Uncanny Deadpool II

Chapter 29: Wrecked- Part 2

By

The Uncanny R-Man

Disclaimer- All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics.


The Tower of London-

'Yay! It's fighty time! Fighty fighty time!' The former Merc-With-A-Mouth known as Deadpool crowed as he somersaulted over the Wrecking Crew and unsheathed his swords as he landed behind them. The quartet of villains had chosen to try and steal the Crown Jewels from the Tower of London, little realising that the Tower was specially equipped against such things.

'Those pig-stickers ain't gonna do nothing against the Wrecking Crew!' Wrecker laughed. 'Yer outta yer league, 'Pool!'

'Oh, yeah?' Deadpool retorted. 'Your mother seems to like it!'

'You keep my mother outta this!' Wrecker spat, shaking with anger. 'She's a freakin' saint!'

'And you're freakin' ugly!' Deadpool shot back. 'What's the matter, did your daddy beat you really hard with the ugly stick when you were a kid, or did you fall out the ugly tree and hit all the branches on the way down? Dude, you're so ugly that the Ugly Duckling would be all damn, you ugly!'

'RRAAAGH!! You shut your mouth!' Wrecker yelled as he charged as Deadpool, swinging his enchanted crowbar wildly.

'As long as people read this stuff, I'm gonna keep on cracking wise and kicking ass.' Deadpool mocked as he ducked out of the way. 'Yes, as long as the millions and millions of people keep reading this… okay, hundreds of people… uh, tens of people?'

CRACK!

Wrecker clobbered Deadpool over the head with his crowbar, cutting the Merc-With-A-Mouth's wisecracks short.

'Durp!' Deadpool yelped. 'Auntie Em! Auntie Em!'

'Heh. Not so funny now, are ya?' Wrecker laughed, raising his crowbar. 'I'm gonna smash you goo…'

Wrecker trailed off as Psylocke stabbed him in the back of the head with her psychic knife.

'Now who's the funny one?' The purple-haired Brit grinned as Wrecker fell to the ground. 'Wade, are you okay?'

'Where's the applesauce, Bungle?' Deadpool blurted out as he got up to his feet. 'No, that's not right… Don't eat the biscuits, Malcolm… Aww, screw it!'

The red-and-black-clad former mercenary leapt away to go deal with another villain.

'I think he's fine.' Psylocke nodded to herself.

Elsewhere, Captain Britain and Meggan were taking on Bulldozer and Thunderball.

'You may little hope of winning this fight, my dear.' Thunderball laughed as he swung his enchanted wrecking ball around his head. 'My wrecking ball has the same spell cast upon it as Wrecker's crowbar. It is unbreakable!'

'It didn't seem to help your friend.' Meggan stated as she indicated the unconscious Wrecker.

'What in the…?' Thunderball blinked as he turned to regard his fallen leader. Meggan took the villain's moment of hesitation as a sign to strike. The blonde-haired metamorph dashed forward and snatched the wrecking ball out of Thunderball's hands.

'Oh, dear…' The villain sighed as Meggan began to swing the wrecking ball over her head.

CRUNCH!

Thunderball was sent flying as Meggan used his own weapon against him.

'You mighta taken down the Poindexter, but I'll show you how a real mean fights.' Bulldozer said. 'A real man don't need no weapons to win a fight with you pasty Limeys!'

'A real man doesn't pick a fight with women.' Captain Britain pointed out. 'Even if that woman could easily kick your head in.'

'Aww, lookit the hero tryin' to protect his woman.' Bulldozer laughed. 'I think I'll take you out first. Let your woman watch as I trample you into mush!'

'Well, are you going to trample me to death, or stand here talking about it?' Captain Britain frowned, crossing his arms.

'Heh. Seein' that you were kind enough to ask…' Bulldozer smirked as he charged at Captain Britain. The British hero didn't back away, he simply flew right at the villain before picking him up and taking him high up into the air.

'H-hey! What're you doing?' Bulldozer stuttered fearfully. 'Let me down, man. Let me down!'

'Well, seeing that you were kind enough to ask.' Captain Britain smirked as he let go of Bulldzoer, sending him plummeting back down to the ground.

BADOOM!

Bulldozer hit the ground with such force that the impact left a crater.

'Oh my. Fixing that is going to cost a lot of money.' Meggan grimaced as she watched her husband land back on the ground.

Nearby, Bob, the former agent of HYDRA and Outlaw were taking care of the last remaining member of the Wrecking Crew, Piledriver. Well, Outlaw was taking care of him. Bob was cowering behind a ticket booth.

'Any chance you wanna get your cute butt out here an' give me some help?' Outlaw asked the trembling Bob.

'If I can't see them, they can't see me.' Bob muttered to himself as he curled up into a ball. 'HYDRA Training 101.'

'Fine.' Outlaw sighed as she took aim at Piledriver. 'Ah'll whup this loser myself.'

'Wait, I know you…' Piledriver said. 'You're that Outlaw chick! The guys all tell tales about you in the Bar With No Name! Aww, what is it they call you? Crazy Inez?' Bob's eyes widened at that. He knew what was coming next.

'Oh, man!' The ex-HYDRA Agent whimpered. 'This guy must have a death wish or something.'

'What did y'all call me?' Outlaw growled, her eye starting to twitch.

'What are you, deaf?' Piledriver snorted. 'I called you Crazy Inez. What're you gonna do about it?'

Outlaw threw down her guns and charged at Piledriver with a fierce yell.

'RRRAAAAGHH!!'

The gun-slinging Texan grabbed hold of Piledriver and held him aloft before bringing him down on her knee.

KRAKT!

'Ooooooooooooooooh!' Bob winced when he heard the noise. 'That's gotta hurt.'

'Mmm, DC-flavour.' Deadpool smirked as Outlaw dumped the beaten Piledriver on the ground.

'Is it all over?' Bob asked as he peeked around the side of the ticket booth. 'Are the bad guys finished?'

'Yes, the bad guys are done.' Psylocke nodded. 'Although, I'm not sure whether crippling Piledriver like that was necessary.'

'Hey, you know Outlaw doesn't like being called that name.' Deadpool pointed out. 'Besides, it's not like he's dead.'

The Merc-With-A-Mouth rolled over the defeated Piledriver with his foot.

'My back…' Piledriver whimpered. 'I think my back's broken…'

'See?' Deadpool smiled at his wife. 'A little bit of the old ultra-violence never hurt anybody.'


The Lake House, Later-

Once the authorities had taken away the Wrecking Crew, Deadpool and the others returned back to the Lake House. Outlaw tagged along as well. It wasn't as if she had anything better to do.

'Are you going to go back and carry on working for the government?' Meggan asked as she took a sip of her tea.

'Ah don't really know.' The blonde Texan sighed as she munched on a Chocolate HobNob. 'Ah was hired to make sure that nobody tried to steal the Crown Jewels. I kinda failed when the Wrecking Crew decided to try their luck. Ah guess that means ah have to go back to the States and carry on workin' for Agency X.'

'Not really.' Bob shrugged. 'They didn't get the Jewels, so I'm sure they'll still pay you.'

'You don't have to go and work for that cheap imitation.' Wade said. 'Why don't you come work with us?'

'What do you mean work with us?' Betsy asked incredulously

'Hey, if you can go off gallivanting with the X-Men, then surely I can have my own team.' Wade suggested. 'Or did you expect me to sit on my ass all day?'

'Well, somebody has to look after the children, I suppose.' Brian shrugged.

'I love the twins and all, but I have to do something with my life.' Wade continued. 'I'm starting to get that itch again. First I thought it was a rash, but I want to get out there and kick some ass. All that business with the Wrecking Crew brought it all back. I'm gonna form my own team!'

'Okay, who do you have as part of this team so far?' Betsy asked. She knew better than try to discourage her husband once he got an idea in his head, so she thought that she might as well humour him.

'Uh… It's just me and Bob so far.' Wade smiled sheepishly. 'Maybe Weasel if I can pry him away from his Battlestar Galactica box set.'

'Who else do you plan on joining the team, boss?' Bob enquired.

'I can't tell you yet.' Wade grinned. 'That would spoil the surprise for the next chapter, wouldn't it?'

TBC…


Next: Deadpool Inc

Just who will Deadpool choose to be part of his new team? Taskmaster? Agent X? Elektra? Howard the Duck? Tune in next time to find out…