Juliet's heart plummeted. James! The gun she was holding dropped from her now nerveless fingers.
There was a silence that stretched unendingly.
Sawyer stood frozen, too shocked to move and fully comprehend his dire circumstances. In a second Jack dropped his pack and had Sawyer laying flat on the ground. "Juliet, I need your help! Daryl, hold him down."
We're not going to lose you, James. Jack thought to himself as he quickly worked.
Jack used his belt as a tourniquet, while Juliet held his injured arm onto the grass and Daryl braced Sawyer's upper chest. The sharp razor edged blade of his military knife was now grazing the flesh a couple of inches above Sawyer's wrist, Jack looked at him.
In a quiet and controlled voice, Jack told him, "I'm sorry. "
Sawyer's agonizing and torturous screams echoed over the group while Daryl struggled to hold the strong man down. With disbelieving eyes, Claire staggered backwards with her hands covering her ears while Aaron was nestled in the baby bjorn.
Kate tried to comfort herself by hugging her arms across chest, but absolutely nothing could buffer the sounds of Sawyer's horrific shrieks while Jack worked his way through the flesh and bone.
When it was done, Juliet tenderly bandaged his lower arm.
This is not fair. She thought.
Sawyer was blank-faced, white as a bedsheet. He looked as if all the blood had been drained out of his body along with the removal of his hand. Juliet wrapped herself behind him and stroked his stubbled cheek with the back of her fingers.
"Shhhh. You're gonna be alright James. I promise. You're gonna be fine." Juliet whispered over and over into his ear while she held him.
Using an old t-shirt, Jack began the task of trying to wipe away the massive amount of blood that was splattered all over his hands, arms and chest. His heart was beating a mile a minute and his breathing was heavy from the adrenaline that coursed through his veins. Kate approached him.
"Is Sawyer going to be okay?" Her voice choked on the words and her hand shook as she brought it to cover her mouth. Kate fought the urge to cry, she didn't have the right to.
"I don't know. I hope I managed to amputate his hand before it had a chance to spread. But we'll know for sure within a few hours."
Kate turned to stare bleakly at Sawyer. He looked nearly passed out from the shock and pain.
Still wide-eyed from performing the emergency procedure, Jack looked around before announcing, "We need to find some shelter for a few days. Sawyer is going to need to rest and heal a bit before we can travel again."
Dull and red-eyed with fatigue, they made their way through the woods until they found a small abandoned farm that was surrounded by pine trees and a worn looking cattle fence. The property looked dismal with its ramshackle barn and sagging telephone wires. Yet, despite its surroundings, the large and old house itself was rather well maintained and looked like it had not been lived in since the crisis began.
Once they had confirmed that the house was empty and safe, Jack and Daryl helped ease Sawyer onto an empty bed. For Jack, the shock had begun to wear off and his usual calibrated mind adjusted, trying to plan for the worse. He checked the dressing on a nearly passed out Sawyer one more time before leaving the room.
Jack walked into the living room and sat next to Kate.
Alex asked, "So what do we do now?"
"We wait." Jack said solemnly.
Jack could hear everyone breathing - measured and quiet breaths that came and went with eerie regularity. They were all thinking the same thing - was Sawyer going to be okay? Or would his body fall victim to the virus and turn? The large room suddenly felt close and stuffy.
"You can all go and rest, if you like. I can take the first shift with Sawyer," Jack said to the group.
"Nah, man. I want to do it," Daryl said, turning his head and fixing Jack with a misty gaze. Jack nodded, understanding Daryl's need to handle this, should there be a downward turn of events.
"Kate, Alex can you help me look for some tools - a hammer and nails, I'm going to try and board up the shutters outside. Try to barricade this house a bit."
Upstairs, Jack stood from the door and looked at Kate consideringly while she sat in a windowsill in one of the bedrooms. She was eating pears from a can balanced on her lap as she looked outside watching the sun dip in the horizon. She looked beautiful, pensive and … sad. Undoubtedly, she was blaming herself for Sawyer, Jack thought.
The floorboard squeaked under the weight of his step and the sound made her turn her head.
"Jack."
"Hey, why aren't you downstairs with the others?" He walked over to her and then tentatively placed the flat of his large palm on the space in between her shoulder blades.
"You know why." She tried to hold it in, but a detectable whimper floated from her mouth.
"Kate -"
"Jack, it's my fault that we went back to get the rounds, if I hadn't done that -"
"Kate, stop it. I mean it now. You can't keep blaming yourself for the bad things that are happening around us. We are all in this together. A year ago, would you ever contemplate that this would be our existence? Of course not. So please Kate, you need to stop thinking that you're at fault. This virus is to blame. Not you."
She released a half-smile of resignation, knowing that there was no point in trying to belabor this with him. She felt so guilty and, worse, she felt afraid. She couldn't cope with the thought of losing Jack or anyone else. No, she would make sure that nothing like this would happen again. They would all make it to Vermont together, she would make sure of it.
He looked down at her hands, and tipped his chin, "So how were they?"
Kate followed his stare and her eyes rested on the can sitting on her thigh. "A little metallic tasting, but it sure beats powdered soup or granola bars. Here have some -"
Before he had a chance to decline, she had pushed a juicy slice into his open mouth. And, she was right, it did taste better than what they have been subsisting on for the last few weeks. Canned fruit was now a luxury.
A silence settled between them, as it usually did lately when they were engaged in this awkward dance between intimacy … guilt … fear. Guilt for feeling a certain pleasure in each other's company when so many around them were suffering. Fear that it can all be gone in an instant.
Kate placed her hand at Jack's sternum, her eyes settling on the dark patches on the cotton of his t-shirt, still damp with sweat from his work fortifying the first floor of the house.
"The shower works. The water is ice cold and I suffered through it. But it's a shower. I left a bar of soap on the ledge."
His eyes crinkled in the corners and Jack grinned, "Is that a hint that I need to take one?"
She shook her head "No."
He bit his bottom lip and smiled, "Maybe a little later."
Kate was lying on her side, sound asleep, as he eased himself next to her on the bed. He had spent half the night with Sawyer and just as he feared, he was developing a fever. He didn't believe that it was a sign of the virus. In that regard, Jack thought Sawyer was out of the woods … thank god. If he was infected, he would have turned by now, but Jack left Juliet with him and as an added precaution, they tied his uninjured arm down to the bed. But Jack knew an infection resulting from the amputation could prove to be dangerous as well. With a little luck, Sawyer could hopefully fight his way through it.
He rubbed his tired eyes and sighed. Didn't they deserve a little good fortune?
Still shivering with a chill he got from the ice cold shower he just took, he drew her close to him, spooning her from behind, trying to warm up and absorb some of the body heat she radiated. It felt good to have her close like this again, he could even feel some of his anxiety and tension dissipate because of her nearness. She stirred and found her head pressed against a bare masculine shoulder smelling of soap. She released a tiny moan and instinctually pushed her back and bottom into him, her soft curves grazing up against certain firmer parts of him making him acutely aware of how easily she could work him up and how sexy she was … making him aware of how long it has been … making him aware of how much he wanted her to help relieve some of the pent up stress. They haven't had a moment alone like this since they left the camp. He missed her.
Jack began to kiss her neck with soft biting lips, that used no teeth, while his hand snaked around to trace the outline of her breasts over her shirt until her breath came shortly. He held her even closer to him and murmured "Kate" against her curls, his voice sounding muffled and deep. His breathing was shallow, his strokes grew more deliberate as his fingers inched down to her belly and then towards their intended target. Half asleep, Kate sighed almost teasingly, enjoying the intimate touches before her body stiffened, her consciousness recalling yesterday's events … her mind now flooded with guilt for the man suffering down the hall.
Recognizing the signs of his growing desire, she clamped her hand onto his and brought it to her abdomen while holding it firmly there and lacing her fingers with his. Kate's clear signal, that there would be no making love tonight. Kate could practically feel his letdown that was mixed with frustration, the way his body tensed and hovered slightly, as if still hopeful that she may change her mind. Part of her told her to give in, and let him have some much deserved pleasure, but she couldn't get past the idea that it wasn't fair or right for them to experience any enjoyment after what she caused.
Disappointed and almost confused, he lifted his mouth from the pulse of her neck just before laying a chaste kiss on her cheek. He rolled over and shifted his position so he could lie on his back. While releasing a deep exhale, for a brief second, he contemplated going back to the bathroom to take another shower.
Jack had gotten up pretty early, leaving Kate to rest, so that he could check up on Sawyer. He found Juliet already there at his bedside, wiping the sweat from his face and neck. Had she been there all night? He wondered. He had to do some pretty good bargaining to get her to pull herself away. Twenty minutes later, they were on the porch of the farmhouse, face-to-face.
"We need meds." Jack said.
"Yeah, and lots of 'em. Pain meds, antibiotics…" Juliet rambled. Jack could read the concern in his best friend's face. She was troubled, exhausted, and that couldn't be good for the baby. She had began to really lean on and care for James, more than she thought she was ready for, and more than she was ready to admit.
Jack sat a comforting hand over her shoulder. "He'll be okay."
"You don't know that." She said, close to tears at this point.
"Yes, I do. He hasn't turned and his fever isn't out of our control…yet. We're not gonna lose anyone else." Jack's voice rang with determination and stubbornness as he walked over to his pack. He zipped it up and pulled the straps over his shoulder.
"What are you doing?" Juliet asked.
"I'm gonna go get what he needs. There was a road about a mile that way," he pointed. "If I go now, I'll have enough daylight to find some buildings, maybe even a pharmacy."
"I'll go with you." Daryl said, catching Jack and Juliet's attention from his position in the yard. The guilt was bleeding from his eyes and truth be told, Jack could use the help and the back-up.
Jack nodded, signaling for Daryl to get ready to go. He walked over to Claire, who held tightly to Aaron. He took a few seconds to explain to her what was happening. Her only reply was to caress his face with her free palm and press a loving kiss to his lips. He brought a gentle hand around the ball of Aaron's head.
Kate, who sat by Sawyer's bedside with Alex close by, overheard Jack talking about going to look for meds. She hastily moved towards the sound of his voice, breaking through the screen door before he could leave. She caught his forearm, which caused him to turn. Juliet moved back into the house, back to Sawyer, where she knew she needed to be.
"Hey. You leaving?" Kate asked.
"Yeah, Sawyer needs meds, and fast. If that wound gets infected, there's not much more we can do." Jack pulled his handgun from the holster.
"Okay, then I'm going with you."
"No. I'm taking Daryl. I need you to stay here, keep a look out for walkers." Jack explained as he checked the magazine, and then slammed it back into the handle. "You're a better shot than Juliet, but don't tell her I said that." His attempt at making her smile had failed miserably. She still felt guilty. He could see it in her eyes, and he knew it was the reason why she didn't give into his advances last night.
She was only trying to help, to carry what she felt was her share of the load, but had ended up forcing them to double back for the supplies that they couldn't afford to leave behind. It was an honest mistake, and he wished that she would give herself a break about it, but after the blame she wore after Shane and the danger they found themselves in after leaving the base, he knew that was asking for a lot.
Kate brushed an errant curl from her eyes. "I think I'll be more helpful with you and Daryl. It wouldn't hurt to have an extra gun. I could—"
Jack set his jaw, readying himself for a disagreement. "Kate."
"I have to do something." She insisted.
Jack took her hand into his. "I'm asking you to do something, to protect the rest of the group."
Juliet was pregnant. Claire had Aaron. Sawyer was down for the count and Alex was just a kid. Kate was the only one who could actually think and move fast enough to get them out of harm's way if need be. There was no telling how long he and Daryl would be gone, and what kind of trouble they would get mixed up in. He needed her to do what he was asking. Why couldn't she understand that?
He gently lifted her chin and laid a light kiss to her soft lips. "I'll be right back. I promise." He turned to Daryl, who waited at the tree-line, counting his arrows and checking the mechanics of his bow. He would kill anything that got in the way of him helping his friend.
Kate watched as Jack and Daryl walked off, disappearing into the labyrinth of leaves and brush.
Jack and Daryl trekked in silence.
Jack was deep in thought, making a mental checklist of what he needed for Sawyer. Anything with the suffix –cin or -cillin would be strong enough for the antibiotics. The pain meds would be trickier, but beggars couldn't be choosers. Whatever he found, he would take.
Jack watched Daryl in his peripheral vision. He hadn't said a word since they left. He wasn't particularly a man of many words, but at this point, words failed him completely.
"It wasn't your fault." Jack said without turning to him.
Daryl continued his usual stride, readjusting his crossbow in his hands, ready to aim and shoot. "My arrow, my fault." If he hadn't been so cocky, if he had taken a few seconds, Sawyer would be okay.
"Sawyer's gonna live." Jack assured him.
"No thanks to me." Daryl said.
"Hey." Jack stopped in his tracks, forcing Daryl to do the same. "You decided to come on this trek, man, which means whatever we do find to help him, is on you too."
Daryl's shoulders slumped as he let the tension ease, but it was still evident that he was holding onto it, to the image of his friend screaming, in pain, with his arrow through his hand. "You think he'll blame me? That he'll hate me?"
"I think he'll hate me more for cutting it off." Jack had a feeling that Sawyer would rather be dead than suffer through a handicap, especially in this brave new world. It left him at a disadvantage and he knew Sawyer well enough to know that it would not be an easy adjustment.
"What about Kate?" Daryl asked. Jack gave him a look that indicated he didn't know what he was getting at, so he continued. "I heard you two talkin' last night."
Jack rubbed a hand over his short hair, letting out a long sigh. "After Shane, the guilt she felt about leaving the base, and now this, I don't know how much more she can take."
"She's strong, tough." Daryl said with a nod and a small, warm smile. "She'll get through it."
Daryl spoke with such confidence and affection for Kate. Jack appreciated that there was someone else looking out for her. He saw how close they had become, like brother and sister. They were kindred in a way. They had the same idea about Shane's camp and Harmony. She could get along with and relate to almost anyone. It was one of the many reasons why he felt the way he did about her.
Jack was finding that he and Daryl were sharing in a friendship of their own. He wasn't sure how to feel about him in the beginning. He looked like trouble, from Jack's perspective, but he was glad to have been wrong. Daryl was a dependable, capable, kind man. He wasn't lazy, always willing to do what he could to take care of everyone, especially Claire, who had awakened this lighter side of him.
"So will you." Jack gave him a friendly pat on the shoulder, before continuing on.
They walked on a few more yards when this putrid, rotting smell lifted in the air, causing Jack and Daryl to cough and take cover. Jack brought a hand towel up to cover his mouth and nose as he looked around, stepping up to what appeared to be decaying flesh.
"What the hell is that?" Daryl balked, covering his nose with his forearm, stalking to and fro behind Jack, who bent down to check.
"Looks like cattle that got away from the farm." Jack said from his perch.
"Well, it ain't that far." The walkers had eaten it down to the bone in most places. Daryl looked to the left, and could see a clearing in the distance. They moved the rest of the way and discovered the pavement of an abandoned back road.
"This the road you were talkin' about?" Daryl asked.
Jack nodded as he looked around. "Yeah. There has to be something up this way." He started to walk, leaving Daryl to follow, a question written all over his face.
"This way? How do you know?"
Jack's eyes darted to and fro, prepared for any threat to their safety. "As a pilot, I developed this eerie sense of direction. I always knew which way to go to get us out of trouble."
Daryl noticed that Jack used the word us, and he wasn't even aware of it. "You and Rick?"
There was a moment before Jack spoke, his emotions caught up in the sudden question, and the realization of what he just said. The very sound of his name filled him with sadness. He missed him so much. There was no more us, he reminded himself. "Yeah, me and Rick."
Jack rolled the sadness from his shoulders, and readying himself for the task at hand, for whatever they were walking into.
"Lets do this."
Kate sat on the steps of the porch. She was tying the laces of her boots, her hair now in a long, messy braid over her shoulder. She straightened, and checked the bullets in her gun, making sure to check her bag for more ammo. The very image of the small box reminded her of her part in Sawyer's pain, in what was added to this loss.
She stood and turned back to the house as she pulled her pack on.
"Going somewhere?" Kate heard coming from the house. She looked up to see Juliet standing on the other side of the screen door.
"After Jack and Daryl. If I leave now, I can catch up."
Juliet moved toward her. "Kate, I don't think that's such a good idea."
Kate refused to look up at her, so she busied herself with adjusting her belt buckle. "I can't just sit here while Sawyer gets worse."
"Kate, please stay. Jack is a trained SEAL. Daryl is a hunter. They're armed and they're on a mission. They'll be fine." Juliet pleaded, but she knew that there was nothing she could say that would change Kate's mind. Those green eyes looked up at her stubbornly, determined. She was going.
All she offered in returned was a small grin. Her body was angled towards the forest nearby.
"I'll see you soon, Juliet."
Daryl leaned into the brick wall of what felt like the umpteenth building they'd searched, using a small knife to peel slices from an apple. Jack was right. The direction he chose led them to a scattered set of buildings. It looked like the downtown square of a rural city. The heat of the sun beat wildly against his face as he chewed restlessly.
He had given up before Jack, who was still inside, rummaging through the remains carefully. He was suddenly startled by a loud crash, with Jack's voice following in a wild echo.
'Shit!'
He emerged soon after. He looked frustrated and tired. They had been at it for hours and hadn't found anything of use. He knew it wouldn't have been easy, but nothing? Not even an old prescription pill bottle with one capsule inside. How was that possible?
Jack reined his anger in, but Daryl knew that this was becoming a sick and cruel game to him.
"We haven't checked 'em all yet." Daryl reminded Jack, who paced a hole into the pavement of the driveway they were standing in. He stilled for a second, forcing himself to regroup.
Jack took a deep breath to calm his temper. "Okay."
He checked out their surroundings. There was more road ahead. So, they kept moving, and finally came across a stand-alone shack of some kind. Jack and Daryl quickly fell into a formation, making sure the coast was clear of any threat.
Jack found the door, and discovered that it was the only way both in and out of the place. His large hand gestured to the lock. "It's pad-locked."
"This is somebody's spot," Daryl offered, looking around, "or it could have been locked up all this time, even before the outbreak."
"I doubt it." Jack said, pulling at the barred, locked door. "Every building in this area is open for the kill and swiped clean. Whatever is in there, it's not trash."
Daryl turned, on the watch for walkers, when he asked, "What do you want to do?"
"Get in there, and take a look around." Jack said without missing a beat. He had a feeling that what they needed was in there, or maybe he was just tired of this being a bust and wanting so badly for it to be. Daryl understood that Jack knew what this meant. They were about to break into someone's fortress, which only added to the danger of the situation. There was no telling if there was someone inside.
Sawyer needed this, and there was no way they were going back to the farm empty-handed.
"Back up." Jack instructed. Daryl took a few steps back, watching as he shot off a few rounds, the lock splintered into pieces.
"After you open this door to let me through, you stay out here, keep a look out."
"Got it." Daryl nodded.
"You ready?" Jack asked.
Daryl nodded, taking position by the door and gripping the knob, while Jack stood on the other side, his handgun at the ready for as soon as he stepped inside. Daryl counted down from three to one, throwing the door open, and letting Jack rush in with the precision of the career Navy SEAL that he was. It was obvious to Daryl that this wasn't Jack's first time crossing into enemy territory unannounced.
He scanned the room, and wherever his eyesight took him, the barrel of his gun followed, tightly held between his two steady hands. His eyes adjusted to the musty, dimly lit space as he walked around, clearing each room of any threat. There was junk all over the place, looted materials of all kinds. Jack was looking for meds. That was all he needed, and it would be all he took.
He entered one of the rooms, and quickly made out the label on the side of one of the many boxes. A medical supply company logo he recognized from his time in the infirmary on the base was printed on the side. Jackpot, he thought. Whoever stashed this stuff hit the motherload from wherever they ransacked the supplies from. He was guessing that the looters found a few medical offices and took whatever they could carry from their supply stock, because a good majority of the materials were still in their original packaging.
Medical bandages, gauze, dressings, tape, swabs, sponges, and burn dressings, surgical sutures, staples, and removal kits were all lined up. Boxes upon boxes of generic-brand medications sat on the other side of the room. Everything from coded bottles of antibiotics, aspirin, pain medication, pills for blood pressure, hypertension, allergies, and so on. It was all there. Whatever medical building they hit up had a fully-stocked pharmacy as well.
Jack, now smiling his relief, bent down, and with his large pack wide open began to fill it with everything he could get his hands on. He knew that he was stealing, taking care of his own by taking from others. He had no idea whose stash this was and what they were doing with it. All he knew was that Sawyer needs help and here were the supplies that would help him, any of them if anyone else got seriously injured. There was no way the person or people stashing this could use it all. He was doing what needed to be done.
Daryl kept watch by the door. He heard the familiar snarling of a walker nearby and waited for it to come closer before he shot an arrow through its eye, taking the walker out in seconds. When he walked over to retrieve his arrow, the steeled tip of a hand gun's barrel jammed into the underside of his ear.
"Don't you fucking move, asshole." The voice was male, scratchy, Southern and very angry. Daryl froze while another guy came around, his gun pointed at his chest.
"Drop the bow and arrow." When Daryl didn't comply, he yelled it. "Drop it!"
He had no choice but to let it fall to the ground, "Now put your hands up!"
Daryl slowly brought his hands into the air as another guy rounded him, edging the total to three. Daryl picked up on the dynamic instantly. He was unarmed, looked like someone of authority to the other two. He had been around enough of their kind before, to know what he was dealing with.
"I take it you guardin' the door while your friends are in there stealin' our shit." The leader said, spitting into the grass before stepping up to get in Daryl's face. "Itn't that right?"
Daryl didn't say a thing. He was eyeing the guy's movements carefully, the way he walked, how his hands swung at his side when he did so. He was hostile and would no doubt kill him and Jack after he had his fun.
"How many are with you? Huh?" The leader asked. Daryl just stared at him, his eyes vacant of any emotion. The sharp jab to his gut forced the air out of his lungs as he crumpled to the ground, groaning in pain. The leader bent down, grabbing his face roughly in one hand, shaking it slightly.
"How many are with you?!"
"One." Daryl finally confessed through a strangled cough. "Just one."
The leader snatched his hand from Daryl's face as he rolled over in the grass, laughing as he eyed his friends. He signaled for one of them to bring Daryl back to his feet, and he did so, banding his arms behind his back. The leader got closer again, this time, his eyes crazed and his mouth twisted into a sadistic smile.
"Well, you and your one picked the wrong gang to fuck with."
Nearby, hidden in the shrubs, Kate watched with horror as Daryl was sucker punched and dragged into the small building. She knew that Jack was in there, unaware, outnumbered and she didn't have much time to figure out a plan to save them both.
A/N: Hey everyone! So, this chapter was a collaboration with ForeverErica. She has been wanting to co-write TTR with me for a long while and now that she has graduated from grad school (YAY Erica!), she has found some time to write with me.
Sorry to leave you with this cliffhanger, but Erica and I had to cut the chapter in half, it was going to hit 10K words - LOL. The good news is the next chapter is pretty much queued up. So, PLEASE review and let us know if you want to see how our peeps get out of this jam and we'll get the next chapter out soon. Also, we would love to know if you liked our collaboration!
As always, thank you to those that have shown such support for this story. I know I would have stopped writing a long time ago without your comments and love!
