogue chapter, and there might be one more (I don't think there will be than two in total though). Unlike some of my other fics, I don't really have any plans for the 76th Hunger Games in the near future since they're one of the less intense games (according to the future chapter of my oneshot collection at least). I might skip them and do the 77th games because of the victor, but that's also a ways off if it does happen. In the meantime, we get further cameos from Wesley and Aveline, which in turn explains why Aveline in particular becomes close to Katniss in the 91st Hunger Games. until then, here's a bit more of how Katniss Everdeen adjusts to life back home. Also... she can dance. Thanks again for all the patience and support. Reviews and feedback are always welcome, as always.
And of course, Happy Reading!

PART IV: EPILOGUE—LIFE BACK HOME

CHAPTER 29: Embracing Reality

Time continued in its usual fashion, moving forward without relent as each new day replaced the one before it. Katniss was overly familiar with this ritual, and took each day as it was handed to her, usually spending her time out in the wilderness shooting at things or just wandering its vast expanse. Even before going to the arena, she was still a survivalist at heart and could have easily taken up the mantle of mentor for future Hunger Games tributes in a heartbeat. It was not a job she would ever volunteer to do, and yet here she was, nearly a year later, after having volunteered for the Hunger Games itself and then emerged a broken, but still living, victor.

Originally Katniss used to wonder why Haymitch slept with a knife under his pillow every night, even if it had been decades since his Hunger Games. After becoming a victor herself, she now understood why. Not only did she sleep with knives nearby, but she often slept with one of her hands gripped around the handle of a blade.

To her and too many other victors, they still felt like they were under attack, and that their life was in danger or was teetering on the brink of life and death. It was not uncommon for them to wake up in a cold sweat clutching the knife and going in swinging. Haymitch had told Katniss a few times that she was rather loud when she had panick attacks, but since it was only him and her (and Katniss' mother) in the Victor Village, no one else really knew about it and Haymitch never bothered to do anything about it except sometimes invite Katniss over for a drink or some cards later that morning.

Katniss' mother was basically just a ghost at this point, living her life quietly and somberly, either ignoring the world around her or simply oblivious to it. Katniss was a changed woman who was distant and hostile to most, and the rest of her family and friends had all died. She slept in the opposite side of the mansion from Katniss, partially because of the noise and also because Katniss could genuinely be threatening if someone came into her room when she was panicking.

Katniss had not entirely been thrilled about the Capitol requesting her to take up a hobby shortly after she had won her games, since she couldn't exactly put archery or hunting as her hobbies and skills. Publicly, she had gone into music, capitalizing on her own singing voice, even if she very rarely displayed it to anyone. However, often when she was out in the wilderness and there wasn't any good hunting that day, Katniss would dance, expressing herself through movements when she was at a loss for words. Charisma and eloquence had never been her strong suits, and as long as that kept her from being *too* desirable in the eyes of the Capitol, she was quite fine with keeping it that way. On the other hand, the routines she choreographed and performed on whims were actually rather impressive. Haymitch was one of the only other people who knew about it. He had gotten it out of her once after she had had a few too many drinks, and had seen it in person after winning a bet against Katniss in a few games of cards. Despite not showing this ability to anyone else, she was rather talented, her lightning reflexes and lithe body enabling her to flawlessly transition from one move or position to the next.

Gale worked 6 days a week in the mines, and was usually busy or asleep by the time Katniss showed up. He had a family to take care of, and while sometimes Katniss donated a share or two of her stipend to him and the Hawthornes, their contact lessened significantly with each passing day. The only other person besides Haymitch that Katniss really kept any contact with was Naisha Togisala. She had meant to go hunting to drop a few catches off at Naisha's house, but when she went, she realized that this was one of the few times the fence was electrified, and knew better than to chance it.

Despite turning up empty handed, Naisha was not disappointed, and hugged Katniss as if she were her mother, when in reality she was only a few years older than her. Her two little children, Wesley and Aveline, were also there to greet her, Wesley toddling in on two shaky little feet, and Aveline crawling in shortly after him.

"Sorry I wasn't able to bring you anything this time," Katniss apologized, "I've got the money for you though. Hell knows I don't need it."

"You've already done so much for me and my family," Naisha sighed, "I feel horrible in knowing that I can never repay you for your kindness and generosity."

"Don't worry about it," Katniss took a seat, watching the tiny children in front of her play with each other. It was clear that if they continued like this, that they would grow up to be two peas in a pod with how close they were. "I drop a few coins over at the Hawthornes, and other than them the only other person I really care about is Haymitch." It went unsaid that Haymitch was nearly as wealthy as Katniss—perhaps not quite so due to his binge-spending on alcohol (especially given that Katniss usually helped herself to it as well any time she dropped by), but Katniss never needed to give or even loan Haymitch any money, and so when she wasn't spending it on things for herself and her minimalist attitude, she was donating a great deal of her stipend to someone who could actually put it to practical use.

"That does not mean I can't be grateful though," Naisha reasoned, leaving her kitchen to come join Katniss in the living room with the small children.

"I never said you couldn't be," Katniss quipped, "just that you never need to worry about paying me back for any of this—ever."

"You're the shining example of what I wish for my children to be," Naisha was not trying to butter Katniss up nor do any type of brown-nosing or ass-kissing. She knew that Katniss' donations would continue because it had been Katniss' stubbornness which had allowed it to happen in the first place. Naisha initially refused the extra services and money considering that she already literally owed Katniss her life for volunteering in her stead for the 'games, but Katniss was resoundingly stubborn and refused to leave the abode until Naisha relented.

She never really discussed the subject with anyone, but there was a part of Katniss that wanted children, especially as she watched the two little black-haired children interact. Wesley was always watching out for her curious little baby sister, whose recent mobility had made her that much more curious about the world around her. On the other hand, Katniss was terrified of the concept of having a family not only because that would require getting to know someone more her age, but also because as she watched the two play, she realized that in 15 or 16 years, they could very well find themselves at the end of a blade in a death arena somewhere. Katniss hated the idea of imagining either of these kids being subjected to such a horrific fate, and so the idea of her own flesh and blood being shipped off to die was something that terrorized her thoughts.

"Just don't ever let them volunteer for the 'games," Katniss warned.

"I would never," Naisha shook her head, "my life flashed before my eyes the day I heard my name called, Katniss. I would never wish that on my children—or anyone for that matter. You didn't deserve to have to suffer through that either, Katniss."

"It's over now though," Katniss whispered, "and while I still bear the scars, I like to try and at least do a little good with my rewards. Stay strong, Naisha; and thanks for lending me your time."

Like many introverts, Katniss needed time alone to recharge after socializing, and so after bidding Naisha a polite farewell (and lightning her purse to help the Togisala family) she returned to the Victor Village and took a glance at Haymitch's door. He and Katniss put colored signs on their front doors as indicators of where they were and how welcome guests were. Red meant 'do not disturb', green meant 'knock' I might be busy or not be home', and blue meant 'come right in'.

The sign on her own door was green considering her trip, but Haymitch had put a blue mark on his door, so Katniss practically kicked it open to rendezvous with her old mentor.

"Everdeen!" Haymitch was dressed and cooking himself dinner, but that hadn't stopped Katniss' sudden entrance from surprising him. "Here to drink my booze and pay me back for it?"
"Since when did I pay you back?" Katniss jabbed.

"Considering you've been on a losing streak the past three times, it's been enough for me to buy replacement spirits for the ones you drink."

"Bah, maybe we should throw some dice too. If nothing else I can blame it all on luck."
"Just don't start playing against too many mentors in a couple month when the games kick off again," Haymitch quipped, "they might not be so merciful."
"Don't remind me;" Katniss groaned as she took the nearest spirit from Haymitch's shelf and fired the cork in his direction before drinking a lengthy swig straight from the bottle, "I hate people enough already as things stand."
"Being bitter and cynical is in the job description," Haymitch chuckled, "you'll do fine."

Katniss was not so sure about that remark, but at the same time, she really couldn't argue. She did not have many friends, but also didn't feel like she needed very many. She had the ones she cared about, and she protected them valiantly. While the lives of the tributes she would mentor would eventually fall out of her hands and go beyond her control, she would do what she could to protect them in the upcoming months when the names of two more victims were chosen in the 'games. It was extremely rare that tributes from the same district won back-to-back, and so while Katniss feared the worst this upcoming year, she knew that she had friends that could offer her at least a little bit of solace. It helped a lot more than she admitted too, no less…