New chapter, finally! Thank you so much for reading :)

Your lovely reviews are really inspiring.

I've been feeling a bit down lately and writing actually made me feel a lot better (even though it distracts me for doing the things I'm supposed to be doing right now :P)

Anyway…the end is close so hopefully I'll work on this more regularly (I know I've said that before, but I'm trying) :33

p.s. for guest: It's already too late to add some SpencerxFay, sorry random and nice stranger. I actually wanted something to happen there too, but was afraid it'd make Fay look bad, you know.

p.s. for kiona koch: your name is the cutest thing.


After denying reality for as long as she managed, it finally hit her, a chaotic morning of a lot of yelling and bawling, and people trying to calm down the outraged girl that was about to get expelled. And the feeling was way worse than Fay thought it would be.

It was a bright and sunny day. But it actually felt more like uncomfortably hot and humid. Gili was late, so there was no way someone else could settle down the outraged girl that Petunia was made into that morning.

The principal office was the scenario and Fay felt like an unwanted guest even thought she was supposed to be the star of the show. Instead, Petunia did all the yelling, demanding and accusing.

It all started around a month earlier. First, the texts on Fay's phone lessened to barely one every other day. He was probably too busy with his studies, is what she thought, so she kept quiet. Next, there were the texts saying he couldn't visit for a week or two, which made her notably uneasy, but she knew to be patient. She was still reasonable enough to realize things had to change.

But then, there was nothing. Just waiting, until Petunia exploded and decided to fume about the principal and his whole damned family right in his office.

Fay thought it was the end, that they both were going to get expelled, but after a talk with Mr. Lumpkin accompanied with Gili, Petunia was left off with only a warning of respecting and not mixing personal problems with the school grounds. The blue haired girl had to apologize a couple of times and he promised to have a talk with her later, only if she promised to keep her composure.

Why were her friends and not herself the ones getting mad and asking for answers was something that Fay questioned over and over again. But the only thought was that she had lost her own voice. Not as in being unable to speak, but as in being unable to find it. Her voice. It was nowhere, she couldn't hear it, sense it, anything. It was really lost. And that made her feel detached, from everything, from everyone, even from herself.

After a week of dealing with a painfully depressed Fay, Petunia was finally conceded with that talk she wanted so much. Although she didn't get what she expected from it, but still did nicely at staying calm.

Edmund Lumpkin offered to make an appointment for Fay with someone to talk. But Fay didn't accept it. She didn't want to talk about how she felt with anybody.

She just couldn't understand why her boyfriend, who texted her all the time and called her everyday, wasn't able to pick up a phone and tell her he was fine, or that he wasn't going to see her anymore, whether because he didn't want to or because he couldn't. That was all.

But everything was still as vague as before.

'Yes, he won't be coming back'.

'But no, he didn't mean to break up with her'.

'It's not a matter of cowardice or not. He just can't be here right now, and that's all'.

'He's not hiding, what is happening is not because he wants it'.

'No, he's physically fine'.

'And no, there's nothing you and I can do about it'.

'Finally, and unfortunately, no, from now on, there's no way for you to talk with him. And nobody knows for how long it will be that way'.

For Fay, it sounded like nothing, she didn't expect less, she didn't expect more. It kind of felt like she knew it was going to happen. For the girls it just sounded like a ridiculous and shameless excuse, but more than anything, it seemed shady.


Later that day, at Mr. Lumpkin's place, Amanda hesitated for a minute before entering the man's office. His character was usually lively, but not anymore, and probably not for a while.

His blue eyes focused on his laptop's screen. His right hand motionless over the keyboard, his left hand, holding a glass of whisky.

The woman walked in the room and sat silently across him. She eyed the glass in a rather curious way. Contrary to common believe, caused by his perky and bizarre behavior, Mr. Lumpkin rarely ever drank.

"How was your day?" She asked as casually as she could, while anxiously and lightly rubbing the chair armrests.

"As good as yesterday and the day before."

"So, not good." She noted and he didn't reply, so she continued. "What did you tell them?"

"I assured them he's fine. But I also told them right now he is having some troubles therefore he can't come back."

"And is he really fine?"

"His life is not in danger." He answered in a dry way.

"That doesn't mean he's fine." Amanda argued quietly. She knew it was not the man's fault, but it still didn't seem like he was doing enough.

"Well, that's all I can do for now."

"What are you going to do with Fay?"

"Nothing. She stays here."

"Do you really think that's the best decision?"

"Amanda, you know I'm doing my best." He replied in a clipped tone of voice, and it didn't surprise her. As weird as this kind of behavior was on him, she had being around for long enough to have witnessed all kinds of possible mood changes from him and the better part of his family. Because even though Ed could be considered as a weird person, he definitely wasn't the worst of the family.

"I know…It just feels a bit unfair for her."

"Unfair would be dragging her into this madness." He stated and she just stared as if still not understanding. The way she felt about Fay didn't allow her to approve of the way he was dealing with the situation. "What do you think will happen when I tell her the truth? What would she feel when she finds out where he is? Even if she gets to see him, even if I take her there…what would happen when she finds out there is absolutely nothing she can do for him? What will happen if she crashes with my brother? Even her life could be in danger if it occurs to her to be reckless. So yes, I'm pretty sure, this is the fairest of the decisions."

The woman pursed her lips together and brushed her blonde locks behind her ears. And after a deep breath she talked again.

"I'm just…worried."

He understood, more than anyone else. Amanda had created an incredible bond with the two kids. And it was reasonable, because she took a big part of the looking after them, plus she was a really caring person. It all changed for better when Fay came into Filip's and her life. She never said it out loud, but the boy actually scared her a little before. Not anymore. Their relationship changed completely, and she came to care for Fay so much that she had to actually fight the urge of running to her and tell her the whole truth.

"Look…he's like a son to me so you know I'll do my best". He sighed and made a pause to silently place the glass on the desk. His eyes skimming briefly around the room as if thinking of the right words to say what he was thinking. "Fay...is weak just in appearance. I've talked with her and I've talked with different people about her, and contrary to what you may think, she's amazingly strong. She and Filip, both have had a hard time when it comes to family and the people around them, and there, you can see how much stronger she is. She has never broken down. She have been depressed, and she have felt alone, and very scared, yet it never stopped her from simply living. And then comes Filip, and you know how it is the first time you fall in love at that age, and she thinks he makes her happy and everyone else sees her and gets dragged into that believe, like he's the one who protects her and makes her strong and better, but the thing is, she's already that strong and that able to be happy by herself. And contrary to what she thinks he makes her weak, he's the one able to drag her down with him, and he knew it, that's why he was so worried. For that reason, right now, it's best if she tries to overcome it. Under these circumstances, it's positive that she won't forget about him. But she can still go on. That's all I can ask for."

The woman nodded and left quietly, feeling defeated, not by his words but by the whole situation. There were few people who could do something about it, and she was not one of them.


For Fay, there were a lot of phases. Like a lot of different states of her life happening in a very short span of time.

The first two months when Filip just started to gradually disappear, were nerve-wracking but she still didn't grasp the idea of it being real, so the denial helped her to endure for a while.

Then the worst phase came over, when the answers were nowhere to be found, and the only thing that was for sure was that the boy was not going to appear before her any time soon. It lasted for about a month and it permanently felt like the world was crumbling around her. Her friends and her grades took the major part of it.

With Petunia's character, it was no surprise when she lost it before the impotence of not being able to help and told Fay how she despised Filip, let alone the fact that her friend was made a mess because of him. She told how she never liked the way he treated her and how she was actually scared all the time that he would hurt Fay, so it was impossible to understand just how she could love so much a person like him. Later she felt awful.

Unexpectedly, Fay agreed with her, which took her two friends completely off guard. But still she didn't come out with any explanation.

Just thinking back, she wasn't too pleased with the way he treated her neither. Blocking all the things she liked and loved, and the way he cared about her she started to resent him. That's when the hating phase started. Nobody could say it was the best, but at least it fired her up enough to collect herself, work on her studies just in time for college entrance exams, and appear to be getting better.

But from then on it was just a roller coaster.

There were days when it felt like she was dying. There were days she got weary of that mournful state of self-pitying and decided to straighten up and keep going. There were a lot of sleepless nights, and a lot nightmares. There were sudden impulses to cry for no apparent reason and days she just wanted to disappear. It was assured to her that he was fine, and she honestly didn't think Mr. Lumpkin would lie to her if something bad had happened, because there would be no reason for it. But the constant worry was still present, all the time. There's nothing worse than the uncertainty of not knowing and sometimes it drove her crazy.

And some other days there was just disbelief. The inability of grasping the idea of not having the most important person for her in her life anymore. It made her think none of it was real, and maybe, those were the worst kind of days, because the anxiety would take over her, she wouldn't stand any word from anyone, she became moody, scared and desperate, and when the night finally arrived, he still wasn't there, and she couldn't wait anymore, because it was just her, holding onto a non-existing hope and the only thing left inside was despair.


A couple of months later, and after a lot of struggles with herself, Fay had packed and was ready to go.

The relief of finally leaving her house was the best part of it. She finally had the possibility of ending the relationship that tied her to her mom, a relationship that was a bother for both of them.

There were still moments she felt utterly pained by the way things were in her family. She wished to have that loving family with a father at the doorstep with a proud smile on his face, a brother that traveled back home just to hug you so hard it hurt and a crying mother unable to stop the tears of sorrow the moment her little girl was finally going away. Just like Gili's family.

Fay had to make a huge effort to not end up bawling her eyes out at the scene, aside from being really moving, it made her life feel completely empty.

Fortunately, Fay's grandmother had a fund for Fay's studies and fortunately, Gili and she were going to the same college. It was an exciting and scary experience, so having a friend to share it was more than she could ask for.

But before everything, she had one last thing to do.

"Are you sure you want to go alone?" Asked Gili a bit impatient.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I already told Amanda I was going." The red haired girl muttered with her eyes downcast, unable to meet with her friend's concerned stare asking to accompany her. "She told me I didn't have to ask for permission." She added rapidly with half a smile. It was somewhat painful how Amanda and Mr. Lumpkin still treated her like she was part of the family.

Half an hour later, Fay was in front of the door, her key in the doorknob and her heart aching and thumping like crazy.

After taking two steading deep breaths, she entered the apartment, his apartment.

She immediately regretted it.

Fay walked in slowly, taking in all the things she already knew and that was hopping to not see ever again. Everything was exactly as she remembered it, looking like no one had touched one single thing. Obviously it had been cleaned regularly like usual, which added to the odd familiar sensation. Even so, his absence made it all different.

She sighed again and her hand ran over the breakfast bar as she walked beside it. She dropped the key on top of it with the intention of leaving it there and never looking back.

All she wanted was to see the whole place one last time, but didn't imaging just how heart breaking it would be. Her entire being shivered and the silence reached the deepest of her mind.

Reeling back, she bumped into the kitchen island. Her knees shook, and finally gave into the cold floor. That's how far she managed to get.

Now sat down against the wall, she hugged her knees, crying her heart out. Her head rose to see around, the nicely brighten place that once felt like home. Closing her eyes she laid her head on top of her knees, feeling hopeless and like a fool for going back there.

Not daring to look into anything else, she decided to go but stopped half way.

She gazed at the key resting on top of the table. The little object felt like an archenemy that was going to make her whole life impossible and miserable. Yet, she couldn't leave it behind. With a determination that didn't seem her own, she grabbed the key and walked out of the place.