"The final push..."

Summary: Due to reading his text books, Shiraishi realises the danger he might be in due to his perfect tennis and his obsession with winning.

Completed: July 3- 9


There were times when his days became extremely similar with one another: going to school on the same train and then sit down beside Ashita- who still refused to talk to him; have a class where he managed to understand most stuff due to listening and copying the notes down attentively, then taking note of all his homework before heading off to the tennis club as soon as he finished packing up in his normal efficient way.

Technically, he could be late because he was the person the late comers answer to, but he always turned up early in order to set up an example.

His last class happened to be science and they received a research assignment: they had to pick a certain disease and write a report about it- including the cause and effect.

Before Ashita and he broke up, they used to walk to their clubs together, he would allow himself to have a slight delay by waiting for her and dropping her off. Although he had to admit that it was not just due to his affections for her, it was because this still allowed him to arrive at the tennis club relatively early.

He did not think that she was particularly slow in packing up until he compared what she was like to her current actions this year. She would be putting all extra stationeries in her lap before the bell even ring, and she would charge out of the room as soon as she could.

It was clear that she did not want to talk to him at all, as she was preventing him from having any opportunities.

Today, for some strange reason, he didn't do what he would usually do. Instead of putting his text book into his bag, he actually started to leaf through it.

The world obsessive suddenly caught both his eyes and interest, and so he began to read the small extract about the disease associated with it.

"Obsessive compulsive disorder"

When he saw the sentence 'not to be confused with obsessive compulsive personality disorder at the very end', he was curious enough to continue reading it.

The chapter in his text book had a variety of personality disorders so each one was only talked about in very brief detail. But what it said was enough to give him quite a scare, as he actually has a few of these traits.

Despite the assurance that it was very normal to have one or two of these symptoms and that a person would only be seen as having the disorder if it prevented them from having a normal life, he was still scared.

His perfect tennis and obsession with winning for his team seemed the classic association with obsessive compulsive personality disorder: it was all about perfection and minor details. Even though this desire of achieving perfection did not prevent him from getting the task done, it did cause him to lose the point of the over all activity and it was done due to him sacrificing other things: being with his friends as he almost always stayed behind in order to practise.

Then there was Ashita…

He was also very stubborn in this aspect of his life- he knew that he would not make a different choice even though the consequences were harder then his original anticipation. He was sure that this was what he should do as the buchou of the team, and he refused to compromise.

Four of the eight symptoms listed in the text book…this was certainly a very bad sign.

Shiraishi wasn't even really sure how and when he became like this. He always recollected himself as being concerned with details and disliked wasting times, but he knew that he wasn't this bad before.

His room was very tidy because it rarely gets messy. He always returned his belongings to their proper place as not doing so required a rather long time in cleaning it, and he would end up cleaning it because he didn't feel comfortable with a very messy room.

Whenever he had a barbeque or ate yakiniku, he was almost always assigned the role of being the one doing the actual cooking as his careful attention to details made it possible for there to always be some meats on the plate.

That was why he came up with the idea for perfect tennis- it was also a result of his own perfectionism. But the fact that he did not like it must be an indication that he really was not a perfectionist.

The problem was that he had the potential of being one, and it seemed that he could easily end up possessing this disorder.

He was at a very delicate position.

But what was it that caused all this?

It was to do with the tennis team- when he became the buchou. He cared about Shitenhouji winning ever since his first year but he didn't feel that bad when he lost if he tried his best.

Maybe he would still think that he should do all that he could do in order to win even if he only became the buchou in his third year, but a main factor in his decision this year was because of a second chance. This was a good thing but it was also the result of his extreme actions, he was lucky enough to have a second chance so he did not want to waste it.

It seemed that he had a new definition in regard to what one should do in a team and he was too stubborn to change it.

He would go to senior high next year and he was fairly certain that he could get in the team with little problem regardless of their resulting the national. It was also highly possible that he could end up being the buchou again.

"I don't want to." He realised. Being a buchou required a lot of sacrifices and he did not think that he was ready to do it again. If perfect tennis was not part of the sacrifice then he might agree as he was a boy who was greatly in love with tennis and filled with dreams of being a professional player, and being a buchou gives him prestige.

He suddenly recollected one of his visits to his uncle in Kanagawa when he was little: they had natto for dinner along with the okonomiyaki his mother brought. Being the obedient child he was, he naturally ate everything in front of him without any complaint and only moaned to his mother- who despised natto too- when they were alone.

"Kasan, what is the point of eating something I really like with something that I hate?" he muttered. "Natto makes me dislike okonomiyaki."

But it seems that tennis already made the decision for him- it was not going to lose again.

At that moment, Shiraishi also knew that he would never play in a team again, because doing so would be the final push, and it stops him from doing what he really wants.


Author's Note: I got the idea for this fan fiction quite some times ago, due to leaving a comment on my friend's blog. We were talking about Shiraishi when she suddenly said: "Based on his profile he might have some thing like OCD." And that comment just made the wheels in my head turn.

Well, I went online and read the definition for the two disorders and the result is very interesting. Basically there is OCD- obsessive compulsive disorder, the one that Shiraishi first read about. Basically the stereotype of this is when you often perform repetitive behaviours and unnecessary task, and you are often obsessed and distrusting and all that.

OCPD- obsessive personality disorder is a bit different. Yo are not so concerned with repeating performing ritualistic actions, but is more obsessed with perfections, and when I read the exact danger signs, I was actually quite shocked.

1few moral grey area- it is either right or wrong. A strong believe of yor actiosn either being right or wrong.

2 a preoccupation with details that result in the major point of the activity being lost.

3 the perfectionism also prevent task from being done and excess devotion to it cause you to neglect relationship and friendship.

4 inability to throw away something even if it is worthless and has no sentimental value.

5reluctant to let other people do something unless you feel that they will do it the way you do it.

6adopt a misery attitude

7show rigidity and stubbornness.

And as I mentioned in the story, you can have all these symptoms and not be regarded as having the disorder if these signs doesn't prevent you from having an ordinary life.

I really don't think that Shiraishi have OCPD but as I read the symptoms, I feel that he might be in the danger zone and I personally feel that this is sort of why he will not join a team in senior high school, as that would be the final push- if he have to end up doing all these things again then he might really be caught in a cycle.