Wow, you guys must really hate me for chapter 27. Sorry about that. Chapter 29 should more than make up for it though.
Important: So I've been talking to a few friends here on fanfiction and a few on the other site I post to, and they've convinced me not to leave. I mean, it was really making me sad to leave and after talking to them they've managed to talk me out of it. So you won't hear any more about this from me. I do still kind of feel like feeback isn't as good in this fandom as in other one's that I've been in, but I love these boys -and you guys- too much to leave.
I probably won't update as much on here for the simple reason that most of what I write is drabble length, not full on story length. And I don't want to flood the Kogan section with 40 or 50 one thousand word drabbles lol I'm also going to go take my first notice down so I don't confuse anymore people. (:
Well enjoy chapter 29. There's only the epilogue after this so yay!
And for kc1690 (and all of you who may have been wondering): The reason Logan was so willing to kill himself, so desperate to break the connection, is explained a little in here, but just in case it's still not clear enough, it's essentially because, even at fourteen, he was smart enough to realize that he and Kendall being as close as they were was going to cause a lot of trouble for the blonde (you may want to go back and reread chapter 14 I know it's been a while). Because he loved Kendall so much that he didn't want him to have to face those problems. He also didn't want Kendall to be stuck with him forever because the blonde had no other choice. We all know that Kendall would be happier with Logan, but that isn't how the little genius saw it.
o*o*o*o*o
To die would be an
awfully big adventure.
-Peter Pan
o*o*o*o*o
Kendall stares blankly down at Logan's still form, body too numb to even worry about moving. It's been three days since Rocque Records, since the Chinese lady –amidst all the chaos they'd completely forgotten to ask what her name was- had explained the singing, three days since anything had been sung.
Three days since Logan had literally thrown himself into L.A. traffic to get away from Kendall.
The blonde blinks back tears and tries to focus on the steady beep of the heart monitor that tells him Logan is still alive. The genius had flat lined yesterday and Kendall had felt like his entire world was being ripped forcefully from him. He'd been shoved out of the room by a team with a crash cart and he'd been able to do little else but scream in pure terror while his mom hugged him to her chest and tried her best to comfort him.
He hadn't left Logan's bedside since they'd brought him in, minus the half an hour he'd had to be pulled outside because he was having a panic attack when his best friend flat lined. Everyone else had been coming to the hospital in shifts, but Kendall didn't want to leave Logan, even for second. His too afraid that Logan will flat line for good, that they won't be able to bring him back, and the genius will be gone before Kendall can say what he needs to say.
"I don't understand." He croaks, his voice thick from three days of crying. "Why did he try so hard to fight this? I love him. And I know he feels that too. Why would he fight it?"
James and Carlos both jump at the sound of Kendall's voice. The blonde hasn't spoken at all since yesterday and they'd just finally become accustomed to its absence. They share a look and James sighs, because Kendall and Logan are usually the ones who figure things out.
"I don't know." He admits, completely baffled as to why the genius would pull away when he and Kendall had been beyond close since third grade.
"Remember what Logan said to the Chinese lady?" Carlos asks quietly. "About wanting you to be able to choose –or not choose- him? Maybe it has something to do with that."
Kendall runs a hand through his hair. "I just don't understand." He repeats.
"I'm sorry, buddy." James stands up and makes his way over to Kendall, giving the blonde's shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "Look, it's time for us to head back to the Palm Woods so you're mom can come. You going to stay?"
The blonde nods, never taking his eyes off Logan. "Yeah. Always."
"Okay."
"Try and get some sleep." Carlos says as he leans over to hug Kendall briefly. "I know you're scared, but it's not going to do anyone any good if you make yourself sick, okay?"
The taller boy just nods silently; completely oblivious to the sympathetic looks his two best friends give him as they leave. This is hard on all of them. They all love Logan, but they understand that this is a hundred times harder on Kendall because he's in love with him. So they do they're mourning at home, with Katie, Camille, and Lucy to comfort them.
In reality though, they all kind of comfort each other.
"I know I've said this a lot, Logie." Kendall gets as close to the hospital bed as he can and grips the pale boy's hand in his. "But I just don't get it. I thought the other day was amazing. I thought you thought that too. But this? But you didn't have to cut me off." He's not actually singing because he has too. But he's been using music for the past two weeks and he just needs one thing that still feels familiar. "Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing."
It's funny that singing is what feels familiar, because even when he'd accepted it, it had still been weird. Still been something unusual. Something he'd been trying to stop. But singing had also opened his eyes to how he really felt about his best friend and so he's going to keep singing. Even if he's singing alone.
"What's gong to happen now, Logan?" He asks, gripping the other boy's hand tighter. "I feel weird, empty, I don't like it. I don't know how to not have that pull in my chest, that thing that connected me to you. And now it's just gone and I-" He swipes at his eyes. "What if you wake up and it's not the same. What if now I'm just somebody that you used to know?"
His head droops, his body and mind both physically and mentally exhausted. "Please, Logie…" He whispers as he buries his head in his arms and drifts off into slumber.
-0-
Kendall blinks in shock as he takes in his surroundings. It looks like he's standing in the middle of Palm Woods Park, except everything is white and kind of glowing. "This had better not be heaven." He grumbles to himself. "I was really hoping for a hockey rink."
Nobody answers him, however, because the park is completely empty. Or almost completely empty.
"Logan!" He exclaims when he sees the other boy standing several feet in front of him. "What the hell was that all about?" He cries angrily when he reaches the brunette.
Logan whirls around, surprised clearly written on his face. "Kendall?"
"Yes. And why the hell did you think it was okay to try and get yourself killed!" The blonde cries. He can feel tears of frustration and sadness well up in his eyes. "Why would you do that?"
The genius gestures to the ground between them. Kendall's gaze follows the movement and his eyes widen at the sight of a red thread lying uselessly on the ground between them.
"What?" The blonde shakes his head. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"It's got everything to do with everything, Kendall." Logan explains gently. "All I've ever wanted was for you to be happy. To not cause you can any trouble."
"You've never caused me any trouble! Well," the blonde frowns, thinking off all the times he and James and gotten into fights defending the smaller boy, "none that I didn't go into willingly."
Logan shakes his head. "Just trust me on this, okay? I did it so that you could be free. So that you could have the choice to choose who and what you want. And this was the only way."
"Jeezes, Logan!" Kendall huffs, crossing his arms over his chest. "What if I was happy? You've been the center of my universe since we were eight, probably even before that, even if I didn't realize it. What am I supposed to do now?"
The shorter boy smiles so sadly it breaks Kendall's heart. "You walk away, Kendall. Because, for the first time, you finally can. You're free, like you've always deserved to be."
"Fine." He gives in, although it's not exactly graceful. He turns and begins to storm away, turning back only for a moment to speak one last time to the genius, with silent tears running down his cheeks. "But for the record…I never wanted to be free."
Logan watches the blonde walk farther and farther away, crying quietly as he does so. He looks down at his feet just before Kendall disappears from view completely and smiles despite his tears.
There, on the ground, lying still even though Kendall is moving quickly, is the thread.
-0-
Logan wakes up gasping for breath. It only takes a minute for breathing to start coming naturally to him though. And about the time it takes him to remember how to breath properly, he begins feeling the typical aches and pains that assault a person when they decide, however noble their intentions, to run out into traffic. After the morphine drips kicks in, the genius is able to take in his surroundings. He's in a hospital, logically. He's not dead, which might be problematic. And Kendall is curled up in a plastic hospital chair, starring with wide red-rimmed eyes at him.
"Dammit!" Logan curses. "It didn't work. I'm going to kill that Chinese lady!"
"Logan, stop it."
The genius blinks, pausing mid-rant to turn to Kendall, whose face is serious. "What?"
"It worked." Kendall says and suddenly he's blinking rapidly. It takes Logan a minute to figure out what the hell he is friend is doing, but he almost lets his jaw drop in surprise when he realizes that Kendall is trying to fight back tears. "I remember meeting you in the park, or whatever that place was. I remember walking away. You got what you wanted. We're not connected anymore."
At this, Logan does gap. "What? Why? How am I still alive then?"
Kendall takes a shuddering breath, lifting a hand to swipe at his eyes. "You flat lined, Logan. But the doctors were able to get your heart beating again. But they say you-that you technically died."
The brunette blinks. "So we're not-"
"No."
"But you're still here?"
Kendall nods. "But I don't feel like I have to be. Not the way I used to."
"Then-then why are you still here?"
The taller boy reaches out and grabs Logan's hand, giving it a squeeze. "Because I want to be. It doesn't matter if we're connected or not. I mean, I can't say for sure if I only started loving you because of the thread, but I really don't think that's it. Because the thread, the connection, is gone and I still love you. I wouldn't have mattered if I'd had a choice from the very beginning, Logan. I would have chosen you. I would have always chosen you."
And he leans over and presses his lips gently against Logan's. He sighs as Logan refuses to respond to the action.
"Stop fighting it, Logan." Kendall mumbles against the still boy's lips. "There's nothing to fight anymore."
At this, Logan finally gives in to what he'd been denying himself for years and kisses Kendall back, moving his arms slowly up to tangle his fingers in the blonde's hair. They both moan happily into the kiss and Kendall knows, despite all the problems they had getting here, it is going to be worth every effort it took.
There might not be that insistent tug or pull. It may not feel like something is physically tethering them together, but both boys feel like they're exactly where they're supposed to be.
Somebody that I Used to Know belongs to Goyta.
Also, I'm not sure if I mentioned it, I don't think I did. But everything concerning the red thread of fate myth that you read in this fic is true. Except the willing death part. According to the actual myth there is absolutely no way to break the connection of two people tied together by the red thread. But I didn't want this fic to be almost 30 chapters of Logan fighting and running and then he just suddenly turns around and is like "hey, okay! That's fine! I love you." So I had to take a few liberties with the myth.
