A/N: Here we go :) I thought I'd draw attention to the fact that SWEET TALKER IS OUT! It's Jessie J's new album, if you didn't know, and it completely blew my mind away when I first heard it. And all the other times I listened to it. Go buy it!
Also, I was wondering if you guys would be interested in one of those future-Bade ones, y'know, where they're grown up and famous, because even if it's been done a million times I still love them, so... Tell me whatcha think. And I'm working on a sad oneshot. A long, sad oneshot. Just cos I'm all angsty and deep and shit like that :)
Disclaimer: I don't own anything recognisable, but I do own that ridiculously long A/N up there. Yeah, sorry.
AVAN'S POV
After seeing Li- her necklace just... Lying there, like this constant reminder that she'd left me (because, no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't bring myself to move it), I went downstairs and sat down.
I just sat down.
There wasn't really anything to it. I sat down. Got a beer out. Watched the football.
On the outside, I was normal Avan, chilling out.
On the inside?
Not as pretty.
On the inside I was running around, panicking and stressing because I'd just lost possibly the most amazing thing that had ever happened to me.
And you know what?
It really sucked.
I tried to laugh or even smile at the presenters making some wisecrack, but it just wouldn't form on my face. I was just expressionless. I didn't even look sad, though I can assure you that was definitely what I was feeling.
The football ended, and I kind of staggered up to bed. I'm not sure how I got ready, but I somehow ended up in my bed, in my pyjamas, with my teeth brushed. I don't know. The bed smelled of her. I had to get up and spray it with some cheap, rank smelling deodorant just so I could sleep. I mean, I couldn't breathe properly for about an hour because damn, that stuff gets in your lungs, but at least I wasn't breathing in Li- her scent.
It wasn't a great sleep, I'll admit, and I had to get up in the middle of the night to turn down the air con because it was really cold, for some reason.
Then it hit my tired, foggy brain.
It was cold because I didn't have her next to me. I didn't have her sleeping form keeping me exactly the right temperature. I couldn't run my hands through her gorgeous hair, or draw shapes on her beautiful pale skin.
I couldn't have her.
I cried.
I sat on my bed, at something like four am, and cried my broken, bloody heart out. At one point, I think I even laughed at myself whilst crying, because I knew that Li- she hadn't cried the whole night.
She wouldn't. I guarantee she didn't cry. I know her.
Knew her.
Dammit, it was messing with my brain. I can't believe I cried at that little break we took whenever. What I felt them was a million times happier than what I was feeling now.
My head ached so fucking much.
I kept on seeing her - little glimpses of all her emotions, happy, sad (and how I would kiss away her tears), excited, angry, anything.
But the one I kept on seeing the most would be heartbroken. That look she gave me the last time I saw her, before she went to get her stuff (all except the necklace) and went, was pure heartbreak. And I knew it mirrored my own expression.
I couldn't get it out of my head, and it was killing me.
Eventually I climbed back into my bed, the smell an odd mix of her and deodorant, and lay there, memories haunting me, until I fell into a restless sleep.
I woke up, turned my alarm off (by the grace of God, I could actually find it this morning) and lazily stretched my arms out, hoping to hit Liz's sleeping form seeing as she hardly ever woke up to my alarm, even if it sounded like a fo-
Where was Liz? The bed was empty, and the bathroom light wasn't turned o-
Oh, shit.
Li- she wasn't here because we br- we broke up last night.
So many questions were running through my head. It was like the Avan from last night and me were different people, because I felt like I had no clue what happened.
What happened?
Why did you do it?
Why did SHE do it?
Why did you let her go?
Why did she lie to you?
That last one stung.
A shower. A shower would help.
I climbed in, not even bothering to let the water warm up as I gave my body temperature whiplash by switching it straight to boiling.
I remember my first shower with her. We'd decided to clean off after... Some activities... And she yanked me into the shower with a mischievous look in her eyes. I understood why, though, as soon as the water came out and it was so hot it felt like a million tiny needles pricking me.
I yelped, and she laughed, not even flinching.
"Babe! Turn the temperature down, we're gonna melt!" I yelled, whilst she laughed again. I marvelled at how I could enjoy her laughter so much whilst simultaneously being tortured.
"It's not that hot. Trust me, just let yourself adjust. You'll like it." She said, winking at me as she put shampoo in my hair and massaged it into a lather. I let her, and gradually became more relaxed as the water seemed not so hot any more, and I could literally feel my muscles stretching themselves out.
"See?" She said, as she rinsed out the shampoo and stepped into my arms, her fingers tracing the muscles on my back. "I told you that you'd like it. I'm always right." She grinned, and kissed me long and deep.
It took us a while to get out that shower.
I shook my head, trying to wipe the memory of her and instead succeeding in banging my head on the wall. Hard.
Weirdly, the pain was welcoming. I tried it again, this time with my fist instead of his head, worrying about destroying the brain cells I had (and needed). I don't know how long this went on before I realised what I was doing.
I was in a shower, crying my eyes out (yet again), punching a wall over some gir-
I knew that wasn't true the moment I started thinking about it.
She wasn't some girl. She was the girl. She wasn't just a girl, a random girl, she was my girl.
Used to be.
Used to be. Past tense. Meaning, she wasn't my girl any more.
Jesus, you're so stupid.
So fucking stupid, Avan.
I got out the shower and dressed like a robot. I'm not even sure what I was wearing. I probably looked terrible. I laughed sharply to myself. Hey, at least I had a costume team there. And a makeup team. And a hair team.
Too bad they didn't have a disaster team, or a how-not-to-lose-the-love-of-your-life team.
Too fucking bad, eh?
I didn't bother with breakfast. Just got in the car and drove. The long way, this time. I wasn't late. Why not enjoy the scenic route of buildings, cars, and pollution? Gotta love LA. I didn't have to stop and get L- dammit, her, some dandelion tea and watch her face scrunch up in that ridiculously adorable way at the taste.
She really hated dandelion tea, but she drank it anyway. I never figured out why. She made me try it once - and it immediately ended up all over the steering wheel. The car smelt dodgy for at least a week.
I pulled up at the set, thanking God that I didn't crash (because I honestly had no freaking clue how I drove there) and stumbling in, getting weird looks from everyone. She wasn't there yet.
I was meant to be doing a scene with her today.
I wish this was like school, where you could just fake being sick and just not go. No, if I faked being sick, the whole production would hold up, and it was already running late a bit after the Ariana-crash thing and whatever else.
I almost laughed to myself (how many times would that be?) at the irony of the situation - the first episode after Beck and Jade broke up, they had to see each other in that one about the earthquake.
Thing is, they didn't have to talk to each other.
We did.
It wasn't... Resentment... Towards her, it was just... I don't know. I don't know whether I blamed her, or was angry at her, or just sad, I- I don't know.
I was just trying to convince myself I didn't still love her.
Because, when a person does something like that, you don't still love them, do you?
We hadn't even started filming and I already had a headache.
Today was going to be shit, if I really wanted to put it elegantly.
A/N: Thanks to the reviewers of the last chapter:
liz-avan
4223marilyn
lovElavan
x-clownsdontbounce-x (x2, it's great to chat again ^.^)
And heartaches
You rock. Favourite, follow, maybe leave a review, tell me what you blah blah blah usual stuff blah, bye. Too tired for this shit ;)
