Behind Closed Doors

Chapter 29 – Restless Nights

As glad as she was to be out of the hospital there was something about being home that, to put it simply, scared Kirsty. The main thing keeping her going was putting on a brave face for Nita but once Nita was at school she would give up putting on the front and drive into town, anywhere but the house, and spend the day as far away from the memories as possible.

Coffee shops were her favourite day time haunts, she was lucky to have not bumped into anyone she knew, but then again, she was just out in town, they didn't know she would spend ages sipping a coffee that got gradually colder until she had to pick up Nita. There was nothing to explain... was there?

She couldn't wait to get back to work, merely a week after returning home she found herself heading towards the emergency. She looked up at the threatening building and smiled, she had missed this place. She had dropped Nita off and headed straight here, fed up of haunting the coffee shops in the town centre. Kirsty was keen to impress Tess and be allowed back to work.

Entering the department the familiar surroundings put her at ease right away and she smiled as she watched the doctors and nurses going about their jobs, many saying hi as she walked past on the hunt for Tess. As she rounded the corner however she bumped into both the first and last person she wanted to see right now. Adam.

"What are you doing here?" He asked approaching her holding a set of patients notes to his chest looking a little confused and concerned.

"I'm going mad stuck in that house" Kirsty admitted honestly blushing slightly, she didn't need to admit the place also brought back bad memories, "I'm hoping Tess will let me back, at least part time anyway!"

"You were stabbed!" Adam said bluntly

"Yes but I am not an invalid!" Kirsty rolled her eyes "The wound has healed well, plus..." her voice faltered slightly as she looked down at her feet "I just need to get out..." she admitted

"Are you ok?" Adam asked concerned as he noticed the fear in Kirsty's eyes.

Adam's worried expression made her want to admit the truth, how the house brought back memories, how she didn't like being alone there just in case... She half shook her head ready to break down and confess to Adam when she spotted Tess approaching out of the corner of her eye. She pulled herself together smiled at Adam slightly and turned to Tess.

"Kirsty! What are you doing here?" Tess asked a little shocked to see Kirsty back in the department.

Kirsty put on a small smile as Adam waved slightly and headed off to continue treating patients with a last glance over his shoulder at her.

"Looking for you." Kirsty smiled nervously "I was hoping I could come back to work..."

"A week after being discharged?" Tess looked sceptical

"Just part time, paperwork, cubicles, anything!" Kirsty pleaded suddenly realising how desperate she sounded "I just want something to do to take my mind off everything..." she admitted

"Well if the wound is healing well..." Tess sighed slightly

"It is, you can examine it if you want." Kirsty chipped in simply

"Well if you're sure then we do always need an extra pair of hands." Tess sighed "Is something going on Kirsty?"

"Sitting around at home all day just makes me think about everything that's happened over the last month..." Kirsty admitted "I just want something to get on with."

"I see." Tess nodded placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder "Well I'll give you a ring tonight and we'll sort something ok?"

"Thanks Tess." Kirsty smiled

"No problem, but if you change your mind once your back please let me know." Tess said simply

"I will Tess but I'll be fine." Kirsty reassured her

"If you say so." Tess nodded

Kirsty thanked Tess and left the department, heading to her car she made her way to one of the coffee shops to waste what she hoped to be her last afternoon.

A week later and Kirsty was back working in the emergency department. Tess had set up three week day daytime shifts for her in cubicles and doing paperwork only it was better than nothing but Kirsty longed to be back at work full time but still she had to admit that just the three days combined with not sleeping very well was starting to catch up with her and she couldn't help but feel exhausted all the time.

Adam had to admit he was glad to have Kirsty back, he liked working with her but she looked exhausted. The bags around her eyes seemed to get darker every day. She had only been back at work a week and he was a little worried but he hadn't even gotten five minutes alone with her to talk to her.

"Has anyone seen Kirsty?" Tess's voice interrupted Adams thoughts

"No, sorry..." Adam shrugged "Why?"

"Oh its nothing I just haven't seen her in an hour, I thought she might have been having a break but she seems to have vanished, I'm sure she's probably in cubicles somewhere." Tess shrugged

"I'll take a look around." Adam said putting his stethoscope around his neck.

"Let me know if you find her." Tess said looking a little concerned

"I will." Adam nodded heading off.

He checked the staffroom, cubicles, reception, even resus before he had an idea. Heading up the stairs he knocked on the on call room door.

"Kirsty?"

No reply. He twisted the handle and let himself in just to check and stopped in his tracks as he spotted Kirsty, fast asleep, on the bed in her scrubs.

He stepped inside, shutting the door behind him and perched on the edge of the bed looking down at Kirsty as she slept. He reached over and instinctively stroked her hair gently.

"What is going on with you?" he wondered allowed as she stirred.

Adam moved his hand from her head and watched as her eyes opened. She suddenly spotted him sat on the edge of the bed and immediately sat up avoiding looking in his eyes.

"I'm sorry I only meant to grab five minutes..." Kirsty blushed as she began to panic checking her watch.

"Kirsty, Kirsty woah." Adam placed a gentle hand on her arm "I'm a bit worried, what going on?"

"Nothing." Kirsty replied automatically.

"Your asleep at work despite insisting that you wanted to come back to work and were ready to come back to work!" Adam pointed out worriedly

Kirsty sighed and picked at a loose thread at the bottom of her scrubs.

"It's hard being back there... I keep expecting..." She shrugged slightly avoiding Adam's eyes

Adam nodded in understanding. Of course the house she had returned to had been the house where Warren had beaten her repeatedly. Places where bad things happened often were hard to revisit. He had been terrified of cars for a few years after his childhood car crash.

"You're safe." He tried to reassure her

"I know but that wont make the memories go away." She blurted out "I'm sorry." She looked up into Adam's eyes "I'm being totally pathetic about this..."

"No, no you're not." Adam placed his hand on hers and squeezed it slightly "It's hard. Could you not sell up, move on?"

"I'll be fine eventually." Kirsty said trying to convince herself as much as she was trying to convince Adam. "They are just stupid nightmares."

"Look if you and Nita want somewhere to stay for a few nights I still have a spare room..." Adam suggested "You look like you need a break from the nightmares."

Kirsty nodded slightly and looked up at Adam sadly

"That would be nice, I haven't slept properly since we moved back." She confessed

"Come and stay for a few days, catch up on sleep and then when you have got your head together you can work out what you want to do, sell up maybe and find somewhere for you and Nita to have a fresh start." Adam suggested

Kirsty nodded uncertainly.

"The spare room...?" Kirsty asked

"Is yours and Nita's whenever you want it." Adam squeezed her hand

"Tonight?" Kirsty asked nervously "I don't think I can take another... I don't know what I will say to Nita..."

"Tell her the truth." Adam suggested "She's a lot braver than I think you realise."

"Thanks Adam." Kirsty smiled "You are amazing, I don't know what I'd have done without you..."

"It was nothing." Adam nodded "That's what friends are for, however right now I think you should get back to work, Tess has been hunting you down..."

"Oh god..." Kirsty stood up

"I'll come over to yours about six ish?" Adam suggested as she bolted towards the door

"That would be great." She smiled as she opened the door "Thanks Adam!" she added as she shot out the room

"Anytime." Adam smiled slightly as she hurried back to work to try and avoid the wrath of Tess.