She couldn't sleep.
Natasha stared at the wall in front of her, warm in James's arms with his hand on her belly feeling the nearly six months along baby kicking at her as she replayed the day's events in her head.
Things had happened so quickly.
They hadn't expected Tony and Steve for at the very least another few days and when Tony appeared in the portal room, convulsing on the floor the scientists around him had all hurried to test him for various things after he was sedated.
She remembered seeing Tony's face when he saw her and not Steve looking back at him and her heart hurt remembering.
James's warm breath was on the back of her neck as he sighed. "Go to sleep, lapochka."
She shook her head. "I can't. I…my poor Tony."
James stiffened against her and she turned, touching his face. "Oh James, I am so sorry. Steven…he…"
He looked away and she pulled his face towards her, making him meet her eyes.
"Steve isn't dead, he's just…lost," he whispered, his eyes filled with tears.
She kissed him and whispered, "He will find his way back to Tony, I know he will."
James sighed and she hugged him, burying her face in his chest.
He ran a hand through her hair and said, "I hope so, 'tasha. God I sure as hell hope so."
Tony woke the next morning, rolling over to kiss Steve's neck when he opened his eyes and remembered the night before.
He began crying again, not making noise just staring out the window.
"Um…hi."
He didn't look up, though he knew it was Clint.
The blonde walked around so he could see him. "Oh Tony, I'm so sorry."
"I know."
Clint moved to touch him and then stopped himself. "Your father…"
Tony looked up. "Is a brilliant man, but if a machine that he made is acting up and he doesn't know why, how can he fix it?"
Clint sighed. "Tony maybe…"
Tony rolled over and stared at the ceiling. "He's gone, Clint. My dad doesn't remember him ever leaving 1943 and he was there. Unless Steve somehow grows a genius IQ in the span of a few days or a miracle happens…he's gone. And I might as well kill myself and get it over with."
"Tony NO! Steve wouldn't…he…"
Tony sat up and turned to look at him before he screamed, "STEVE'S GONE!"
Clint moved towards him. "Tony…"
"DON'T TOUCH ME! DON'T…" he threw his legs off the bed and tried to stand again, falling to the ground and screaming.
"Tony, what's…WHY CAN'T HE STAND?"
The doctors all came around him and Tony tried to stand, but couldn't. He looked at Clint and whispered, "I can't feel my legs."
Howard Stark watched his son work with worry, but said nothing just handing Tony whatever he asked for and stepping back to watch.
The doctors had surmised that because Tony had been able to move his legs when he arrived he should eventually be able to move them again but Howard knew his son was not optimistic and working out of a wheelchair was fast becoming second nature to him nearly two months later. Tony didn't seem very distressed by his predicament since the singular goal now in his life seemed to be Steve Rogers's return.
The portal was temperamental sometimes taking in their experiments and other times not so much but still they worked, hours and hours on end to no avail.
Nick Fury seemed to be avoiding Tony, Howard noticed, watching from afar and hiding whenever Tony looked his way though not once had Tony asked after Nick since his return. Howard knew his son would attack the man if they came face to face.
The two of them worked together but alone, as Tony was so angry at anyone who helped develop the machine but him they weren't able to be in the same room as his son without being verbally abused to the point that several analysts had run from the lab in tears never to return.
Still, after all this time, they had no answers.
It was late in March when for the first time since his return Howard saw his son come alive again.
The day had been spent with calculations and experimentations, like every other before it, but as the clock was headed towards midnight he said, "Tony I think we should call it a night."
Tony looked at him. "You can go. I'm…I'm fine."
Howard sighed. "You need to sleep, kid. You…you need to be strong enough to stand again for…"
Tony dropped the metal plating he'd been working on and laughed bitterly, "Stand? I'm not gonna stand again Howard, we both know that. Whatever is in this fucking machine broke me in EVERY way and I'm gonna dismantle it after we get Steve back but for now there is nowhere else I need to be."
Howard sighed, feeling his joints ache. He was almost 89, though he didn't look it sometimes on nights like this he felt every year. He touched Tony's back and said, "Kid, you need to sleep."
Tony crumbled in on himself, closing his eyes. "Dad, I…I can't. I…it's too hard to sleep without him."
Howard leaned down and hugged Tony's back whispering, "I know how you feel, son, but Steve would want you to be healthy. C'mon."
Tony put down his work, sighing before turning and then stopping dead in his tracks just staring at something behind Howard.
The older man turned and saw Natasha standing across the room alone, her hand on her belly.
Tony swallowed before continuing on, speeding up and trying to pass her but Natasha stood in front of his chair. "Look at me, my Tony."
He didn't look up and Howard looked at her, beautifully fierce in her tears.
"You will not speak to me and I would like to know why this is."
Tony still would not meet her eyes.
"Antonia will need her uncle when she comes, my Tony, and I…I have missed you very much since you've been away…I…"
Tony looked up then, tears on his face. "Natasha, please. Just leave me alone."
She shook her head. "No, I…I know James and I remind you of Steven, I know this. I…I am so sorry, but I…I miss you. I want to help."
Tony shook his head. "You can't."
"Tony I…," anything else that she could have said was cut off as she collapsed on top of him, landing sprawled across his chair.
"Natasha?" he shook her, "NATASHA!"
It took moments for his son to emerge just as he remembered him, determined and loyal, fierce and protective, yelling for the doctors and barking orders like the Stark he was, following the doctors as they wheeled Natasha down the hall. When Bucky arrived Tony explained quickly what had happened while never taking his eyes off of her.
After the monitors were put on and Natasha woke, Tony on one side and James on the other, she burst into tears and Tony kissed her cheek apologizing and all three of spoke for hours after while neither man left her side all night.
Howard came in the next morning to find his son sound asleep, his hand clenched tightly in hers and Natasha was wide awake smiling. "Hello Mister Stark," she whispered.
Howard smiled. "You're looking well."
She nodded. "Antonia is very healthy, I just did not eat much the past few days I…I worry," she said, looking at Tony, "He is wasting away, my poor Tony."
Howard sighed, his smile vanishing. "I just wish…"
"Yes," she squeezed Tony's hand staring at him with a frown, "I do as well."
He left them and went back down to the lab, determined to get things right this time but stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes wide.
"Steve?"
Steve Rogers lie sprawled on the floor in front of the portal, eyes closed and pale. Howard ran to his side, shaking his shoulder. "Steve, STEVE!"
The other man suddenly sat up, gasping and grabbing Howard's shoulders. "TONY! WHERE IS TONY!"
Howard laughed, tears on his face as he threw his arms around Steve's shoulders.
"You have no idea how happy I am to see you, Rogers!"
"Howard, where…wait, you…" Steve pushed him back and stared up at him, "You did it. You're here."
Howard smiled. "Yes, my friend, I'm here. And you're lucky all of the doctors ran up after Natasha or they'd be all over you. C'mon, there's someone you need to see."
He was moving.
Tony stirred, moving around and mumbling, "Tired."
"I know," came the whisper that woke him up instantly, and when he did he thought he was still asleep.
"Steve?"
Steve leaned in and kissed him slowly, softly, before pulling back, "I missed you."
Tony laughed, tears on his face as he grabbed Steve's neck and kissed him deeply tasting every inch of his lover's mouth and when they pulled apart he didn't let go.
"Tell me I'm awake, just tell me…"
Steve pinched him and he yelped, kissing the blonde again running his hands through Steve's hair and when they pulled apart again he asked, "Why are you carrying me?"
Steve smiled and whispered, "Because I want to."
Tony saw they were close to their room and he pressed himself into Steve's neck, breathing him in. "God, tell me again that this is real."
"I'm here, Tony," Steve whispered, pressing his own face into Tony and breathing deep, "I missed your smell."
The door opened at Steve's fingerprint and Tony lifted his head the same time Steve did, nearly bumping heads as they kissed again. Steve set him down on the bed and began moving from his mouth to Tony's chin making the other man laugh.
"You're obsessed with it," he whispered, tears still on his face.
Steve looked up and then touched Tony's cheek. "Tell me."
Tony looked away.
"Tony…"
"I woke up and couldn't…I can feel everything but my legs. The doctor…"
Steve kissed his cheek and whispered, "They didn't try Bucky or Natasha's…?"
Tony shook his head. "They did, but…it didn't work like yours did. Russian DNA sequences, maybe some faulty…"
Steve looked at him, running his hand through Tony's hair before whispering, "I'm here now and we can try my blood in the morning."
"I don't care if I ever walk again, Steve. You're here."
Tony reached out to touch his face and saw that Steve had some very light facial hair.
"Too busy to shave?"
Steve smiled. "I've been trying to get back to you. Every minute of every single day. I…"
"How?"
Steve frowned. "It…well it's…complicated."
Tony frowned. "Complicated?"
Steve took Tony's hand and kissed it before whispering, "I…we…sort of made a new one?"
He reached into his pocket and set it on the bed.
Tony stared at the device that was similar to the other that Nick had provided but a bit bigger and with a shiny new accessory.
"Dad's fancy blue glowy stuff?"
Steve smiled. "Howard tore the comm apart trying to figure it out and I…suggested using the blue glowy stuff and now…I'm here."
Tony pushed the comm off the bed and Steve lifted him so they were laying the proper way, staring at each other in silent appreciation. Steve kissed his hand again and whispered, "Howard told me that you…were…that you…were very determined to bring me home."
Tony leaned in close and kissed him again, running his fingers across the stubble on Steve's face before pulling back and whispering, "I couldn't be here without you. I don't want to be anywhere without you, ever again."
Steve nodded, tears flowing as he whispered his voice thick with emotion, "When you were gone I…I thought you'd been vaporized or…it was so…I couldn't…"
Tony ran his hand up the inside of Steve's shirt, his fingers brushing across Steve's abs making the other man shiver. "I'm here now. Nothing will tear us apart from each other again, not time, not…ex-girlfriends or boyfriends," Steve laughed, "…not even each other," he kissed the edge of Steve's chin.
"Tony, I need to…can I…?" Steve said so softly that Tony would not have heard it if they weren't so close.
Tony kissed his bottom lip and pulled his head back, raising an eyebrow. "You think you even have to ask?"
Steve kissed him again, unbuttoning Tony's shirt as he did and when his chest was exposed he ran his hands over the other man's chest pulling back and frowning when he felt the change in his lover's physique. "Tony…"
Tony blushed, looking down. "It's nothing I…"
Steve pushed his chin up and made their eyes meet. "I missed you too," he whispered, kissing the other man and pulling his shirt off of his shoulders.
Tony grabbed his cheeks as they kissed and Steve fumbled with Tony's belt finally tearing it and his buttons as well, pulling down his lover's pants with a desperate anxiousness that had his hands shaking and breath coming out in gasps.
Tony couldn't move his legs but he lifted his hips as Steve touched him through his briefs, moaning. "Jesus, baby please just…" he whined, his voice catching as he begged.
Steve had tears on his face and he kissed up Tony's legs, making the other man shake his head. "No, don't…I can't…"
The blonde looked up at him and whispered, "I want to," stopping at his briefs and pulling with all of his strength and he licked his lips when the fabric ripped.
Tony threw his head back and begged, "Steve, please," moaning as Steve kissed passed his hardness and up his chest to his lips.
Steve licked at his mouth, teasing just enough and rubbing against Tony's hardness through his own clothes making the brunette groan as he denied him.
"Steve please…I need you!"
Steve sat up, pulling off his t-shirt and pants, leaning over Tony in his underwear and nothing else. Tony stared at him with barely open eyes, the desire echoing back at him making Steve harder as he waited.
"I feel like…it's been forever," Steve whispered, licking his lips again.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: The scene I wrote as was is against the site's guidelines so I've posted it to my LJ and the editor for the site will not allow me to post a link though there is one in my author profile. My LJ name is kinneytaylor. There will be MANY scenes in this story I will have to do the same to, but I don't want to try and CENSOR them INTO SOMETHING MORE tame so this will have to do. Sorry.
They lay nude in each other's arms with nothing but skin to cover them, listening to their heavy breathing until Tony whispered, "We're really good at that, aren't we?"
Steve laughed, kissing the back of his neck. "Yes we are, always have been."
Tony turned his head and kissed him before declaring, "I think you get off on me begging."
Steve blushed, not meeting his eyes. "No, I don't. I just…"
Tony laughed, kissing him and whispering, "It's okay, Steve, as frustrating as it is I think I get off on it too which makes me a masochist but at least I have my favorite sadist to torture me whenever I want. Don't I?"
Steve wouldn't look at him as he whispered, "Not a…I'm not a sadist. I would never…I'd never hurt you deliberately, I'm not…"
Tony shook his head and put his fingers under Steve's chin to make him look up. "I'm not saying we're one of those weird leather riding crop handcuffs people I'm just…telling you I like it even if I get mad and tell you I don't."
Steve blushed and whispered, "Okay," kissing him and taking Tony's hand, staring at it before kissing his fingers.
Tony closed his eyes and Steve did the same before a minute later the brunette said, "I'm cold and now the blanket is all sticky."
Steve laughed and said, "Too bad we don't have a butler who could bring us one. We could call your dad."
Tony moaned. "Oh god, it wasn't bad enough all the shit he saw in the past now he's gotta see this. Nope. Not gonna happen. I guess I'll just get hypothermia and…"
There was a knock at the door and both men looked at each other before Steve got up, pulling on his pants and walking to open the door.
On the floor in the hall was a blue comforter and he picked it up, closing the door behind him and turning to show Tony who just groaned again.
"Goddamnitt. He's got cameras in here, doesn't he?"
Steve laughed. "At the very least bugs to hear us talking," he looked around, "Nick?"
No one answered and Steve took off his pants, climbing back in bed and covering them with the blanket before turning off the light. He wrapped his arms around Tony and whispered, "I've never felt more at home than I do with my arms around you."
Tony whispered, his voice thick with emotion, "You always know the perfect thing to say don't you?" he turned his head and they kissed.
"It's the truth," Steve whispered, kissing him again.
Tony turned in his arms as best he could so they were looking at each other in the dark. Steve felt tears on his chin when Tony said softly, "You've been my home since the minute we met. You know that, right? When I thought I'd never…when you were gone…I…I can't do this again, Steve. I'm not sure I can survive it."
Steve kissed his forehead. "Then I guess we'll have to stay together forever then, won't we?"
He knew Tony was smiling as their toes touched under the covers and the last thing Steve heard as he fell asleep were the words, "I guess so."
