"Why are we going to this, again?" Church fidgeted with his tie as he, Angelica, and Johnny walked up the Hamilton driveway to the front door which they used to own keys to. "Friday night dinner?"
"It's Tuesday." Angelica rolled her eyes. "Alex is throwing a party because his debt plan made it through Congress."
"Debt plan?" Church looked at Angelica in surprise. "Hasn't he been working on that since Washington was president? He's just now getting that all wrapped up?"
"It takes a while to get things through Congress."
"I'll say…Jeez."
"The Church family!" Alexander answered the door, beaming. "Thank you guys so much for coming. I know it's a school night, so I told Philip to make up a guest bed just in case Johnny needs to get some sleep."
"He'll be fine," Church assured him briskly. "We'll go home when he gets too tired."
"Of course." Alexander smiled awkwardly. He turned to look at Angelica, his discomfort growing by the minute. "Annie, hey. I'm surprised you found the time to come here. I saw your ratings the other day."
"They're just numbers." Angelica shrugged off his subtle compliment with a smile.
"Yeah, right." Alexander laughed, knowing better than to believe her. "Just accept that you're a raving success and try not to forget the little people on your way to the top."
"Alexander," Aaron Burr appeared, placing a hand on Alexander's shoulder. He glanced at Angelica and her family with disinterest. "Hi, Angelica. Mind if I steal him for a moment?"
"Oh, uh…no. Go ahead." Angelica quirked an eyebrow in surprise.
"Excuse me." Alexander grinned at them before following Aaron in the direction of his office.
"I thought they hated each other," Church mumbled as they entered the dining room, grabbing a glass of champagne off of the table.
"Me too." Angelica hummed, also taking a glass of champagne.
"What?" Johnny looked at the champagne with interest.
"Don't even think about it." Church cast Johnny a look of disapproval. "Why don't you go find the kids? That girl you like is probably here, if her dad's getting cozy with your uncle."
"Dad!" Johnny complained as he exited the room.
"I'm going to go say hi to Eliza," Angelica touched Church's arm. He looked over at her and nodded, a small smile on his face. He was growing more tolerant of these sort of parties.
Angelica separated herself from Church and wandered throughout the house that she used to live in. Eliza was likely trapped in the kitchen with some dull politician boring her with the details of his platforms. As she was walking by Alexander's officer, however, she heard him speaking with Aaron Burr.
"You really think that the Republican party would throw their weight behind a clean energy bill?" Alexander was asking dubiously. "With me as one of its authors?"
He'd been a political pariah since the Reynolds Affair.
"Sure," Aaron replied as though it were obvious. That alone made Angelica distrust everything that he was saying. "It's a great bill, long overdue."
"Angelica!" Eliza found Angelica in the hallway. She smiled at her brightly, not seeming to suspect that she might be eavesdropping on Alexander. "I'm so glad that you could make it!"
"You know that we wouldn't miss this for the world," Angelica replied, also smiling. "Although…can I ask you a question?"
"Of course."
"Alex and Aaron Burr," Angelica nodded towards the office, casting Eliza an inquisitive smile. "Since when have they started working together nicely?"
"I don't know," Eliza admitted, laughing and shrugging. "One minute, he hated the man, and the next…well, Alexander has always wanted to try to get a clean energy bill through Congress. He thinks that Aaron can help him with it."
"He really trusts him to do that?" Angelica asked cynically.
"People are capable of being good," Eliza informed her, bumping her shoulder against Angelica's. "Anyway, this is a party - not work. Let's go find that husband of yours and have a glass of champagne."
"Sure," Angelica agreed, looking back at Alexander's office door warily before following Eliza back to the party.
"Hello?"
"Angelica, hi!"
"Eliza, it's six in the morning."
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Eliza chirped. "I forgot that your house doesn't keep Alexander's crazy hours. I just got the letter and had to tell you!"
"Tell me what?" Angelica asked groggily.
"Philip got into Columbia!" Eliza squealed happily. "He's so excited. Alexander is over the moon."
"Is that Angelica?" Angelica could hear Alexander ask from a vague distance. "Let me talk to her!"
"Hang on," Eliza laughed. "We're all elated over here, as you can tell. But Philip has been wondering about Johnny…is he committed to the University of Virginia? I know that he was accepted by Columbia, and it would be so nice for Philip to have someone that he knows to dorm with…"
"He's already mailing his things to George's house," Angelica replied regretfully. "He's set on Virginia."
"I figured," Eliza said, also regretfully. "It was just worth a try."
"Speaking of worth a try - Alex and Aaron. How's that going?" Angelica was eager to change the subject. Johnny didn't like it when Church talked about college - it wasn't likely that he'd enjoy it any more coming from Angelica.
"Oh, you know," Eliza answered airily. "As well as can be expected with those working together. They're just finishing up the last few points, apparently."
"That was fast."
"You know Alexander," Eliza sighed, amusement in her tone. "He's just happy for the work. Since his debt plan finally got through, he's had trouble finding anyone willing to work with him on anything else. He'd called in all of his favors to get the debt plan through."
"Sounds about right," Angelica smiled.
"Oh, I've got to go," Eliza remarked distractedly. "Junior is in the file cabinet again. Bye, Angelica!"
"Bye," Angelica laughed as she hung up the phone.
Summer flew by quickly. Angelica rarely saw Alexander and Eliza - between Alexander writing the bill and Angelica helping Johnny move into his apartment in Virginia, their time was all used up. The absence of the Church family was felt by the Hamilton's.
Eliza noticed the difference. Rather, Philip noticed the difference, which broke Eliza's heart. Eliza was constantly calling the house, asking if Johnny had a weekend off, in which he could drive up to D.C. to spend some time with Philip. Whenever Angelica brought it up to Johnny, he always offered the same excuses. George couldn't spare him for that long; he was learning so much; he didn't want to pay for gas.
By the end of the summer, Philip had turned to Baby to fulfill his social requirements. Johnny, meanwhile, had already made dozens of friends in Virginia. He seemed much happier there than he had been in D.C.
He only returned home begrudgingly when Eliza hosted a barbeque to end the summer. Both Angelica and Church had insisted that he return; Eliza didn't ask much of her family. They owed her this much, at the least. In return, Angelica and Church allowed Johnny to bring one of his friends, a kid named George Eacker.
"Hey, Johnny!" Philip appeared thrilled to see Johnny as they walked through the gate into the Hamiltons' backyard. He reigned in his delight at the sight of George Eacker. "Who's this?"
"George Eacker," George stuck his hand out to Philip with a patronizing smile. "I'm working with John at Mount Vernon for the summer. You must be one of the cousins."
Philip looked from George to Johnny, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Yeah, uh, hi."
"You were right," George nudged Johnny in the ribs with his elbow, grinning. "He does look just like your uncle."
Philip's expression morphed into one of disdain. Angelica and Church exchanged uncomfortable expressions. Philip was sensitive about being likened to Alexander.
"Thanks," Philip said staunchly.
"I never said it was a compliment, my man." George laughed, patting Philip's shoulder. George turned to look at Johnny gaily. "Who else are you going to introduce me to today? Richard Nixon? Joe McCarthy?"
Oh, that wasn't too good.
Philip folded his arms across his chest, glowering at both George and Johnny. Johnny frowned at Philip apologetically. George just kept on smiling.
"It looks like Mr. Washington came to the party, too," Johnny hastily changed the subject. "We should go say hi."
"Yeah, you should." Philip agreed coldly. "Don't bother saying hi to my father. I'll send him your regards."
Johnny's face reddened. He looked at Angelica, obviously concerned that Philip would tell Alexander something that would make Alexander think less of him. Angelica shrugged, rolling her eyes in a gesture meant to suggest that Alexander would know better than to listen to Philip. Johnny didn't look placated.
"Okay…I'll see you later, Philip."
"Uh-huh."
"How about a drink?" Church cut the tension as Johnny and George walked away, looking at Angelica with a small smile.
"God, yes." Angelica agreed, following Church away from where Philip was silently stewing. They made their way through the yard, which was filled with politicians and family friends, until they reached a pitcher that Eliza had blessedly filled with gin and tonic.
Church had just finished pouring a drink for Angelica and himself when Angelica noticed Philip talking to Alexander. Philip was gesturing towards Johnny and George - who seemed happy talking among themselves on the swing set - and looked to be speaking a mile a minute. Alexander was looking at him thoughtfully, not saying a word.
"Uh-oh." Angelica accepted the drink from Church before nodding in Alexander's direction. "I think we have a parenting conference coming up."
"Great," Church took a long sip of his drink. "Why'd you let Johnny bring that asshole kid, again?"
"You know that he wouldn't have come otherwise." Angelica sighed, shifting her weight from foot to foot. "It was important to Eliza that he be here. I obviously didn't know how much of an asshole this kid is."
"Well," Church said loftily, looking around for an excuse. "I think that I'd better…"
"Don't you leave me to defend that kid," Angelica warned him.
"I need to speak to that lobbyist over there. It's very important to the company that we are on good terms."
"That's a woman from Eliza's book club."
"She might be a lobbyist."
"She's an engineer."
"Then we need a new engineer."
"Your company handles finances exclusively."
"We need someone to make better computer programs."
"That's a programmer."
"I need to go find a programmer," Church decided, determined to get away before Alexander asked for some explanation as to why George Eacker was ruining Philip's day. "If you'll excuse me."
"I'll get you for this."
"Don't I know it." Church threw a grin over his shoulder as he fled.
Alexander, meanwhile, had stopped speaking to Philip and was headed for Angelica. Judging from the expression on his face, any conversation that they were about to have was not going to be a very good one.
"Angelica," Alexander approached her, his expression stony. "Can I talk to you in the house for a moment?"
"Sure," Angelica quirked an eyebrow, pretending that she had no idea what he wanted to speak to her about.
Alexander nodded, walking towards the house. Angelica followed him reluctantly, casting Church a withering look when she passed him. He smiled at her innocently.
Alexander brought Angelica to his office, gesturing for her to sit on the couch. She obliged, taking a long sip of her gin and tonic. She hoped it would make this conversation a little bit more tolerable.
Alexander sighed, running a hand through his hair. Not a great start.
"Why is my son accusing your son of being a flaming asshole?"
"A what?" Angelica couldn't help but crook a smile.
Alexander smiled, too. "I'm not paraphrasing; he actually called your son a flaming asshole."
"Johnny brought one of his friends from Mount Vernon," Angelica shrugged and wrinkled her nose. "If anything, that kid is the flaming asshole."
"Mm." Alexander agreed. "Philip was really looking forward to seeing Johnny today. He hasn't really been very social since Johnny left for Virginia. Eliza and I…we've been kind of worried about him. He doesn't go to parties anymore, hasn't been on a date in months, doesn't seem to be interested in anything his friends are doing…he only hangs out with Baby."
"It's a lot to adjust to; everyone moving away," Angelica suggested with a small smile.
"I guess, but I…" Alexander shook his head. "I don't know. I don't know how to deal with it. He doesn't seem very interested in my opinions on a healthy teenaged social life."
"Hm. Maybe that's because you don't have very good opinions on a healthy teenaged social life." Angelica teased.
Alexander laughed. "What are you talking about? I had a great social life when I was his age."
"Hm, but was it healthy?"
"Well," Alexander conceded, still smiling. "Maybe not, but that was your fault, mostly."
"My fault?" Angelica pretended to be insulted. Her laughter ruined the act. "How do you figure?"
"Come on, I was desperately in love with you!" Alexander reminded her, still smiling. "It's hard to have a healthy social life when you're adjusting your schedule to get even a glimpse at a girl you know you can't have. You remember all of those ridiculous rallies I invited you to…those were just an excuse to hold your hand when we ran away from the police."
"No, they weren't." Angelica protested, her heart leaping up into her throat. She tried to laugh airily, not wanting to make too much of the conversation. "You cared about those issues."
"I think I cared about you more." Alexander looked down at the ground thoughtfully. His mouth was curved up into a thoughtful smile. "Annie…can I call you Annie again?"
"You can call me Annie again," Angelica assented, feeling lighter and lighter with each passing moment. She had missed the way that Alexander called her "Annie," even if she had been the one to disallow it in the first place.
"Annie," Alexander savored each letter. "Do you ever think about high school?"
"I try not to," She lied with a small smile.
"I mean, really." Alexander shook his head. He always knew when she was lying. "Do you ever think that maybe, if we'd just done one or two things differently, things might've turned out…"
"Alex," Angelica warned him. She couldn't bear to think about whether or not life might've been better for her.
"Annie," Alexander never let Angelica stop him. "You know that despite all of - everything - I still do lo -"
"Here we go!" Johnny ran past the office door with a toddler - one of Eliza's friends' kids - on his back. George Eacker sauntered after him with an amused expression on his face. The sound of the toddler's laughter filled the hallways.
Angelica turned to look at Alexander again, smiling. "Let's just enjoy what we have, Alex. Life's too short, you know?"
She stood up from the couch and followed the sound of the laughter.
Rewind
Alexander and Angelica were forced to plan (and pay for) Aaron's funeral. They couldn't very well let him have an unmarked grave, not after he told them that they were family. They invited all of the friends that they could round up, though there weren't very many.
Alexander was somber. Angelica could hardly get a word out of him. He ignored Thomas, who had asked to come and say a few words on the toxicity of the political atmosphere surrounding D.C. He stared pointedly at the ground during Angelica's speech on mental health. No one knew Aaron enough to give any kind of testament to his life or his accomplishments. They were forced to speak on the issues surrounding his premature death.
From that point forward, Alexander was more subdued within the course of his campaign. He did not pick up a pen to spew hatred in Thomas' direction – he felt that it was his pen that had killed Aaron Burr. He only commented on the issues, and he only did so civilly.
Eliza cut her stay short and returned to Delaware to run her shelter. Both Angelica and Alexander knew that it wasn't simply that she needed to get back to work – she had dozens of employees happy to do her bidding. She didn't want to spend time with Angelica and Alexander, entertaining the idea that they might be responsible for someone's death.
"We did it," Alexander told Angelica one night, both of them wide awake at 3a.m. There were bags under both of their eyes. "Or, I did it, anyway. I'd rather it be us, though. I'd rather you be damned alongside me."
"Stop talking like that," Angelica instructed him briskly, pretending to read a book that she'd been using as a prop for several nights now. "Aaron made a choice. We can't hold ourselves responsible for his own choices."
"I ruined his life." Alexander protested disgustedly. "And for what? Cheap political gain? That's exactly what I've spoken out against my whole life. I didn't need to write that damned letter. I had nothing to gain from it. I was acting out of hatred. Aaron shouldn't have died. I should have."
Angelica closed the book that she hadn't been reading. It was a symbolically dramatic gesture. "You wouldn't be saying any of this if Aaron were still alive. You know as well as I do that he blackmailed us. We might not be innocent, but neither was he. Don't make him a martyr just because he died first."
Alexander looked her over carefully. Angelica didn't like it when he scrutinized her this way. She squirmed under his gaze.
"You feel guilty, too." He accused her, like he could see it plain as day. "He loved us. You, in particular. He might not have shown it well, but he did love us, Angelica. We were his emergency contacts for Christ's sake. We were all that he had in his awful life."
Angelica's lips wobbled. She tried to tighten them. "He made a choice. He could have called us, he could have…"
"He thought that he killed our baby, Annie!" Alexander snapped. "What was he supposed to do? Call and beg us to make him feel better?"
"Yes!" Angelica answered, tears stinging her eyes. "What he did was so selfish, so spiteful so…so Aaron. He should have called us and asked to work things out. He didn't have to be so dramatic about it all."
"Well, he always did tend towards the dramatics." Alexander ventured a very small, amused smile.
"He could put the Cirque du Solei out of business." Angelica sniffled, folding her arms across her chest despite the comforter's mass imposing itself upon her lap.
Alexander chuckled, putting an arm around Angelica. Angelica allowed herself to be crowded against his chest.
"We should get some sleep," Angelica suggested, patting Alexander's chest softly. "You have to give your speech at the children's hospital tomorrow morning. It would scare the children if you showed up looking like a ghost."
Alexander let out a loud sigh, releasing Angelica from his tight hold. "I suppose you're right. I'll see what I can do. Goodnight, Annie."
"Goodnight, Alex."
Angelica no longer worried about Alexander's behavior when reminded that they had no child of their own, but oh, god, it still wrenched her heart.
At the children's hospital, Alexander was expected to give a speech to a bunch of donors at an overly-lavish brunch. That was fine. That was well-within the campaign that Angelica had set him up to run. What she hadn't expected was that the hospital would bring out a few of their cuter and healthier patients to personally thank Alexander for making his speech on their behalf.
Alexander held one of the younger children, a little boy with bleached blond hair and sparkling gray eyes, up to the microphone while he struggled through his obviously-rehearsed thank-you.
Alexander smiled at the little boy when he was looking. When he wasn't looking, though, Angelica saw his smile fall. It turned into a look of yearning. Nothing inappropriate, of course, simply a vision of what his life might have looked like if he had a boy of his one. One with jet black hair, like his mother's. One with lilac eyes, like his father's. One who bossed the other kids around, but squirmed away from the attention of adults.
When it was time for Alexander to relinquish the boy, to hand back a delusion itself, his eyes seemed hollower than they had in the morning. When he returned to Angelica, he was only a shell of himself.
Angelica pretended not to notice as she ushered him towards the door.
At home, Alexander sat in his office, still very out of sorts. Angelica paced the floors, thinking on all of the ways that she had failed Alexander. She had ruined their first real chance at a child – though she still believed that it had been the right thing to do – she had ruined their second child for them by allowing someone else to risk fathering it, and she had pushed Alexander towards a presidency that she still wasn't certain that he actually wanted. A presidency that may have killed Aaron Burr.
It suddenly dawned on Angelica that she should leave. That Alexander might be better off without her, after all. He would find someone else to love – there was no shortage of young women gazing at him with starry eyes. Perhaps even Eliza.
Angelica found herself in her bedroom without recalling giving her body the command to move. She hauled her suitcase out of the closet. It still had some clothes in it from their last travel. Some were his, some were hers. Only, this time, Alexander would not be going with her. She removed his clothes with the care and precision of a surgeon, smiling down at his folded shirts grimly.
She then turned away, in search of toiletries. If she looked at Alexander's things much longer, she would be overcome with nostalgia and would stay for the sake of staying. She would need a toothbrush, her facewash, some shampoo and conditioner, and, of course, a few tampons…
Angelica's hands lingered over her tampons, her eyebrows furrowed.
