Quinn's miniseries had gone over budget and over schedule. But since most of her scenes for the final part were already shot, her schedule wasn't as crazy as it had previously been. Rachel enjoyed having that extra time to spend with Quinn. One of her favorite things to do was cuddle on the couch as she studied for class while Quinn read scripts or looked over her notes for whatever scene she was filming the following day. Every so often, they would lose interest in what they were studying and end up making out.
When they weren't couch-cuddling, they were watching movies, or playing board games, going to dinner, going for walks, or hanging out with Santana and Brittany. Things were going well. Rachel was happy. There was always the dark cloud lingering of where Quinn would be going after the project was finished. Rachel wanted to just enjoy the fact that the six-month schedule had been extended, but the thoughts of Quinn taking job filmed in South America or Europe or even Wyoming plagued her.
The events of the night at Brash were rarely spoken about except when Quinn liked to tease Rachel about falling asleep the moment her head hit the pillow, leaving Quinn quite unsatisfied. But Rachel more than made up for it in the weeks since.
Part of her wanted to talk to Quinn about the Kasey situation, but she knew it was hard enough for Quinn to see her ex and be thrown into that whirlwind of emotions so unexpectedly. As much as she wanted to dissect everything that happened and discuss it for fifteen hours straight, she had a feeling Quinn wouldn't be so enthusiastic about it. It was starting to get a little difficult for Rachel having to walk on eggshells around her girlfriend. She had no idea someone so talented and beautiful could be so sensitive.
She figured it was best to focus on the end of the semester at NYADA, which ended up paying off because she aced all of her classes. Quinn surprised her with a celebratory dinner and tickets to see Wicked.
After the show, they opted to walk back to their apartment. It was cold, but it was the most mild weather they've had in weeks, so they wanted to take advantage of it.
"I don't want you to get too excited, or anything," said Rachel, as she watched her breath release a white fog into the air. "But they're holding open auditions for an off-Broadway musical version of Frozen."
"Wow. They really wasted no time with that, did they?" quipped Quinn.
"I guess not. I mean, it's a rather small production. The theater seats maybe three hundred people. But I think I'm going to audition."
"Um...you think? If you don't audition, I'll drag you there kicking and screaming if I have to," threatened Quinn.
"So you think I should try it? You don't think it sounds cheesy?"
"Of course it's cheesy. I think you're destined for far better than off-Broadway, but in the meantime, until the rest of the world realizes how talented you are, this is the perfect jumping off point for you. Plus, you've got a semester at NYADA under your belt. Do you know how many students don't even make it that far?"
"Sadly, yes. My classes started getting smaller and smaller as the weeks went on."
"My point is, you've got talent, you've got training, you've got me supporting you every step of the way and you have more drive and determination than anyone I've ever met."
Rachel blushed as she looped her arm through Quinn's. This move used to make Quinn flinch if they were in public. But she's gotten used to it, especially at night when there was less of a chance of anyone seeing.
"Besides," continued Quinn, "You already sing Let It Go every single day until my ears bleed, so you may as well do it on stage in front of a bigger audience."
"What makes you so sure I'm auditioning for Elsa?"
"You're too badass to be Anna. And you own that song. I mean, that song is your bitch."
Rachel laughed. "Okay, okay. Then I'll audition for Elsa."
"Excellent. And when you get the part, we'll get some ice cream and wine and have a sing along with the movie," suggested Quinn, who was practically skipping by this point. Rachel was trying to keep up with her.
"You're making an awfully big assumption that I'll be getting the part."
"Oh please. Don't pretend you don't think you're going to get it."
"Okay, so there's a chance I might get it, but let's not get crazy."
"How long is the run?"
"Rehearsals start in January and the show premieres in March and runs for six weeks."
As they arrived at their apartment building, Quinn grabbed the door for Rachel before the doorman could even register that they were there.
"After you, my Ice Queen." Quinn then ran in front of Rachel and crouched down a bit. "Hop on. Your noble steed shall deliver you safely to your castle!"
"Quinn, what are you doing?" Rachel looked around, feeling her face turn red.
"I'm being chivalrous. Don't question it. Just hop on!"
Rachel threw herself onto Quinn's back and held on as Quinn carried her all the way to the elevator, up to their apartment and through the front door. She was quite impressed with her stamina as she let go and fell to the couch with an out-of-breath Quinn soon laying on top of her. Rachel was quite impressed with her stamina and was certainly ready to see just how much energy Quinn had left as they started a very heated makeout session on the couch.
Just as Quinn had predicted, Rachel got the part. And just as Rachel had imagined, her first foray into New York musical theatre was thrilling. Granted, she still didn't know how she felt about starring in a Disney-based musical. She was eager to attack deeper, grittier roles where she could really showcase her talent. But the fact that she was getting paid (rather pitifully, but paid nonetheless) to sing on a New York stage more than made up for it.
After spending their first Christmas in New York together, which included a visit from Rachel's dads, and celebrating the New Year at the bar where Santana worked, Rachel started rehearsals just as Quinn was wrapping up filming.
Today was Quinn's last day of filming. Rachel's rehearsal had just ended. She was hot and sweaty and exhausted from the dance routines, but eager to see how Quinn's last day went. She clicked on the picture that Quinn had texted her. It was a picture of Quinn in her costume - a slinky, silk tank top, a tight miniskirt and six-inch stilettos. The picture was from the chest down, but it was enough to make Rachel squirm even without seeing her girlfriend's face. The text read, "Think I should keep my costume?"
Rachel smirked and seriously contemplated finding a bathroom or a very secluded area of the theatre so she could get some release.
But before she could go anywhere, her co-star who plays her sister snuck up behind her.
"Damn, who's the hot girl?"
Rachel jumped and turned to face her. Ashley Fenton had a lot in common with Rachel, which is why they seemed to get along fairly well. They both had a passion for musical theatre, they're both from small towns, and they can both turn into colossal divas once in a certain mindset.
"Oh, she's...a friend of mine."
"Please," scoffed Ashley. "A friend is sending you a picture like that? Nice try."
Rachel sighed and realized that you really couldn't see Quinn's face in the picture at all.
"Actually, it's my girlfriend." Her stomach dropped briefly as the words came out of her mouth. She didn't know why she was being so honest, but there was something about Ashley that made her feel comfortable. Like somehow, she would understand.
Ashley didn't react the way Rachel feared she would. She didn't step back in awe or even show the slightest bit of shock on her face. She simply looked her up and down and gave a little grin.
"Is she back in Ohio?"
"No, actually. She...well, she travels a lot." She didn't want to divulge too much.
"That's rough. Long distance is tough. My girlfriend and I broke up for that very reason. She's back in Lafayette. I think she just doesn't want to be away from her family. Plus, she really didn't want to come out. I kept telling her she needed to get out of that town. Some of the people there were a bit small-minded. But she opted to stay."
"I'm sorry to hear that." Rachel may have been relating to her story a little too much.
She wasn't altogether shocked that Ashley was gay - or at least bisexual. Rachel didn't want to make any assumptions. But she kind of sensed it, especially when she would cast a glance in Rachel's direction that last just a little too long and had this certain softness in her eyes. Rachel shook it off and tried not to think about it. But now that they knew the truth about each other, maybe it was a good opportunity to get the perspective of someone else who's going through the same situation - being newly out while trying to make a name for yourself.
"You want to go grab some dinner or something?"
Before Rachel could answer, her phone beeped again. She opened another picture from Quinn. This time it was the outfit she was previously wearing in a pile on the floor. Rachel grinned at the insinuation and gathered her belongings.
"Rain check? There's someone I have to...I mean something I have to do."
A few weeks later, Rachel rolled over onto her left side and started to get out of bed until she felt two arms wrap around her torso and pull her back.
"Where are you going?"
"To the bathroom."
Quinn held on tighter. "It's Sunday morning. We both have the day off. This bed is the only thing that exists for us."
"The bathroom doesn't exist?"
"You weren't going to the bathroom. You heard your phone go off a few minutes ago and now you want to check your texts."
"Stop knowing me!" Rachel giggled.
Quinn succeeded in pulling her back into the bed. Rachel really didn't hate when Quinn took charge of her.
Under the attack of Quinn's kisses, she heard Quinn's phone ring.
Quinn stopped to look at her phone to see who was calling and stared at her phone for a minute, looking perplexed.
"Uh uh. Nope. Nothing exists but this bed. Your rules. Not mine."
"It's my mother."
Rachel's smile fell as she sat up and held Quinn's hand.
"Hello?" You could hear the hopefulness in her voice.
"Yeah. Hi mom. I'm so glad you called. I haven't heard from you in..."
Quinn listened intently as her mother went on about something. Rachel couldn't quite hear.
"Oh." Quinn's face fell. "Yeah. Yeah, sure. Of course. I'll wire it to you tomorrow. How much?"
Rachel closed her eyes and shook her head. She wasn't hoping for a beautiful reunion and a heartfelt apology from Quinn's mom. Quinn really needed that. Or at least something along those lines. What she didn't need was her estranged mother calling her up out of the blue just to get some money. Rachel wanted to scream. And of course, Quinn was more than happy to send her parents whatever they wanted, regardless of the way they treated her when she was in the hospital. Because Quinn was a good person. A good daughter. And a good actress putting on a very convincing act for her mom, pretending everything was sunshine and rainbows since they walked out on her and cut off most contact.
But Rachel knew differently. She could see Quinn's exterior slowly start to crumble. She watched as her jaw began to tremble. Her hand gripped the phone tighter. Her eyes becoming misty. Rachel wanted to knock the phone out of her hand. She wanted to yell at Mrs. Fabray and tell her what an amazing woman her daughter is. But she just waited. Waited for the call to end so she could smother Quinn with her love to make up for the love her parents took away.
"Yeah. Okay. Yes, I promise I'll send it tomorrow. I love you, mom." She looked at her phone, then at Rachel. "She hung up."
With those three words spoken, Rachel dove at Quinn, wrapping her up in her arms and legs, holding on to her every which way she could, wondering if her love would ever be enough.
Time started moving from a slow walk to a rapid pace. As Rachel entered tech week for the show, Quinn was constantly on conference calls with her agent trying to negotiate a deal for her latest project. With two films awaiting release and her HBO miniseries debuting last month to solid reviews and even more solid ratings, Quinn was a wanted woman. It was nice to finally start getting to the point where she could pick and choose the roles she wanted to play. But right now, as she had been telling Rachel every night when the brunette awoke from stress dreams about the show, the role she wanted right now was to be Rachel's girlfriend.
The pressure on Rachel was mounting with her NYADA classes and rehearsal, so by the time opening night came around, they were both a little relieved. No more twelve-hour rehearsal days. No more missing a class here and there in order to make it to rehearsal on time. Now all Rachel had to do was perform for two hours every night. She couldn't believe all her dreams, hard work and tenacity were finally about to pay off. She was going to star in an off-Broadway musical. And soon enough, that "off" part would simply disappear.
She sent invites out to all her friends from the glee club, Mr. Schuester, her dads, and her classmates at NYADA to come see the show's opening night.
She walked into the backstage area where she shared a dressing room with fourteen other girls and nine guys. Okay, it wasn't so much a dressing room as it was a room with a couple of mirrors and good lighting for putting on stage makeup.
"Well, there you are, Miss Popular."
Ashley was already in hair and makeup as she gestured to the flowers on the counter. Rachel approached the giant bouquet in the middle and read the card.
"To our star, Rachel Berry. We are with you in spirit and are so proud of you. Since we couldn't be there, we all pitched in to get you a bouquet bigger than you! You deserve nothing but the best. Love, Mr. Schuester, Kurt, Puck, Sam, Mercedes, Artie, Tina, Mike, Blaine and the rest of your New Directions brothers and sisters."
She was nearly moved to tears. She knew they wouldn't be able to come see her, especially since most of them were scattered around the country. But it was nice to know they were thinking of her and that they were proud of her.
She read the cards on the other bouquets. One was from Brittany and Santana, one was from her dads and one was from Quinn, whose bouquet wasn't quite as big as the one from her glee friends, but it was pretty damn close. The card simply read:
"Who's my big superstar? Love, Q"
It made Rachel snort with laughter.
"Wow," exclaimed Rachel.
"Yeah. You're making us all feel bad with all your flowers," exclaimed Ashley. "Show off." She winked in jest as she walked by Rachel.
"You think I'm showing off now? Wait until I belt out my songs tonight," Rachel called after her.
The thunderous applause from a packed house was a good indicator of how the show went. With the exception of a few flubbed lines and missed marks (none of which were Rachel's, of course) opening night was a success.
After taking her final bow, the curtain lowered and the cast exited the stage, congratulating each other. Rachel was barely out of her costume when Quinn pushed past everybody and came bounding up to her with a bear hug.
"You were fantastic! Seriously. Tears." Quinn motioned to her red eyes. "I even saw Santana wipe away a tear, not that she'd ever admit it. But you were amazing."
Quinn hugged her once more as her continuous praise started to make Rachel blush.
"Hey, Ohio. You rocked it tonight." Ashley came up to Rachel and gave her a hug before acknowledging Quinn. "Didn't she rock it? Oh shit. You're Quinn Fabray."
"Yeah. That I am."
Ashley put her hand out. "Wow. It's so great to meet you! Rachel, you didn't tell me you know Quinn Fabray."
"Oh, Rachel's full of lots of secrets," informed Quinn.
"I'll bet," agreed Ashley. "She's definitely the dark, mysterious type."
Rachel was trying to get a read on Quinn, wondering what she thought of Ashley. She had only mentioned her in passing before.
"Is she?"
"Well, she's super secretive. Refuses to divulge the inner most workings of her love life."
Rachel needed to break this up quickly. "Okay. Well, we're supposed meet some friends and family for dinner to celebrate, so I'll see you tomorrow, Ashley."
"Yup. Nice meeting you, Quinn. Big fan."
"Nice meeting you, too. You did a great job."
Ashley nodded and left the two alone.
Rachel looked at Quinn and then over at her flowers.
"So...how am I going to get all these flowers home?"
"With a crane. So who was that?" Quinn certainly wasn't in the mood for games.
Rachel had a feeling this would be their next conversation.
"That's Ashley. I told you about her. We have a lot in common."
Quinn nodded. "She's cute."
Rachel shrugged. "Yeah, I guess."
"She's the gay one, right?"
Rachel walked over to her shrine of flowers and started picking them up.
"Yeah, she's gay."
"Just leave those there. That way you can keep everyone with you in spirit. Did you tell her about me?"
Rachel put the flowers down. "That's a good idea. No, I didn't tell her about you. I told her I have a girlfriend, but I didn't mention your name."
Quinn nodded and Rachel could swear she saw a hint of disappointment in her eyes.
"Quinn?"
"Hmm?"
"Are you jealous?"
"Yes." She didn't even pause before answering.
Rachel stepped in closer to her girlfriend.
"Baby, she's just a friend. Someone that I can talk to about things."
"Things that aren't me," chided Quinn.
Rachel scoffed. "Wait, so now you want me telling people we're together?"
"No!" Quinn lowered her head. "I don't know. I mean, I guess not. But I just don't like the thought of her thinking that she has a chance with you."
"She doesn't have a chance with me. I've made it very clear to her that I'm very much in love and in a very committed relationship."
"Okay," Quinn conceded.
"Do you want me to tell her you're my girlfriend?"
Quinn shook her head. "I wish this was easier."
"It can be," assured Rachel.
"Come on. The girls and your dads are probably at the restaurant by now."
Quinn picked up Rachel's bag for her and ushered her out of the back door of the theatre.
Word of mouth spread quickly about Rachel's performance. Within two weeks of the show's debut, she had gotten several interview requests. The Village Voice, , Back Stage West, even the editors of the NYADA newsletter asked to do a story on her. She was nervous about doing interviews for the first time, but Quinn prepped her and assured her that she would be fine.
"Quinn! Quinn, it's here!"
Rachel charged into the bathroom where Quinn had just stepped out of the shower.
"What's here?"
"The Village Voice interview. I grabbed a bunch of copies. Come read it!"
Quinn wrapped the towel around her and sat on the couch next to Rachel. She grabbed one of the copies on the coffee table and proceeded to read all about the emerging artist that was Rachel Berry.
Rachel watched her with anticipation. More than anything, she wanted to make Quinn proud. With both of their careers on the rise, they would become unstoppable.
Quinn pursed her lips as she finished up the article. For a moment she didn't say anything. She just sat there looking at the article.
"What do you think?"
"You...you came out. You told them you're gay?"
Rachel had a feeling this was going to be a point of contention for them. From the moment those words escaped her mouth, she instantly thought of Quinn and how she would react. But she couldn't help it. The interviewer asked if she had a boyfriend. She didn't want to lie and she had no reason not to tell the truth, so she admitted she had a girlfriend.
"Yes."
"Why?"
Rachel took Quinn's hand, still wet from her shower. "Because I am. And I feel like I have no reason to hide it."
"What about me?"
"Quinn, this has nothing to do with you. This is about me. This is about the fact that I'm completely comfortable with the whole world knowing who I am. I thought you'd be proud of me."
"I am. I just...didn't expect you to just blurt it out to some reporter."
"Well, I'm sorry it wasn't on the cover of People Magazine, but this was an opportunity to open up about what it's like to be a gay woman in musical theatre."
Quinn put her head in her hands. "I just wish you had discussed this with me first."
At that, Rachel snapped. She could take a lot of shit, but this was starting to go too far.
"Why should I have discussed it with you? He asked, I answered. I didn't have a publicist there telling me what to say or cutting off his questions if they got too personal. It felt right to say it and I'm not taking it back."
"Well congratulations."
"Gee thanks."
"Well, what do you want me to say?"
"How about 'it's a great article! Good job Rachel!'"
Quinn was silent and Rachel could feel herself starting to lose it.
"Let me ask you something, Quinn. It's been weighing on my mind for the longest time. You told me that you were willing to come out when you were with Kasey. You wanted the whole world to know you loved her. You were sixteen and you were ready to suffer any consequences that came with coming out. We've been together over two years. Why can't you do it for me? What happened to that fearlessness? What happened to that decision to choose love over what society's standards?"
Rachel could feel Quinn becoming more closed off. She was hunched over, her towel firmly wrapped around her body. She couldn't look up from her hands.
"I'm afraid I'll end up alone. I've already lost my parents. I don't want to end up isolating myself from everyone I've ever known."
"But every time you say you're single or tell the press you're not dating anyone, you're denying me. You're denying our relationship. I would never deny you."
She could tell Quinn was trying to fight back tears.
"We live together," continued Rachel. "We're a couple. We have been for a long time. Don't you think it's time you actually acknowledge it? Look at me. I came out and I'm relatively unscathed."
Quinn shook her head. "It's different in the theatre world. It's a safer environment. It's more open-minded."
"Well, maybe you can be the next step in helping the Hollywood crowd be more accepting of it. It's not your fans that will care, Quinn. It's just the people who make money off of you. You're a brand to them. You said it yourself."
"You're right. I'm just a used commodity."
"That's not what I meant and you know it. You're so talented. You're so beautiful. You're so kind and sweet and generous. Everyone loves that about you. Being gay doesn't change anything about you. The only thing it will do is make you feel more free."
"Rachel, we've talked about this. I can't, okay?"
Rachel stood up in a huff. "I love you Quinn. But I've been too nice about this for far too long. I went along with it because I know how important it was for you to keep your image intact. But I also thought there would be an end in sight. Here we are two years later and it's all the same. You seem perfectly content to live your life as a lie and pretend that I'm merely a friend to you. That's selfish. And I'm tired of it."
"Rachel, you know your more than just a friend to me. You're everything."
"No one else seems to know that." She grabbed her bag and headed for the door.
"Where are you going?" Quinn turned around so her chin was resting on the back of the couch, watching Rachel.
"It's forty-five minutes to curtain. I'm already late. We'll finish this later. Maybe."
"Why don't you go discuss it with Ashley," Quinn yelled after her.
With that, she was out the door. Rachel heard Quinn's last words to her and was now fuming. She waited for what felt like forever for the elevator to reach their floor. Once the door opened, Rachel realized she forgot her stage makeup kit. Mentally berating herself for being so forgetful, she walked back to her apartment. Once the door was open, she found that Quinn was no longer on the couch. She glanced around the room and found her kit on the side table. Before turning to leave, she heard something coming from their bedroom.
The closer and closer she got to the bedroom, the louder the noise became. The door was cracked open and Rachel peeked through to see Quinn sitting on the floor against the wall. She was naked. At some point the towel around her fell off and she simply allowed it to happen. She watched as Quinn rocked back and forth while sobbing uncontrollably. The sight completely broke Rachel's heart. But she was still angry with her. Seething, really. Plus, if she waited any longer, she would be late. And she couldn't be late. She just couldn't. It wasn't in her nature.
So she backed away, grabbed her makeup kit and walked out the door with the sounds of Quinn's cries echoing in her head.
