She had to tell them, Alex thought while distractedly balancing a tray. She had to.
Alex hadn't gotten a good night's sleep. In fact, she wasn't sure she even got enough for it to qualify as a night's sleep at all. Usually two hours and fifteen minutes would be considered a lengthy catnap or a slight afternoon siesta, as it was clearly shy of the suggested eight hours.
Once again, she'd been plagued by the crippling nightmares.
They were different now, though, than they had been before. These night terrors weren't vivid, factual details, but instead chilling images of her fears. Different landscapes would shift into others like a horrific, surrealist merry-go-round. It was like all of her worries were working together to make her nights as unbearable as possible.
Scenes of her mother, flashes of her violence and snippets of her in a hospital bed would morph into those of Jackson. Alex, though she craved sleep, found the deprivation from it almost comforting. At least if she was awake she wouldn't be trapped. You couldn't let the memories and anxieties suck you under like a current if you couldn't sleep to begin with.
It was weighing on her, though, and it'd only been one night. It made her angry at herself to see what she'd come to. One little birthday text from Jackson and all her strength was out the window. She used to date the guy – live with the guy for Christ's sake – and now she couldn't even get an innocent, five-word text from the dude without feeling sick and not being able to sleep? It was pathetic.
At least she'd made it through the night without anyone knowing this time. At least it hadn't been a repeat of the last late-night incidents, no Broken Kitchen Glass Memory 2.0 or sequel to Cancer Confessions. She'd held it together this time without managing to wake anyone up. Though she knew from experience Stef and Lena weren't generally upset at being awoken in the middle of the night, she didn't necessarily want to do it again. It couldn't become a habit. She couldn't get too needy, still didn't want to come across as too weak, and twice in one week seemed pretty excessive and unfair to ask of them.
Plus, it wasn't even a big deal. It wasn't. She was blowing this way out of proportion.
So he'd wished her a happy birthday. So what? That was fine. It was nice even. He didn't threaten her. He didn't reach through the phone and hurt her. He didn't even do anything like ask her where she was or say he wanted her back so what was the big deal? Why was she freaking out?
She was reading way too much into it. Sure, he hadn't been great to her in the past, but it was one time. Everyone deserved second chances. He was just being polite by reaching out in a friendly gesture. Maybe he was trying to make amends from that fateful night before she'd skipped town in search of her father.
Maybe he was on the verge of apologizing. He'd hurt her, but so did a lot of people. He made one mistake.
She had to calm down. She couldn't let this little bump in the road ruin her. She wouldn't let something as insignificant as this get in the way of her happiness.
She'd been having a great couple of days lately, and she'd been starting to feel more and more comfortable with Fosters. She was finally beginning to feel like she belonged, finally accepting and knowing what it meant to be happy. She was not about to let something as trivial as this ruin it.
She was strong enough now to handle it. She was capable of letting it go and let sleeping dogs lie.
It was all going to be fine.
So did she really have to tell them?
xx
"Anybody home?" Alex called out, wrinkling an eyebrow as she stepped into the house.
It was unusually quiet. Usually when she got home at around this time it was pure chaos – talking and laughing and fighting over chores and homework, the sounds of dinner being made and bickering filling up the house. But today, she heard nothing of the sort, and didn't spy any of the family strewn out in the living room or the kitchen – the common gathering areas. If she hadn't seen all the cars parked in the driveway, she'd have thought she had the house to herself.
As she shut the door, she heard faint whispering coming from the second floor, and in an instant Jude and Jesus were flying down the stairs.
"Alex! Hey! You're home already," Jesus said, a huge smile plastered on his face.
"Um, yeah," she said with confusion, setting her purse down. "I got off at four and it is now four fifteen. I usually come home after I get off work and so here I am."
Jesus laughed unnecessarily loud. "Ha! That's right, isn't it? I guess I just forgot that you got off so early. Time sure does fly when you're having fun, right Jude?" he nudged the younger boy next to him.
Alex looked at him, an extremely confused expression on her face. "Are you, like, okay? You're acting really weird, even for you, and that's really saying something," she widened her eyes.
"Ha! There you go again. Such a jokester, Alex. You're always so quick with your comebacks," he shook his head in admiration. "I wish I was that quick-witted, don't you Jude?" he asked, elbowing him for the second time in a time span of about thirty seconds.
Something was definitely up.
"Jesus, what's going on?" she crossed her arms.
Jesus gave her his most innocent expression. "Nothing, nothing. Geez, Alex, why can't I just talk to you? I feel like we never talk. Why don't you sit down and we can catch up. Can I get you a drink? Milk, iced tea, water with lemon, champagne? Just kidding about the champagne. Not only are we underage, but that stuff isn't cheap, right Jude?"
"Ouch," Jude rubbed his arm where Jesus had bumped him yet again for a third time.
"Okay, Jude, what the hell is wrong with him?" Alex turned her attention to the Jesus' partner in crime.
Jude bit his lip. "Nothing is wrong with him…" he said cautiously.
"Well then what the hell is going on?" she tried.
"Whoa, Alex, language," Jesus interrupted. "What would moms say? I won't tell on you, but you need to relax. You seem rather tense. Here, sit down for a minute, let's talk about this and-"
"Shut up, Jesus," Alex told him, exhaustedly rubbing a hand on her forehead. "Jude," she said pointedly, eying the younger boy.
Jude continued to nibble on his lip. Alex kept her eyes fixated on him, and she could tell he was about to crack, when the trio was interrupted by more feet pounding down the stairs.
"Oh, Alex honey, you're home," Lena said in faux surprise, leading the rest of the group to the first floor.
"We didn't hear you come in," Mariana added, following Lena down.
"I'm sure you didn't," Alex said under her breath, not believing for a second Jesus and Jude weren't sent down the stairs purely to buy more time to orchestrate whatever was going on on the second level.
"What was that, babe?" Stef asked casually.
"Oh nothing," Alex shook her head, crossing her arms and smiling slightly, figuring she'd find out soon enough what all of this was about. The Fosters weren't exactly stealthy masters of subtlety. She could see Callie tiptoeing down the stairs, her hands behind her back, and Brandon acting as the caboose, blocking Callie's hands.
"Well, since we're all here, we might as well sit for a second," Stef motioned to the now full room, sitting on the couch as the rest of them followed suit.
Alex narrowed her eyes challengingly. "Why?" she asked, cocking her head to the side.
Stef looked taken aback. "Well," she stuttered. "I think the better question is why not?" she asked. "It's always good to spend some more quality family time together, don't you think?" she questioned, feeding Alex a bullshit line she'd probably gotten from a Hallmark card or motivational plaque somewhere.
"Randomly in the living room as opposed to the dinner table?" Alex asked, calling her bluff. "Yeah, this is completely normal," she nodded with a slight laugh, deciding she'd given Stef enough grief for now, playing along and sitting down in an armchair.
Stef blew a piece of hair away from her face. "What gave it away, the upstairs whispering or the fact that we're all home and it's not even five?" she asked, knowing the plan she'd carefully mapped out and duties she'd assigned to keep the operation quasi-covert had obviously been uncovered.
"Hmm," Alex tapped her chin. "Actually I think Jesus saying the word 'ha!' several times and bumping Jude with his elbow constantly kind of set me off."
"Ugh, whose idea was it for Jesus to be the distracter anyway?" Mariana crossed her arms bitterly. "Jesus sucks at lying."
"Hey, I think I did a pretty good job lying for you about selling those pills," Jesus shot back, hurt at her accusation.
"Yeah, you did a tremendous job covering your sister's master plan that ultimately led to me getting shot," Stef clipped, effectively ending the bickering.
"We should've just send Jude by himself. The cuteness factor could've been a good enough distraction in and of itself," Brandon contributed.
"Oh please, like I'm going to leave those two in a room again to gossip about me," Stef joked, rolling her eyes and bringing up Alex and Jude's little bonding session the previous night, causing the two to glance at each other with a smile.
"So seriously, what's this all about?" Alex questioned.
Lena smiled. "Callie, would you like to do the honors?" she asked, squeezing the brunette's shoulder.
"I'd love to," she said, bringing her hands in front of her and holding a rectangular wrapped box, reaching her hand over to place it on Alex's lap.
Alex laughed slightly. "But you guys, my birthday isn't for 364 more days. It's a bit early to be celebrating, isn't it?"
"Well in case you forgot, you birthday was yesterday, and you didn't exactly give us great notice," Stef explained.
"So I can conclude the last minute attempt to distract me walking through the door was due to you waiting until the last second to wrap this?" Alex stalled.
"It's better late than never," Stef shot back with a huff.
Alex bit her lip, placing her hands on the box. "You guys have already done enough," she said quietly. She wasn't great at receiving gifts. Not that she'd ever had to worry about that much before considering presents weren't exactly plentiful living with her mom, but on the rare occasion someone did get her something, it made her uncomfortable. Of course she was gracious and thankful, but opening something in front of everyone made her nervous.
"Oh, come on," Stef waved her hand flippantly. "Breakfast and dinner is hardly a gift, you have to have something to unwrap."
"Plus, this is special, trust me," Callie smiled at her.
"It's tradition," Mariana nodded solidly. "So you have to open it and you have to like it," she nodded firmly.
"She doesn't have to like it," Lena reasoned, holding up a disagreeing hand. "Alex, you can return it or exchange it if you want, of course-"
"But you're not going to want to because it's perfect and I helped pick it out," Mariana interrupted enthusiastically, talking a mile a minute.
"I'm sure I'll love it," Alex reassured an increasingly frazzled Mariana.
"Well you're not going to know if you don't open it," Brandon smiled, prompting her to open the gift.
"Yeah, let's go, shake a leg, rip some paper!" Stef pumped a fist excitedly.
"All right, all right, simmer down," Alex laughed, shooting Stef a mock-chastising look. She carefully ripped the colorful paper, setting the wrapping on the table to reveal a shoe box.
"You got me shoes?" she questioned, knitting her eyebrows.
"Keep going," Stef hurried her along.
Alex shrugged and opened the cardboard cube, a smaller, Chinese takeout box inside that one. "You got me Chinese takeout?" she questioned.
"Keeeep going," Stef said again.
"You got me a light bulb?" she questioned, opening the takeout box to reveal a smaller container with a picture of a lamp.
"Keep going," Stef repeated her mantra once again.
"You know, I'm starting to think there's just an endless supply of boxes in here. I feel like this is some sick, twisted version of those Russian nesting dolls that stack inside each other," Alex paused to accuse the group.
Lena laughed at her frustration. "It's sort of a tradition to do a kind of gag-gift wrapping job."
"Which I started," Stef said, raising her hand to take the credit.
"Which Stef started," Lena agreed with a chuckle. "But don't worry, you're getting close. I think you're just about down to the last layer now."
Alex shook her head. "That's just rude," she said with mock-hurt, looking at Stef with a pained expression.
Callie nodded sympathetically. "Tell me about it. Actually, consider yourself lucky. I had to go through eight boxes."
"Amateurs. I had to go through twelve one year. And all that was in the last box was a pair of underwear," Jesus shook his head bitterly.
Brandon snickered. "Oh yeah, I remember that. You were so salty."
"Salty?" Callie questioned with amusement.
"Brandon, do the world a favor and never use that word again. It's weird when you say it," Mariana reprimanded him with disgust.
"That was my best wrapping job," Stef said, ignoring the squabbles and reminiscing on her prize wrapping skills. "Oh, good times," she laughed nostalgically.
"Okay, okay, enough talking, let's get to the real present," Mariana clapped impatiently, anxious to see Alex's reaction.
"Okay, okay, I'm going," Alex assuaged Mariana, unlatching the light bulb box's tab and tipping the container over above her hand, a small, red velvet box falling into her palm.
Alex carefully took it into her hands, recognizing it to be a jewelry box of some sort. She slowly lifted the lid of the box and sucked in a breath.
"Do you like it?" Mariana asked apprehensively as soon as she laid eyes on it.
Alex swallowed hard, gently picking up the gold chain in order to better see the charm of the necklace. It was a beautifully crafted 'A,' embellished with a small jewel – her birthstone.
"This must have cost a fortune," she said quietly, shaking her head and putting it back into the box.
"Who cares about the price?" Mariana threw her head back. "The important question is do you like it?" she pressured.
"Mariana," Lena said warningly, trying to calm her enthused daughter down. "Alex," she turned her attention to the other girl, "you don't have to keep it if you don't want to. It's totally up to you. If it's not your style or you want to return it, no one is going to be offended," she said, shooting a pointed glance at her youngest daughter.
"No," Alex shook her head quickly. "No, it's…incredible. I just-I can't accept something like this," she said with a small, nervous laugh.
"Well even if you do return it, we're not taking that money back," Stef informed her firmly. Alex opened her mouth to object, but Stef cut her off by continuing. "Hate to break it to you, kid, but you're keeping a gift one way or another whether you like it or not. We just figured the necklace would be a good way to go," she shrugged.
"But I can't," Alex protested. "Really, I-"
"It's tradition," Callie spoke up.
"What?" Alex shifted her desperate glance over to Callie.
"It's tradition," she said again, a bit more timid this time, glancing over to Stef, who gave her an encouraging smile, urging her to continue with her train of thought and explanation.
Callie cleared her throat. "Every girl's first birthday here they get a necklace. I've been informed," she smiled over at Stef and Lena, recalling the memory of her own first birthday, looking a lot like Alex did now, "that this ritual has been around ever since Mariana was adopted."
Mariana smiled, grabbing the chain around her neck from under her shirt as proof. "It's true. It's like a special, exclusive girl club thing," she raised her eyebrows playfully.
"But I'm not being adopted," Alex said, pointing out the one flaw.
"So what?" Jude piped up.
"I wasn't adopted yet when I got mine," Callie added quietly.
"But it's not the same, is it?" Alex questioned. "I mean, isn't it kind of a Foster thing? I'm not saying I don't appreciate it," she quickly covered. "Because I really do. This is so nice of you. I just…I don't want to intrude on anything."
"You're not intruding on anything," Stef objected sternly. "You're just as much a part of this family as anyone, last name notwithstanding."
"Yeah dude, you're totally family. You're like, my bro," Jesus knocked his knee against Alex's. "Brother from another mother."
"A dame with a different last name," Brandon added, emitting a groan from Mariana.
"They bent the rules for me. Trust me, the conditions are flexible," Callie added.
"What do you mean?" Alex inquired.
Callie carefully fingered the chain around her neck, bringing two pendants to the forefront, resting on her neck. "They let me make a little addition to mine. I, uh, my mom had this necklace and when she, you know, passed away, and I wore it every day," she said, she said, her face flushing red at exposing her vulnerability in front of such a crowd.
Lena placed a hand on her knee, rubbing soothing circles as Callie continued, internally grateful for the contact. "The clasp on it was actually wearing thin anyway," she said, shooting Stef a meaningful glance as the memory of her father's funeral came to mind. "So it was good timing, really. I transferred my mom's locket over to the chain with my other moms' charm so they're side-by-side," she gave her a small smile.
Alex nodded, locking eyes with Callie, communicating that she'd convinced her.
"So…" Mariana was the first to speak. "Are we going to twin and rock these necklaces or what?" she asked.
Alex grinned and nodded before Stef or Lena could begin to reprimand Mariana for her bluntness. "Someone clasp me up," she said, picking up the jewelry and handing it off to a excited Mariana.
She closed her eyes, touching the new cold, comforting metal on her skin. She knew now that she owed them this one. After all this, it was like a sign from the universe telling her that they'd earned their right to know. She had to come clean about the texts. She couldn't keep this secret. She sighed, the realization sinking in.
She had to tell them
I don't know about you, but I totally wish I had a special Adams Foster necklace too. What'd you think about this chapter? And how do you think the Jackson revelation is going to go down? I have a feeling it might be a bit more…dramatic then one would hope…but that's just a hunch…
Thank you so, so much for all your reviews and feedback. They really do mean the world to me.
Thanks, as always, to Liz and Grace for all their help.
