Omgosh yes I am alive! I apologise soooo much for the ridiculous wait. I don't even know why... I even have a handful of oneshots I've written for this collection, I just never actually got around to posting them! I am so so sorry haha

But, but, butbutbutbut here we go! Another angsty oneshot! I quite love this song. Admittedly, this oneshot turned out nothing like I planned, and I'm almost tempted to use this song again in an attempt to actually write what I was aiming for haha. But nonetheless, I hope you enjoy!

-Kavbj


Battle Scars by Guy Sebastian

When Lavi had first seen Kanda's battle scars, he'd freaked in a ridiculously unprofessional, un-Bookman-Successor fashion. The matron had assured him that this was normal for Kanda, that he'd suffered from these scars since he was a child, and it was then Lavi realised that half of Kanda's scars weren't his own.

Now, he divides his attention between Yuu, the rising moon and his work. Yuu is sleeping shirtless and on top of the sheets, trying to combat the stifling summer heat. They've had a heat wave the past couple of days, and it's been unbearable in their heavy uniforms.

The Japanese Exorcist's pale skin is flawless. The bruises, three broken ribs, collapsed lung and sprained wrist from that morning have long since healed. No scars, no blotching, no mottled skin. Simply no evidence of the tortures they face day in day out.

Until now. Until the sun sets and Kanda is too weary to put all of his walls up.

Lavi had likened it to PTSD. If he were a doctor, that's what he'd classify it as. And perhaps dual personality disorder, or something, because as he's thought time and time again, half of the scars aren't Yuu's.

Some nights Kanda clutches his head so tightly that the fine bones in his hand stick out in a grotesque fashion and his eyes have the appearance of bulging. Other nights, he's limp and hazy eyed. Most nights he's quiet, but there are a few where he screams.

Tonight, there are no screams, but there's no panting either. There's perfect silence as Kanda grips his head tightly and stares ahead with wide, unseeing eyes. Lavi tilts his head, the rising moon and his work completely forgotten. His heart squeezes painfully and he thinks it is an odd sensation because, until Yuu, he never thought he had a heart. It's even more odd that it's because of Yuu - cold, broken, fierce Yuu - that he experiences this.

Kanda breaks out of it slowly, and Lavi rises, drags his chair after him, and sits beside the bed. He's so close that his knees dig into the mattress, but somehow Yuu swings himself into a sitting position without hitting Lavi. He's got the shakes, as always, but they're particularly bad tonight, so Lavi does what he always does on the particularly bad nightz - and fuck, they're hard to classify. He takes Yuu's shaking hands in his own and brings them to his lips. Occasionally he kisses each finger tip softly, sometimes he blows warm air onto them. Most of the time, he just holds them until the shakes subside.

After that, Yuu just sits there with a blank expression and - Lavi wants to describe his eyes as empty, but they're aren't, really. It's just that Yuu doesn't know what's happened or what's going on, and that's why they look empty.

"They don't look like their fading," Lavi says quietly, with a weak upwards quirk of his lips. He's referring to the battle scars, but Yuu is none the wiser.

Yuu lifts his hands - Lavi notes that they're still shaking the tiniest bit - and runs them through his messy, unbound hair. He nods slowly, though he doesn't understand what Lavi's talking about.

And Lavi waits until Yuu is a little more aware of his surroundings before rising quietly and gently guiding Yuu to lie back.

"You'll sleep well tonight," he assures him. He pauses. Kanda watches him with those same unaware eyes. "These battle scars…" he trails off. Usually he doesn't mind chatting away to Yuu when he's like this, but not tonight. Tonight he doesn't have the energy to converse with someone who is completely oblivious. He doesn't mean for it to sound so insulting towards Yuu, but it's the truth of the matter.

And the truth of the matter is that Yuu is more scarred than the rest of them, but he's still a perfect doll, a perfect soldier, a perfect puppet. He doesn't break, he doesn't mark, he doesn't tarnish, or rust, or fade.

No wonder the Order loves him so much.

These battle scars, don't look like they're fading

Don't look like they're ever going away

They ain't never gonna change

These battle…