Chapter 29-The One Instance in Life Where The Phrase "You Snooze, You Lose" Does Not Apply


Cue "Legalize It" by Peter Tosh


Padriarch and Antonio were absent from the combat. Where were they? Mewtwo sent them in hopes they would be killed in battle. However, the night before they had spent blazing in their tent. They were totally wasted! They had passed out in their own urine, feces, and vomit. Shortly after Mewtwo's army was decimated, the two finally woke up from their stupor.

Padriarch: (waking up and groaning) Ugh...what the f*ck happened? I feel like sh*t! And the tent smells like it! (looks at corner and sees his iPod Touch 3rd Mil defecated upon) Who pooped on my iPod?

Antonio: (wakes up groaning) Ugh! I need to smoke some Leppa leaves!

Padriarch: HEY! Did you poop on my iPod?

Antonio: (lights up bong containing Leppa leaves) Whatevs. Nothing cures hangover better than Leppa smoke!

Padriarch: Do not EVER POOP ON MY STUFF! EVER!

Antonio: You probably sh*t on it yourself! We got totally stoned last night! You p*ssed on my sleeping bag!

Padriarch: My p*ss? You probably whizzed yourself!

Antonio: Let us all just agree, for the record, that we wasted on each other's sh*t, okay?

Padriarch: Who puked on what then? Or who, since obviously someone did a Cosby Sweater on my chest?!

Antonio: Why are we discussing body fluids?

Padriarch:(looks around and notices that they are alone) Where is everyone?

Antonio: What do you mean?

Padriarch: We're the only ones here!

Antonio: They probably left while we were passed out. Oh, well. I don't give a sh*t!

Padriarch: HEY! I think they went down south! Follow me!

Narrator: Padriarch and Antonio went toward the village. They came upon a shocking sight when they finally reached the village. There was blood everywhere with high amounts by the dry well.

Antonio: What the f*ck happened?

Padriarch: Where'd the blood come from? Did our army kill everyone? I see nobody!

Antonio: Quick, toolbox! Hide behind the fence! There's someone coming!

Narrator: They hid in the bushes where they saw Lucario and Absol dumping a Sneasel head in the dry well. Absol dragged the rest of the Sneasel's corpse with him. They left shortly after.

Antonio: Either we are on some crazy trip or THOSE DOUCHES KILLED KENNY!

Padriarch: They killed our brother in hemp!

Antonio: (fearfully) What if they killed the rest of the army?

Padriarch: We'll look!

Narrator: The duo snuck towards the well and shined their flashlight down the well. To their fear and dismay was a large pile of bodies on the bottom of the well. They were all part of the army they were in!

Both: AUGH! WHAT THE F*CK?!

Antonio: THEY PROBABLY HEARD US!

Padriarch: LET'S GET THE F*CK OUTTA HERE!

Narrator: The two idiots ran away from the village screaming bloody murder. People looked outside to see what the commotion was. Many wondered who uttered that scream, but shortly after went back inside with very little thought about the scream.