Hi, alrighty then, the chapter where everything changes between Sara and Greg (sadly).

Enjoy,

So ;)

Ps: Immi thanks to be my partner in crime :P


Chapter 29

Sara's POV

I'm laughing gloriously as Greg is tickling me relentlessly. We've spend our day in bed, talking, teasing each other and playing like kids. It's not the first time that it happens, and those days are my favorite because even if we are not necessarily intimate physically, we are closer then than any other time; it's like we were in a bubble of unadulterated bliss.

"Moon?" he calls me with slightly panting voice when I finally admit defeat. We're lying down next to one another, both catching our breaths.

"Yeah?" I look at him and brush his cheek with a finger, he has a stubble and though I never told him I think he wears it well.

"What do you think?"

"About what?"

"Your place or mine?"

"Uh?" I frown, I don't recall him asking me anything before now.

"Should we move in together in your place or mine?" he elaborates nonchalantly.

There's a long silence during which I'm taking his question in. Moving in together…

I should probably freak out right now, I know that in the past I've never been eager to share my personal space. Oddly enough though, I'm very calm, not even remotely fazed by his question. That's one of the things I love about us, everything seems simple. "Yeah… moving in together might be a good idea," I voice my thoughts.

He caresses my stomach and shifts his position so he's almost on top of me. "So? Where do we move?"

"Well… my place is closer to work," I point out.

"Good choice, that way we'll steal some extra minutes for quickies before going to work," he wiggles his eyebrows.

I giggle and slap his shoulder gently. "Smooth talker."

His laughter reverberates in our kiss. He cups one of my cheeks and rubs his thumb against my skin. "I think it's time to tell the gang about us," he states seriously. "I mean, now that we're moving in together…" he shrugs.

"I know…"

"We need to think of a way to tell them."

"Hmm… maybe later, right now I can find better things to think about," I smile and bite my bottom lip teasingly.

"Better things uh?"

I simply kiss him in response, and hold him tighter to me, making sure that he's only thinking about me right now.

xxxxx

"Hey, look who's all tanned now," Nick, winks at me as he enters the room and puts a little more food on the table before seating in front of me. We decided to order in so we could share a lunch together.

"It was sunny in Cali," I simply shrug before stealing some of Greg's food.

"Hey!" he protests.

"Here are the drinks," Warrick announces before putting cans of soda and bottles of water on the table, he then seats next to Nick.

"Sar got all tanned in Cali," Nick updates him as Warrick starts eating.

I introduced Greg to the rest of my family, he had met Hazy and Sydney on different occasion, but since I've had the chance to meet and build a relationship with his family, I wanted to give him the same opportunity. I've even introduced him to my mother, after much hesitation, not that I'm ashamed of any of them but I was afraid neither of them would be comfortable. As it turned out Greg was really great and Mom was really touched that I'd introduce him to her.

My brothers… they showed their brotherly claws to test Greg's resistance and evaluate if he was 'worthy of me' – and they went the whole nine yards, from interrogating him as if he had kill someone, digging background information on him, finding his intention toward me, finding answers to any questions they could think of. threatening him of rather painful consequences if he so much as bruised my heart and such.

Greg took it rather well, I must say, even though I was mortified, I think that maybe he was expecting something like this, I for my part was expecting my brothers to realize that we were no longer in high school.

I'll be fair though, once they were satisfied with their criminal investigation, my brothers relaxed and had fun with Greg, slowly but surely accepting him in our family.

The last part, having both of our families meeting each other is planned in four months, though I'm nervous, I'm pretty confident that no heads will roll down.

"Greggo got tanned too," Warrick points out while licking some sauce out of his thumb and reaching out for a carton of food with his other hand.

As Greg and I had hoped, they are connecting the dots and after that we'll confirm their conclusion – provided it's the good one, of course.

"Wait a min… Greggo went to Cali with you?" Nick asks with a frown.

And here we are.

"Yup," I smile before taking a bite of my food.

"Man, that's unfair, how come he got invited and we didn't?" Nick whines.

"I'm VIP," Greg simply shrugs, this time he steals from my food. I slap his hand playfully and he sticks his tongue at me

"I want to go to Cali," Nick goes on.

"Me too…I thought we were like brothers and sister, can't we have a special treatment too?" Warrick reasons.

"I got the boyfriend's privileges, I overrule you," Greg replies as if they should have known the answer.

I swallow a sip of my soda and watch Nick and Warrick, literally frozen in mid motion in front of us. They eye Greg – who's eating as if everything was normal, then me; they look at us back and forth, then exchange a glance before bursting into laughter.

"Boyfriend's privileges…" Nick breathes out in between laughs.

"Right, Greggo you'll always crack me up…" Warrick adds before laughing even harder with Nick.

Boy, it's going to be harder than we thought.

They wipe the tears pearling at the corner of their eyes when they finally start to catch their breaths. I look at Greg, amused that they find it funny, with only one glance we're on the same wavelength.

"Guys…" he calls them. "Seriously…" Nick and Warrick giggle, but Greg keeps on and tells them that we are a couple.

"Wait, wait… so you're telling us that you two have been dating for a little over a year now?" Nick repeats the information he just received. Greg and I both nod. Nick shakes his head. "I call bullshit," he smirks.

"I'm with Nicky, there's no way in hell this is true," Warrick backs up.

"We just went on a week end together," Greg states.

"Doesn't mean anything, I've been on week ends with Sar alone," Warrick shrugs then bites his sandwich.

"Same here," Nick chuckles.

True, I went rock climbing, go-kart racing, to concerts and other fun stuff with either one of them. Those trips for exclusive times with them tighten our bonds, but who would have thought they'd play against me one day?

Greg and I spend about ten more minutes to argue on the fact that we are indeed an item, but to no avail.

"Okay, listen, Greggo no offence man, but Sar is out for your league for one, then… come on, that prank could have worked a few years back, but this is just too big to be true," Nick points out.

"Oh I know what this is about, it's payback for the two last pranks we put one you guys," Warrick exclaims with an amused snort before high-fiving Nick.

"I got to say you almost got us, poker faces and all, but we still own you," Nick gloats.

The sound of their pagers put an end to their fun. "Robbins?" Nick asks Warrick.

"Yup, let's go."

They clean after themselves quickly. "Seriously though, next time you plan a week end away invite us, it's been long since we had a group trip," Nick, says with a wink before exiting the room with Warrick.

Greg and I sigh heavily. "Well, at least we did tell them," I shrug.

"How much you want to bet that a few months from now they'll understand that we meant it?"

"You give them months… more like three years from now," I joke. I stop chuckling when I notice him looking at me with a smirk and raised eyebrows. "What?" I frown.

"You think we'll still be together in three years?"

"No I don't," I reply very seriously with a shake of my head, Greg has a very small disappointed expression. "I know we will," I add with a broad smile. "You're stuck with me boy, and if you so much as think about leaving me, I'll hang you with your guts," my smile never fade even when I threat him, I pat his hand before standing up.

He laughs softly after a little rush of fear. "You sure know how to speak to your man."

"You bet," I wink at him. "Okay, I'm going to see if Archie has something for us, page me if you got anything on your side," I tell him before leaving the room as well.

xxxxx

I'm lying on my bed in a foetal position when I hear the front door being opened and closed. Greg moves around the living room a bit then, he comes into the bedroom.

"Hey beautiful," he greets me and joins me in bed. He spoons me, resting one hand on my belly, I move a bit so he can pass his arm around my shoulders. He kisses my shoulder and brings me closer to him. "How do you feel?"

"I'm alright," I shrug. "Grissom called me into his office today."

"That doesn't sound good…"

"Actually it is. I finally have the authorisation I needed to complete the forensic research project I've been working on. I'll be on leave for absence for the next three months to conduct my research paper at the University."

"That's great."

"Yeah," I agree without enthusiasm.

Though I can't see him, I know he's frowning. I've been hoping for my application to come through for months now, so I should be ecstatic. He sighs heavily.

"Still nothing?" he asks knowingly, caressing my stomach and kissing my shoulder.

"Yeah…" I sigh. "It's been two months and… nothing."

Cath has been gone the past two months and she hasn't given me any signs of life, no email, no text message, no phone call… nothing.

"Moon… I'm sure she's fine, maybe she just needed a full break…"

"I know… I just… it'd still be good to have some news you know?"

"You miss her," he simply says.

That's an understatement. We've come a long way, I mean now we are friends, true, real friends. I can only guess that if things are so intense between us it's because we're trying to catch up all the years we've missed. It's hard for me to be there without any news, I know we don't have to talk all the time or see each other every day, but she's been through quite a lot and I just want to be there for her. I just need to be sure that she's okay.

Everything has been good on my side lately, I'm happy with Greg, I'm having the work opportunities I was waiting for, but Cath's absence is bringing me down. I guess I've become addicted to my friend, I miss our pillow therapy, and our weekly exclusive time; I miss telling her bad jokes, or our movie night. I just miss her deeply.

I'm worried too, I'm sure she's alright. Greg is right when he says that she just needs a full break. Cath is like that, it's always all the way or no way at all.

Still, everyday I'm expecting a sign of life from her, just an email saying 'hey', or a text with something silly.

xxxxx

I've been sitting on Adam's couch for forty five minutes now and I still can't find anything to say. I haven't come to see him ever since Catherine left, that will be five months in a week.

I thought that somehow when I'd be right here, in Adam's office I'd manage to make sense out of everything again. Even though I'd never say it to Adam, he helped me find some equilibrium and forced me to deal with my issue in a healthy way. I still don't like talking, but I do acknowledge the benefit of it.

I've been thinking about my life, about how things were still beyond great just over a week ago and yet how everything was destroyed in the blink of an eye.

I've always thought that I wasn't the kind of person made to be happy, that I'd eventually be contented but not happy. My childhood made me think that way, and I've spend long years up to recently to believe that my father was right after all. But the thing is that I brushed happiness with the tips of my fingers, I did.

Happiness is like a bubble, it engulfs you and brings you so high above the rest that you're just above any problems that might have taken you down before; it makes you believe that you are strong enough to take over the world. Altitude makes you euphoric, the higher you get the higher you want to go because it simply feels too good to let go, you get greedy.

The problem with being high is that fact that you forget tiny details; sure you realize how lucky you are to be surrounded by so many precious things and even though you constantly remind yourself not to take anything for granted, you forget the important detail. You forget that happiness is a bubble and it can burst under the tiniest pressure. When the bubble burst you fall.

It's not the fall that kills you, it's the impacts. Yes, impacts. The first happens when everything is ripped away from you so violently, so unexpectedly that a part of you is left behind. Then you hit the ground and finally realize what you've lost, and all the life you had left in you is just crushed before being burnt to ashes, leaving empty like nothing but a shell.

"I had to write a story about hope, once," I finally speak. Unlike usual after ten minutes of silence Adam had put his book aside and just watched me, waiting patiently for me to eventually speak, he watched me silently for almost an hour.

"I remember writing about people travelling in a train, the kind with a locomotive… and the train was riding through a thick fog…"

"The fog being a materialisation of hope," Adam elaborates.

"Yeah… the fog is somewhat reassuring because until you stop at a station you have no way to know whether or not you're in the right direction," I continue. "On one side of the wagon you have the passengers who are sitting in the forward motion, they never doubt that they are going in the right direction; and it doesn't matter at how many deception stations the train has stopped they always believe that the next station will be the good one," I snort. "Then, on the other side you have the other passenger the ones sitting in the backward motion, those who have started to believe that there are nothing but deception stations ahead, and that the fog is nothing more but a cheap trick to try to make you forget your disappointment in between stations."

I rub my forehead and sigh. "Then I wondered which group was having the best journey," I mark a pause. "In my opinion, it was group number two, because since they weren't expecting anything or expecting the worse, when they'd reach the right station then their joy would be incommensurable. Whereas group number one wouldn't appreciate reaching the right station, they'd just think that they were right all along," I shrug.

"To which group do you belong?" Adam asks me before I can get lost in my thoughts.

"Neither, I'm not in the wagon."

"Are you the one controlling the locomotive?"

"No. I'm the poor sucker who doesn't realize she's walking on the tracks until the three seconds before the whole train runs her over."

Even though he conceals it pretty well, Adam is a bit taken aback by my answer.

"The moral of the story is that hope might bring some satisfaction, it might bring nothing but deception for some other; in my case it never brought me anything except pain."

I look at the window and sigh heavily. "I used to hope that my father wasn't lying when he apologized after losing his temper the first times; I used to hope my father wouldn't be drunk and drugged out of his skull by the time my brothers and me would come back from school, that he wouldn't beat the crap out of us, abuse us verbally or simply decide that he wanted extra bonding time with me; I used to hope that cutting myself would erase what I felt; I used to think that the drugs would help me forget…" I shake my head. "Never once did I avoid the collision with the Reality Train."

I snort. "I believe I'm fairly intelligent, so of course with time I've learnt to be wary of the fog and almost always expect the pain, because I believe that when you're expecting it you can tame the pain or at least find virtually ways to escape it," I shrug.

"And it worked, you know… there's one problem though, when the collision doesn't happen regularly… you start to think that you beat the odds, that somehow you got away from the tracks… you slowly let your guard down, you get confident… hopeful…" I look away as my emotions threaten to overwhelm me. I take a deep breath and compose myself again. "So when that train hit you again… not only you're surprised but the pain is multiplied by a thousand… it hurt so much that you actually ask yourself if you'll be able to ever stand up again."

I look at Adam, not finding any more to say, or maybe just not ready to say anything else.

"What did the train destroyed?" he finally asks after at least three minutes of complete silence.

I let out a shaky sigh and clear my throat. "The hope that finally… I'd be complete and happy… truly happy… happy of who I was… and happy of the persons I have in my life… just happy to be…"

My throat is contracting itself more and more, making it harder for me to breathe, just the thoughts of having the words coming out in the open, is hurting me all over again. So I force myself to speak, each words cutting my throat and burning my tongue, making things even realer than they already were. I make my escape somehow, even if it's only in my mind, I just block the words out and detach myself from reality just a for a few minutes.

"Say something," I ask Adam. He has been staring at me the whole time I count the tell tale of my sorry life, and probably for the first time, he seems speechless. "Say something for fuck sake…" I press him after another minute of silence, hot tears are burning tracks on my cheek now.

Adam is about to speak but I cut him off. "Say something but spare me your psycho bullshit right now… I want you to talk to me not as a friend, not as a shrink but as human being to another," I warn him.

He sighs, looks away and then back at me. "Unfortunately… those things happen…"

I burst into a heartless laughter. I wipe my tears with the bottom of my palms. "You know what… just stick to the shrinky bullshit… cause if 'shit happens' is the best you got then I'd rather endure some smart and seemingly deep comments… at least you sound less moronic."

I chuckle. "I've just told you that…" I trail off and shake my head. "You're right, shit happens," I shrug. "For some reason I thought Greg and I were special… but we are just another couple among billions of others… just another copy of a copy…" I snort. "I've always thought that my life was a drama, but it's actually more pathetic than that, I managed to make it a parody of a drama…" I force an empty laugh out of my throat.

"Those things happen, but it's not your fault," Adam states seriously. I laugh again, shaking my head at the ridicule of his words.

"You're disappointing me, Doc, you got me used to better replies," I joke weakly.

"It's not your fault," he replies.

"Yeah…" I chuckle.

"Sara," he calls me, forcing me to look at him. "It's not your fault"

I giggle once more but this time I can't hold back my tears anymore. I put a hand of my eyes immediately, but it's no used, I'm crying yet again. Pain is ripping through me as I sob. My relationship with Greg made me cry very few times, the first was a month before or first anniversary and this is the second time – well I've been crying for ten days now but since I haven't really stopped I'll count it as just one whole thing.

My whole body start to shake with intense sob, I feel like I was drowning, suffocating in all my pain. I look up desperately like I could see the surface of the invisible ocean I'm sinking in.

Adam stands up and comes to sit on the couch next to me but at a safe distance. He reaches out a hand but then makes a fist just moment before making contact with me probably berating himself; we both know that being physically there would be like crossing that invisible line between us that should stay untouched at all time. Yes, there have been times when we stepped on the line from a mere inch, but we never crossed it nonetheless.

"It's not your fault," he repeats again in a whisper, his fist balled tightly on his lap.

Then unexpectedly he grabs my hand, I hold it tight enough to almost crush it; I hold on to it like life line as I cry heart out.

xxxxx

After sobbing like a baby, holding Adam's hand for about two hours I left and went back to my apartment. Greg and I just moved around one another in silence, sometimes mumbling some irrelevant things to each other to pretend that we still communicate. Truth to be told, for the last ten days we have been… taking everything in I guess.

I didn't lie to Adam, Greg and I were special, in my eyes we've beaten the odds so many times that somehow I felt that we were immune to bad times. Adam kept repeating that it wasn't my fault, but I believe that both Greg and I are to blame. It all boils down to one bad decision leading to another which leads to another and so on.

Now I'm sitting on the ledge of my living room window and he's in the bedroom where I know he's lying awake. He won't come to me like he usually does. We both know that there won't be comfort in the embrace we can give to one another, at least not at the moment.

We're going to spend our night wondering how things went wrong; who's guiltier. Maybe if I hadn't chose to work on the project with the university things would have been different, maybe if I hadn't cancelled our plans that day and if had been there for our date, maybe we wouldn't have argued over something stupid and maybe… maybe he'd have made a different choice that day and just maybe, maybe things would have been different.

Now, everything is spoiled. And even though we talked it through and decided to work things out, our relationship is forever scarred.

Sure, when the night's over we'll start another day; we'll pretend once more that we are okay, we'll keep convincing ourselves that we'll figure things out; that the situation between us isn't that bad, lot of people make it through. Yet, even though we won't say it out loud we both know that something has been broken and pieces will be forever missing.

Yet I refuse to let go, not wanting to give up at the first little bump on the road – even though I felt like we've hit a wall at great speed more than anything.

Adam's right, those things happen; at the moment I'm too hurt to let Greg close again, not after…

But I love him… we love each other and love conquers all, right?


I know, I know, you're probably asking yourself if I didn't forget to write a few passages and think that the chap is weird and frustrating but there's a reason for that.

Indeed I have an announcement to make, after much reflection and brainstorming with my hyperactive Mojo, there will be a sequel to this story (yeah there's a first time for everything). In the sequel I'll come back on them and reveal what happened, but in the meantime I leave it to your imagination, I'll just rule out one possible far stretched suspicion (cause it bugs me that it could appear that way) there hasn't been any physical abuse between them (right freddie ;) ). Not that I think anyone care since no one liked the pairing apparently (pity :P)

And yes, before you ask you won't have to wait for the sequel to get some Cath and Sara loving, I'm getting there, have faith in me, there's a path, I'm a girl with a plan.

As I said before they won't make it past this chapter, it's true, well the break will happen a little later, but what's important is that fate is in motion.

Anyway…

Thanks for reading.