A/N- Yeah I know, chapter numbers are all messed up. Sue me. Also, I know lately I haven't been responding a lot to people, I've been busy, haven't found the time, and I've been making a heavy decision. Which you all will see soon. Not gonna lie, most of you won't like it…but that's for another day. Anyway, onwards!


MASS MISCALCULATION

Episode 28- Exploration


A wise man once said that if humanity did not break the bonds that held them down, then humanity would devolve into a state of stagnation that would eventually lead to their utmost demise. Well, humanity got the message and expanded to the galactic community, but in Boss's eye's the rest of the galaxy hadn't learned the lesson yet. Recently he had bothered to learn some of the rules of the galaxy with the intent to break as much of them as possible just to anger the Council, when he learned of the particular law that prohibited the activation of dormant relays, the law only being made after the Rachni War, really in his eyes the Council was just too scared of what'd they find in the galaxy to bother, but to Boss this seemed like a waste, his words being:

"Well if those fools are too scared to look out their backyard window to see what's back there, that's their problem. But I ain't scared of accidentally finding a hostile alien race, worse comes to worse we'll blow their planet up. Besides, if we go beyond those relays technically any systems and/or planets we find will be Saints territory, so that's a plus right there! So Saints, let's go explore the galaxy! I'm gonna find a planet made of pure platinum if it kills me… not to mention I still have all those other alien species from our universe Zinyak imprisoned in the ship, I can't just release them without giving each species a planet. And that ship's huge, I'm still going through the inventory. Come to think about it I'm still looking for Zack and Bobby, and Santa…dunno where they are really"

And with these words the Saints had embarked on their periless quest for exploration, the Fleur De Lis going to it's first inoperative Mass Relay, and after some tinkering with it, managed to turn it on, the ship warping through. But little did they know, a turian scouting ship had seen this action, and immediately contacted their superiors, awaiting further orders…

"Boring" Boss said as they flew by the third planet they've found, which was lifeless. "Boring" he said again to a gas giant. "Boring!" he yelled, throwing his fist down on the railing to the galaxy map.

Kinzie sighed as she looked up from the terminal next to the galaxy map. "Well what did you expect?" she asked, crossing her arms. "We're not going to find anything amazing the first ten minutes"

Boss sighed. "I know, but scanning all these planets, shooting probes at them. It gets real old fast. I feel like I'm using a repetitive game mechanic…wait a minute!" he yelled excitedly, spying a silver planet. "I found it!" he shouted triumphantly.

"Aw bullshit" Aaron swore, cursing Boss's good luck. Aaron always thought that Boss got all the luck.

On the galaxy map there was entire planet made of platinum, it's surface made of nothing but, a perfect, giant sphere of silver. "Man, I can't believe it! This-wait a minute, zoom" he scowled when he found a minuscule spot, and made the galaxy map zoom in, and to his horror found a mile-wide circle of sand.

"…Argh!" he growled, hitting a large red button next to his podium.

Under the ship, a large panel opened revealing a large, singe-hexagonal barreled black cannon folding out, purple light building in the barrel as klaxon alarms sounded throughout the ship. Like a flash, a purple beam hit planet, and instantly the entire sphere blew into millions of pieces.

Boss had decided to put a atomizer gun on the ship in case he needed to blow any planets up, courtesy of the zin. Hey, big emperor needed a big gun.

Aaron stood next to Boss, mouth agape at what the leader just said, while said afro-Saint rested his elbow on the railing and held his head in his hand, muttering, "so the search continues…"

"Are you for real!?" Aaron shouted. "You just blew up an entire planet!"

Boss cast a look at Aaron and shrugged. "Aaron, until I find a perfect platinum planet that I can plant a flag on, I'll never be satisfied. Get used to it. Besides, it's not like that place had life. Or was even habitable"

"I…you…what's that?" Aaron asked, seeing ships coming near them.

"They're turian make" Kinzie informed, Boss scowling. He had a sneaking suspicion this would happen, but he came prepared.

"Open the comms up Zinkle" Boss ordered.

"Righto, Boss mon" Zinkle nodded, opening the channels.

"Attention, Saints!" a flanged turian voice rang out, Boss mocking him by mouthing his words and forming a mouth with his hand. "You have been caught activating dormant relays and exploring outer systems! Due to your past crimes, the punishment sanctioned for these actions is death!"

"Dey be armin' da guns, Boss mon" Zinkle informed.

"I'm reading about twenty cruisers" Kinzie said, to which Boss laughed.

"Alright, cool. You know what this means boys and girls!" he put his purple captain hat on. "Time to test the weapons on this bad girl out. Zinkle, I'm flying the ship from here, switch to manual!"

While Boss was preparing his destruction, Kinzie heard a tearing sound and looked over her shoulder, and saw Aaron duct-taping himself to the wall.

She shook her head, confused by the action, and asked, "what are you doing?"

Even with the sunglasses, she could see the panicked look in his eyes. "You realize Boss, who is the worst driver ever, is now going to drive a advanced spaceship to battle right?"

It only took Kinzie seconds to think this over and immediately say, "give me the roll"

Outside the Fleur De Lis, panels all around the ship seemed to shift as guns ranging from turrets to rocket launchers unfolded and revealed themselves, the ship having over thirty guns instantly made onto it. This was to insure maximum space was guaranteed, and for a added bonus of the element of surprise. At least, it worked for the turians, who were very surprised to see the appearance of the guns. The ship took off, veering from turian cruiser to cruiser, firing it's guns on the ship, which again to the surprise of the turians caused heavy damage.

"What are you all waiting for!? Shoot him!" the captain squawked, "shoot that thing!"

Alas, half of the artillery fired at the ship had no effect, while the other half just plain missed. Boss even got zealous and hovered it front ship, gliding from side to side, mocking the captain right before blowing the cockpit away, proceeding to do the same thing with the rest.

As the last ship was going up in smoke, one turian found the willpower to crawl up to the cockpit, the room surprisingly intact, and hit a button, activating the GUARDIAN laser built in the ship…


Down in the cargo hold, Pierce sighed as he sat back, a Saints Flow in his hand. As he popped it open, the ship jostled suddenly and spilled the drink all over him. The jostle also caused an entire rack of the beverage to fall on him, covering him in soda drink. Blind and sticky, he got up, fumbling for something to wash the Flow off.

"Damn, what hit us!?" Boss demanded as red light blared everywhere, the ship shaking.

"A GUARDIAN laser, Boss!" Kinzie yelled, typing away furiously, "hit us in a soft spot, likely! We've taken heavy damage! Stabilizers are de-stabilizing!"

"Damn, we'll lose too much stability!" Boss growled, punching the railing.

"Thrusters aren't responding, we're gonna go down!"

"Damn, we needed that thrust!" he punched the railing again.

"Ah, I knew this would happen! No vehicle survives when your behind the wheel!" Aaron screamed, then yelped when the tape started to rip.

"Artificial gravity's unresponsive!" Kinzie reported.

"Boss punched the railing again. "Damn, we'll never- wait now that I think about it, do we really need artificial gravity? It'd be pretty cool, just floating everywhere like a balla"

"No, wait, we still got gravity"

"Damn, we didn't need that!"

"We're still going down!"

"That we are, uh…find us a planet to land on, now!"


Stumbling across the ship, Pierce groaned as he flailed his arms about, trying to find a sink, his eyes blinded from the soda. Feeling a door, he opened it and felt the doorway, having to crawl in and then felt some harness bars, and while fumbling for a sink these thoughts hit him;

"Wait, crawl…and bars…? Oh man this ain't a bathroom!"

But alas it was too late as the warning lights blared, and the life pod detecting someone was in it, automatically closed, Pierce yelling for help as the pod was jettisoned from the ship, falling towards a lush, green planet below them, the ship crash-landing in a completely different spot.


On the planet surface, a large clearing was shown miles across, grass everywhere, with the edge of the clearing showing a thick forest full of trees. In the middle of the clearing a small, lizard creature about six inches stood on it's hind legs, clawing at the ground as if trying to dig for something. It heard a loud whistling in the air and looked up, and shrieked when it saw a large object falling from the sky, and scampered off as the ship crashed into the ground, sliding across it and causing a crater, grinding against the ground until it came to a full stop.

After a few minutes, bangs resonated throughout the ship, then something banged on a panel outside until it fell off, Boss flopping out and staring at the downed ship with a sad look.

Gazing on the fallen marvel, he muttered in a sullen breath, "that was, a platinum, spaceship. Man that stuff isn't easy to find…"

Aaron stumbled out next, flopping on the ground next to Boss, and said, "next time let Zinkle handle the space fighting"

"Bitch I flew a tank once, I know how to fly"

The rest of the Saints that were on the ship flooded out, and since it had just been a recon mission the crew on it was currently light, only holding Robert, Zinkle, Kinzie, Gat and Tag, Morinth, Randall, and Oleg.

"Wait hold up" Boss got up and counted the Saints, then frowned. "We're missing a Pierce"

"You guys see him?" Aaron asked, and they all shook their head.

"Last I saw him he was in the cargo bay drinking Flow" Robert reported, the Saints looking at each-other and shrugging.

"Meh, whatever" Boss shrugged off, "he's probably in a sugar coma somewhere on the ship, we can worry about that later, right now we need status on the ship" normally Boss would be slightly worried about Pierce, but he had proven to always lose himself then find them again, sure they were on a new planet with unknown life possibly, so he would likely turn back up eventually.

The Saints agreeing with his sentiment, Kinzie looked at the ship to survey the damage. "Hmm…" she hummed, stroking her chin. "Looks busted" she deduced, the comment seemingly causing one of the thrusters to fall out of the ship. "…Very busted"

"Fantastic, is she space-worthy?" Boss asked.

"With only three thrusters now, probably not. Me and Robert can reattach it, then we'll try to get the ship up and running, run a systems diagnostics, work from there" she explained. Luckily before the left Zinjai had advised them to let the zin fill one of the rooms in the cargo bay with everything from spare parts and tools to things like extra fuel and all manner of power sources in case they were stranded somewhere. Surprisingly during Zinyak's rule the zin had been shipwrecked on a planet once, and after a small war with the species there the zin finally had gotten back into space. For some reason Zinyak had blown the planet up immediately instead of enslaving the race first, and just chose to harvest any technology from the wreckage.

Zinjai always would shrug Boss off whenever he asked what happened when the zin made contact with the Strogg, and he was too lazy to look in the records, so he would likely never know.

"Okay, sounds like a plan" Boss clapped his hands. "Okay we're gonna split into two teams, Aaron, Oleg, Randall, and Johhny's go out into the forest, look around, see what you can find, everyone else will stay here, Kinzie and Robert I want you guys workin' on the ship, Zinkle look for Pierce, I'll stand on top of the ship keeping a lookout like a baller, Morinth, uh…I don't know, guard the place or something'"

Everyone voiced their agreements and the group split up, Aaron's group walking off into the forest while Boss's group stayed behind.


Pierce groaned as he opened his eyes, and looked around at his surroundings. It looked like he was still in the escape pod, and from the viewport it looked like he was stuck in a tree of sorts. So, vision obscured by soda, he fumbled his way to the pod door and opened it, inching his way out and trying to grab something. His fingers slipped by a branch and he grabbed it, swinging out and hoping to find a foot holding, but before he could the branch he was holding onto snapped and he fell down, screaming as he was smacked by branch after branch and ended up slamming face-down into a small river.

He sputtered as he sat up and rubbed his eyes, his vision clearing as his body felt less sticky.

At least the stream cleaned the soda off.

Pierce sat there for a moment, then swished the water in his mouth, his eyes widening as he tasted something extremely bitter and spat out a yellow liquid, then started as he saw the stream was being turned slightly yellow.

"Aw what the hell…the hell. Is. That?" he asked as he gazed up to a giant, reptilian creature with it's back facing him, the creature looking exactly like a greenish-blackish T-rex. He noticed it's leg was raised up and gagged when he realized what the yellow liquid from before was.

"UGH! Ah, dammit I just drank dino piss!" he yelled, rubbing the water off of him.

Unfortunately, the dinosaur seemed to have heard him and turned around, looking at Pierce with yellow, slit eyes and narrowed them, the T-rex growling as it lowered. Pierce seemed to have gotten the message and ran away, the T-rex roaring and running after him, Pierce screaming in the distance.


"Stardate; 12-21-31-42-51-101-4321. Our ship seemed to have been crash-landed on a mysterious planet of unknown origin, but the Saints vigor remains unparalleled. Half of the crew has wandered off in search of something interesting while the rest stay here to tend to the ship. Our burnt pilot still searches for Pierce's useless lazy ass as Morinth looks at me with a skeptical look. She seems to forget she doesn't have biotics and can't hit me from up he-OW! MUTINY!" Boss cried out as a can hit him in the head, knocking him off the foldable deck chair he had situated on top of the ship, along with a stool next to it that had a pair of binoculars and a glass of Saints Flow with a mini-umbrella.

Morinth smirked as she saw Boss grumble to himself as he climbed back onto the chair. "You know, your not much help from up there" she noted.

Boss waved a hand off. "Not useful? Morinth, we don't know what lives on this planet, and where there are trees there's something that eats them, and then there's something that eats them. Unless the trees eat them… man, circle of life" he looked at the can she hit him with, a Saints Flow can, and frowned. "Where'd you find this?" he asked.

Morinth shrugged. "It was in a room full of them, most were busted opened"

Zinkle popped his head through the hole in the ship. "Der waz a trail o futeprintas leadin' ta da excape pods, Boss mon! One of dem waz launched!"

"Launched huh? Did we have them all when we left?"

"Yeppa!"

"Damn" Boss muttered under his breath, coming to the conclusion. "Pierce was blinded by Saints Flow. Probably stumbled into a escape pod and launched off. Who knows where he is…"

"And you just happened to have reached that conclussion?" Morinth asked skeptically. The chances of him doing something like that were astronomically stupid at best.

"Morinth. It's Pierce we're talking about here, his life's purpose is to be foiled by soda at every turn" Boss scolded, grabbing the binoculars and putting them on his eyes. "Now hush down while I look around for- oh"

"'Oh' what?" Morinth questioned, putting a hand over her eyes to see better in the distance.

"Hm, I see… a thing" Boss deduced.

"A… thing?"

"Not just a thing… multiple things"

Morinth scoffed. "Well, at least we have clarification" she joked.

Boss, however, was not joking, for in the distance he saw what looked like human-sized, bipedal and green skinned lizard people, with elongated heads and brown, leather armor running towards them, numbering in about a hundred, each carrying a wooden spear with a rock tip or a twisted looking, rusted metal sword. With them was about a dozen seven-foot tall lizard people with more yellowish skin with more flat faces and wearing dark blue, insect-like carapace armor and carried sticks with giant rocks tied to the end, acting as a giant hammer. In the middle of the giant crowd was what looked like six, twelve-foot long brown/red stegosauruses with what looked like a catapult on each of their backs, a skinny lizard man manning each one. And heading the pack was what looked like a ten-foot tall muscular lizard man with charred, gray-looking skin and wearing all-black armor, carrying what looked like a double-barreled minigun with a chainsaw under it, with a giant, black battle-axe on his back, and he was riding a black stegosaurus with what looked like… a four-barreled rocket launcher on each side.

One of the rockets fired, the rocket flying to the ship and missing a bewildered Boss's head by mere inches as it hit the ground behind him and exploded, leaving a large crater.

"What in the worlds!?" Morinth gasped as she looked at the crater.

"Hey, what's going on out there?" Kinzie asked, stepping out of the ship.

Boss looked at the group advancing towards them, a shocked look on his face. Then the shocked looked turned into a smirk, then he started chuckling, then it was Morinth's turn to look bewildered as Boss laughed maniacally at the army approaching them, jumping down to ground level.

"May I ask what is so funny about this!?" Morinth demanded, gesturing to the growing blob in the distance.

Boss kept laughing as he pointed to the approaching army. "Morinth, don't you see what is happening? I, am about to fight fuckin' dinosaurs with rockets! Oh my god, this is going to be the most awesome fight ever! It's just like my kindergarten wish-list!" he activated his omni-tool and let his power suit fold onto him, the helmet clicking shut. "Oh, I am so going to record this for Aaron, okay helmet-cam on… okay then!"

"You aren't seriously gonna try this, are you!?" Morinth protested, shaking her head, "they outnumber you ten-to-one!"

"Let's see, power suit?" Boss looked over himself. "Check. Sword?" he released the purple laser sword. "Check. Gun?" he held up one of his purple zin pistols. "Check. A'ight, let's do this!"

Before the two girls could even protest, Boss sprinted off in a purple blur, Kinzie and Morinth sighing.

"He never listens, does he?" Morinth asked.

"No, never" Kinzie had answered, lowering her head.

Running at blazing speeds, Boss laughed as he started playing 'Shoot to Thrill' as he crouched down while running and jumped hundreds off feet in the air, soaring down to the army of lizard men. He threw a fireball, scorching a few as a stegosaurus launched a rock ball at him, Boss flipping over and rocketing off the rock, landing smack dab in the middle of the army, sword and gun out. He cut a few lizard men in half and blocking a hammer from a large one with his arm, aiming behind him and shooting a few lasers, downing some. He telekinetically flung the one he was blocking away and was met with the bull rush of fifty of the lizard men, brandishing their weapons. Most couldn't even scratch his armor as he spun around with his two pistols, firing and spinning at the same time. A large lizard man swung his hammer at Boss's hands and knocked his pistols out, so he took the sword back and weaved around more hammer swings, cutting the lizard in half when he veered behind him, only for another to knock his sword out, the blade melting into the ground.

At this point Boss raised his fists and punched the large lizard into the air, jumping up and slamming him back down, landing on and crushing his head, then zoomed around the battlefield, punching and kicking anyone he saw, most dying in one hit. A stegosaurus rammed him and dragged his body across the battlefield, Boss holding his foot on it's head to stop it, then charged a punch with purple energy and smashed it's head, causing it to explode. He zoomed over to his guns, kicking them up and shooting more lizards, then threw them up and rolled, picking up his sword and slashing more lizards, catching one of his guns and slashing and shooting at the same time, then stabbed his sword into a large lizard and left it there, catching the second pistol and shooting more, holstering them and pulling the sword back out.

Getting bored, Boss activated the electric buffer, frying everyone near him as he stomped around, flinging and killing everyone while he still slashed and shot. His powers turned off finally, and one last brave lizard tried to come and stab him before Boss's fist glowed a gold color and touched the lizard, who was shocked when he instantly became entrapped in what look like gold.

"Midas Touch power, bitch. This suit came preordered" Boss said, poking the statue and causing it to fall down, shattering.

Sighing, Boss clapped his hands free of dust, folding his arms as he looked at the destruction around him, everyone lying dead. "Yep, this is some premium grade-A carnage. Whoa!" he shouted as he dodged to the side, a missile flying by him. He whipped around to see the large, gray and black armored lizard on the black stegosaur, and from the look on his face, the lizard didn't look happy.

"Aw no, were these your boys?" Boss mocked, gesturing to all the dead around him. "Looks like somebody fucked up their shit. Dunno who, looked like a hell of guy, seemed pretty fly in that suit of his. Oh wait…" he pretended to sound shocked as he looked himself over, the gray lizard growing more and more furious.

"That was ME, wasn't it?" he waved his sword in front of his face. "Well, whatcha gonna do about it, pasty-face?"

At this the gray lizard roared in fury, the stegosaur firing all it's missiles at Boss, who caught them all using his telekinesis.

"You dropped these!" Boss laughed, throwing them all at the stegosaur, the explosion tossing it in the air, prompting Boss to jump up to it and slicing it in half, vertically. He and the lizard man dropped to the ground, Gray taking his machine gun out and firing it at Boss.

Boss, seeing the bullets come his way, whistled a tune while he took his omni-tool out, going to the upgrade app. "Okay let's see here, ah bullet resistance, hundred percent. Buy that up for bulletproof armor, and…" he muttered, clicking the 'tool a few times and then putting it away just as the bullets reached him, and to Gray's shock they bounced off of Boss to no avail. The lizard then charged Boss, roaring as he revved up the chainsaw on the gun, and tried to slash Boss with it but again proved fruitless as Boss just cut it lazily in half. Not without a backup, Gray took his last weapon, the large battleaxe, and swung it at Boss, who ducked under it and uppercutted the lizard, sending him flying in the air. Boss jumped up and threw the lizard farther into the air, gliding up to him and wrapping his legs around the lizard's waist, folding his arms and staring at the lizard as they both fell.

"Nice view from up here, huh?" Boss asked as he channeled fire into his fists, then rapidly punched the lizard until they were about a hundred feet from the ground, to which Boss jumped off the lizard, Boss's feet accelerating the lizard and causing him to slam into the ground. To add insult to injury Boss caught the lizard's ace midair and threw it at the lizard, said lizard giving out one last, loud roar followed by a throaty, crackly death rattle as the axe impaled him.

Gliding back to the ship, Boss landed and chuckled a bit, ending the song and the recording, Morinth looking at Boss with a shocked face while Kinzie just sighed, muttering, "showoff" under her breath.

"So, what'd you guys think? Awesome or what?" Boss asked.

"You couldn't have left one alive?" Kinzie scolded, "just once so we could find out what the hell just happened?"

Boss looked back at the battlefield and shrugged. "Meh, looks fine. Plus I never was one much for detail. Anyways, how's the ship going?"

"Good, repairs are going good enough, we're just waiting now for Aaron and his team to get back"

Boss nodded in understanding. "Got it. Wonder where they are anyways?"


"Hey Gat, look. Trees"

"Yeah Aaron, I see the damn trees"

"Okay fine. Um, how about Twenty Questions, I'm thinking of something… brown. And slightly green"

"Trees"

"Yeah! Okay, Eyespy, I spy with my awesome li'l eye… something that is full of leaves"

"Trees!"

"Damn your good" Aaron muttered, mumbling to himself as Gat just sadly shook his head, Tag doing the same. Their group along with Oleg and Randall had been wandering the forest for quite a bit now, and so far they had found nothing in terms of civilization.

Suddenly they heard a scream, all heads turning to see Pierce sprint past them, a T-rex roaring and chasing after him, leaving a trail of devastation behind it.

"… Well we found Pierce at least" Aaron said, everyone nodding.

"Should we… go after him?" Randall asked.

They all looked at each other, all simultaneously saying "naaah" as they continued to explore.


Panting and swearing for his life, Pierce kept running, and running, and running, but was slowly growing more and more out of breath as the T-rex caught up, the Saint ducking into a log as he finally ran out. Heaving heavily, Pierce peeked out of the log to see the T-rex staring intently at him as it raised it's foot, bringing it down.

Pierce screamed as the foot got nearer and nearer, and closed his eyes to await the end. But it never came, and he shakily opened his eyes to see the T-rex looking ahead in shock as it fell to it's side, dozens of spears sticking out of it's side as it gave one last low growl and died.

Confused, Pierce crawled out of the log, poking the dead T-rex and expecting it to shoot back up and bite him, but it never did rise. He heard rustling and looked to the bushes to see three, greenish/brownish raptors run out.

Before Pierce could even jump back into the log, one of the raptors actually spoke in a surprisingly accurate Englishman's accent, asking, "are you alright good sir?"

At this point Pierce had passed out, his body being dragged away.


"Boss, we're back! We found nothing in there by the way- okay then!" Aaron yelled when he saw the condition of the ship, it looked better, but that's not what had shocked him. What shocked him was the humanoid lizard bodies stacked around it.

They heard a thud and looked behind them, Boss dusting himself off as he walked up to them.

"Boss what the hell is this man?" Aaron demanded, gesturing to the bodies.

"It's endgame man, we're stuck here" Boss shook his head. "We were attacked by these things awhile ago so I made a giant effigy to ward them off"

"We're trapped? The ship cannot lift off?" Oleg asked.

"Nah, that'll be covered in a day or two" Boss waved a hand, chuckling slightly, "I'm just saying we're stuck for a couple of days"

"You didn't answer the question" Aaron pointed out.

Tilting his head in confusion, Boss waved his hands to the bodies. "Effigy. Ward off. Native style"

"I mean what the hell are they!" Aaron yelled. He was hoping Boss would pick up the obvious and explain the bodies, and what they were, but Boss was known for steering off topic when it wasn't important.

"Oh, that" Boss opened a video up, showing them a video of him decimating a army of the lizard men. "So basically they shot a rocket at my and I was all 'oh hell naw brah' then I rushed into them with the sword and was all 'swish swish' and then 'stab' and then whipped out the pistol and was all 'pew pew' and it went on like that for awhile than the big guy came up and was all 'rawr' then I owned his ass" the way Boss had explained it to everyone made them all sigh and shake their heads at the method of his explanation, and the lack of seriousness in general. To Boss his explanation made perfect sense.

"So they just shot at you? Unprovoked?" Aaron wanted to make sure that Boss didn't just kill them to say he could kill them.

Known to most Saints Boss, ever since he was twelve, had a list of things he dreamed on killing, ranging from Mexican wrestlers to fairies, leprechauns, werewolves and vampires, aliens, robots, dinosaurs, evil versions of himself, and eye-laser shooting butlers. Aaron had lost all hope when half of these were actually done, and his hope even more shattered when he found out Boss asked Zinjai if he could make the rest.

Well… try anyways. Vampires were a work in progress.

"Look, I know this seemed like a opportunity to fulfill something on the list. Which it was. But they did attack me first, okay?"

"Okay, okay" Aaron waved the matter off.

Walking towards the ship, Boss motioned for all to follow him, the Saints doing so. "You guys find anything in there?" Boss had questioned.

"Found some trees" Aaron reported.

"We know!" Gat and Tag yelled.

Groaning at their antics, Randall added, "we found Pierce being chased by an oversized lizard if that's important"

Boss immediately spun on his heels, looking them all dead in the eyes. "Did you help him?"

The sight of them all looking down on the ground in shame told him all he needed. "Let me get this straight…" he rubbed his temples and groaned a bit, "you saw Pierce. Being chases by a giant lizard. And you didn't help?"

"Well…" everyone said, their eyes darting away from Boss's.

"Fuck all of you, come on, we gotta go save him" Boss ordered, everyone groaning at the thought of going back into forest. Fortunately, they were saved when Kinzie darted out of the ship, yelling, "Boss we have a small problem!"


Pierce groaned, his vision swimmy as he opened his eyes and stood on his feet, stumbling slightly and rubbed his eyes once he looked around. He was in some pristine, white throne room of some sort, behind him being hundreds of the raptors he had seen before he passed out. He seemed to be up a small set of stairs and looked in front of him, reeling when he saw a raptor wearing a crown in a regal purple robe sitting in a gold and jeweled-encrusted throne.

"So, the chosen one," the raptor spoke in a surprisingly clear voice, startling Pierce, "you have finally come"

"Man…" Pierce muttered, "we have GOT to put the secret ingredient out of Saints Flow"

The raptor chuckled in amusement. "No, dear boy, we are not some mere hallucinogenic effect, I assure you we are all quite real. Allow me to introduce myself…" he rose from his throne, bowing. "I am, Cerano. King of the raptors"

"Okay…" Pierce said, nodding slowly, "why do you want me? Your not gonna eat me are you?"

Cerano chuckled heartily. "Heavens no! I had assumed you had known, but apparently it is not so- men, the prophecy!"

Two raptors burst into the throne room, carrying a large, stone slab almost the width of the large room, carvings encased in the stone. Pointing from left to right, Cerano started to explain the carvings in the stone, starting at the left, a picture of raptors and bipedal lizard men.

"Long ago there were two races, the surface dwellers and the underground dwellers. The surface dwellers evolved into a peaceful life, being one with the world and never committing to war. However, the underground dwellers evolved into a violent, war-faring race, wanting nothing more than to take the planet for themselves"

He pointed to the next picture, the raptors and bipedal fighting. "So war was waged against the two species for a hundred and three years, both sides never giving the advantage"

The mural moved to a picture of a shockingly familiar ship crashing down. "But then, a prophecy was foretold that a purple chariot would fall from the heavens, one that would hold heroes of unimaginable power, the chosen one being the first one found"

The mural ended with what looked like the raptors fighting the bipedal again, except with human-looking figures riding the raptors. "It is on this day, chosen one, that you have descended and are to help us defeat the evil horde"

"Okay dude" Pierce stepped away, "say I don't really wanna go with this giant coincidence of yours and just kinda, stay on the sidelines, is that an options"

"If you don't help us the underground dwellers will steal your ship and spread their scourge, it's in the prophecy" Cerano deadpanned.

Blowing air out of his teeth, Pierce lowered his head, then looked back up. "Okay, fuck it, do I get to ride one of you?"

"Yes"

"Fuck it then, let's go"

"That's the spirit!" the King cheered, walking to face his people, who had bowed.

"Friends, brothers… for too long we have lived by the tyranny of the underground dwellers! For years we have been at war, but no more shall we accept it! Tonight, the chosen one has come with his men, and we shall ride out and quell the scourge!" While Cerano was giving his speech Pierce had mounted a raptor. "Tonight, we ride! TO WAR!"

The raptors, invigorated by the speech and the prosperity of ending their long struggle, and rode out in droves by the hundreds, riding off into the battle field.


As the moon rose over the field, droves of hundreds of the bipedal lizards surrounded the ship, the Saints facing them down.

"Boss, you don't look into this" Aaron noted to Boss, who had donned the power suit, the rest of the Saints donning the power armor.

Boss shrugged as he readied his guns. "Meh, already knocked dinosaurs off the list, now it just feels like one of those times you keep killing similar waves of enemies over and over and over again and after awhile it gets really old"

"Yeah, I hear ya" Aaron nodded, readying his sword.

The Saints readied for the onslaught of lizard befalling them, some T-rex's even in the masses, and just as they started to advance of them the trees of the forest rustled.

All heads turned to the forest as whooping was heard, and to the Saints shock out had rode the visage of Pierce… except what was strange was that he was riding a raptor of all things.

"Hell yeah! Cut me out of the main mission, I'm the main character here!" Pierce shouted triumphantly.

"No, your not" Aaron and Boss said at the same time. They worked too hard for the billing and tag lines, damnit, they were the only ones who deserved that title for the sheer amount of people they had killed.

"Fine, fine" Pierce mockingly looked down, then back up. "But I brought backup, baby! Charge!"

With that battle roar, the raptors had poured from the forest, in the hundreds, towards the bipedal lizards, who roared and charged forward.

The Saints all looked at each other and shrugged, charging in as well.

The raptors tore into the lizards, tearing them to shreds as the lizards cleaved them apart with their weapons. A T-rex was about to step on one raptor when it was stopped by a punch to the face by Oleg, his armor enhancing the punch and causing it to fall to the ground. Lizards ran towards Oleg, but a holo-turret popped up, mowing them down, Robert walking by as he sipped some of his coffee in one hand while shooting with another.

"You know we have power armor and guns and these guys are throwing wooden sticks at us, right?" Robert questioned.

"Yes," Oleg answered, "but they have the numbers, remember"

"Screw numbers, we have raptors on our side, this is- half of them are already dead" Robert pointed to Aaron and Boss, killing a majority of the lizards by themselves with their powers, Aaron himself leaving nothing living in his wake.

"… Point" Oleg nodded, and with that the fight continued for about fifteen minutes, the lizards losing ground.


After a admittedly short battle, the lizards had retreated, the raptors celebrating in glory as the Saint converged around the ship. It was finally fixed and preparing to lift off, Pierce and Boss conversing near it.

"So let me get this straight; I do what I'm fucking supposed to do, I get to fight lizards. You launch out like a dumbass and you get to lead and army of raptors"

"That's right!" Pierce grinned.

"Man that's jank, I wanna lead raptors" he looked back at the ship. "Pierce, you know what? I'm done with flipping exploration, no wonder those Relays are closed, there's nothing but death out here. Next time I'ma send some damn drones instead" he walked up the ramp, waving to Pierce. "We're taking off in five, say goodbye"

Turning around, Pierce spotted Cerano walking up to him, Pierce shaking the raptors tiny hand.

"Pierce" the raptor began, "thanks to you we have repelled the forces of darkness, and without you or your friends, we never would have been able to do it. On behalf of all raptors, I thank you"

"Yeah, uh, sure thing" Pierce said, smiling wildly.

"Dude let's go!" Boss yelled, Pierce jumping and running back to the ship. "Until next time, Cerano!" Pierce waved as the ship lifted off.

"Until next time, chosen one!" Cerano waved back, all raptors waving as the ship lifted off.


Sitting in a chair and looking at the planet, Pierce sighed in happiness as the ship flew away. He felt like he had finally done something in life, made a difference. An entire race was winning a war because of him! Oh, how proud his mom would be of him right now…

"Hey Kinzie, this work?" Boss asked behind Pierce.

"Yep!" Kinzie confirmed.

"Good"

And just like that, to the horror of Pierce, a ray had shot out of the ship, hitting the planet and blowing it up. As Pierce stared at the remnants of the planet, mouth agape and eyes wide, Boss walked up to Pierce and put a hand over his shoulder.

"Yeah, Kinzie took some readings, apparently we would have died due to the atmosphere if we stayed there another hour, plus some underground readings read that the man-lizard dug so much half of the surface might cave in soon, so the planet's a no-go. But hey, next time huh?" Boss said, walking away, not knowing the importance that the planet had held to Pierce, who shrieked when he saw Cerano's severed head bang against the window, blasted from the explosion, Pierce wailing as the ship flew it's way home.


A/N- Yeah I'm scrapping the bottom of the barrel with these episodes, I get the feeling their getting more and more ridiculous, but it's Saints Row so that's… good? Bad? After 4 I just don't know. Really sorry this took so long, but some of these I literally have no plan for, so I just improvise as I go. I'll WILL be faster at this writing though!

Also, rented DS2 SoTFS. 'Updated graphics', they turned the hollows green, dammit. I'm not really into the whole fantasy RPG 'wizard this, random dungeon that, slay the elf-whatever this' thing, but I played Bloodborne and loved it, so I thought I'd try the games before it… yeah I don't want to talk about it.

Also, IMPORTANT: okay, about that news I said I would say later, but I just want to get this off my chest now… a long time ago a transpiring writer made a story, it had a few fans but wasn't really that popular so the writer had taken a break from it and wrote another one, which was a lot more popular. But after writing it for a long time, the fans of the other story got mad. REAL mad. So, here's the skivvy… after I'm done with the poll episodes and a bonus episode to wrap it all up, I'm gonna… -sigh- have to take a break from this story to work on the other. I know most if not all of you don't like the other story, it's completely different from this one and it's understandable, but I got fans there too, and it's not fair to them to keep them waiting this long, it feels bad neglecting them, I've had a lot of people begging me to return, I was gonna wait 'till this story was finished but I can't at this point, I'm sorry, but I gotta go back and update that story some. It's not gonna happen now, not until the poll episodes are done, but just a heads up it's gonna happen, it's not fair to them and frankly I could use a change of pace in a different style in writing for awhile, so there. My mind's made up. I'm sorry, I will return when I leave, but it must be done. I hope you all understand.

Also, we hit 50 reviews. Woot. Keep on reviewing, no matter what. Cya.