**Disclaimer I do not own R&I**
You know what is worse than needing a "superman"? Not knowing you need someone to save you in the first place. A redeemer one may call it.
In this moment in time Maura Isles did not know she needed help. She was rendered mainly unconscious during the affair.
An out of body, out of mind experience is usually described as when one does not know what is going on around them.
They do not respond, they do not take in their surroundings. When they do, they do not believe it is them with the experience.
The most frightening part was the moments when she was at least slightly aware.
This was a complete paradox to the trapped independent woman.
She had never been afraid to know any facts, willing to always go the distance. She didn't have to ask however.
Why the man would come close with knives and guns, with, his body.
In all honesty she did not want to ask, she would rather be innocent of the information.
There was no need of comprehension. At this moment she envied the dead even, part of her who had worked so closely with those who had passed, wanted to be where they were, a little peace granted.
She didn't have to ask why certain acts occurred. The only question she had was, where?
Where was her knight in shining armor? Where was her protector? That in itself was not a question.
She knew that Jane was looking, and would not let her suffer.
She was probably restless, she was probably fuming, and she was probably wishing they could talk, at least one more conversation for old time's sake, just in case.
This is what kept the doctor going. Even if she were too late, that much she pieced together even in a groggy state, that there would be no regrets, except for seconds wasted.
Maura did what she could to leave the place, she would imagine a perfect life. A life of healing, of healing others and those around her, a life of joy with Jane would consume her.
It was the little things that mattered, when all was said and done, the little things that had filled her life with joy, the things that just were and didn't have to be. It as simple as family, love, her own fulfillment.
This thought was no longer one of longing. It was no longer out of want as it had been in Africa. It was now of need. It was a necessity.
If she didn't do it, she would be sure to not be in her right mind.
She would hold out for her Jane. She would wait until the end of time, until the last star burnt out in the night sky.
All in all, she hoped Jane would move on.
This was not a thought of desperation, no, this was a thought of redemption.
This was a swan song of a sort, even through the last note of the symphony had not been played, even though the last note of the concert had not been sung. The last act had not occurred. The play was still going. The book still left unwritten, along with the compositions of a poet and those of a songwriter. There was still a fight and nothing was left at the same time.
None of it happened, yet.
If anyone knew Jane Rizzoli it was Maura Isles and that being said, she knew Jane would die if she didn't save her.
It would kill her piece by piece. She would withdrawal, run like never before, she wouldn't take it.
If Jane failed she knew Jane would blame herself for the rest of dammed eternity and that is the last thing Maura craved for her love, her one true love, her knight, her personal shield.
She hoped if she did not come that she would be able to conquer any guild, forgive herself.
Maura hoped that passion and vibrant colors would still echo and sound throughout the other's life.
This was however done with full hope. She would wait until her last dying breath if that would be what it took, until she could not utter another word. It all seemed simple by now. She was used to waiting for her Jane and she would do as she had always done.
They would be together again.
How could the universe be so cruel?
Her body ached, her hands, her wrists. Discoloration had set in by now, all these thoughts only between words.
The police's strong words, she knew they were looking, talking, while she was rendered useless, they were passion bound.
She didn't speak. There were no quotes to be pulled, just endless thoughts to be pulled from an unsettled and wandering.
It truly was a different experience.
Three hours, that's the average for missing children, Maura wondered if anyone bothered to wonder the same question for adults, women.
Not even she knew.
This is what she did, and yet here she was.
Usually when one of the two was taken it was a fast ordeal. They would be shaken yes but they were fine. They found each other within hours. The hostage situations and the shootings, the break-in's, the abuse, it was all ended quickly. This dragged out. He liked making them question, enjoyed it.
Twists and turns at every corner like a haunted house but this was not amusing.
Teeth clenched, it wasn't fair. Anger, anger set in. They hadn't even told anybody yet.
She wished she didn't play the victim. Maura wished that she could let her past go. She didn't want anything controlling her. She wanted to be stronger. She hated being ripe for abuse, for the picking. It always seemed to be her.
It was all so real, too real, and now…
He mumbled, talked to himself, usually she wouldn't be so helpless, she would talk. Maura would use her smarts, use what she knows. It would all be so needless now, even if she could. This was passed the brink.
Beat and reward that's how it worked. That's how psychopaths work. It was all terror tactics.
Everything, all reality was shaken up. There were so many answered and still so many questions were solved, so many mysteries were closed.
Now it was about how it all played out.
It would take its toll. There would be consequences. All Maura wanted was to be able to let them work out, to be able to work out with Jane.
Maura hoped Jane would not go back, to the nightmares, as she once had.
Maura hoped no PTSD would touch their minds.
Maura hoped that what would happen would occur for a reason.
Maura knew what would happen next.
Maura would never question again for a single thought, except for one exception.
She wasn't sure what how it would happen, how she would come out at the other side.
She would make it to the other side.
She would stand to see the light of day once again.
She would go to the Dirty Robber and the café and go on more dates.
She would live her life.
Maura isles would live.
In and out, breaths, thoughts, coming and going.
Everything boiled down to two things, love and death.
"Oh, look the time. What a pity, what a shame." It was him. It was the monster. It was John Stark. He slowly strides toward Maura who was silenced still "Goodbye darling. It really must be time to be going isn't it?" Silence was the only response as he knew it would be. "Oh, right, dreadfully sorry, terribly."
She cries in distress. His face was close to hers now.
"Well, actually, I'm not."
A gas mask was put over her head, and once again it was black. As it had been in and out, but this time there was no waking up if she wasn't saved. It is said that a life flashes before one's eyes. Only the last few years played before Maura. They were the only years with meaning.
