Disclaimer: I own nothing Inuyasha…sad but true.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

By BitterSweetLady

"What the fuck did you just say?" Sango asked as she turned sharply to look at Kagome. Sango gave her an are-you-for-real look as they stopped in the middle of the aisle. Kagome looked around embarrassed by her friend's outburst. She silently thanked God that no one had overheard. Kagome had just finished telling her friend what had happened the night before.

"Must you be so loud Sango? And you know perfectly well what I just said." Kagome muttered as they passed a young couple in the breakfast aisle of Kanji's Supermarket.

"Yes, Kagome you should know by now that I am anything but subtle. Now what are you going to do about it?" Sango asked as she selected a box of Fruity Pepples and placed it in her cart. Kagome raised her brow at Sango. "They are for Miroku. I am telling you he eats like a box of these things a week. Now quit stalling."

"I don't know." Kagome sighed, "One the one hand I am so angry with him for doing this to me and then on the other hand it is partly my fault." Kagome closed her eyes for a moment and then walked on, Sango at her side.

"How is it your fault? I fail to see that where it is your fault, Kagome. You have the right to choose who you have sex with." Sango told her as she turned to go down the next aisle. Kagome fallowed and looked at the shelves of pasta and hamburger helper without really seeing them.

"Because at first I didn't want him at all, I was angry and irritated at how he had acted when he came to pick Kenta and Souta up. Then after he started touching me, it was like…he controlled me with sex. Sango I didn't want to want him, but I did and after I was so humiliated." Kagome took a breath and looked Sango in the eye. "For a few minutes I wanted him so badly that I stopped fighting and that was the end of it. I don't know what to do anymore." Sango stared at the other woman for a moment before she turned back to her grocery list.

"Well what can you do? It legally isn't considered rape because he is your husband. I mean you could press charges, but who's to say you both like rough sex and stuff like that." She told kagome this matter of fact. Kagome screwed up her face in distaste and continued to walk beside her friend.

"It wasn't rape Sango. I…" Kagome stopped as Sango turned around, almost causing Kagome to run into her.

"Sesshomaru gets jealous of a boy taking his wife, whom he is separated from, out on a date. He forces himself into your apartment and then ignores your every protest that you don't want to have sex with him and proceeds to do just that. That isn't rape and motive therefore?" Sango had attracted a few on lookers and she spoke. Kagome took hold of the cart and hurried out of the aisle.

"No, Sango it's not. I may not have wanted it at first, but the fact is that I did want him for a moment. And a moment was all it took for me to let him back in." Kagome wandered aimlessly down a few aisles before Sango spoke again.

"So you're saying that you are considering going back?"

"What? No…yes…no…I don't know. It's complicated." Kagome sputtered, her face turning red.

"Well, neither one of you has filed papers yet and you do have kids with him." Sango said as she checked items off her list.

"Children aren't the sole reason to stay together. sometimes that does more harm than good." Kagome said softly.

"Well, how about the fact they when things were good between you two and even now, you both like the sex." Sango laughed. Kagome turned red again.

"Is that all you think about?" she asked.

Sango smiled, "At the moment. I don't know what's wrong with me. Miroku is starting to rub off on me."

"After six years together he was bound to have something rub off on you." Kagome smiled back at her friend. Sango's smile faded after a moment.

"Seriously though Kagome, what are you going to do? You can't keep living like this." Sango touched her friends shoulder as she spoke. Kagome nodded,

"I know, but I don't know if I can give him all of myself again." She was quit for a moment as she thought about how to explain her feelings to Sango. "I think the worst part for me is that when he finally had an epiphany about his feelings for me; he gave what he felt for me to another woman. And he doesn't even know her name. A part of me, very big part, wants to hurt him the way he's hurt me. I just…I want…I want my husband to love me enough to want what's best for me."

"That's understandable and I think you need to talk to him. Not right away, but soon; before the choice is made for you." Sango pushed the cart up the checkout lane.

"Honestly Sango, you are swinging from one end of the field to the other. Are you trying to help Sesshomaru or negate his chances?" Kagome asked.

"I am just trying to give you a perspective form different angles." She answered.

"Well, at least I won't have to see him for a few more days." Kagome said as she picked up a package of chicken and placed it on the conveyor belt. "I just hope that he doesn't know he can use sex against me."

"Kagome, the man sits in an office all day finding leverage against companies so they will sell to him. Trust me, he knows, He just doesn't act on it…often." Sango told her. Kagome stared wide eyed at her friend.

"You think?" she asked Sango.

"Let me tell you what I think. I think he was jealous and oversexed and seeing competition for you brought out his very male impulses." Sango looked over her shoulder at Kagome. "Honestly that's what I think." Kagome nodded and was silent as they loaded Sango's groceries into the car. Sango was right; Kagome had to talk to Sesshomaru about what had happened between them. The only problem was she wasn't sure she could hold her ground against him. Whereas Sesshomaru knew that she loved him, kagome wasn't certain he had meant anything he had told her since the morning he had told her what he had done.

Half way across Tokyo Sesshomaru sat in his home office staring at the phone. He could hear his sons playing in their playroom down the hall and the sound only served to confuse him more. Before he would be able to hear Kagome's voice mixed with theirs as she played with them for a while. Sesshomaru turned his attention back to the phone. He was at a loss for what to do. Last night hadn't turned out at all like he had planned. He wasn't sure if he should call and apologize or not call and leave it at that. Either option had two negative and two positive reactions.

If he did call and apologize she could be angry but accept the apology. Or she could tell him he could drop dead. And if he didn't call she might be expecting an apology or she might be angry that he didn't call. Ever since he had married her, he had been at a loss for the right thing to do. He truly did love his wife and he regretted ever leaving her that night. If he was honest with himself, he couldn't even remember why he had been so angry in the first place.

Seeing that boy with his hands all over Kagome and kissing her; Sesshomaru felt completely infuriated true, but he had also felt a stabbing pain in his chest. He had wondered not for the first time if that was what Kagome had felt when he told her what had happened between him and the woman. Sesshomaru picked up the phone and then put it back down again. He was silent for a moment. If he were brutally honest about it all, he could bring her back to him with sex. He knew she enjoyed it just as much as he did. That part of their relationship had never been a problem. The fact was he wanted his wife to come back to him because she forgave him and because he had proved to her that he really did love her.

Sesshomaru was about to pick up the phone again when it rang. He held his breath as he picked up the receiver. The caller id said it was Kagome's cell phone.

"Hello." He breathed.

"Hi." She answered. Neither said a word for a moment. "How are the boys?" She asked to fill the silence.

"Good. They are playing before they have to get washed up for lunch." Sesshomaru rolled his eyes at himself. He didn't understand the need for idle chit chat. Fortunately Kagome saved him from any more by getting straight to the point.

"We need to talk Sesshomaru."

"Yes we do." He answered. "Would you like to come over for dinner and we can talk then?" he couldn't keep the hopeful note out of his voice as she spoke.

"No." Kagome took a breath. "I need time away from you. Away from your influence after that we will talk. For now I think it's best if we don't see each other at all." Sesshomaru felt as if she had punched him in his gut. The breath left his lungs and he felt a stabbing pain in his chest again. He idly thought that this was what a broken heart felt like.

"Kagome," he started "I am so sorry for last night. I didn't mean for things to go the way they did."

"I know, but that's why I need to have space from you. Why we need to have space form each other. Then we will talk. Just give me a month; a month to myself and month to yourself where we don't see each other or speak to each other. Mrs. Smith can handle bringing them back and forth between us for that long." Kagome stopped and took a breath.

"Kagome, please…" he started, but Kagome cut him off.

"I need this Sesshomaru. I am sorry." Kagome hung up. The drone of the dial tone sounded in his ear and he numbly put the receiver back in the cradle. For the first time Sesshomaru thought about what his life would be without Kagome. He didn't like the picture that greeted him. His hands balled into fists on his desk as he stared blankly at the picture of her and his sons on his desk. He should never have left that night. He should have stayed and went up to her. It was his entire fault; everything that had gone wrong in their relationship was because of his inability to let someone close enough to hurt him.

He gave a sad ironic laugh at the last thought. He felt like his heart was bleeding out on the floor, he would say that she had hurt him. He had told her he loved her. Had told her hundreds of times since that night and at the moment he thought he might have said it too late. He felt a tear slide down his cheek, but he refused to acknowledge it. He should have told her when he first realized that he loved her. The night Kaeda had passed and Kagome had been so broken. He should have told her. She had done so many amazing things for him and their children, but what had he truly done for her? Sesshomaru couldn't think of a single remarkable thing he had done for her.

Sesshomaru sat with his head on his arms and closed his eye, fighting back the tears clogging his throat. He had wanted distance from her so that she would never be able to hurt him, but she realized the thing was that if he had told her none of this would be happing now. He wouldn't be on the verge of losing the most important person to him. He wouldn't be hurting so much right now, nor would he have caused all this pain to Kagome. She had told him every night for three years that she loved him and he had smugly thought she would never cease saying it. He had never thought he would miss her telling him she loved him and that was the drawing line. His remarkable thing he would do for his wife would be to give her the time she asked for. He would show her he loved her enough to give her what she wanted most. Even if what she wanted most no longer included him. Sesshomaru lost the battle with himself a in the next moment Sesshomaru Tashio let himself cry

Kagome swallowed hard as she hung up. It was one of the hardest things she could remember having to do. She sat in her living room and contemplated what to do now. The only thing that sounded appealing was a very hot bath. As she drew the bath, Kagome kept hearing his voice in her head. The pleading note as he had said her name. She undressed and slid into the steaming water. She took a deep cleansing breath and let it out. She wasn't expecting the body wracking sobs that followed it. She didn't know why but somehow this felt like the end.

Author's Note: I just want to say I am truly sorry for it taking me this long to get back in the game. I am also sorry for any mistakes and will fix them at a later time. I am already working on chapter 30. So thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy!

BitterSweetLady