Tantamount

Chapter 29

The temperature is dipping in Forks, but earlier Mom had said, "It'll be fine, Edward. It's just a typical autumn night in the Northwest, and our party guests will hardly notice."

That was hours ago. Now, I call bullshit as I rub my hands together, warming them over white-hot, blistering wood. The flames glow orange and yellow in the fire pit, licking at the metal sides like agitated vipers warning their prey. I can't decide whether I should finish what Mom wants me to do before the party, because it's stupid as hell. She'd be pissed off, though, so I pull out the list and continue to soak up the warmth while I go over it again.

Light fire pit

Light Tiki Torches

Put cushions on lawn furniture

Turn on twinkle lights

Start the grill

I roll my eyes at her to-do list. I doubt anyone will want to hang out on the patio unless they're smoking, no matter how pretty it looks out here.

Guests start arriving. Vehicle doors shut, and with each car alarm activated, I know the house will be packed soon. The weather is turning shittier by the minute, and I imagine hurried footsteps scrambling up the driveway to the front door—because again, it's fucking cold, and the wind is blowing now. The streamers I helped put up this morning are long gone.

People fill the house in no time. I see them through the kitchen windows with drinks in their hands and smiles on their faces; it makes me dread going inside. I'm not happy; I'm blah. I've done so much thinking my brain is like goddamn oatmeal. I look for Bella through the crowd, but from where I stand at the back of the yard, I can't see shit.

My nerves get the best of me when I think of last night in the park—hugging her, holding her hand, and how things were left hanging. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do now, or how I'm supposed to act. It's not as though things can go back to how they were, no matter how badly I want it to. It's not that easy like the fun summer we had together—it's complicated. She still has a dick, and I still don't like them.

Maybe she'll change her mind and stay home, and I won't have to figure out how to act around her.

Patting my jacket, I find the flask I stashed in my pocket. I knew I was going to need a drink tonight.

Turning my back to the house, I unscrew the top and take a mouth full of Fireball. It burns so good, and I take another, trying to calm the anxiety rising to the surface.

"Wanna share that?" a voice calls from the darkened driveway.

The flask slips from my grip, but I manage to catch it. My precious Fireball spills on the patio and my hands, but there's still plenty to get my buzz on.

Jake comes into view with a stupid smirk on his face, and I flash him my middle finger.

"It's only me, dickhead."

"You fucking scared me, shady motherfucker." I screw the lid on the flask and put it back in my pocket, wiping my hands on my jeans.

Jake laughs. "Delinquent."

"You know it." I toss the lighter to Jake, hitting him in the chest before it falls to the ground. "Some catcher you are."

"With a throw like that, the Forks' team is gonna suck again this year."

I smirk, and he laughs again as he picks the Bic up from the ground.

"I asked for a drink not a smoke."

"Make yourself useful, asshole," I say, pointing to the torch nearby. "Light these, then I'll share my flask."

"You really think people are coming out here tonight?" Jake pulls up his jacket around his neck and slides his beanie over his head.

"No, but tell that to my mom."

"Hell no." Jake shakes his head.

Just then, the back door opens and Mom peeks her head out. "I think you're right, sweetie. I don't think anyone is ready to brave this chilly weather." She giggles and takes a drink from the wine glass in her hand. She's on her way to getting drunk, just as I am. "Do you mind grilling the burgers and dogs?"

"I guess not," I answer, a little annoyed she didn't just call off the party. At least I'll have something to occupy my time and won't have to socialize with everyone inside.

Jake joins me at the fire pit after the last torch is lit. "Bella said her family is invited."

"Yeah." I grit my teeth, trying to figure out how I can ditch the party without Mom noticing.

"I talked to her today. She's doesn't want to come." He says it as if he has the answers to all the questions filling up my head. "Flask me." He holds out his hand, waiting for me to hand it over.

I give it to him and he takes a drink. If Bella doesn't want to come, then maybe she's over me and I should be over her too. I have always known she is much stronger than I am, so it wouldn't surprise me.

"She said she met you at the park last night."

I nod. I wonder if she told him what happened. Jake may know the details, but I'm afraid to ask.

The pine wood crackles and pops as we hand the flask back and forth. When there's nothing left, I put it back in my jacket for safekeeping.

Mom breaks the silence between us. "Here's the meat." She sets the platter on one of the tables next to the grill on the deck. "Make sure you don't burn it." She giggles and waves. "Oh, hi, Jake."

"Hi, ma'am." Hesitantly, he waves to Mom, whispering under his breath, "I've never seen her like this. I thought she hated me."

Mom put the fear of Jesus in that kid after he beat my ass. "She's psycho, so watch your back," I tease. The look on Jake's face makes me laugh. "I'm kidding, man."

Mom goes inside, and we finish the to-do list and put the meat on the grill.

Auntie comes outside and hurries over to me.

"Eddie!"

She's hugging me with both arms around my waist before I know what's hit me.

"Auntie, I'm glad you're here." I hug her just as hard. I've missed her. Even though we text, it's not the same.

She pulls away and looks at Jake. "Who's this?"

"Hi, ma'am. I'm Jake." He holds out his hand to shake hers, but she bypasses his offer and hugs him as if she's known him forever.

"Nice to meet you, Jake. I'm Aunt Irina. You can call me Auntie."

Auntie releases Jake and eyes both of us up and down. "What's going on out here? It smells smoky with a hint of cinnamon." Her eyebrow raises in question.

"Oh, um. We're grillin'." I turn away to flip the burgers to avoid eye contact.

"Yes, I see that." There's concern in her voice. "I came out to give you a hug and to tell you I met Bella."

My head jerks her way. "She's here?"

"Yes. She's sweet. Should I send her out here?"

"Uh, I'll go find her." Thankfully, Jake answers for me because my reply sticks in my throat. I think he senses Auntie wants to be alone with me. "I'll be back."

"He's nice. Is he the one who beat you to a pulp?"

"A pulp?" I huff.

"I saw the photos, remember?"

"Yeah, that's him. We're friends now."

"Good thing. He's massive, and I didn't want to break a nail beating him up for you." She winks. "Tell me, though, Eddie, did you get things straightened out with Bella? She seems nervous in there."

My shoulders shrug. "I finally talked to her last night—for the first time."

"Oh, wow." She rubs her hand on my back. "Are you okay?"

"No, not really." I scoot the burgers around on the grill for something to do, even though I just flipped them.

"Are you still going to your therapy sessions?"

"Yeah. I think I need another one this week."

"I met Dr. Volturi too. He seems to be nice as well."

"I wish he'd tell me what to do because I can't make up my mind."

"What do you mean?" Her arm drops to her side.

I turn to face her. "Bella and I met at the park late last night." My brows pinch together remembering how she looked when she walked toward me—scared and defeated. I wanted to run to her and kiss her then tell her everything would be okay, that we'd be okay. But, I didn't—I couldn't.

My chest heaves, and I dig my fingers into the back of my neck. I want to scream at the top of my lungs until birds scatter from treetops as if the world is ending, but I suck it up clenching my fists.

"I...I want him to tell me to forget about her or to just suck it up and be a man...do whatever the fuck I want to do. Because it doesn't really matter what the hell other people think, as long as I'm happy."

"You don't have to make that decision right now, sweetie. You can't rush things. Take a step back and just see how things go between you and her."

Auntie doesn't understand I need answers. I need my life to be simple again. It was good when all I had to think about was which pussy I was gonna tap on the weekend, and where I was going to score my alcohol. Now, though, I know which pussy I want, but she doesn't have one, so how the fuck does that even work?

Mom opens the door, interrupting us. "How's it going out here?"

"Fantastic," I say. Mom doesn't catch my sarcasm.

Auntie elbows me. "The burgers and hot dogs look yummy."

"Okay, I'll bring a clean platter out here for Edward to put them on."

Mom leaves, and Auntie sighs. "I wish I could make things better for you."

"Me too."

"I'm going to go find Uncle Marcus." She gives me a kiss on my cheek. "I love you, Eddie. So much."

"I know, thank you."

She takes a step back, and I touch her arm stopping her. "Mom doesn't know about Bella yet."

"I figured as much. She hasn't said anything to me." Auntie shivers and pulls her sweater up higher on her neck. "I won't say anything. I told you that already." She gives me a sad smile. "I'll see you inside?"

"Yeah." I start taking the meat off the grill, but turn back to Auntie as she's opening the backdoor. "Hey, and for the record, I love you too."

She gives me a wink and continues to walk into the house.

When the burgers are finished and the platter is filled, I suck in a deep breath and make my way inside. Setting the food on the kitchen counter, I avoid eye contact with everyone and duck away from the kitchen, into the hall.

That's when I see Bella standing in the next room. Her long, brown hair is down; curled as it was on our last date—she's beautiful. Her cheeks are pink and she's blinking those long eyelashes, as if there are tears she's trying to keep in. Jake's arm is around her shoulders, and he's rubbing her arm, talking to her quietly while his eyes stay focused on her face. It looks pretty intense, but nothing is as intense as the feelings I have when I see him touching her like that—especially when I can't.

A/N:

Hiiiiiiii! I've missed everyone!

Okay, so let me tell you…

Work.

Home.

Sleep.

Work.

Home.

(limited time to write)

Sleep.

The End.

Love, OhGee

P.S. You don't want to miss out on my Tantamount Outtake I'm donating for The Babies at the Border Compilation. Donate $10 and get a shit ton of greatness from your favorite authors.

P.S.S.

Thank you for reading and reviewing.

P.S.S.

Thank you T and MC for dedicating your time to this story. xo