Fourteen hours and counting. I'm still really nervous about finding out what Jeanine has found out. But I am starting to feel a little better, especially after the conversation I had with Will. There is still that deep rooted feeling of regret within me that I don't think will ever truly disappear from me, but it's dwindling and it isn't quite so bad. The Pit clears out of all initiates and with them gone, it gives me time to let my own thoughts loose. Which isn't exactly the best idea. I have too many of them, and too many thoughts could end up driving a person crazy. I run my fingers through my hair and sigh. I look up when Tobias comes toward me and I offer him a smile.
"You okay?" he asks rubbing my arm.
I nod. "Yeah, I'm good," I say shrugging. "I mean, obviously I could be better, but I'm okay."
"Good," Tobias says. "I want to take you somewhere tonight."
I narrow my eyes at him, confused. "What do you mean?"
He tilts his head to the side and stares down at me. "Can I just take you on a date, Tris?"
"Oh," I say, surprised. The thought of going on a date seems wildly incomprehensible given everything that's happened in the past months. "A date. Like an actual date?"
He smiles at me. "Yeah," he says. "An actual date."
I suck in my cheek, like I'm thinking about it, but when the both of us know what I'm going to say. "Okay," I say. "Fine." He grins. "But..." The grin disappears.
"What is it."
I gesture to myself. "I have to shower," I tell him. "I can't just go out on a date like this. I stink. You stink. That's not very romantic you know."
He lifts his shirt to sniff at it and then makes a face. "Okay fine," he says. "Let's go shower up."
I rest my hands on his chest and grin up at him. "If this is a date, I'm going to be showering by myself. You can pick me up at my room in an hour."
He narrows his eyes at him. "What?"
I smile at him. "Come on," I tell him. "Give me this one thing, okay?"
He leans down and presses his lips to mine. "Yeah okay," he says "One hour."
I watch as he leaves the Pit and once he has disappeared from view I go up to the room where they keep the clothing and pick out a dress. It is getting warmer outside, but there is still a chill so I choose a dress that stops at my calves and a jacket to go with it. I also grab a bag full of toiletries including razors and soap and makeup. I'm not very good at putting makeup on, but I figured for a date, I would give it a try. I wonder how many people go on dates in Dauntless. I don't take time to deliberate, I take my things and go, time was running out.
Once I get back to my room, I lock the door and head into the shower. I let the hot water soak away the stress and nerves of the last couple of days and take my time lathering my body and soaping up my hair. Once I'm out, I towel try my hair and go to the mirror in the room. I stare at my reflection, no longer the skinny girl from Abnegation, but a strong, muscular woman from Dauntless. I run my fingers over the scars on my stomach from the bullet wounds. They were a reminder of how I died, of how my life could have turned out. I lean in close to the mirror and apply the eyeliner, poking myself in the eye a few times before finally getting it right. That was probably the reason I hardly wore the stuff. I brush out my hair and pull only half of it up with a clip before going to the bed where I have laid out my dress. I glance at the clock and feel my nerves spread through me. I finish dressing and am pulling on my shoes when there is a knock at the door. I check myself in the mirror before heading to the door.
I open it and my blood runs cold when I see Peter in front of me. He looks me up and down and I can feel him mentally undressing me. I move to slam the door shut, but he catches me and pushes it out, the force throwing me against the wall. "Hey, Tris," he says stepping into the room. My body is shaking.
"What are you doing here?" I ask him. "Shouldn't you be at the gate?"
"You know, funny thing about that," He says. "Your boyfriend sent me to the gate, but he didn't really have authorization for that, did he?"
I swallow. "Think about what you're doing."
"Oh I have thought about this," He says. "You think that it was easy for me, Tris?" he asks. "You just dumped me out of the blue, for Four. What the fuck was that about?"
I shake my head. "It wasn't out of the blue."
"It was to me," he snaps.
I flinch and take a breath before answering. "You had to have known it wasn't going to last," I tell him. "How many times have you laid your hands on me, Peter?" He doesn't meet my gaze. "How many times have I had to cover your bruises?"
"I don't want to be like this." His voice is so soft that I almost don't catch what he says.
"What?" I ask.
"Nothing," he shakes his head and turns around, leaving my sight. I step out of the doorway to watch him go when Tobias steps up. He follow my gaze.
"What happened?" he asks.
And so I tell him, and when I am finished, he looks down and sighs. "What is it?" I ask him.
"Before everything, when Peter and I came to the city to help inoculate members and I was trying to find my mother with the serum, Peter told me something," he says. "He told me that he didn't want to be the way that he was. He didn't want to be sick anymore."
"Sick?"
"Something is wrong with his mind and he wanted me to give him the serum, to start over."
"And did you?"
"Yeah," he says. "I did."
I let out a breath, shaking my head. "What do you think we should do about him?"
"I think we should bring it up to Tori in the morning, see what she thinks we should do. This Peter, he's still the same Peter he was before; he's just had different things happen to him."
I nod. "Yeah," I say. "I wish this wasn't so damn confusing."
"You and me both." Then he looks at me. "Hey," he says, standing up straighter. "You're in a dress."
I laugh and look down. "Yeah," I say. "I am. Do you like it?"
He grins at me and leans down to kiss me. "I definitely like this," He says. "So...are you ready for our date?"
I nod. "Most definitely," I say with a smirk.
He closes the door behind me and we leave the hallway toward the main part of the building. I hear voices, which isn't really uncommon for this time of night in the Pit. As we get closer, I see Will and Christina, holding hands as they talk to someone. As we get closer, I slowly start to recognize his face. I stop in my tracks and I yank Tobias back with me. He hasn't seen him. But when he sees the look on my face, he follows my gaze and then immediately looks back at me. I feel like all of the blood has disappeared from my face. Christina looks back at him and the look on her face is a mix of horror and excitement. Strange how those two things often coincide here at Dauntless.
"Al," I whisper his name, and he looks up at him.
"Tris," he says, coming toward me
I take a step back, shaking my head. I can't deal with this right now. He had tried to kill me. He had tried to throw me into the chasm. and then because I had chosen not to forgive him, he killed himself. That in turn wasn't my fault, that had been his choice. But I had still felt partially responsible for it. But him being back, and looking at me with those sad eyes of his. "No," I whisper.
He stops and stares at me. "Tris..."
"No," I say, my voice harder this time.
Tobias tugs my arm and pulls me away from the crowd. "Not tonight, Al," Tobias says, turning and pulling me with him.
I don't know where we are going; I am not even paying attention as we leave the compound. Tobias helps me onto the train and I let out a shaky breath as he pulls me into a hug. "Why is this happening?" I ask him. "Is this punishment?"
He rubs my back. "No," He says. "Don't think of it like that."
"First Will; now it's Al," I say, pulling back to look up at him. "What do I do?"
He kisses the tip of my nose. "For now? Nothing. Just try to enjoy tonight, please?" he says. "Can you do that?"
I offer him a small smile, and then nod. "Yeah," I say. "I can try."
"Good," He says. "You might not know this, but I have been trying to put together a date night for a while."
"Really?"
"Okay, so maybe only like two days," Tobias grins. "But still. I figured that after everything you kind of needed it. "
"I don't deserve you, you know," I tell him.
He kisses me. "Yeah you do."
