"I am fine, Erik." Christine chided quietly.
"I know," He shrugged. "I was simply admiring your beauty."
"You were admiring my paleness." She said plainly, silence came between them as they rode on, and Christine asked, "She cannot be…"
"Don't say it, Christine." His tone left no room for argument. "She is holding on for us."
She did not say anything after that, since they had been riding for two days straight and every time she mentioned something of Cecile he would cut her off or completely ignore the question. Her mind told her to overlook the fact that he was avoiding the conversation, but her heart told her to keep trying. She knew that his pain was great and she was worried that perhaps it was too great, but he hid it very well. His eyes were the only thing to give him away at times, only when he was deep in thought she knew that he was thinking about Cecile.
"I love her." Christine stated, as almost it was just an everyday thing, but it was not just an everyday occurrence.
"Christine…" He waved. "Do not…"
"I miss her smile." She swallowed. "I miss her eyes, her hair, and her face. I miss her hands…."
"Do not…" His voice as a bit strained and he was happy that the guards were far above them and far behind them.
"Oh her hands." Her tears began to fall gently down her cheeks. "The way they would move so quickly when she gets excited, or when she is trying so hard to be serious, but you cannot stand how endearing she is."
He remained quiet; there was nothing he could say. She was saying enough for the both of them. All Erik could do was sit there upon his horse, listen to his wife talk about the daughter that she had so willingly loved and was now being taken away from them.
"I will miss her." She bit her lip. "With every fiber in my being I will miss her." She took a breath. "I wish I could take some of your pain and make it my own."
"My pain is no worse than yours." It became quiet between them again.
Everything was all around quiet. Before they had left, everyone in Liren chose to change into dreary black garbs. She felt her heart fall at the sight of them. However the person lined up in the streets to give them a good-bye and hopes to see them in the future. Christine smiled a bit at her people noticing that they seemed uplifted since the end of the fight with Plante.
Although the conflict with Plante had killed many people, the people of Liren took it upon themselves to rise above and go beyond what she had expected in such a short time. People were getting back to work and more farms, she heard in the South were opening back up. The mines were being cleared out from debris and some were even starting up. Christine took pride in the fact that Liren was so eager to start again and build the empire back up.
Then there was Borswan. She wanted to prove to that country that she was capable of being a good queen, perhaps even a great one, but the men there were too set in their ways. It would become a lifelong goal for her, she knew, but she also knew that the benefits and the long term cycle would be worth it.
But she could not worry about that right now. Her concern was Cecile, the dying princess that she had come to love and cherish as if Cecile was one of her own. Christine would have to be strong, she could not cry in public, she would have to put on a face and live with it. The girl was too young and too full of life to die, though. She could only hope that when she told Erik the news of the unborn child in her womb that perhaps it could ease the passing and even bring a new light into his life. Or the news could bring him pain and misery because he would question why one child lived and the other died.
"Erik, I need to stop." Christine felt a familiar sensation build up in her stomach, and one that did not limit itself to just morning.
Erik held up his hand again and the little procession stopped. The guards looked away as their queen retched in the forest a little away from the people, while the king hurried over to her and held her hair back.
"This is not healthy, Christine." Erik said quietly. "I insist that you speak to another doctor."
"I am fine, Erik." She wiped her mouth, and waited for a little color to return to her skin before going back to the horses. "Dr. Mitchell assured me that I have nothing to worry about, it is completely normal."
"Normal," He lifted a brow. "Retching in the forest is normal activity for someone who is supposedly fine?"
"It is the stress." Her shoulders moved slightly. The walked back to the horses and began to ride farther.
"There should be some kind of medicine for this." His words were mumbled under his breath, but she heard them and started to laugh a little. He looked at her strangely. "What are you laughing at?"
"Oh nothing." She let her giggles subside before turning to him. "I am sure this will not last much longer."
He did not say anything just gave a sort of grunt. Christine just shook her head and let the silence take them over once again.
------------------
There was not anyone to greet them when they arrived. It was quiet, silent. The deep hallways where servants and diplomats would once roam was now deserted and clear. Some fabrics from the stone, cold walls had been taken, presumably because people had laid ill there at point in time.
On the rare occasion when a servant would walk by they would glance at the royal couple, bow their heads in a sorrowful disposition and then hurry away. They were afraid, both Erik and Christine knew. Afraid of the sickness, afraid of how they would react to the impending death of the princess.
Christine held tightly to Erik's arm as they strode down the corridors. She knew the first destination would be Cecile's room and doubted that they would leave the room soon. As she studied her husband she saw how focused he was on their destination. His mouth was set in a strait line and his manner in posture was different than in Liren.
In Liren he had been calm and not so ridged. However, Liren was also not the uptight as Borswan and it did not hold his dying daughter. She only hoped that in time he would become as he was in Liren, but she knew that their moments would still be in secret. It was just their moments and not the courts.
"Erik?" She said quietly as she noticed the room where Cecile lay was ahead.
"Yes?" He cleared his throat.
"I love you." It came out in a whisper as if she was afraid that even a servant or someone close could hear them.
They stopped before the door and he turned to her. His eyes were filled for a moment with such grief and defeat, but then something else came into his eyes. He leaned over and placed a chaste, yet meaningful kiss on her lips. Erik pulled her close and whispered,
"I love you so much." His breath was hot on her ear and she closed her eyes from the emotion that filled her. "And thank you for loving her too."
The two pulled apart and waited for the guards to open the door. Quietly the door opened and they silently made their way in.
A woman sat in a chair on the side of the bed, the faint candlelight glowed dimly so that it was a little hard to see her all black clothing on her back, which was facing them, yet she turned when she heard the slight noise.
"You're back." Madame Giry stood quickly, and then bowed. She looked to Cecile and then back at the king and queen. "She has been drifting back and forth between conscience and delusion. At the moment she is just sleeping."
"You may leave, Madame." Erik nodded. "We can handle it from here."
"As you wish Majesty," She curtsied again and walked to the door.
"Madame," Erik called to her, she turned. "Thank you for everything."
"It is my duty Majesty." Yet he could tell that she took the gratitude to heart.
"I am sorry for your loss."
"Thank you, Majesty." She nodded and gave a weary smile. "I am glad you are back, Majesties, and I am sure that Cecile would agree." She left.
Christine walked slowly to the girl's bedside and sat beside her on the bed. Carefully she reached out, Cecile's hand ice. Placing the small hand into her larder one, she turned to Erik. He stood, just staring at the two of them.
"Her hand is so cold." Christine breathed.
He did not say anything, but walked over and place his hand on Christine's shoulder. Kneeling besides the girl he stroked her pale, spotted face.
"Her cheeks are warm." His teeth took his trembling lip. Christine raised her free hand to comfort him, by laying it on his head and stroking his dark hair. He released air he had been holding in. "She is just laying there."
A tear fell from his eye and another. She felt her heart break as her husband hurried his head in her lap and sobbed. There were no comforting words she could impart to him, there was not a single thing she could do. Her pain had already been felt by him, and not it was his turn to grieve. This would not be the last, but a king was not allowed to grieve because others would eventually take advantage of it.
Her own tears began to fall silently as she stroked her husband's head with one hand and the girl that she had become to recognize as her daughter with her other hand. She was silent as she cried; she had to be strong for him. But these tears were not for Cecile alone. These tears were for all of Erik's pains, his happiness and for the child that was to become the heir.
She did not know how long they stayed like that, but his tears subsided and he just held her like he was afraid she would leave him. She noticed that his hand crept slowly down her arm to her hand that was holding Cecil's. Their three hands joined and a strange sort of peacefulness presided over the family. Suddenly Erik's head lifted up and Christine's head snapped to the girl's sleeping form. Her hand had moved under the weight.
"Cecile?" Erik's weak voice called out, quietly, knowing that she could not hear him, he stopped.
The small princess's eyes opened slightly.
"Cecile." He choked on a sob, suddenly glad she was deaf so she would not hear her father so weak, as her eyes came into focus on him.
She gave a feeble smile.
"We missed you." Erik signed to her.
She gave another smile.
"Erik," Christine leaned over to him. "She cannot sign."
There was movement under the hand again. They removed their hands and saw her small attempts at signing to them.
"Thank you." Cecile signed, happy that she could finally speak to them.
"I found a small trinket when we were going to Liren." Christine pulled out the small fish from her hidden pocket in her dress.
"It's beautiful." She smiled and moved her eyes over to her nightstand, showing Christine where she wanted it.
"An old man gave it to me in a small town." Christine placed it down next to the girl's bed.
"How are you feeling?" Erik asked, hoping she was comfortable.
"Tired." She sighed. "I want to not lie in bed any more."
"You have to Cecile." He smiled at the strength in the little girl. "You need to get better."
"I feel better." Her eyes pleaded with him.
"When you can sit up for a while, then maybe you can walk around a while." His heart flooded with hope, that perhaps the doctors were wrong. Maybe there was a chance that she could live.
"Cecile." Christine got her attention. "It is getting late, you should go to sleep."
"Alright." She gave no squabble, and shut her eyes. They both looked at the movement of her hands as the formed. "I love you both." She began to breathe steadily.
"She doesn't want to be in bed." Erik gave a chuckle.
"Perhaps you could carry her around in the garden tomorrow, if it is nice out." Christine suggested. She knew that he was beginning to become hopeful that this could pass, but something told her that this sickness would not end happily. She could not completely crush his small smidgen of hope, though. "That would be nice."
"Yes it would be nice." He agreed and laid his head back down in her lap. "Is it wrong to have hope, Christine?"
His voice sounded so broken and alone. Everything was falling around him and there was nothing to do to stop it. Now, she could not break his sprit. She refused to break his sprit even more.
"No." She shook her head. "It is never wrong to have hope."
I meant to have this chapter up ealier but I have been extremely busy. I am studying abraod in England and just got my laptop working with internet, but I should have another chapter up by next week! Also I have noticed that this story is taking forever and I am going to try and hurry it up a little bit cause I feel its dragging on and I have another project in mind which I will hopefully finish sooner! But please review since it keeps my day sunny when its rainy here, which is a lot but London is a wonderful city and I am so lucky to be here! Please and thank you!
EV
