WARNING: Ianto slips into darkness. Some swearing and all Ianto. Italic is Ianto's thoughts. Please review so I know I'm doing something right or wrong, which ever the case may be.
The First Day Of The Rest Of Ianto's Life.
Ianto walks up the next morning and allows his eyes to adjust, still in pain and just unable to move half of his body. His mouth felt like the bottom of a bird cage and he had the over whelming desire to brush his teeth. His head hurt, vague memories of the dreams he had had, running through his mind. Not dreams, nightmares, nightmares that he couldn't get out of, the sedative had done it's job.
Without making a noise, Ianto looks around him and sees Jack in the chair next to him, curled up in the chair with a blanket over him and fast asleep. Ianto follows one of Jack's arms and finds that Jack is holding his hand, loosely but still holding it. He had no desire to wake him so he left his hand where it was. Ianto looks past Jack and to the window behind him. It had only just thought about turning from night to day so Ianto knew that it was still early.
Rain drops were racing each other down the window, one after another after another so Ianto knew it was raining. He closed his eyes again and listened to the rain beating off of the window. He wished he could be out there in the rain. Feel the rain running down his hair and down his neck. Looking up and feeling the rain on his face. He liked the rain. When he stood in the rain, it felt like the rain was washing his troubles and cares away but he couldn't. He was stuck in a hospital bed, hardly able to move and why?
He feels something at the end of his bed and he turns his head and opens his eyes. There at the bottom of the bed was the smaller, red headed, Jade eyed, Welsh, nurse Clark.
"You are awake then," she tells Ianto with a smile as she perches on the end of the bed, writing down his obs on his chart. Ianto simply smiled at her.
"You have had a few people worried about you. Dr Harper has been with you since you came into hospital, he helped you in theatre and then hadn't really left you until last night. As for him," and she nods over to a sleeping Jack, "He has hardly moved. He's been by your side since the start," she tells him.
Ianto simply looks at her as she takes his temperature, no expression on his face, nothing in his eyes. He was just blank, tired, emotionless.
"He's your boss isn't he? Jack I mean?" she asks Ianto, writing obs again.
Ianto just nodded at her.
"Is he your partner? I mean, he hasn't let go of your hand unless he was forced to," she tells him, now looking at him with those amazingly green eyes.
Ianto shakes his head and frowns at her.
"Lover?" she almost whisper as though someone was listening.
Ianto shakes his head but with no expression.
"Is he my lover? He can't be. I still love him, I always will but can I go back there? Can I really allow myself to be dragged into heart break again? No! Pull yourself together Ianto Jones. Why are you in this hospital bed? Because of him. Because his brother used what you had between you once and tried to hurt him by killing you. You are in here because of him, Captain Jack Harkness," Ianto thinks to himself as though the angel and the devil on his shoulders were having an argument. His focus returns to nurse Cark.
"You drifted away there. You seem as though you have a lot on your mind, more than the usual patient," she tells him and he smiles at her with the weakest of smiles and they both knew, there was nothing behind it.
"I with go and carry on with my rounds now but I will pop back and see you later before I leave. Hopefully, when I come back on shift, you will be in a side room on your own. More privacy for you," she tells Ianto as she gets up and flash Ianto a smile, her eyes shining brightly.
She leaves him and Ianto's focus returns to the window, watching the rain against the window. He drifts further and further away. Away from his aching body, away from the hospital bed, away from Jack who slept in the chair next to him.
A little while later, Ianto's thoughts were drawn back to where he his body was as Jack woke up, squeezing his hand. Ianto doesn't look at Jack, he simply stares straight ahead, no emotion stirring inside of him. Jack stretches out and then stands up and leans into Ianto. He goes to kiss him on the lips but Ianto turns his head at the last minute so Jack's lips met his stubbly cheek. Jack pulls away and frowns at Ianto.
"Yan. What's wrong?" Jack asks him sitting on the side of the bed, still holding Ianto's hand and he squeezes it.
Ianto doesn't reply, doesn't even look at him. Jack runs his fingers through Ianto's thick, dark hair.
"Yan. Look at me," Jack tells him and Ianto moves his head, removing his hair from Jack's fingers.
"Tell me what's wrong. Maybe I can help you," Jack tells him, resting his hand on Ianto's shoulder.
"You, help me Jack? When have you ever helped me Jack? Just leave me alone. Don't touch me, don't kiss me, don't run your fingers through my hair, don't talk to me. Just leave me alone. I have nothing to say to you," Ianto says, nothing coming out of his mouth, the conversation in his head.
Ianto didn't sigh, he didn't move, didn't blink. The lights were on but Ianto wasn't there and Jack sees it. He sits back down in the chair, still holding his hand, unable and unwilling to let go. The silence between them was deafening.
Time past, Ianto didn't know how much, he didn't care but soon the silence was broken by Gwen bounding in, arms full of things and Owen following her, less energetic than her. Ianto turns to them and sees that Gwen has flowers, card, balloons and a teddy. Ianto looked at Owen and he was looking right at him with a thin and less enthusiastic smile on his face. Ianto turned away from them all.
"I don't want this, I don't need this. Why can't you just leave me alone? I'm not with Torchwood anymore, I'm not one of you, I haven't been for a while now. This doesn't make anything different. Just leave me alone," Ianto thinks to himself as Gwen fusses around, getting a nurse to get a vase for the flowers, sitting the teddy on the side table, attaching the balloons to his bed with something and putting the card on the side.
Ianto just left her to it. He really didn't care about the flowers, the balloons, the teddy or the card. Ianto simply just didn't care. Gwen buzzed around him a little while longer and then she calmed down. They all talked around him but no matter what they said, Ianto didn't react. They could of told him that the Queen was stood at the bottom of the bed, he didn't care. But it didn't stop him from listening.
"He's been like this all morning. He won't look at anyone, he won't say anything, he won't react. It's like Ianto's body is here but he isn't. What's wrong with him?" Jack asks Owen.
"It happens sometimes. Sometimes patients get depressed after something like this happening to them. They just need time, Ianto just needs some time. It's doesn't help that he can't go anywhere, do anything and someone is always with him," Owen replies knowing he had just his foot right into an argument.
"Are you saying that this is my fault because I won't leave him alone?" Jack replies finally letting go of Ianto's hand as he stands up to face Owen.
"That's not what I mean Jack. Think about who Ianto is. He's like a lone wolf. Yes, he might have run with a pack, the Torchwood pack but he is still a lone wolf. He likes being alone. He likes having space. He just needs time alone to think and get his head sorted out," Owen explains.
"Finally. Someone who has the smallest of understandings as to how I feel. Thank you Owen. Now try and get that into his thick, stubborn head," Ianto thinks to himself.
"We are crowding him Jack. Give him a little space and give yourself some space," Gwen tells Jack, putting her hand on his shoulder.
"Here we go. Gwen and her bleeding heart, caring crap. I knew it was coming. Bleeding heart, caring but underneath, she wants nothing more than to get in his boxers. Go ahead. I really don't care anymore. He's all yours Gwen," Ianto thinks to himself, his eyes glazing over, disappearing further into the land of, "He didn't care."
Ianto closed his eyes and just drifted away. He disappeared into the darkness. No light, no sound, no emotions, no feelings, nothing. He felt like he was sat at the bottom of a black hole and he liked it, needed it. Nothing there could hurt him, nothing there could make him feel, nothing in there could make him do anything. It was just him and nothing.
