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Short one this week, I wanted it to be a stand alone. I also had great aspirations for this, but it didn't come out the way I wanted. The words just wouldn't work. But anyway, you''ll tell me what you think.
Part 28
During the Fall
The color of Raleigh at that point was amber. A soft golden glow. As a girl she had loved the colors of Fall. She could understand now why Danica would never see them the same again.
The last time Danica had been in Raleigh, North Carolina was for her Oma's funeral. Scully hadn't wanted to bring her back so soon for yet another. It pained her to have to bring the young girl to the same cemetery twice in one year; it wasn't fair on the child who had experienced the passing of so many loved ones in such a short lifetime.
Danica stood silently between her mother and Grandmother as autumn leaves danced at her feet. Scully had – on several occasions - witnessed the girl frolicking in the freshly falling leaves every year. This time, this year, Danica ignored the tempting leaves as they nipped at her feet, begging her to play. She wrapped a tight grip of control around her childish urges and stood straight instead.
She was quiet and still, her hands clasped behind her back, her fingers playing with the strands of hair that tickled her fingers. She wanted to move, to play, and to do something that would occupy her mind from the heavy weight that constantly loomed over her. She also wanted the candies her Uncle Langley had purposely concealed in his pocket while she was watching him. She wanted to take the handful of steps it would take to deliver her to his side. She refrained; instead she continued to stay planted in her spot. She wanted to hold her mother's hand as they stood at her father's grave edge, her mind running with the battle of emotions. But she couldn't, it wasn't that her mother had disallowed contact it was that Danica didn't want to interrupt the statue of her mother; clad in black Dana Scully stood as straight as the six-year-old girl beside her, her eyes were closed as she listened to the minister, her hands clutched to her stomach, her mind willing for this all to be a dream.
Instead of holding her mother's hand Danica watched the people around them. Not many people were there, a small gathering of men outside of her mother and grandmother, most of whom she recognized. Walter Skinner stood beside her mother, as silent as the rest of them. Deputy Director Kersh was amongst the gathering, she remembered him faintly, but she remembered enough that she didn't want to look for him for two long. John Doggett was there, his face hard as steel, the man she was quickly learning to call 'Uncle John' always seemed so serious to her, but she knew his softer side. The side that would have him in the house for business, but it wouldn't take long before he was on his hands and knees with her playing with dolls or whatever else she threw his way. The Lone Gunmen, her father's friends, her Uncles stood close together, their faces drawn.
She couldn't help but think at how odd it was that funerals brought people together, that it took losing one for others to make the effort.
When the minister stopped speaking and her father's coffin was lowered into the ground, the small gathering was left to their own. That was when her mother moved, she crouched beside the plot and with a handful of earth she sprinkled it over his casket. She remained silent and while her hand was free Danica moved to grab it, but was stopped. Maggie had taken hold of her granddaughters hand and repeated the same movements as her daughter had, instructing Danica silently to do the same.
"Do you want to say something?" She asked as she handed Schatz back to her granddaughter, not realizing that she had held the bear during the ceremony, not the little girl.
Danica nodded softly; always shy and delicate in the presence of Margaret Scully. "I won't let Mama throw your stuff away. I promise I'll feed the fish too." She whispered her arms on her knees as she crouched beside his grave. "And even through I'm sad Papa; I'll still keep going to baseball." Maggie smiled at the young girl when she turned to her after completing her words. She looked at her grandmother expectantly, as though she was waiting for her father's response.
Maggie held her small delicate hand in her larger weathered one, when she stood to move away Danica didn't budge. "I love you, Papa. I do. Promise." She whispered the wind carrying her words as she got down on her knees, her little hands gripping the dirt with a fierce need to both hold on to the edge and to allow her belief that her father was to come back to her to still live on. "I'll look after Mama, but I won't let her know it." She looked up, unaware that she had inched herself to the other side of her father's grave. Sunlight caught her eyes as she watched her mother continue in the same stance she had been in while the minister was talking. She wanted to mention the baby, how she didn't want a sibling if that meant that he would come back to her, but she refrained remembering that her mother said she had to keep it a secret.
Suddenly, there, by her father's grave side she felt the need to tell him everything. Everything that had changed in their lives since he went missing. Her throat started to choke up as she spoke, but she continued anyway. "Momma and I wear your t-shirts to bed. They touch the floor on me." She giggled through tears, her mind conjuring the image of his large shirt, on her tiny body. "You should see it Papa. They used to smell like you, most, not so much anymore some just smell like laundry now. Come back." She choked as he poured her heart out, forgetting for the moment that people were there, watching her as she pled for him back, her hands gripping the edges of the plot while she talked to the black coffin and simultaneously ruined her dress. "I'm sorry Papa." She hiccupped. "I broke the tree house." Her tears fell landing with barely there noises on the top of the shiny wood. "Mama says we can fix it, but I don't wanna without you, 'sides I don't wanna tree house no more. You have to come back, Papa, I don't want it if you're not here." She hiccupped for a moment while tears soaked her cheeks. No one moved to stop her. "Mama and Uncle John were worried after that. I think you would like Uncle John, Papa. He is very serious about 'not filling your shoes' whatever that means." She leant in close, her lips pursed to whisper, "His eyes are silver." She spoke as though it were a secret. "Sometimes I see fires burning in them, other times I see the truth. His eyes are honest and he looks after Mommy good to." She heard her mother make a sound but she wasn't paying close attention. "Grandma's around lots and Uncle Langley sneaks me jelly beans 'cause everyone's worried about me. But I'm just sad, Papa. That's all. I feel like I'm going to be sad forever, but I'll learn not too, without forgetting you, Papa." She got up off the ground, dirt and leaves hanging from her black dress and orange hair.
The gathering watched the girl; uncertain as to if she had finished yet. They watched as she approached the funeral wreaths and pulled a white rose from one. Returning to her place she sat on the backs of her legs. "Ich liebe dich, Papa." She pressed a kiss to the soft petals of the white rose and dropped it into her father's grave. She got up off the ground for a second time and turned towards her Uncles. Slipping her hand into Byers' right she silently walked for the car, Schatz hanging from her right hand.
"Danica, are you okay?" Byers asked as he sat with the silent child beside the car. The girl nodded, but didn't speak. "Do you want Langley's jelly beans?" He asked her in the quiet cautious tone he always used with her.
Danica nodded. "They won't make me feel better." He smiled at her softly; her usually cheeky response was filled with sorrow. "Whose gonna eat the orange ones?" She asked softly when he got up from their place.
"Langley took them out for you." Her eyes lit up with gratitude.
When Byers returned Danica snuggled up to his side. "Uncle Byers?" She asked dotingly her head on his arm, her eyes downcast while she picked at the jelly beans in front of her. "What's going to happen if I get orange ones?" Her voice was soft like she was ashamed of her question.
"I'll eat them for you, Squirt." Richard Langley appeared beside them a large grin on his face as he reached across Byers to take a few jelly beans.
"You can't pick them out for her forever you know." Frohike reminded as he sat on the other side of the tiny girl.
Langley scowled, "What and her dad can?" He hissed. "I'm being supportive damn it, Melvin."
"He's her dad; he's supposed to be around for stuff like that. Don't be insensitive." He fought back.
"Me? Being insensitive. Oh, this is rich!" Both men stopped in their tracks when Danica stood up and moved in front of them. Her hands were on her hips, her face unimpressed. She glared at Frohike and Langley individually before she stepped around them to find someone who wasn't going to argue over her.
She wasn't all that interested in finding another adult, but a large oak tree caught her eye a little further away from where her father's funeral was held. She moved for it, the fall leaves back at her feet again, but this time she was going to play.
It wasn't long before she was stopped; two hands on her waist hoisted her up onto the hip of a strong body. "Where do you think you're going, little miss?" The rough New York accent hit her ears. She shrugged. "Oh really?" He laughed. "What if I tickle it out of you?" He hadn't started and she was already squirming in his grip.
"Uncle John!" She shouted at him. "I was going to the tree." She told him with a huff as she pointed to her intended destination.
"Alone?" He asked, concern lacing his voice. Danica nodded. "You have to be where your mom can see you at all times." She raised an eyebrow and told him that she couldn't see her anyway when she was sitting at the parking lot. "That's true, but she knew who you were with. Danica bad things happen to kids when their mom's don't know where they are."
Danica tilted her head as she listened. She had heard the same warning over and over again, but the way Doggett said it was different. His words were urgent without being so, there was a story behind it, Danica knew it. Instead of fighting back she nodded, "Will you play with me then Uncle John?" Her words were sweet, her eyes pleading.
He huffed a playful sigh before shrugging his shoulders and nodding his head in confirmation. He set the little girl back down on the ground, the Fall leaves crunching under her feet as she ran freely ahead of him. "Uncle John?" She asked softly, stopping in her wake to face the man as her orange hair flung around her face. "Do you think my Mommy will stop being sad?" Her face was drawn, a small pout appearing as she curled her bottom lip, tears glistening in her eyes. "She's always so sad. Sometimes you can't tell, but you can feel it, it just sits there." If he hadn't seen her maturity before John Doggett was getting a glimpse of it now.
He continued to walk, Danica falling into step beside him. "She'll be okay one day, Danica. I can't promise when, but one day she'll be okay. She'll wake up and the loss won't feel so bad, your mom will be able to live with it. She's the toughest woman I've ever met and so help me God if Dana Scully doesn't stop being sad there's no hope for the rest of us." He picked her up again, this time to place her on the lowest branch of the oak tree that was now in front of them
She swung her legs back and forth, giggling at the great height she had found herself at. She ran her hands over the bulbous branch, her legs still swinging and her blue eyes wide with an unspoken wonder. "I don't want to hurt no more either." She whispered, a slight breeze causing the leaves to rustle with their song as it moved along to pick up her hair.
Her innocence in that moment had shown its true self to him. Here was this six-year-old girl, high up in a tree, her eyes wide with wonder, her mouth open as she giggled in that fantastic little girl way like nature was telling her a secret; for Danica's ears only. But her words, the most remarkable and heart wrenching things could come out of her mouth no matter how completely at ease she looked.
He shook off the shiver that ran down his back. "Danica, I promise you. If ever you need anything, I want you to call me. Anything at all." She shook her head, telling him softly that he couldn't help her at all. "Why not?" The question was simple, the answer even more so, but it was the weight she carried on her shoulders, the other things she said as well, that made his own body sag with worry.
"I just want my Papa back." She sat propped up against the tree trunk, her dress splayed across the branch as her legs hung on either side.
He gave her the same soft smile he had been giving everyone that day. "Maybe all you need is a cat named Dinah and a book." She gave him a knowing look and opened her mouth to say more but her mother's figure caught her eye in the distance instead she asked him to let her down. "You will be okay, you and your Mom both. I promise."
Danica gave the man a smile layered with her best marks as she tried not to let the emotion through, nor the weakness. A six-year-old girl, trying to hide the fact that she was hurt, it disappointed Doggett that she no longer had a father to let her express it. To tell her that no one was going to think any different.
She didn't have that now or ever will. He knew that one day things would be the same between mother and adopted daughter. One day the young Danica won't be there any more, she'll be scarred and hurt. He hated to think how she would fair in her teen years after so much loss.
Until next week,
A
