I honestly cannot apologise enough for how long it has taken me to update this time. Without giving you too much of a sob story or a bunch of excuses, all I'll say to you all is that, especially since the passing of my bother, things have been very hard for both my parents and for me and my sister. There has been so much going on between then and now and fanfiction and updating had to take a backseat in life until everything was sorted.

BUT, onto the good news, everything is looking much brighter and I've done so much writing this week I am beyond proud of myself. I decided to split this chapter in half as I'm just so anxious to have my fic updated again. The last half of this chapter is almost done and just needs editing, so I PROMISE PROMISE PROMISE that it will be updated by the end of the week! Half of chapter 31 is already written and I've more than nearly finished with chapters 32, 33 and 34!

Hope you enjoy this chapter and thank you so so so much for your support and patience.


Saving Grace

Chapter Twenty-Nine: When The Going Gets Tough

Blue Earth, Minnesota — 8:15 pm.

Dean heaved a long sigh and dragged a hand down his tired face as he headed aimlessly down yet another deserted street of town. He didn't have a direction, nor did he really care, all he had wanted to do was get away from that dusty motel room, and the cool night air was a welcome escape from it. He couldn't shake the look he had seen on both Sam and Haley's faces from his mind. He had never thought there would come a day he couldn't bring himself to look them in the eye, but there it was. It had happened. And that scared him. He had lost faith, and both of his siblings knew that, even if they hadn't confronted him on it yet. It was only a matter of time.

It was getting harder and harder for him to put up the front that everything was okay. That had always been his job, to make sure his brother and sister were alright, that they didn't have to worry. He had always taken the responsibility to ensure that everything was going to work out for them, that, as long as he was around, Sam and Haley had nothing to worry about. But now, more than ever before, it seemed that all his siblings seemed to do was worry, mostly about him. He couldn't find a way to take away the very real danger of the apocalypse and the angels. How was he supposed to convince them there was nothing to fear when he couldn't even convince himself anymore?

A part of him found himself considering that maybe saying yes to the angels wasn't the worst idea in the world. They were only going to keep on pushing, they would keep on attacking and torturing until they had what they wanted. It was an unwinnable fight. They could throw punches back to heaven forever, but none of them would ever have affect. The longer they fought it, the more danger they were in. Haley had already been strapped down and tortured for days, he and Sam had been kicked around and screwed with more than he could even believe, and Bobby had been left in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. It was only going to be a matter of time before they thought up something even more depraved and twisted to do to them.

Sometimes, on days like that, it felt the only way to stop the constant war it felt they were living through was to give in. They couldn't run forever, and they couldn't fight it forever. If he looked past his siblings, if he really thought about the bigger picture, he could maybe justify it in his own head. Saying yes could be the answer to saving so many lives, but it could also be the answer to watching hundreds of lives being slaughtered. Yet, that was the thing. He couldn't look past his siblings. The apocalypse couldn't happen with just him, they needed Sam, too. And letting Lucifer anywhere near his brother was the last thing he could ever do.

Dean's head was swamped. There wasn't a clear thought in there anymore. He needed to sit down and think it all through, but he couldn't, because a part of him was scared of the conclusion he might arrive at. He paused his walking for a moment and looked up at the bar across the street, hands shoved deep within his jacket pockets, and shook his head. He was beginning to see, that wasn't the answer to anything, it never had been. It was just an excuse for him to attempt to block out the thoughts that constantly swamped his head.

Just as he was about to continue on his way the sound of smashing glass from inside caught his attention, it was accompanied with raised voices, ones he couldn't quite make out from where he stood. Curiosity getting the better of him, Dean walked into the bar to find Paul, Pastor Gideon, Rob and Jane wrapped up in what looked to be a pretty heated debate. No one in the room even looked up as the door opened and banged closed behind him, all seeming too lost in their own argument to notice.

He stepped further inside, and that was when someone else caught his eye, the brown haired girl he hadn't noticed before. "Hales?" Dean frowned, confused, as he came up behind her. She turned, eyebrows raised, looking a little relieved at the sight of him. "The hell are you doing in here?" Haley shot him a look, as though she couldn't understand how he had even asked, and then it clicked. She was looking for him, and, in her mind, the local bar had seemed the most logical place to find him. He rolled his eyes at the thought and brushed it off, turning his attention back to the scene before them. "What's going on?"

She opened her mouth to respond but the sound of more glasses smashing distracted them both. "Guys, guys, guys!" Pastor Gideon stepped forwards, making an attempt to get between Rob and Paul, who now held a tight grip of each other's jackets. Rob had pushed him forcefully back against the bar, anger and determination set deep within his features. "Please. Take a breath, both of you!"

Paul pushed himself forcefully free from Rob's grasp and took a step back, shaking his head, incredulous. "Come on, what country is this? Huh?" he asked, looking between him and his wife. "You come onto my property, spouting some kind of crazy—"

"I'm sorry, Paul." Rob stopped him. "But there's no other way."

"Just, everybody cool down for a minute." Pastor Gideon said, his voice still calm, but no one appeared to take his words on board.

"Cool down?" Paul repeated in disbelief. "My friends are trying to run me out of town. Do you think I should cool down?"

Rob shook his head, almost remorseful. "I'm sorry, Paul." he said again, quietly. "But it is not our choice. You have to go, for everyone's sake."

Paul scoffed. "Oh, come on, that's bull." he challenged. "We grew up together." he urged, as if trying to hit him with some sense again. "I stood up at your wedding."

"Yes, you did." Jane agreed, also stepping forwards. "But that was then. And now you're standing against the flock."

"That's not true," he rebuked. "I fight with you, all of you. I always have done."

"This is a town of believers, Paul." she countered, shaking her head at him. "You are not a believer."

Rob sighed, dropping his hands to his sides again. He gave Paul a softer look, as though he already regretted what he hadn't yet said. "Don't make this hard for us." he said quietly.

But those seemed to be the words that pushed Paul too far. His face formed a hard frown, and he took a step closer to Rob, his hands held out to his sides. "Hard for you?" he shook his head. "No. This is my home. You want me out of here?" His voice lowered dramatically and his eyes became dark. "You'll have to drag me out."

Rob regarded him for a long moment, and it almost seemed as though he was going to step down, but before anyone could anticipate he took a swing for Paul. Dean lunged forwards and threw himself between them, taking a firm hold of Rob's arms. "Whoa, whoa, whoa," he said, his voice low and serious. "You don't want to do this."

Rob shoved back, fighting Dean's grip. "Get out of my—"

But he couldn't finish his sentence before a shrill bang rang throughout the room, echoing from the walls. Everyone turned around, as shocked as each other, and looked to Jane. She stood above Paul's body, a gun shaking in her hands. "No one's going to stop me from seeing my son again." she whispered.

Pastor Gideon and Dean were crouched at either side of Paul almost instantly as he slouched down to the ground, sat up against the bar. Dean pressed a wary hand to his neck gently, and it was as though the whole room had stopped breathing as they waited to hear his fate. The small and remorseful shake of Dean's head and the look that had washed over his face told everyone all they needed to know; Paul was dead. A deeper silence seemed to fall over them and the atmosphere became thick, and no one dared to change it.

Haley looked from where brother was to where Jane still held the gun, pointed in Dean's general direction, and he appeared to notice the same thing. He watched on as his sister made a move for it, but Jane turned sharply and immediately had it aimed at Haley's chest. There was a murderous look in her eyes, her hands were shaking, she looked ready to snap. They knew her every move was unpredictable.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Dean slowly rose to stand at the sight, his hands held out in front of him as if to show that he wasn't about to attack her. "Put the gun down, lady."

Jane shook her head, tears in her eyes. "You're all sinners." she whispered, looking between him and Haley slowly. "Both of you." Her attention turned back to Haley and her gaze darkened. "It's people like you who are standing in the way of me seeing my son again. You're not a believer."

"I'm only going to say this one more time," Dean pushed out the words through gritted teeth, and it took everything in him to hold back the anger that threatened to erupt. "Drop the damn gun. Right now."

"Jane." Pastor Gideon stepped forwards, as if in an attempt to try and calm the situation down. His hands were held out to show that he wasn't prepared to fight her, that all he wanted was for the fighting to end, but she took no notice of him.

"No," She shook her head vigorously. "Don't you see? They need to go!"

The gun shifted in her hand and she aimed it towards Dean, her finger trembling over the trigger. "You don't get to stop me from seeing my son again." she almost growled at him. "Nobody does." Dean just stared at her, he didn't know what else he could say, the look on her face gave nothing away, and he found himself wondering if this was really how it was going to end for him.

For a second he was more than sure she was going to pull the trigger, right until Haley stepped forwards. He felt his entire chest drop at the sight of her standing before him, her back to him and her arms held out slightly to the sides. It was like a whole new sense of realisation to him, his sister had stepped in front of a gun for him without a second thought. She was prepared to take a bullet herself before she allowed him to take one. She wasn't afraid of death. And that didn't sit right with him.

She and Jane stared at each other for a long moment, as if they were having a conversation between themselves without words, and the smallest smirk came to Haley's face. "Go ahead." she pushed, holding her arms out a little wider. "Do it."

Dean's head snapped up, his eyes wide as he looked from his sister to Jane. Slowly, carefully, he manoeuvred himself so that he was no longer standing behind her. He was standing beside her, an arm extended outwards in an attempt to push her behind himself, but she wasn't budging. "I swear to god," Dean took a step forwards, glaring down at Jane as he did. "I will rip you apart." he seethed. The anger was practically radiating from him, to the extent that everyone in the room could feel it. "You pull that trigger against my sister and it will be the last thing that you ever do."

Before Jane could even think to process his threat, Dean lunged forwards and snatched the gun from her grip. At the same time, Haley moved and punched her straight in the face, knocking her back a couple of steps. For a second she thought that she was going to try and fight back, but as she moved towards Haley, Dean's hand caught around her throat, holding her where she stood for a moment. He pushed her roughly back into her husband and shoved the gun into his own jacket.

Dean stepped forwards, glowering at her and Rob. "Alright, listen up," he began, his tone lethal, his eyes dark. "Either of you so much as breathes near either me, my sister, or my brother, I swear to god that I will not hesitate to break your necks with my bare hands." He seemed to tower over them both as he spoke, only making him seem more of a threat. ""Do you understand me? Not a good place to be standing right now, lady."

"Dean," Haley warned, taking a step towards him. She had seen him like that before, and it never ended pretty. "Calm down."

"Calm down?!" he repeated, incredulous. He turned to face her sharply and glared down at her, he looked angrier than she ever remembered seeing him before. And it wasn't just angry at them, it was at her. "She just pointed a gun at your damn chest, kid. She's lucky she's still breathing." Haley opened her mouth to say something, but he didn't give her the chance. "And what the hell is wrong with you? Huh? Do you wanna die, is that it?" He shook his head, stopping himself before he could get really mad. "Just, go."

She frowned up at him. "What?"

"Haley," he gritted his teeth and lowered his voice, and she could see that he was fighting with himself to yell at her. "Back to the motel...just...go."

For a moment she was prepared to argue with him, to have it out there and then, but somewhere in the back of her mind she knew better. He was close to losing it, and she didn't want to be the one who received the blow that was about to come from him. Neither did he. The hard glare on his face and the sharp tone of his voice convinced her against saying a word in protest. She was more than aware that her brother in that state, in that frame of mind, was not a man to cross. She sighed, defeated, and held up her hands to him before backing out of the bar.


Fifteen minutes later - motel room.

The motel door slammed closed behind Haley as she stepped into the room with a heavy sigh. She frowned at the silence, not at all what she had been expecting to come back to. "Sam?" she called out, almost cautious, her eyes narrowed in the direction of the bathroom. The door was slightly ajar, the light was on, but she was more than sure it had been that way an hour ago. "Sammy?" she tried again when there was no response from the youngest Winchester. Inpatient, she crossed the room and pushed open the bathroom door, finding that too was empty. She sighed, dropping her arms to her sides in defeat. "Awesome," she muttered. "That's just awesome."

Sam was gone. Dean was gone. She didn't like to think what Dean was doing at that point, or what was going on in his head. Honestly, the more she tried to put herself in Dean's place—the more she tried to work out his thoughts and understand what those constant nagging voices swarming his head were—the worse she felt. Dean's head scared her. Just the thought of what was going on in there scared her. And that was something she never could have imagined herself saying. Ever.

And she couldn't even begin to imagine where Sam had gotten to. In her head, she would have assumed he would be at the bar, looking for Dean, the way she had been. Where else in that town was there for him to go? It wasn't like he knew anyone, it wasn't like there was anywhere else, other than the church, that had any source of information. So maybe that was where he was, quizzing someone in there about what was going on in that crazy town. She didn't know. She wasn't sure she wanted to know. And, judging by the lack of text or phone call, Sam didn't want her to know, either.

Just as she was about to turn and walk right back out of the room, there was a sound behind her, one that was becoming more and more familiar to her each day that passed. She turned, slowly, and forced a weak smile. "Hey, Cas."

Castiel nodded in acknowledgement. "Hello, Haley."

He leaned against the edge of the table, looking a little unstable on his own two feet. "You zapped in," she commented, frowning. "Did you get your mojo back?" The last time she had seen him, when they had broken out of prison, he hadn't been able to fly himself anywhere.

Castiel huffed a breath, as though amused, and she frowned at him, curious. There was something off about him. "Enough." he muttered.

There was something about him—the way that he was slouched over and staring only at the floor in front of him—that convinced her that something had happened. Something wasn't right with him, at all. "Cas?" she pressed, but he gave no reaction that he had even heard her. She took a small step towards him, wary, and looked over him carefully. His clothes were ruffled, wrinkled, not straight like they usually were. His hair was a mess, as though he had just woken up from a long sleep, and his eyes were heavy. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." he grumbled. He made a move to take a step forwards, maybe to finally look at her, but all he could do was sway where he stood. Haley moved forwards on instinct, ready to grab him should he fall, and raised an eyebrow, sceptical, as though just ready for the but that was going to come with the sentence. Castiel seemed to realise, and he sighed, defeated. "I'm intoxicated."

"Oh." Her eyebrows rose, because she hadn't been expecting that. "Okay...uh...maybe you should sit down?" she suggested, taking a hold of his arm in some attempt to coax him into moving. "You know, before you end up on your face." Slowly, unsteadily, she managed to support him enough to get him across the room to the couch, where he dropped down heavily. She sat down beside him and looked over him carefully. "How have you ended up like this?" she asked. "It's not because I took you to that bar, is it? Cause, Cas, I told you those shots were bad news."

Castiel shook his head at her. "No, no, don't think that this is your fault. It's not." he sighed. "It's just...you were right, Haley. For a while it makes you forget everything. I thought it was a good idea at the time."

"Hm." Haley nodded, understanding. "I know what you mean." she muttered.

He narrowed his eyes at her a little as if something had suddenly dawned on him. "Where are your brothers?"

"Dean's at the bar down the street, shocker. And Sam?" she shrugged. "I have no idea where Sam is."

There was something more to everything, and he could tell that. "What's wrong?" he asked, slight concern coming through in his words, even if they were a little slurred.

Haley gave a deep sigh and shook her head, she wasn't even sure that she knew anymore. It wasn't the apocalypse, or the angels or the demons, or the impending end to her deal with Crowley, it wasn't Zachariah and it wasn't the hunting—that had all taken a backseat and become nothing more than background noise to her lately—it was Sam and Dean. All of it came down to Sam and Dean. She was worried about them, she was scared for them, and she knew that there was nothing she could do stop what was going on around them. It was as though they were bracing each other, like they were the only thing there to hold the other one up and stop them from falling, and something told her that they weren't going to stay that way for much longer, not at the rate they were going.

She knew about what had happened between them in the past. She knew how much it had taken Dean to move past what Sam had done with Ruby, she could see it in his eyes when they had told her about it. She had never asked for details, she had never wanted to press on those still open wounds, but she had gotten the message. She knew how much it had almost destroyed Sam when Dean had gone to hell, there was still a vacancy in his eyes whenever it was mentioned around him. And she knew how they couldn't fully go on with their lives without the other one there.

That was what she was truly afraid of lately. That was the thing that kept her up at night. And that was what she could see coming in the future. That was where the apocalypse was leading them. It was trying to divide them, that was the whole point of it, to have them on two completely different sides. And Dean's sudden desire to stop fighting it all was pushing them both further and further away from each other.

"One of them is going to fall, Cas." she said softly. "I can see it coming."

Castiel frowned at her, confused. "What do you mean?" he asked, genuinely confused by the comment.

"I don't know how to explain it.." she sighed, saying nothing for a long moment. "You know, I had this thought the other day." She took a small breath and shook her head to herself, as if unsure that she wanted to share it with him. "I just imagined Sam and Dean standing there, back to back, leaning on each other with all of their weight, you know? Supporting each other to not hit the floor. And they're doing that, and they have all this stuff going on around them, demons, angels, the apocalypse, all of it. And there they are, right in the middle, still leaning on each other." Castiel frowned deepened, as if to say he wasn't completely following her, but she knew that he was listening intently. "It only takes one of them to move, and the other falls. One of them opts out and shifts the other will fall back and crash to the ground, Cas. That's the only way I can explain it."

Castiel watched her for a long moment, he could see the fear in her eyes as she spoke. Her voice was small, somewhat shaky. She looked as though she wanted to cry. But he understood. He knew what she meant. "You think Dean's going to give up?"

Haley nodded slowly. "Sometimes." she admitted, her voice now little more than a whisper. "I wanna have faith in him, Cas, and I wanna believe he'll stick this out until the end, but I'm not so sure anymore. And I know the day that he does quit fighting, Sam's gonna crash. If Dean gives up and walks away, if he isn't there anymore, Sam won't be, either. Not really."

"It won't come to that." Castiel said, although he didn't sound too sure of his own words.

Haley sighed, she didn't seem convinced. "I can see it in his eyes, Cas. Dean doesn't wanna fight anymore. And I am straight up lying to Sam about it. I'm telling him that everything's going to be fine, that Dean wouldn't do something like that, and I know that he wants to. I can't do this without him."

"Haley—" Castiel began, opening and closing his mouth as though he wasn't sure what to say. For a moment she was sure that he was going to agree with her, to tell her he could see the same thing, or maybe he was going to treat her like she was treating Sam, telling her that it was all going to be alright even when he knew that it wasn't, just to be kind. But he didn't have the chance to say anything more than her name before the sound of heavy footsteps outside of the room interrupted him.

They both glanced over towards the window as a dark shadow passed, and just from the silhouette that it gave they knew who it was. The handle was turned and a cold breeze invaded the room as the door was pushed open. Sam stepped inside and frowned a little as he looked between them both, still sitting on the couch. "Hey guys." he said simply, glancing at them both one more time before his attention fell to Haley, and his eyebrows raised inquisitively as though to ask had he walked in on something important.

But it was a conversation that Haley really didn't want to have again, especially not with Sam, and so whatever Castiel was going to say, whatever advice he was prepared to give her, would have to wait. She rested her hands over her thighs and pushed herself up slowly, throwing him a look as if to warn him not to even ask. "Where've you been?"

"I was looking for Dean," Sam stated, narrowing his eyes as if to imply she should have been doing the same. "Where is he?"

Haley sighed. "He's in the bar." she said quietly, and Sam's face immediately changed to one of frustration.

"Right." Sam shook his head, as if wondering why he had even bothered to ask. "Course he is."

"But Sam, listen. Paul—" But Haley didn't get out another word before her brother had turned and walked right back out of the room again, she presumed to hunt for Dean. She didn't even like to think what had gone on in the bar since she had left. Dean had been livid...past livid. Paul had been dead on the floor and for a moment she had thought Dean was going to have Jane and Rob join him. "You know," Haley sighed as she turned back to look at Castiel. "I swear, the root of every problem this family has is down to the fact no one listens to anyone." she muttered, somewhat more to herself than to him. It was never a good idea to leave Dean in the mood that he had been in, she knew that, and it wasn't a good idea to let Sam go and find him like that knowing that Dean was no longer intending to hide the pressing fact that he wanted to back down. "You know what, I'm gonna go find them."

Castiel nodded in agreement. "I'll come with you." He made a move to push himself to stand but found that he moved nowhere, only swayed slightly and dropped back down to the couch, looking nothing but confused.

Haley chuckled, shaking her head a little. "Buddy, you are hammered." she told him lightly. "You need to stay put. Let it wear off."

"Haley—" he went to protest, but she wouldn't have it.

"Trust me on this," she pressed. "I know that you need to stay put, Cas, or you're gonna face-plant the sidewalk."

There was a look of such innocence, such confusion on his face, he looked like he was ready to throw up yet he didn't understand why. Haley found herself somewhat amused by the whole situation, and if circumstances had been different she knew that a drunken angel probably would have been a whole lot funnier to her. Instead, she sat down beside him again with soft sigh and offered him a weak smile, somewhat sympathetic. "Why do I feel like this?" he asked her, voice small, vulnerable.

"Because, you're wasted...and, I suppose, you don't have all of your angel mojo to hold back the effect of drinking back an entire liquor store." she smirked at him. "Just, have a glass of water or something, stay put. I won't be long, call me if you need me."

Castiel nodded but didn't reply, and with one last sympathetic smile Haley pushed herself up and crossed the room towards the door, ready to face her brothers.


Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed. And, like I said at the top I more than promise the next chapter will be up before the end of the week! It might even come tomorrow. :)