Part III, Chapter II: Anakin Skywalker's Legacy
[In which Kylo Ren is reborn.]

~o0o~

No pain.

That was what struck Kylo Ren first and foremost. The headache had stopped. For the first time in forever, the feeling of being torn apart had ceased.

It was peaceful here. It was finally over. Here, he could rest.

How dare you. Rey was before him, her eyes full of rage and darkness. Don't think you get to sleep here. Don't think I'll ever let you have peace after what you have done.

She swung her saberstaff and ran him through with it, and the peace shattered. Everything shattered.

He was falling, and the darkness in Rey's eyes was all around him.

~o0o~

"Report, General."

In the meeting room of the Anthelion, Hux stood up straight as best he could. The hologram technology on this Star Destroyer was old as the ship itself - the Supreme Leader's image was flickering and blurry, and the limited size of the room did not allow for Snoke to appear in his usually preferred, giant form. The ire the creature emanated, however, was as palpable and terrifying as it had ever been.

It was a punishment in itself that the Supreme Leader had demanded that Hux, personally and no one else, reported the events. In truth, Hux was not fit to report on anything. He had lost an arm - since his mechno-arm was not ready for attachment yet, his right sleeve hung empty by his side. He had been mind-probed to near-insanity until that little witch had ripped the code for the shields from his mind and he had passed out. That he was even able to stand was a miracle, in large parts due to having been pumped full with painkillers and other stabilizing drugs.

The Supreme Leader appeared not really all that interested in the report itself, anyway, he probably already knew everything that had happened through other sources. This was punishment, plain and simple.

"Supreme Leader, we lost the Finalizer," Hux said, eyes closed in humiliation. "Along with approximately 40% of its crew. With the combined firepower of the Anthelion and the Nexus, we managed to chase off the Resistance and take out a third of their-"

"What of Kylo Ren?" The Supreme Leader interrupted him.

"His condition is unchanged."

"The girl?"

"Escaped."

There was a long pause.

"General. Since the loss of Starkiller Base, you have presented me with nothing but failures. I need not tell you how much of a setback the loss of our flagship is. The Anthelion is to be our temporary flag ship until the construction of the Incentive has been completed."

Hux nodded stiffly. The Incentive was another Resurgent-class Star Destroyer, the Finalizer's sister ship, but still weeks away from completion.

"I expect you to handle the transfer of the crew. For tomorrow, I am calling all of High Command to a meeting. We must root out the Resistance before their ranks grow further. And that girl, I want her recaptured at all costs."

"Recaptured?" Hux repeated in disbelief. "Supreme Leader, with all due respect, we should kill her on sight."

Snoke's hologram rose, furious. "Do not question my orders, General! Right now she is worth to me more than you are, especially now that Kylo Ren's life hangs in the balance. She is not to be killed. I want her alive. Do you understand?"

"Understood, Supreme Leader." Hux said, lips pressed together thinly. He had not thought it possible, but he hated the girl more now than he hated Kylo Ren, and Snoke's orders put a damper on his plan to exact excruciating revenge, once they had her recaptured.

On the other hand, there were many stages between "alive" and "perfectly fine", and Hux was planning on pushing the definition of "alive" to the limit.

~o0o~

Finn directed his power chair towards where the victorious starfighters were touching down outside the Resistance base, BB-8 trailing behind with excited little beeps. Poe Dameron had already climbed out of the cockpit of his X-wing and, when he saw the ex-stormtrooper, dropped to the ground to rush towards him, smiling happily. With careful movements, Finn lifted himself out of the chair and, holding on to it for support, straightened up to meet his friend.

"Finn! You're up and about!" Poe exclaimed.

"Just in time to celebrate your big victory," Finn said, grinning equally broadly. "I would have loved to be there with you."

"Next time you will be. You're making amazing progress with the simulators. Concentrate on getting back to your full strength, and I'll be happy to show you some off-the-book moves." Poe clapped his hands around the other man's shoulder reassuringly, resting his hand there perhaps a little longer than strictly necessary.

"You actually took down the Finalizer. The kriffing Finalizer. I still can't believe it. Do you realise what a blow that is for the entire First Order?" Finn shook his head, smiling. But then his expression changed into one of worry. "The General thinks that since it was a trap all along, neither Rey nor Skywalker were on the ship anymore when you got there. But someone had to have blown up all those turbolasers and disable the shields, right? Do you think..."

"Don't worry. If it was either or both of them, and they managed to do all that, then they damn well got off the ship before it crashed."

"There's been no signal, though. No communication from whoever helped us back there. We don't know where either Skywalker or Rey are. They could have been recaptured."

BB-8 supplied a few beeps, and Poe smiled.

"He's right. We'll try again and again, until we get them back."

Finn sighed. He longed to see Rey again - he had not woken up from his coma until after Ahch-To had been raided by the First Order, and she had been captured. To him, it felt she had been in captivity ever since the attack on Takodana so long ago, and worse - though rationally he knew it to be silly - it felt as if it was all his fault for being unable to protect her from his own former allies.

It had turned out Rey was a powerful force-sensitive, that much Finn had learnt from General Organa. That explained why Kylo Ren appeared to be so obsessed with capturing her. It made Finn sick to his stomach, imagining her being that man's prisoner for such a long time. He was brutal. A sadist - Finn's scars attested to that. It drove him mad to imagine what Rey must have been suffering all this time.

"Finn. You're brooding again," Poe said softly, flicking his forehead lightly.

This very moment, all of a sudden, BB-8 started to beep excitedly, and the distinctive high-pitched roar of a TIE fighter engine was audible in the skies above the Resistance base.

"Holy-" both Finn and Poe said simultaneously. There were cries and shouts along the airfield as pilots went for the nearest weapon to train it on the enemy craft that now came into view, touching down on a free patch on the airfield.

"Hold your fire!" The General's voice yelled as she came rushing out of the base in a great hurry, followed by the giant figure of Chewbacca and a crowd of operators.

"No way." Finn muttered under his breath as the hatch opened and a dark-robed, barefooted figure climbed out. There was no shock or hesitation in BB-8, however. Beeping wildly, he made a beeline towards his long-lost friend.

Finn was still rooted to the spot as Chewbacca stalked past him with long strides, picking up Rey into a huge embrace as if she weighed nothing.

"See?" Poe said, his infectious smile back in place. "Speak of the devil."

~o0o~

How long had he been falling, now? How long had it been?

Ben.

A face swam into focus before Kylo Ren, familiar and unfamiliar at the same time.

"Anakin Skywalker."

You thought you were following my wishes. You weren't. You were fed false visions, all these years. But you've know that for a while now, haven't you? The whispers at night. The whispers from the helmet.

"I was being deceived."

I tried to reach out to you so many times. But the web of lies was too tight around you. You wouldn't hear me.

"And now I'm dying." Kylo Ren was stating a fact, he knew. Death was coming for him. The great Beyond loomed, and it was not one of peaceful rest. There is no death, there is the force… but not for people like him. Not after everything he had done.

You can't die. You have to continue my legacy.

"I have never done anything but."

What do you think is my legacy?

Anakin Skywalker's face slipped away from him once more, no matter how much Kylo Ren tried to hold on to it. He was falling again now, the vision of his grandfather just a brief respite from a never-ending plunge into nothingness.

His mind was coming apart thread by thread, shard by shard. Occasionally he glimpsed pieces of memories, showing him images of other times, other places.

I told you you would face your demons eventually. Luke said accusingly, in his cell. And I did ask you not to hurt Rey any further than you already have. Did you even listen?

"I was going to sacrifice her, too. I would have given her up." Kylo Ren may be dying, but certain things were much clearer here. No more deceiving himself, no more denial. Here, the darkness was not whispering to him anymore. "How could I have considered it for a minute? I love her."

The crucial difference between Han Solo and me is, I don't love you, and I will not hesitate to kill you before you kill me.

Kylo Ren chuckled briefly, almost fondly, and there was Rey now - his Rey, without that horrible darkness - looking at him incredulously, realisation dawning on her face.

You are afraid of me.

"Yes," he said, and she was so close now, all windswept hair and sun-kissed face, all loveliness. "Because sentiment means weakness. But that is not all."

What else is there?

"I tried so hard to make you embrace the darkness, because every time I look at you, I feel the call of the light. That last flicker in me that will never go away. The part that brought me to my knees after killing my father. The part that wants to take it all back."

Why is that so scary?

"Because what I have done can not be taken back. There are deeds so atrocious they cannot be undone. They cannot be atoned for. They can never be forgiven. Not in this lifetime. Not in any lifetime."

He was now standing on the precarious catwalk once more, and there was his father before him, impaled on his red lightsaber, and before he fell, he touched his son's face in a tender gesture.

Kid, the one person who has not forgiven you is yourself.

Han Solo fell, and so did Kylo Ren, once more. Shadows flitted around him. There was blood and death and a burning temple. He had tortured, killed so many people.

"I do not deserve forgiveness."

That is up for debate. That was Luke again, in his cell. You certainly do not deserve it if you keep pushing the responsibility for your own actions onto other people. You wanted Rey to kill you, didn't you? You said all these things so she would destroy you. How selfish of you, nephew. You pushed her into the darkness, you destroyed what you loved because you were too weak to face up to your crimes.

"I did not know what I was doing. I did not mean to hurt her." Kylo Ren whispered.

Maybe you did not. But in the end, you took into account that it might happen, and you went ahead anyway. Luke said in an unforgiving tone. Selfishly going ahead with what suits you best, with no regard to the repercussions or the implications... does that ring a bell in another department? That is exactly what I meant by turning your own agony on her. It seems your own self-hatred is even stronger than your love for her.

Kylo Ren had no words.

You even tried pushing this responsibility onto us. Another voice said, a young voice he had never heard before. Breathlessly, Kylo Ren turned around and what he saw shook him profoundly. There was a small boy standing behind him, with black hair like him but looking at him with Rey's hazel eyes, and a girl next to him of the same age, with eyes as dark as the night, but Rey's delicate features. We do not even exist, and already you were hoping we would kill you one day. You would burden your own children with something like this, instead of sorting yourself out on your own.

Rey was there behind the twins now, embracing them protectively, silently shaking her head at him.

These three before him - they were a promise that hung in the air, one possibility of many, one possible outcome of the steps he had taken and might yet take. But if he died here, this scenario would never come to pass. He would be dead, Rey would be lost in the darkness, and these children would never be born.

But what did it matter? He had no claim to Rey. He did not deserve this promise, this outcome. He deserved the death that was coming for him, along with the eternal knowledge that his entire existence had brought nothing but pain and unhappiness to everyone unfortunate enough to cross his path.

And then his own mother's voice reached him.

Children are not something you 'deserve'. They come into your life, people in their own right, and as a parent you must try your best not to fail them. Some parents do better than others.

He was ten years old again, and Leia Organa was sitting at her desk clad in elegant robes, writing something and not looking at him. The scratching of her pen was all he heard. She was always busy writing something, he remembered. Always so busy, working tirelessly, only to find her drafts repelled, her speeches ignored, her campaigns crushed. She worked so hard, and it never got her anywhere.

Have you reconsidered what we've been fighting about? His mother asked.She was older now, wearing her Resistance uniform, and he was a grown-up in his mask and hood and red saber, on a mission to bring peace and order to the galaxy. And yet she still sat there, writing away and not looking at him.

Peace through oppression? I'm sure that's not what your mother taught you. Rey's words back on the Finalizer echoed in his mind.

"It is what history taught me." Kylo Ren said. "Her way does not work. Nothing ever gets done, all the while the galaxy is falling apart and into war. She has such power, why does she not use it? Why won't she stop writing? Why won't she look at me?"

He curled his hand around his lightsaber, getting more and more angry at his mother, who just kept on writing, completely ignorant of the red saber humming dangerously close to her.

"Look at me." Kylo Ren hissed. "Stop writing your ridiculous drafts and appeals and your speeches and look at me!"

He gritted his teeth and held the lightsaber so close to her face that its red light reflected in her eyes. It was only then that Leia set down her pen very carefully, and finally turned towards her son. Her red-tinted gaze was piercing, and suddenly Ben was ten years old again, wincing under her stern glance.

Is that what this is about? Is that why you are doing all this, Ben? Is that why you keep hurting me? Because you think I love the Republic more than I love you?

They were nearing the truth at the heart of the matter, and Kylo Ren's voice broke. "You were afraid of me. You abandoned me. You sent me away to throw yourself into your work instead. And for what? If you had used the power given to you, you could have brought peace to the galaxy."

Like you are? Leia's voice suddenly lost her gentleness, and her eyes grew cold. You with your First Order, raiding villages and blowing up planets, slaughtering civilians and abducting children. And your horrible master, imprisoning humans and breeding them! I don't know which I had rather have as the truth, Ben: that you are simply doing all these horrible things out of spite, to hurt your old mother, or that you actually believe they are preferable to my way of doing things. On what grounds can you possibly believe that, drenched in innocent blood as you are? Tell me, my son, which is it? What do you truly believe in? What is this greater good you claim to fight for? Do you even believe it really exists?

Kylo Ren was at a loss.

"I don't know. I thought I did, but I don't know anymore."

Mother and son were staring at each other for a moment.

Then know one thing, at least - I was never afraid of you. And no matter how much your father and I fought, I did not stop loving you for a minute. Not even in your darkest hour. Come home to me, Ben. Find your answers, and if you can, come home. I miss you so much. I am so sorry for all the ways in which I have failed you. As I said - some parents do better than others, and I have not done well by you, my son.

The way her voice broke was too much to bear. With a choking sound in his throat, Kylo Ren reached out to her, but before he could touch her, the vision burst into a myriad of shards, and he was falling again.

~o0o~

This was ground zero. Nothing to fall from, nowhere to fall to. Death. Hell.

"So what do you think is my legacy?" His grandfather was back at his side, and he was not blurry, his voice was not muted, his presence was as real as that of any living person. Kylo Ren took a moment to look at the man in wonder. His form was young, but his eyes betrayed his true age.

This was the legendary Anakin Skywalker. Just a man. Just a human being, conflicted and flawed as any other. As himself.

His legacy - was it not bringing peace to the galaxy with an iron hand? Had Kylo Ren not always pledged all of his actions to this goal? From the moment he had embraced the dark side, maybe even before that, had that not always been his objective? How could he have been so mistaken?

"Who was Anakin Skywalker? Tell me about him." The man next to him said.

"A prodigy. A genius," Kylo Ren whispered. "Committed infamous acts upon his ascension to the dark side. Brought peace and order to the galaxy. Waded through seas of blood for the greater good."

Waxing on about how it's all for some kind of greater good! Admit to what you are, at least! Murderer! Monster! Rey was screaming at him.

Do you even believe it really exists? His mother asked.

"The greater good. Anakin did believe he was right, yes. But how much peace and order was there, in the end, and how much was propaganda? Is it worth it, destroying your own soul just to bring about a different kind of evil? Blood tends to stick to you, no matter how you might try to justify your actions," the Jedi mused.

"So put aside what it was all for, and look at Anakin's deeds. Did he deserve forgiveness from his son? One life saved - because of family bonds, basically out of selfishness - weighed against all his murders, all his atrocities. Did such a man deserve forgiveness, even just from a single person?"

"No. No, I don't think so," Kylo Ren whispered.

Anakin smiled faintly. "Happily for us both, forgiveness is not about whether or not you deserve it. It is freely given."

Rey was looking up to him, lying exhausted in his arms after what he had almost done to her in their ugliest dream encounter, and once more he cringed in shame. I forgive you.

"Just so," Anakin said next to him. "I'm sure we both agree that you did not deserve forgiveness at the time, and yet, she gave it to you."

The other Rey was standing behind him now, in the shadows, barefooted in his own ragged tunic, saberstaff at her side. There was blood on her hands up to her elbows, and darkness flowed all around her.

You turned me into this. I'll make you pay. I'll destroy you.

Kylo Ren looked at her, at this twisted shadow of Rey, and regret nearly brought him to his knees.

She had lost her tears, he realised. That was what was so wrong about this Rey. Until now, no matter how much he had bullied and pressured her - she would cry, and heal, and face him once more the next day even stronger, unbent and unbroken. But he had gone and replaced her tears with pure, burning hatred and anger.

Yes, he had done this to her, he had broken her. He would have sacrificed her to a fate worse than death, because he had believed himself too far gone to do the right thing.

"Rey does not believe I deserve forgiveness. Not anymore."

"Perhaps in convincing her, you can convince yourself. In saving her, you can save yourself." Anakin mused.

"How?" He whispered, never taking his eyes off the dark Rey.

"Work it out. Find a way. You can still atone for your sins. Unlike me, you still have time in this world."

"You're telling me to atone?"

"Yes. Primarily, atonement is for ourselves. Not for those we hurt. For us. To convince ourselves that we are deserving of the forgiveness others freely bestow."

Kylo Ren was reeling.

"So your legacy was always…"

"Turn around while you can, set things right before it is too late. Accomplish what I could not. Clear our family's name from my shame and yours."

And now he was alone.

For a long time, there was nothing. Kylo Ren stood perfectly still as the force realigned around him. The pendulum, moored in the dark side for so long, was swinging back.

I am not Ben Solo. I am Kylo Ren. That is the name of the man who murdered his father, and it is the name of the man who will atone. It is the name of the man who will carry on Anakin Skywalker's legacy.

"Don't be so dramatic about it, kid."

Han Solo drew up behind him, a childhood smell of leather and machine oil.

"Glad you finally came to your senses. You got your stubbornness from your mother, that's for sure."

Kylo Ren breathed out. He did not turn around. He did not need to.

"Forgive me, father."

There was really no more to say than that. There was a suggestion of a chuckle, and a slap on his back.

"You just watch yourself out there when you go after your girl, alright?"

And then he was gone.

Perhaps, one day, Kylo Ren might feel that he had earned the right to be called by the name "Solo" once more. But for now, he had other things to do.

~o0o~

[to be continued]