"We shouldn't share a unit, Haymitch – you and I both know how risky that is. Look what happened with Chaff!" I hiss, keeping my voice low as we talk in the hallways outside the medical room Katniss and I have been sharing since we were rescued from the Arena.

The morning had started off alright; we'd both woken at the nurse's prompt at the sharp time of seven forty-five AM. There hadn't been any complaints as we'd stomached our carefully measured mush breakfast, nor had there been any issue with the regimen of pills they had concocted for us. Even Katniss had been passive about what they were continuing to shoot into her veins though there had been some mention of pregnancy protection and raising her iron.

Perhaps we'd taken it a little easy after our adventure the day prior. All I know is that I woke up on the good side of content and it hadn't gone away until my skin began to itch and my body began to twitch in all the wrong ways. The tension of my body revolting was only compacted further by the Quarter's Master who had announced himself in our room not half an hour after my condition started.

In all honesty, he had caught us off guard though the process probably shouldn't have. We hadn't really thought about what would happen to us after we were released from the hospital ward, which was admittedly stupid. So when this man showed up with a set of key cards and Haymitch on his heels looking antsy, I'd tried to shove down the panic that was building in my throat.

"Mr Mellark, Ms Everdeen – based on the information received prior to arrival, the District has assigned you to a unified unit. These spaces are often reserved for couples who have already completed the formal processes for unification, but it was felt that this technicality could be waived in light of the current situation. Please report to unit R345 once you have been discharged for your formal relocation residence."

He'd been so prompt and formal I hadn't had a moment to break in and ask a question. In fact, my jaw was still nearly on the floor when he stalked his way out of the room and disappeared down the hallway to the left. I'd met Haymitch's eyes then, hoping to convey silently the fear that was coursing through my veins.

Sharing a room in the hospital where we had nearly twenty-four hour coverage would be far different than sharing a unit on our own. Hell, what if I flipped a switch and went crazy in the middle of the night? I could kill her. I could hurt her.

I couldn't stand it.

As soon as the Quarter's Master had departed, I'd asked Katniss for a moment with Haymitch and dragged the man from the room. He'd sheepishly followed, not saying anything until we were clear of the room.

"You know Peeta, maybe this isn't something you should try to fight. You've been fine since you got here. We're going to start getting you tested and we'll figure it out, but there's been no threat to date apart from your paranoia. So just calm down, alright?" Haymitch spoke seriously, for the first time in my memory not stumbling drunk and providing shitty advice. I nearly gawked at him.

"Tell me you seriously think this is a good idea," I plead, my arm instinctively gripping his shoulder. I should tell him what's really happening – I know I should – but I just can't bear the idea of anyone looking at me like I'm something not someone.

"Kid – if we separate you, you'll just find your way back anyways. What's the point?"

"I don't want to hurt her!" I shout and I know after it's out that the whole nurse's station and even Katniss have heard me. My skin flushes as the door behind me creaks, opening just as a small hand finds the skin of my lower back through my standard District sweats.

"Peeta, it's going to be fine," Haymitch says tightly, his eyes drifting to the body behind me. I feel my shoulders slump as her presence engulfs me, instantly soothing my soul even though it is exactly what I've been trying to fight.

Everyone must think I'm crazy. They should just lock me in the loony bin right now.

Or you could do what Chaff did.

The voice in my head, so startlingly familiar sends a chill up my back to where Katniss' fingers have just vacated. I can't tell if the voice was my own internal monologue or if it was Portia again, jabbing me one like she's done every so often since they shoved this thing up my nose.

My feet shuffle slightly as my Mentor drifts off down the hall, effectively abandoning me in my effort to keep his beloved – my beloved – Mockingjay alive.

Why am I the only one trying to keep her alive?

Probably because you're the only one who knows what you can do.

I want to die.


We're discharged sometime just after dinner, having effectively been cleared of any injuries incurred in the Arena (at least the ones they can detect, anyways). Our escort to our compartment arrives as soon as the papers are signed and neither Katniss nor I can understand a word that she says as she blathers on about the finer inner-workings of District 13 and just how lovely it is to have us both around. She even mentions how lucky we are to have our own unit.

Katniss' only reaction is to clam up like she's been doing all afternoon.

She wasn't tense before my outburst, at least not that I remember. I feel like an ass for making her uncomfortable.

"And then, at the green hallway, you turn left – does that make sense?" The woman stops, turning towards us and waving her hand as though she's directing us into seats at an assembly. Out of the corner of my eye I see Katniss scowl before heading down the hallway ahead of us, reaching our marked compartment and swiping her card.

The panel doesn't turn from red to green as expected. She tries again. It still doesn't work.

"Oh, this silly thing!" The woman mumbles and steps in, removing the card from Katniss' grasp and effectively pushing her out of the way with her hip. I nearly bark out a gasp of laughter at the look on Katniss' face when the panel turns a bright green.

"Thank you," I mumble, stepping forward into the fluorescent lit room. The stark grey of the walls and the poorly lit space leave much to be desired – it's quite possibly the least inviting space I've ever been in.

"Welcome home," Katniss whispers, joining me from the doorway after seemingly dispatching our escort. Dropping her bag by the dresser, she closes the door with a quiet click and watches me for a moment, her eyes scanning every inch of my being. I try not to finish under her scrutiny.

"What?" I ask after a moment, nervously starting to shift my feet (foot).

"Nothing, I guess. I think it's..." She reaches her arm up and looks at the fading numbers on her wrist from the schedule that was applied this afternoon. Neither of us appreciate the ink inlaid into our skin. "I think it's bedtime."

I stare. Because it's all I can do.

Alone, again. And this time if something happens there won't be any doctors to rush to her aid. There won't be anyone around to deal with me. I'd be better off sharing a unit with Mags. I sigh.

"I'll take the floor then," I mutter, observing the single bed as I place my bag on the dresser before starting to put my meager supply of clothes away in the drawers.

"Don't be ridiculous. How many times have we shared a bed? Geez, how many times have you seen me naked? We're past all that trifle part," Katniss scoffs and dumps her own bag into a drawer before slamming it. My fingers grip tightly to the handle of my own drawer before I meet her gaze.

"You don't understand, Katniss," I say under my breath, attempting to hide the frustration that's very thinly veiled.

"Only because you won't tell me," She snaps back. In the corner of my eye I catch her flick her shirt to the floor just before I see her pants join them as the bed's rusty spring's creak under her weight. I bite my lip, determined to stay silent. "Why can't you just talk to me? You never had trouble with that before..." She continues and I hear the sadness tingeing her voice. We both know what she means by 'before'.

"It's not the same... I don't," My words sputter as I try to explain it. After a while of fidgeting with my clothes and changing my shirt, I turn and catch her sitting half-bare on our bed, watching me with her arms crossed tightly over her chest. "I need to go for a walk."

I split – I'm out of that room, beating down my urge to jump in bed with her, faster than I think I've moved since before the first Games. I take off down the hallways without missing a beat, taking right turns whenever there's a choice. Getting lost becomes a second nature and soon I'm back near the hospital ward and facing down a bedraggled Haymitch.

"Shouldn't you be off soiling your space by now?" He barks. I stop to take in the shaggy hair and the unkempt beard, noting that he doesn't look like he's slept since news about Chaff.

"I needed a walk. Do you need to walk?" Not sure where the invite comes from, I know it's too late to take it back before he's squinting his eyes at me in contemplation.

"Sure kid, where are we going?" Taking me by the arm, he leads me out of the ward and I'm tempted to ask where he wants to go since he's the one dragging me by the arm.

We walk for twenty minutes or so before he starts to talk.

"Mags is doing well. She's requested isolation for now while she gets her testing, but Finnick and Johanna have been keeping her company," Haymitch starts and instantly I know what he's trying to do. He's talking about options. He's talking about the choices I have to make. I'm listening. "She figured it'd be good to get looked after – not to mention they eat better in there. You know, she told us what she had to watch in those cells?"

I nod absently. I won't be rehashing any of that with anyone anytime soon. I can't.

"Well, she got us thinking. She knows what's going on with her. Chaff knew. So you must know, don't you kid?" Pulling us up short, he looks me in the eyes with his steel grey irises. I want to shrink under his gaze but I don't, instead feeling my body tense and prepare to bolt.

"It's not," I start, my tongue fumbling on the words in my mouth. "I just can't." I fumble again, my mouth struggling to form the words that are racing through my head.

Disastrous plan, boyo.

The voice in my head whispers. I have to shut my eyes tight to focus on my breathing.

"Peeta – you gotta tell us. Is there something we need to seriously consider here?" He's asking with his hand on the back of my neck, trying to get me to focus through the jumble of words in my brain.

No.

"No."

Fuck.


It was stupid of me to think that I'd be okay in another unit. Hell, that I'd even sleep on the floor.

When I walk back into that room, after not having a single problem with my swipe card, I'm met first by the smell of her mixed with magnolia. It fills the room and reminds me of home and my bed and the warm nights we used to lay together before the Quell Reaping. Then I see her curled into a ball, tucked against the cold cement wall and looking smaller than I've ever seen her.

My heart lurches as my breath stops.

I could never leave her alone. Not in this strange world that we've been thrust into. Not ever.

Without trying to wake her, I shuffle over to the bedside and lower myself down. The springs moan under my weight but she doesn't stir from her sleep as I wrap myself tight against her.

I'll never go anywhere without her.

"I wish you'd just talk to me," Her whisper in the dark surprises me and I try not to tense up. Instead I stay silent, tucking my chin along her neck and listening to her quiet breathing. "Peeta," She shifts, making to turn towards me. My arms around her tighten, urging her to stay where she is. To stay peaceful for as long as she can. She fights me every inch of the way, her arms lashing out at me until her nose is nearly pressed to mine and our legs are entwined. She's put pants on while I was gone.

"I'm afraid of myself," I murmur, hoping to appease her from digging too deeply tonight. I close my eyes as her fingers find my forehead, running down along the line of my jaw.

"You're safe here, with me," She pauses and I open my eyes to see her staring at me. "We protect each other, right?"

I nod because I can't say if that's real or not anymore for me. I don't know who I am with this other voice popping around in my head.

"If anything happens – I can handle myself," She continues, her thumb stroking my cheek. I let my eyes close at her touch, not bothering to refute anything she has to offer. I can't mention that I'm tired – I don't want this moment to pass. "I just know that it hurts more, Peeta, when you're not here – try to remember that?"

I sigh because it's all I can do. After a drawn out silence filled with only the sound of our breathing, I feel her start to relax again in my arms. Needing her closer, I pull her to me and wrap a leg around her waist, nearly enveloping her. She only burrows closer.

It's how we fall asleep. And it's how we wake up.

Though there's no sun here, the lights turn on at full blast and seem to have a similar effect to the sun's rays. I have to tuck my head into her hair, trying desperately to block out the invasive glow as my body struggles with coming back to life.

Get up.

My body jerks away and slides to the edge of the bed without my command. I'm standing at attention (in more ways than one) when I feel her hand on the back of my thigh and a light laugh escape from behind me.

"Good morning to you too," Her voice sings, still a little thick with sleep. Running my hand through my hair I try to adjust my pants but it's no use. Especially when she grabs the metal of my fake knee and pulls it towards the bed. "Come back here and I'll help."

I nearly fall over. There she is, her mussed hair spread out across the pillows as her bare torso peaks from the sheets, with a smile so bright it nearly blinds me. Her fingers find their way into my waistband before I can even say a word as her palm runs the length of me. I hiss quietly, grabbing onto the wall overhead as she starts to pull at me.

The feel of it, the feel of her hand slowly working me, has me teetering on the edge as my hips jut into her grip of their own volition.

"Katniss," I grunt, my knuckles going white against the cement wall. Her quiet laughter rings from below.

"Come back down here," Oh god I want to, but my body won't bend. My knees won't give. I'm forced to stand over her as I start to shake from the pleasure. All I can do is grunt in reply. "Peeta," She calls, and I feel her hand pausing. I bite my lip to stop the curse that nearly escapes from me. When I look down, she's staring at me, her face trying to hide her confusion. "Come lay down," She tries again, her hands slipping to guide my waist.

My body won't have any of it. I had to get up.

"What's wrong?" Katniss asks, moving to a sitting position and looking up at me. I'm desperate to finish but she's completely stopped – more focused on what's really happening to me than what she was doing to me. "Peeta?" Her worried voice has me wincing both at the ache in my groin and the fear I'm instilling by not being able to answer her.

"I can't – I need, Katniss I'm sorry, but – fuck," I gasp and push away from the wall, forcing my hand to replace hers and turning away guiltily as I try to work myself to a quick finish. I feel like a dirtbag. Like something that doesn't deserve her. I'm nearly there when her small frame presses against my back and her fingers slip in to join mine. I finish at her touch and step away from her comfort instantly. "I'm sorry," I shout, resting my head in the cement-lined corner of the room.

She doesn't try to comfort me again for what seems like a very long time.

The knock at the door is what startles us from our tableau of silence. Neither of us move but it's the conjoined sound of us both telling whoever is on the other side to fuck off that seems to break me out of whatever moment I've been having. When the knock comes again, I stalk to the door as Katniss grabs my discarded shirt, pulling it on as I swing open the door.

"Sorry Mr Mellark," It's the woman who escorted us the day before. I nearly cringe. "But I've been assigned to assist you two with keeping on schedule. District 13 relies on all of its citizens to meet their scheduled activities in order to be productive in its daily functions."

I nearly shut the door in her face, abandoning all pretenses that the pre-Games Peeta would have thrived on. Nearly, at least.

"We need a few more minutes," I grunt instead and close the door with a quiet click. When I turn around, Katniss is standing near the bed, her arms wrapped around her chest protectively.

"What was that?" She asks quietly, avoiding my gaze.

"Our escort, apparently we have more to learn today," I reply hastily and strip of my soiled clothes. Katniss clears her throat.

"That's not what I mean." I don't want to face her. I can't bear it. I need to ignore it, at least for now.

"We'll talk about it later," I say instead, tossing her a shirt and pair of pants that I pulled from her drawer. When she turns to dress, I try not to watch her scars as they disappear under a layer of cotton cloth.

This time, when the knock rings out, Katniss swings open the door and sneers.

"We're coming already," She bites and I watch from behind as the woman recoils slightly.

"Yes, well... We start the day actually in your unit?" The woman asks hesitantly, looking over Katniss' shoulder at me for assistance. I don't need to nod before she's pushing her way in and heading towards a hole in the wall. "First things first, you get your daily duties in here – I expect you remember the schedules from yesterday?"

The day seems to drag on endlessly as the woman gives us our scheduled 'orientation'. By lunch, we've learned the emergency protocols, where the gyms and classrooms are located, where military members report and most importantly where the cafeteria is located. She's also informed us her name is Candor, though I think I'm the only one who sees the humour in it.

By lunch time, we're left to our own wits as Candor disappears into the stark grey hallways after leaving us at the cafeteria. Moving through the motions, we collect our rationed lunch and take a seat at an empty table, the tension from earlier in the morning quickly filling into the empty hole that the woman has left us. Katniss won't look in my eyes and I can barely look up from the table. I still feel disgusting for my behaviour this morning, despite not even being sure of what I was doing to cause it to go so haywire.

"What's Central?" Katniss asks after a while, her voice low as the cafeteria starts to fill with other scheduled citizens.

"I don't know – why?"

"Because we're supposed to be there in about ten minutes, according to this," She responds, holding out her wrist and pulling mine down to match with hers. I look at her then, watching her as her grey eyes scan our matching schedules. She meets my gaze after a moment and quickly looks away, dropping our arms and pulling hers under the table.

"I guess we should go then," I grumble and take her tray, tossing out the remnants before she has a chance to fight me on it.

We walk in silence through the hallways on the path that I almost remember from what Candor told us. It's not until I feel Katniss' fingers brush against mine that I start to relax from the anxiety that the day has caused. Gripping fully, I put Katniss' hand in mine and walk onward towards our destination.

When we arrive, we're most noticeably the last to get there. All eyes turn to us and Haymitch tries to hide his laughter as we shuffle in and take a seat near the back. Every Tribute is here from the Arena, including a subdued Brutus who somehow managed to get out of the hospital for the time being. At the front of the room, ahead of the vast whiteboard that lines the wall, is a compact woman with the straightest hair I've ever seen.

"Now that we're all here," She starts, stacking a pile of papers and leering at Katniss and I. "We'll get started on the plan. For those who don't know me, I'm Alma Coin, President of District 13. We've got you all here today to discuss plans to revert Volunteer Victors."

I sit up instinctively, leaning my hands on the table as Haymitch stares ahead, scowling. I feel Katniss' hand on my thigh, clenching tightly to me as though I'll bolt. I want to.

"What do you mean?" Johanna asks from near the front, her gaze whipping between Finnick and Mags.

"They are a threat to security at this point. We've been working with a spy in the Capitol, goes by the name of Borealis, who contributed to the Volunteer program. He believes he can successfully extract the trackers that have been inserted and reverse any programming that has been applied thus far."

My skin crawls. Clearly the rebels have been collecting data on this program since before we arrived, likely preparing themselves for a worst-case-scenario – like when we'd be embedded with them. The idea that I've been kept in the dark enrages me and I can't stop myself from shooting from my seat and leaning over the table.

Sit down.

The voice commands and I'm helpless to it, my legs cracking under the order and forcing me back down. With a thump, I land, still gripping fiercely to the table's edge. All eyes are on me, burning into my skin, as I huff out a breath.

"Sorry," I grunt, looking to Mags who has her hands bound together with a zip tie. She gives me a weary look before I have to look away. I end up on Brutus who's drooling slightly onto his lapel.

"As I was saying, the Volunteer program has a plethora of unknown programming tactics. Borealis has only been incorporated into the tracking portion as of right now, but he assures us that by the time you arrive in the Capitol he will have the details on the missing-"

Coin doesn't get to finish her sentence as the room breaks out into an uproar. I'm the only one rooted to my seat (less Brutus who seems to be unconscious) as everyone else lurches to their feet and begins to shout. It only carries on for a moment before an older guard, standing near the top of the table, steps forward and shouts for everyone to sit the hell down. Reluctantly, they follow his order and return to their chairs. Katniss pulls hers closer to mine, as close as she can get, and grips my hand in hers.

"Thank you, Boggs," Coin resumes, stepping aside and letting the whiteboard light up with a display of what looks to be the Capitol. Coin looks at us all, daring us to call out before she speaks again. "This plan is non-negotiable. Volunteers will be delivered to our contact within the city using the underground sewer system. Armed escorts will accompany them to and from. The details will be discussed further with a selected few. This meeting was merely to keep you informed of the arrangements. Those of you otherwise not notified, are dismissed."

I can't move from my seat and I don't think it's the order. Instead I'm too shocked.

I'm going back to the Capitol. I'm going back.

"Peeta," Finnick's voice rings out next to mine and I notice his hand before me, offering assistance. I take it reluctantly, letting the man help me up as my muscles refuse to cooperate. Everybody ignores it, though doing a very bad job of it.

We, Johanna, Mags, Finnick, Katniss and I, make our way out of Central and head down to an off-the-path classroom that Johanna has located in her wanderings of the District. Nobody asks how she got the free pass. Nobody really wants to know.

All we can think about is that the five of us make up the Victors who weren't asked to stick around and didn't need to be wheeled somewhere. We make up the few who made it out alive for some reason and now two of us are going back. Alone.

In the room, we sit, and the silence engulfs us.

There's nothing to say. There's nothing that can be done.

I'm going back to the Capitol – the worst place a Victor can be.


AN: Argh, I meant to do this this weekend but then I got sidetracked by real life. I've decided to swear off relationships and well, generally people, at least for the time being. They're too much work and I'm just not a very nice person lately. So here, have an extra long chapter written while I stew in bitter discontent and the swells of terrible time management.