Chapter Twenty-Nine:
The North Mountain


Elsa sat crumbled, defeated and broken in a corner of the shower. Her knees drawn up to her chin, her arms wrapped tightly around her legs. Tears streamed down her face mixing with the water from the shower which had long since gone cold.

She buried her head in her knees as her back heaved with each sobbing breath, the pain in her chest beyond unbearable. Her whole body shook and quivered, from the cold or the heartache she didn't know, she didn't care, it barely even registered in her mind.

Sitting on the ledge of the shower, her razorblade glinted teasingly at her, calling to her, inviting her. Before she could consciously register what she was doing, the blade was in her hand, the cool metal resting against the skin of her wrist.

Her hands shook uncontrollably as she fought an internal battle. She'd promised Anna that she would never hurt herself again, she promised she'd never resort to self-harm or suicide as an escape, but she had promised her sister so many things and had already broken each and every one.

She promised Anna that she'd never leave her, that she'd never hide or lock herself away again, and yet, here she was, crumpled in the bottom of a shower in some dingy motel, she'd ran from Hans, she'd ran to protect Anna, to keep her from harm. She'd locked herself away, far from Arendelle, far from anyone who could possibly recognise her. She was in hiding, she never left her room except to stock up on food.

Images of Anna, beautiful, sweet, kind Anna filtered through her mind. Her long fiery hair glowing under the light of the sun, how her freckles reminded her of a far-off galaxy, painted by the gods on the most exquisite blank canvas. How her eyes would change colour depending on her mood or the lighting of the room, how her smile could make Elsa's heart stutter in her chest, how her soft lips fit perfectly with Elsa's own and how she was the embodiment of all things good and pure and kind and wonderful in the world.

The sharp sting of metal cutting through flesh broke Elsa from her reverie. The smell of fresh blood filled the small room as she watched the crimson liquid flow down her arm, swirling around the tiled floor as it mixed with the cool water from the shower. She hadn't even realised she'd done it, was she really pushing down on it hard enough to break the skin? The pain in her chest masked the pain from her wound and she found no satisfaction in it, no relief from the new mark she'd made.

Elsa stood on shaky legs and stumbled towards the little kitchenette at the far end of her room, water dripping from her naked body as the shower continued to flow behind her. She opened the top draw and pulled out a kitchen knife. She ran the edge of the blade over her fingertip, testing to see how sharp it was. A small cut formed on her finger, a droplet of blood slid down the digit and into the palm of her hand as she inspected the wound, she deemed the weapon worthy of her use and placed it down on the bench beside her. Elsa then picked up a pad of paper and a pen that sat in the far corner of the benchtop and wrote out her final message.

My Dearest Anna,

I'm so sorry.
I love you with all my heart, always have, always will.
But this is how it has to be.

I'm all alone in this room tonight, not another soul to be seen,
This is my kingdom of isolation,
And only here, I am queen.
My heart is breaking, from this swirling storm inside,
Couldn't keep going, heaven knows I've tried.

I didn't let you in, couldn't let you see,
Tried being the good girl Papa said I had to be,
'Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know',
Well, now they know,

Let me go, I won't hold you back anymore,
Let me go, turn away and walk out the door,
You should not worry, what they're going to say,
Try to move on,
I'll love you forever and always.

Anna,

Please, go back home, your life awaits,
Go enjoy the sun and learn to love again,
You know, I meant well,
But I must leave you be,
Yes, you're alone, but now you can be free,
I've had to stay away, to keep you safe from me.

I was such a fool,
To think I could be free,
But there was no escape from the storm inside of me,
I can't control this curse,
And if I stay, I'll only make it worse.

I panicked,
There's so much fear, you were never safe here,
I wish we could fix this thing together,
Change our lives forever,
And everything would be alright.

Let me go, I'll be one with the wind and sky,
Let me go, I never wanted to make you cry,
But here it ends, and here I'll fade,
I cannot live on,
The cold never bothered me anyway.

I'll miss you till I see you next,
Love, Elsa

xxx Always xxx

Blood and tears marred the paper beneath her fingers as she read over her letter one last time. This was it, this was the only way she could stop this storm she made, it was the only way to keep Anna safe from her forever.

Back in her place at the bottom of the shower, the icy water soothing the burning sting from the wounds on her arms, Elsa placed the knife to her wrist and watched as the blade sliced through the skin. Blood spewed from the new cut, a bright red pool of liquid gathered at her feet. A crude smile curled her lips as she placed the knife to her chest, and watched the tip of the blade dig into her skin over the organ beneath that kept beating uselessly, another cut, another scar, another mark to show the world just how much of a monster she is…

Was.

This time Elsa grasped the hilt of the knife with both hands, the blade pointed towards her chest, aimed directly at her heart. She raised it as high as her arms would allow and then, just as she was about to bring it down in one swift blow, she remembered something else she had packed in her emergency bag. Something that would make this task much easier, faster and would certainly get the job done.

She threw the knife down on the floor, the metal clanging against the tiles as it dropped, and raced into the main room. Elsa tore the bag open and fished through it until she found the torn lining in its base. She slid her hand between the two layers of fabric and finally found what she was looking for.

She pulled the gleaming silver gun from the bag, and placed a single copper bullet in the barrel.

That's all she'd need anyway.


The moment Kristoff pulled up at The Ice Palace, Anna jumped out of the car, the entire drive she'd had this bad feeling, and it only got worse the longer they were on the road.

"Just wait here okay, I need to do this alone." She told her friends as she peered at the run-down motel.

"Are you sure it's safe? I don't want you getting hurt." Kristoff asked worriedly.

"She's my sister," Anna said, "she would never hurt me." Then she spun on the spot and took off towards the old building.

Anna was running, sprinting through the halls of The Ice Palace with fierce desperation. She had to get to Elsa, and she had to get there now, she just had this feeling, this gut instinct that something was wrong, very wrong with Elsa and she had to save her.

Door after door flew past her in a blur of white, each black number whizzing past as she raced towards number thirteen.

Nineteen

Not far now

Seventeen

Almost there

Fifteen

Just one more


Elsa stood in the cold shower, her eyes locked on the object in her hands as she twirled the gun in her palm, admiring the sleek silver as it melded into the sharp black on the handle. She grasped it in her right hand, her finger poised over the trigger as she brought it up to her heart, the cause of all this pain.


Thirteen!

Anna screeched to a halt, her body lurching violently as her knees locked in place.

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.

BANG

Anna bashed on the door with such force that the wood splintered beneath her fist, the sound of a gunshot reverberating through the hall. "ELSA!" She screamed. "Elsa let me in! Please, I need to see you, NOW! Just let me in! I won't leave until you do, you promised you'd never lock me out again, remember that? Remember all those promises you made to me? Please, please don't break another one!"

A pause… nothing.

"Just open this door, I need to see you, I need to see that you're okay! Please Elsa!" Anna's voice broke as tears tumbled down her cheeks. "Please, please, please Elsa, I love you. I love you. I love you." There was silence from the other side, no response, not a single sound other than the constant flow of water hitting tiles. "Please don't be dead." She cried as terror gripped her heart like an icy fist squeezing the muscle until it stopped beating.

Anna's body trembled with fear, her legs gave way as she crumpled on the hard concrete below her. Violent sobs wracked her body as she leant against the door, "Elsa, Elsa, Elsa." She whispered to the wood, over and over she repeated it like a mantra.


A/N If you haven't guessed by now... I love a good cliff-hanger :P
Until next time!