Author Note.

This chapter is a filler that's meant to be a bit funny, but it's not important to the plot

DC Gothic – Justice League

Swap Meat

Jump City – February 2003

I lifted myself out of bed, feeling almost weightless for some reason, and waited for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. It was rare that I slept alone these days, but the girls in my life were not happy with. Well Blackfire wasn't but she hadn't woken up yet and Galatea was mostly just confused by recent events. Which meant I was alone this night and I did not like it one bit.

Raven was beyond annoyed at me, she was in a state of apocalyptic madness because of things I'd done, and also the things I might have done if not for the changes in time line brought about by my time travelling offspring.

Personally I thought it was kind of stupid of her to be angry at me for having sex with certain women before we'd even become a couple, but it still annoyed Raven. Discovering that I'd slept with Tali al Ghul while she'd been away had really hurt Ray's feelings.

Not that I felt guilty. Kara had vanished after giving me her blessing to sleep around as much I wanted to for the next thousand years, and my other girlfriend had refused to even see me when I had gone to that monastery in Tibet. In my view it had been obvious that she had wanted nothing to do with me, so I'd seen no problem in trying to move on.

Then there were things that had never happened. A version of myself from a time line that no longer existed had tied Harley Quinn up in bed, and apparently this was somehow my fault. It made no sense to me, but Raven saw it as an unforgivable crime since we'd been married in that time line.

To make things worse Ace was mad at me too because I'd not told her about her death. That at least I could understand, as I had been keeping something important from her. But in my view I'd had good reasons, and I stuck by them. Not that this meant anything to her.

Hell hath no fury like two women who are pissed off at you.

After looking at the clock, which told me was after midnight and therefore February, I reached for the lamp by my bed, but stopped then as I knew something was wrong. Aside from the fact that there was no lamp, on front of me there was a thin limb in front of me, it was certainly not the same arm I had fallen asleep with.

It occurred to me that maybe I had lost weight, as my muscles were very compact, but while I wasn't bulky I was by no means a stick figure. Something was very wrong. I had to see what the rest of me looked like.

Moving I climbed out of bed only to fall and hit the floor with a bang. My body flooded with pain and for a few moments all I could do was lie there and try to calm myself down.

Something definitely wasn't right. I ran franticly to mirror that was on the wall. The face that looked back at me from mirror was not my own.

Then there was clattering of footsteps down the hall, however I ignored it and kept looking into the mirror. It was really unnerving to not be in my own body.

When someone knocked at the door I heard myself yelp, and my mind went into overdrive as I tried to think of a way to stop anyone from entering this bedroom, which wasn't my bedroom.

"Uh… Don't come in! I'm… n-not decent!"

I could only hoped that my words had the desired effect.

"Raven?" I heard Galatea say "Are you okay?"

Power Girl didn't need much sleep and she had super hearing, so naturally she would have heard me fall out of bed, even if no one else had.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine!" I said, while feeling very grateful that Ray didn't have a high pitched voice "I had just had a bad dream and rolled off the bed. I'm going back to sleep now. Good night".

I doubted that my words would have fooled anyone else, but Karen didn't know any of us very well as she was new to the group, and was not empathic. Therefore she believed what I had just said.

"Okay then" Galatea said "sleep tight".

Once I was sure she was gone I crept out of the room and headed for my bedroom. I was thinking more clearly now, and I had figured out that if Power Girl hadn't swapped bodies then this was most likely just a exchange of forms between Raven and myself. Perhaps she'd been doing a spell, and it had gone wrong.

I walked into my own room and saw that there's was lump in the bed under the covers. It was me, well my body, sleeping soundly. Only not for long as entering the room had caused my body to stir.

Raven, assuming it is her, sat up and looked right at me, then she looked at the parts of my body she could see and did something rather unexpected: she fainted.

"Really" I muttered to myself "Could that have looked any more sissy?".

To be fair I wanted to freak out too, but having seen things like this happen a hundred times in TV shows and such I was slightly more prepared. Not that it really helped as being in a girl's body was really strange, but at least I hadn't fainted like a maiden in distress.

I poked my own body until Raven woke up and when she did she looked ready to have a full blown panic attack, not that I could blame her.

"Shh!" I said to Raven, afraid of her either fainting again or worse screaming the house down

"You have to be quiet, and I'll tell you what's going on"

Raven nodded slowly. No doubt trying to keep calm.

"Actually I don't know what's going on" I admitted "I went to bed a few hours ago and I just woke up in your body. I'm guessing this is some sort of magic. Did you do any spells?"

I watched my own head shake, which was weird.

Then I suggested putting some clothes on and she agreed. I also had to point out that we had to wear my clothes since hers wouldn't fit on my body, and there was no way in hell I was putting on a bra. Thankfully Raven had the habit of sleeping in one my old t-shirts so it was a simple matter to put on some jeans, or at least it was until they fell down.

"You are so skinny" I complained to Raven as I was forced to make a new hole in a belt "and your hips are tiny".

I found it hard to imagine how her body managed to fit everything inside. The idea that she could one day carry a baby inside herself as well really boggled the mind. There was simply no room for anything.

"Thanks" she whispered back.

I rolled my eyes, well her eyes as she said that.

"This is so weird," Raven stated while staring at her body, the one I was currently living in "I'm looking at me and I like how I look. You're so right I am sexy".

I felt the same way, which was just making me cringe inside. Raven found me very attractive, and that was good, but I didn't want to get aroused by looking at my own body. This just had to stop.

"Do cold showers work for girls?" I inquired.

Then again being naked could make this whole thing worse. I was already tempted to see how it felt to Raven when I played with her tits.

"I've never tried it" I was told "I just mediate when things bother me and it goes away after a while".

Well that wouldn't help me. I liked being emotional, inner peace had no appeal to me.

"Have any trouble with dressing?" I asked her, blushing a little when I realised that I also skipped putting on any underwear.

I had good reasons for that. Raven mostly owned thongs these days, and no power on Earth could make me wear a pair of those thing. Thankfully I could ignore minor discomforts, even though the skin I was in was a lot more sensitive then my own.

"No," she replied "but I think I need to go to the bathroom".

This could be very bad.

"How do I?" she asked of me.

It wasn't something guys discussed, so it wasn't easy to put it into words.

"Imagine it's a hose. Point it in the right direction and then let it go".

This was so bloody embarrassing.

(Line Break)

Once we're both dressed and had done other things, we decided to grab something to eat before figuring this out. It was early morning so it was time for breakfast, besides I could actually cook and that would prove to Raven that my ability to create hot yummy food was not a skill that required adaptive biology to posses. Men could cook without super powers.

Ace wasn't up which I was grateful for as I had no idea if my mental shields had moved into the new body along with my mind. Even if they had then the telepathic teenager would know I was in somebody else's form because she'd be able to see into Raven's mind which was currently in my body.

Raven and I talked over scrambled eggs on toast, we were trying to figure out how the hell we could get back into our own bodies.

"I think this might be my fault" my girlfriend admitted "I was really mad at you and I when I went to sleep I was thinking about how little I really understand you sometimes".

"Oh bugger" I muttered, before more loudly saying "this might be one of those 'walk a mile in each other shoes' deals. I hate when that happens".

I saw myself, well my face anyway, break out into laughter.

"What's the matter?" I inquired.

"I sound British" Raven told me.

Thankfully for my girlfriend did not sound that American, so my voice was more or less the same, at least to my ears.

"Bangers and mash. Fish and chips. God save the Queen" I said "Two pints of larger and a packet of crisps, mate".

This caused Raven to laugh even more. I'd never seen her laugh so easily. In fact I still hadn't really as it was my body displaying merriment.

"Stop it" she requested "We need to fix this".

She was right, this was no time to be funny.

"First of all we need to figure out if we have each others powers" Rae then said.

That was actually easy to do. I cut myself with a knife and the bleeding didn't stop right away. I had to wait for the wound to stop leaking the red stuff and then put a plaster on it. Doing this displeased my girlfriend, and I could understand why as it was her body I'd damaged.

"Okay so you're the immortal" I told Raven

This at least made sense as the strange radiation that healed me was in the cells of my body, and my body was currently occupied by somebody else.

"Now try getting angry and imagine you have fire in the palm of your hands" I instructed Raven.

It sort of worked. She set a dishcloth on fire, and I had to throw it into the sink to put it out. Thankfully Galatea didn't come to investigate, in fact she wasn't even in the house. I couldn't sense her. Then I realised that I could sense two people who were asleep. Raven's mind powers had grown in strength it seemed.

"Are you angry a lot?" Raven asked me "it felt really good making that fire. But I don't remember you being so mad before I left".

I wanted to say something about her not being there when the ghost of dead demonic father had infested me, but that wouldn't really help the situation. Besides I didn't really want to argue any more.

"It fuels me sometimes" was all I said in reply.

Thankfully I could control it. If I hadn't learned to I'd be a rage machine by now. Much like Trigon had been.

"And are you always his horny?" was Raven's next question.

"Yes" I answered "it's the testosterone. I get mad and horny a lot. I have lots of energy to burn off. Sex is good exercise, and it makes me happy".

So was beating up criminals, but sex was more fun.

"I feel really strong" Raven then commented "and big too, everything seems a little smaller".

Really I shouldn't have said anything, but I really couldn't help myself.

"Well you're a tiny person" I told her "I mean look at you, and then there's the legs. How do they support your body with these twigs?".

That annoyed her I could see it on my face.

"You like my body" she pointed out while sounding very offended by my words "and it's nice that your so tall, and strong. It makes me feel safe when you hold me. Not that you care how I feel".

Even in a man's bod she was too emotional. And what made it worse was that I could actually feel how hurt she felt because I was empathic now and upsetting her made it bad for me because I could sense it so strongly.

"I do care" I assured her "I just don't know how you feel. I'm not empathic".

Well I was right now, but that wasn't the point.

"I don't always know what's going to upset you" I went on to say "but I don't try to make you feel bad on purpose, and it does bother me that I hurt you".

Which was something I hadn't meant to say, but perhaps I should have.

"And" Ray prompted.

I thought fast.

"And I'm sorry".

That went down well as I saw my face smile.

"Good" Raven then said "Now no more sleeping around. You've got three girlfriends, That's more than enough for anyone, and you can't quit the Justice League unless I say its okay. And you have to distance yourself from Ace. Oh and you have to wear blue and purple sometimes. I like you in those colours. Last of all I get to cut your hair. I want it kept short it more handsome".

Who was running my life? I had to wonder.

"Anything else?" I inquired.

I saw my own face take on a thoughtful expression. Which was made me want to giggle, however I was able to repress that desire.

"Well I might want some massages" Raven added "but I should do nice things for you to".

I got the impression I was suppose to present my terms now.

"Errr... I guess I have everything I want".

There were a few things I might like, but nothing that would require Raven to change the way she lived her life. Well actually that wasn't true, I didn't like her working for Cosmic Balance, but she was getting too much out of it to quit.

"You don't want to change anything about me?" Raven asked.

"Well you could stop being so cross with me" I said "I have feelings too you know".

Which people rarely seemed to consider.

"No promises" she replied "but I'll try to less... bitchy".

I never would have used that world, but the shoe did fit.

"Okay now we need to figure out a way out of this" I said.

I spent a moment or two worrying about how I was going to access Raven's powers. They were emotion based like when I tapped into mine, but way more complex. Plus she was a woman so she might not feel things the same way I did because of having different hormones. Then I realised that things are very different for women in other ways.

"Err Raven" I said, wanting to be very careful about how I said this Do you have a time of the month?"

That made her laugh again.

"No my body doesn't work that way" she told me.

Hearing that made me thank all the gods. I might be stuck in her body for a while at this rate and I didn't want to have to deal with blood coming out of me. And the less said about the bad moods the better.

"Just remember to sit when you need to go" Raven advised.

I was so not looking forward to that. I really didn't want to be a girl. I liked girls a lot. Just as a male.

"Okay so use a spell to switch us back" I demanded

If she could open portals to other worlds then switching our minds back should be simple enough.

"Your powers don't work that way" she pointed out "You can't cast spells. Not unless you use Old One magic, and that's connected to your soul so you should still be able to use your magic to switch us back".

Actually that wasn't true.

"I can, I mean you can too" I corrected "You just have to channel my magic through your body like you did when you set that cloth on fire. Then use some words to focus your intent, maybe invoke a name of power".

Never before had I seen my own face look so surprised.

"Since when could you use magic that way?" she, well he, asked "I know you can manage a few easy spells but you shouldn't be able to alter reality. You're only a warlock!".

Oh she so underestimated me at times.

"I have the spiritual remnant of a Hell-god in me" I reminded my girlfriend who was currently my boyfriend I guessed "Tala taught me how to access it for spell casting. That's how I got her out of the magic mirror".

It struck me then that I hadn't set Tala free because she had once saved the Titans. I'd done purely because I'd needed a portal to Tibet.

"Just how powerful are you?" Raven then asked me "Can you use Trigon's other powers".

Given that I couldn't even remember meeting Trigon I had no idea what powers she was on about, and I didn't really matter right now. As I had a tricky spell to cast.

"We can talk about that later" I said "let me try something first".

Raven gave me that chance.

"K'yarnak 'bthnk- uaaah" (exchange body spell)

(Line Break)

The next thing I knew I was getting off the floor and thanking the heaven as I was in my body.

"Oh thank Rama!" I heard Raven say in her own voice, and even better in her own body.

"Bloody hell!" I remarked as I patted myself down "Sod it all. Bugger this".

That sounded like normal to me, which was very good. I was actually happy despite what I had just said.

"I'm not mad at you any more" my once more female girlfriend told me as she picked herself up "I've decided to forgive you, but only because you got me my body back".

By that logic I should be mad at her for causing this late night trouble in the first place, but since I was finally getting back into her good books I thought it best to keep my mouth shut.

"I think we should destroy all the comics and DVDs" she then said "not the stuff we're not in, we should given those to other people and we'll keep anything to do with Red-X, but let's destroy everything else".

I agreed with that idea, even if I hadn't been able to see the movie titled 'The Balance' yet.

"We need a fresh start" Raven went on to say "I think you're right, we should move somewhere and make a new team. And we shouldn't worry about the future because we don't know what will happen, and when we get clues us just upsets us".

That were good points, and I totally agreed.

"We can't leave until the new Titans are ready, and we can't leave with Red-X on the lose" I pointed out "but yeah after that we should go and find a new city to protect".

Also I should actually read the comic books he appeared in. I hadn't actually gotten around to it yet. But that could wait until morning, there something else to deal with first.

"You know when people do the body swap thing on TV it normally takes a while for it to be reversed" I said to Raven "we worked this out in less than an hour. That strikes me as odd. It's like this was arranged to be easily fixed. What do you think about that?".

Raven's face looked very neutral right now.

"I was sleeping" she reminded me "You woke me up. So maybe you did this with an Old One spell. You did reverse the magic really quickly".

Well that was because my magic was easy to use once you figured out how it worked. Although it helped to have a patron god.

"I didn't do it" I said honestly "and you can sense I'm tell the truth. So if I wasn't behind this, then that leaves you".

Raven looked a little guilty then, and I knew I had her.

"I didn't mean for us to swap bodies I just did a spell to make it easier for to understand it each other. I thought it would make you feel what I feel, and then you'd know why I was so mad. I think your magic was able the reverse spell because you got to use my empathic abilities to sense how I was feeling".

Rather than get mad I found the whole thing rather funny.

"I'm am so gonna get you for this" I promised.

Raven smirked and then said.

"You'll have to catch me first!".

With that she ran out of the kitchen and up the stairs. However rather than chase her I made myself some coffee.

"You'll get what's coming to you" I promised "Mark my words you'll pay madam. Mark my words".

When I heard footsteps I turned and expected to see Raven, who no doubt would be wondering why I wasn't chasing after her, but it was Blackfire who entered the room. She was stark naked and looking very well rested.

"Nice nap?" I asked.

Upon seeing me she smiled and then pounced on me like she was a hungry lioness, and I was the gazelle. I'd forgotten that she was now in heat, but she had definitely remind me of that fact.