Chapter 29 - How Does It Feel?
A/N: I'm not the type of person who listens to songs posted by YouTubers but when I heard this song I couldn't help but be inspired. I think that it suits this story and is perfect for this chapter. The song is 'Something About You' by Evan Gummo featuring Maddie Nick, link at the end of the chapter :-) This chapter however is mostly based on 'How Does It Feel?' by Avril Lavigne. I hope you enjoy the songs and this chapter :-) It wasn't an easy write!
There's just something about Bruce that had Natasha running back to him all the time.
There's just something about Natasha that had Bruce running back to her all the time.
Through thick and thin the pair always managed to fall back into one another's arms.
It was like they kept running in circles. They were close enough to hurt one another but far enough away to still need one another. As an outsider looking at their history, their relationship could be viewed as unhealthy. The Avengers and their friends viewed the relationship as another unstable aspect to their job. Being an Avenger made having a personal life very difficult, something that only Clint had managed to make work, well to some extent.
There was just something about them that was like magnets, they couldn't be without each other but they couldn't always be together. There was toxicity in their relationship. They had a lot of issues that they needed to sort out. It wouldn't matter how many smiles they plastered on or how tightly they held one another, things would never be the same as they once were.
Everyone would see a happy reunited couple when they emerged from Natasha's room. Only those closest to the couple would be able to see past the fake smiles and see the tension beneath.
Natasha woke up feeling lost.
She couldn't make sense of what was happening.
One minute she was broken because Bruce was nowhere to be found. The next, Bruce was in the Avengers facility with a stupid letter as an apology. Then they were yelling at each other and apologising and saying that they loved one another.
Natasha was confused. She loved well loves Bruce but she was hurting. She was terrified about the next step in their relationship. They had gone back and forth so many times she didn't know if her heart could handle another break.
Natasha jumped as she felt a hand move up her arm to cup her cheek.
"Are you okay?" Bruce asked worriedly.
"I uh yeah I'm fine, I'm just thinking," Natasha said softly.
Bruce gently squeezed Natasha's hand.
"Thinking can be dangerous," Bruce said gently.
"It can, it can also be helpful," Natasha whispered.
Bruce knew that there was something wrong by how soft Natasha's voice kept getting.
"Nat, I know that even though last night went well after all the yelling, we've got a lot to work through, a lot that we still need to figure out," Bruce started, "but I want you to know that I'm not going to go anywhere. I'm yours I promise that I will stay with you and we will work through this."
"What happens then? What happens when we do work things out? Will you still stay?" Natasha hated how nervous and terrified her voice sounded.
"I promise that I will not go anywhere," Bruce said fiercely hoping that Natasha believed him.
"Promise is a strong word Bruce," Natasha whispered.
"I know. I also know that I've broken promises before so I don't blame you for not believing me. Natasha I will do whatever I have to to make this up to you. I love you I truly do," Bruce said just as softly.
"I love you too, it's just going to take some time," Natasha explained.
"I know. I'm sorry for hurting you, I'll make it up to you, I promise Natasha and this time I won't break my promise to you," Bruce said.
Natasha just nodded, there were no words for her to say.
Not that she had a chance to find any anyway, there was a loud knocking on her bedroom door. Natasha sighed and got out of bed to open the door.
"Good morning Miss Romanoff, Captain Rogers has requested the team to meet in the function room," Vision said.
Natasha nodded, "tell him I'll be there in ten minutes. Please."
"Of course," Vision responded.
"Thanks Vis," Natasha smiled half-heartedly as she closed the door.
"Do you want me to come with you?" Bruce asked as Natasha busied herself with getting ready.
Natasha hesitated uncertain that it would be a good idea, Steve wasn't exactly Bruce's biggest fan at the moment.
"I don't see why not," if Bruce was staying then Natasha had to talk to Steve and the others so that they wouldn't attack Bruce, thus unleashing the Hulk and destroying any hope that Natasha had of bringing Bruce back to her for good.
Bruce studied Natasha carefully, uncertain that it was a good idea for him to go with her.
Natasha rummaged through her drawers and found a t-shirt and jeans that belonged to Bruce, she threw them onto the bed and Bruce got ready himself. He decided that now was not the time to question why Natasha had some of his clothes, nor was it the right time to question where she got them from.
Once they were both ready Natasha led the way out of her room, ensuring to lock the door behind her. Natasha had caught Wanda and Tony looking through her room one day and ever since she always locked the door when she left. Tony she had expected that type of action from, she barely knew Wanda back then and didn't trust that her intentions had been good. Tony had been trying to find out if Natasha had heard from Bruce, secret letters, emails etcetera and had enlisted Wanda's help, Wanda had been trying to connect with Natasha, being that they are the only women on the team, and thought that she might find something that they had in common. After that incident Wanda had changed tactics to try and talk to Natasha before taking dangerous steps as to work with Tony Stark. They weren't best friends but Natasha was starting to see Wanda as a friend. As for Stark he'll never change, he was always trying to find a way into Natasha's room. She just hoped that now that Bruce was back he wouldn't be searching for something that didn't exist.
Natasha led the way to the function room where all of the Avengers, original and new, were gathered. Of course Natasha and Bruce were the last to enter.
Natasha took her usual seat between Steve and Rhodes, leaving Bruce to take the spare seat beside Tony.
Natasha looked around and smiled at her old teammates, Clint and Thor had returned, obviously by Steve's order seeing as no one had seen or heard from Thor in months and Clint had barely left the farm since Nathaniel was born.
"So you're probably all wondering why I asked you here," Steve began.
The Avengers all turned to look at him, some heads nodded others stayed still.
"I wanted to be sure that everyone understands this facility and why it is here and the precautions that we all must take in order to keep it secure and hidden. The last thing that we need is another breach of security, no matter how small. It's a risk that we just can't afford," Steve continued.
Natasha gave him a stern look, knowing exactly where Steve was going with his 'talk'. Across the table Sam looked like he'd been hit by a truck, it wasn't his fault that the breach had been a man the size of an ant.
"I'm not blaming anyone for that breach but we all need to be more alert, who knows what is out there. Strucker's experiments might have only had a few success stories but who's to say that there aren't others out there experimenting too? We always need to be on guard. Now that we have more people staying here more frequently we need to rework the perimeter watch timetable. If you're going to stay here you need to be helping out," Steve explained.
"I'm only here cause you asked me to be, I'd much rather be home with my family, no offense to any of you," Clint defended.
"I am only here Rogers because you asked. I have too much to do on Asgard to spend more than an hour here in Midguard," Thor agreed in annoyance.
"Right but I thought that you two should at least be here to see that Bruce is alive and no longer hiding," Steve tried to defend himself from his actions.
"Well let's have a vote shall we? Let's see who is happy to have Bruce back and who will be watching his every move while he is here," Clint suggested.
Natasha glared daggers at her best friend, "Clint," she warned.
"Excellent idea," Tony added.
Natasha sighed, this was going to be a long day.
"I'm with Barton this could be a good thing Nat. You'll see who truly cares and worries about you and we get to let Bruce know that his actions affected all of us as a team," Steve explained.
"Fine do what you want but don't expect me to do perimeter watch for two months," Natasha conceded.
"Deal," Steve said with a smile.
Natasha rolled her eyes.
"Okay hands up if you're happy that Bruce is back," Steve requested.
Natasha, Tony, and Vision were the only ones to raise their hands.
"Okay who is happy that Bruce is back but will be watching his every move?" Steve asked.
Clint, Steve, Rhodes, Wanda, Thor, and Sam raised their hands.
Bruce tried not to look hurt, he should have expected that there would be backlash from him leaving. He did realise though that all of the people with their hands raised had probably spent a great deal of the last few months trying to piece Natasha back together again. He couldn't blame them for caring about her, he certainly cared not that anyone knew it based on his actions.
Bruce decided that he needed to reassure the Avengers, as he tried to reassure Natasha, that he wasn't going anywhere and he would be an asset to the team and not a burden.
"I understand your concern, I truly do. That is why I will be doing whatever it takes to earn back the trust that I lost from you all and I will be staying here. I will not leave without warning again, I will not run from problems. If you need me to do something I will do it. With one exception, I will not be enabling a code green at any point that is not life threatening and only if it is by my choice and not forced upon me. I also will promise you all, as I promised Natasha, I will stay, I will not leave. In fact I will do a perimeter watch whenever you want me to, I'll take over Natasha's shifts," Bruce explained.
"Alright deal. If you leave again though without warning or good reason you are NEVER allowed back into this facility nor its perimeter," Steve negotiated.
"I can agree with that," Bruce said.
"Now let's sort out the timetable," Steve began before Clint interrupted.
"Sorry Rogers but I have something that I need to say before I'm comfortable with Bruce staying," Clint explained, he looked directly at Bruce as he spoke his next words, "if you EVER hurt Natasha again, physically or mentally I will make your life a living hell. If you so much as think about running and not facing a problem I will make your life a living hell. Don't cross me Banner, I've had to help Natasha rebuild herself and make her whole again. If you break her heart again I will end you."
The room was deadly quiet, no one, not even Natasha, had expected that type of reaction from Clint. One thing was for sure, Bruce was feeling trapped in a corner.
Natasha loved Clint for standing up for her but at the same time she felt like it was another push for Bruce to leave. Not only had nearly the entire team agreed that they would be watching Bruce closely but now her best friend was threatening Bruce. As lovely as she found her friends sticking up for her she worried that it was going to push Bruce away again, something that she wouldn't be able to handle again.
Tony was first to break the silence, "point is Bruce we don't want you going anywhere, you're an asset to the team. With you gone we crumble. I'm with Clint though, don't hurt Romanoff again and you'll be safe."
"I know that I broke the trust of everyone in this room when I left and that is why I will be doing everything in my power to rebuild that trust. I'm grateful to all of you for caring about Natasha and I will show you that I care about her just as much if not more. I'm not going anywhere," Bruce said firmly.
Natasha didn't know how she felt about having everyone defending her. The only person who had defended her before she became an Avenger was Fury. Of course Clint, Hill, and Coulson had all defended her over time but that was the point it took them time to trust and defend her. Fury had done so without hesitation. Now years later she had a group of people who were ready to defend her and who trusted her. Natasha had spent so long trying to find a place where she belonged, to find a family, that she hadn't realised her family were the people in that very room. Of course there were other people that she considered family but for the most part it was these people who saw her at her worst and her best and didn't judge her for either. Natasha just hoped that one day Bruce would be able to feel that way about the people in the room, they might all be angry with him now but Natasha knew that Bruce would be able to regain trust with them.
"Alright if that's agreed that we'll all work on making this team stronger and being able to move forward from the last few months let's make this timetable and get back to training," Steve instructed.
Even though they weren't going on the roster Clint and Thor decided to stick around until the chart was finalised. It had been a while since they had all been in a room together and they weren't quite ready to leave it behind again just yet.
After some badgering Tony agreed to be put on the perimeter watch timetable with the understanding that he would only be on watch for a total of seven hours a week. Steve happily made that work by putting him on at a time where whoever was on watch would be able to have lunch.
Bruce was happy to take three days a week of the watch.
Natasha was worried that he was going to be trying too hard too soon and that it wouldn't end up working in his favour, rather it would break him.
Natasha felt for the first time in months that she could breathe. It was going to take time to get back to the place that they were at before Bruce left but Natasha knew that she would fight for this feeling, a feeling of being able to do anything and knowing that Bruce would be there every step of the way. For the first time in months Natasha wasn't afraid of being alone, she wasn't afraid that her heart would be broken again. She was worried about it but the fear was subsiding the more that Bruce spoke about wanting to stay and make it work.
Bruce knew that he was risking a lot by offering to work so much so quickly but he was determined to make everyone see that he is committed to the team and that he won't be going anywhere.
At least that was his intention.
A/N: 'Something About You' - watch?v=Itg-lZ3yNTc
