Word count: 2,811
Chapter 20
Clashes of the Mind
The day was the same as any other as Remus walked with Sirius towards the library. Classes had ended two hours previously, and students littered the corridors, coming and going or just standing around talking with their friends.
When Remus spotted the group of Slytherins, his stomach twisted, and he instinctively reached for Sirius' wrist, as much to caution Sirius as to steady himself. Avery, Mulciber, and Snape were part of the group, and none of them ever shied away from shooting scathing remarks their way when given an opportunity. Remus was so focused on keeping Sirius from fighting the Slytherins in their own year that he didn't notice Regulus was standing with the group until Sirius stepped forward, tugging his arm from Remus' grip.
"Black," Mulciber drawled as Sirius approached.
None of them expected Sirius to reach for Regulus, so they rushed out of the way as his hand shot forward. Regulus fought back, but no one pulled out their wands as Sirius tugged Regulus away away from his friends by the front of his robes. Regulus muttered curse words at his brother, but he wasn't fighting back as hard as he could have, and the others were too amused by Sirius singling out Regulus to do much as Sirius towed the boy down the hall.
Remus ignored the rest of the Slytherins as he hurried after the Blacks, arriving just in time to see Sirius push Regulus against a wall with his hand held flat against his chest, keeping him in place. Regulus didn't try to push against it.
"What are you doing hanging out with them?" Sirius growled.
Regulus didn't look at his brother as he lifted one hand to smack Sirius' hand away. Sirius, sensing that Regulus wasn't going to make a run for it, took a step back, and Regulus began smoothing out his robes, touching them as if they'd been contaminated by something filthy. He didn't look up at Sirius as he answered.
"By 'them', I suppose you mean my friends. We were talking as one typically does with friends."
Though Regulus did his best to sound calm and collected, his voice quivered with thinly concealed anger.
"Those aren't your friends."
Sirius took another step forward, crowding into Regulus' space. The action made Regulus look at him for the first time since he'd been pushed against the wall. A sneer graced his lips.
"What do you know about who my friends are? You're a stranger to me and nothing more. You had a chance to be part of our family's life, and you didn't take it. Don't pretend like you can choose differently now. There's no erasing the past."
Sirius stepped back, jaw tight. Remus closed what space was between him and the brothers to place a steadying hand against Sirius' back. For a moment, the boys stared each other down, continuing to ignore Remus' presence. The same fire sparked in both of their eyes, and Remus felt the muscles of Sirius' back contract as he struggled to contain it.
A shout from the Slytherins sounded from around the corner as they harassed a passing student. Any hope Sirius had of refraining from speaking his mind disappeared.
"Our parents think the Death Eaters are brave, don't they? They're happy about this war and what You-Know-Who could do for purebloods across Britain. I'm sure they'd love to have their precious son as a member, but you don't have to join them, Regulus. You don't have to fight for people who wouldn't mourn you if you died."
Regulus snorted and crossed his arms against his chest as he leaned against the stone wall behind him.
"Hanging out with my friends at school isn't going to kill me. I know what everyone thinks about them, but none of us our Death Eaters. We're just some mates trying to enjoy our time at school. Both of us know what this is really about. You're not worried about my safety. You're worried about your friends."
He glanced past Sirius at Remus, his eyes narrowing.
"It's what the Death Eaters would do to them if the wizarding world were run in a proper way that scares you."
A shiver of fear travelled through Remus' body as he tried to discern the threat in Regulus' words. He easily could have been using Remus' status as a half-blood with a Muggle mother as a taunt, but if he was hanging out with Snape, Remus feared that it was much worse.
Sirius lunged forward, forcing Remus to reach for him. He was prepared to pull him off Regulus before he could do an damage, but Sirius stopped before he touched the other boy, only pressing his brother into the wall from how close he was standing.
"No," he said quiet enough that Remus could hardly hear it from behind him. "This is about you doing what you think will make our parents proud. And good luck achieving their eternal praise. I hope it doesn't get you killed."
He stormed off, leaving Remus and Regulus looking at each other. The real spark of fear in Regulus' eyes disappeared as they narrowed at Remus. Only disgust was left. With a slight nod of his head, Remus hurried after Sirius.
They weren't heading in the direction of the library anymore but, rather, the Astronomy Tower.
It wasn't until Sirius was stomping up the stairs that Remus caught up with him. A touch on his arm was all it took to for Sirius to whirl around, his body still tense. Towering over Remus as he was on the steps, he looked intimidating, but the tension trained out of him a split second later, his shoulders slumping.
Remus took several more steps to place himself on the same level as Sirius. Reaching out, he took both of Sirius' hands in his own.
"I'm sorry," he said, at a loss for anything better.
Sirius snorted.
"What are you apologizing for? My brother's the idiot."
"Maybe," Remus allowed with hesitation. "Still, I'm surprised you stopped yourself from doing anything more than that."
In the past, Sirius had held a strict policy of pretending like Regulus didn't exist. Aside from a few conversations during Regulus' first two years of Hogwarts, Remus hadn't never witnessed Sirius speaking to his brother.
"He was a good kid," Sirius whispered low enough that anyone passing without them noticing wouldn't be able to hear. "Maybe he was too good. He'd do anything our parents asked, even now. That's what gets me. It doesn't matter, in the end, what he thinks for himself because he'll never actually think. He'll just go along with what they tell him. Knowing that makes me think that if I'd just tried a little harder…"
Remus pressed their foreheads together, following Sirius' lead in keeping their voices low.
"He's only fifteen. There's loads of time for him to realize they're wrong."
The storm raging across Sirius' features made Remus' stomach clench. He gripped Sirius' hands tighter.
"Is there though?" Sirius asked.
Remus had no answer to give him.
The unfamiliarity of the handwriting on the letter had Remus' stomach in knots before he'd opened the envelope. He had no idea if the sender had timed it on purpose, but there was no one else in the dorm to question him about the letter or its contents. Even before he knew the sender, Remus was thankful for that.
With shaking hands, he tore it open. He kept his wand close by, not forgetting the stories he'd heard of cursed letters. He had no desire to make the Prophet even if he came out of the other end relatively unscathed.
The letter was written in a messy script that was hard to interpret at first. As he got sucked into the letter, though, Remus found himself making sense of it without trouble.
Remus Lupin,
Never let it be said I don't keep an eye on those I've turned. I bet you don't know who I am, but it was me who bit you as a kid. Your father never told you that I reckon. Bet he never told you the bite was his fault either, did he?
Yeah, your dear old dad despised werewolves. Called us evil. Vermin. That was my favourite one. You can't blame me for wanting revenge for our kind. You were exactly what I needed, and now you should understand why I did it.
Dumbledore may of let you in Hogwarts, but he can't change things. Even he don't really like werewolves. He's just got use for you. Makes him feel better because he can say he's good. You should of figured that out now.
Wizards will never want us around, so we have to take care of ourselves. You'll be out of school soon, and then what? Good luck working for the humans.
I protect my own. You come to my pack, you'll have what you need.
Don't forget that.
Fenrir Greyback
Remus swallowed down the vomit that was fighting its way up his throat. Grabbing his wand from his nightstand with a shaking hand, he set the letter on fire, dropping it to let it disintegrate as the ashes fluttered to his bedspread.
His heart raced as if he'd run a marathon, and for a long time, all he could do was sit and stare at the ashes that were scattered over his bed.
No one could know what he'd read. No one. His friends would have a lot of things to say about Fenrir Greyback, and Remus had no desire to hear any of it. They couldn't know what werewolf had turned him. Everyone would be much happier if it were a mystery. Remus certainly would have been.
The letter had never come. He'd prove Greyback wrong, and no one would need to know that Greyback had thought him capable of accepting such an offer.
Remus wasn't sure how he, Sirius, and James had ended up on his bed. He'd been trying to take a break from studying by reading. He deserved some semblance of a relaxing Friday evening after all. That had lasted until Sirius had shown up with the Marauder's Map, wanting to laugh at how James and Peter had snuck off to different areas of the castle with their respective girlfriends.
Within half an hour, though, James had returned, and as Remus continued trying to read, James and Sirius had honed in on Peter, with Sirius' previous suspicions being brought up again.
"I just don't understand why we never get to talk to her," he'd whined as Peter's and Sandra's dots hovered together on the map, often overlapping entirely.
James didn't seem as concerned, but he let Sirius go on about it as much as he wanted.
It wasn't until later that evening that Peter returned to the dormitory. His hair was ruffled and his robes slightly askew. Going by his puffed out chest, he was more than aware of his appearance and was happy with it. Sirius snorted when he saw him, jostling Remus who sat pressed against his side.
"Have fun, Wormtail?" Sirius asked as Peter fell to his bed with a sigh.
Peter lifted himself up on his elbows to look at them, still clustered on Remus' bed, from the other side of the dormitory. His smirk was unlike any expression Remus had seen from him in the past. Having a girlfriend really had given him a level of confidence he'd never possessed before. Only Remus wasn't as convinced as Sirius was that it was a bad thing
"I did," Peter said with satisfaction. "Sandra's quite fit."
Remus expected a comeback from Sirius about how he wouldn't be able to tell, being gay, but instead, Sirius laughed and went with a different tactic.
"Yeah, you keep telling us how great she is. Why, then, do we never get to talk to her?"
With a sigh, Remus tried to bury himself deeper in his book. Sirius grew animated beside him, jostling him as he spoke.
"What do you mean?" Peter asked with a furrowed brow. "You've all met her."
"Once or twice sure," Sirius said, waving his hands around. "But Lily hangs out with us all the time. You never let Sandra spend time with us."
Peter shrugged before moving to sit cross legged on the end of his bed.
"I can't control who she's friends with. I mean, I'm sorry I guess, but she has her own friends."
"So does Lily."
"Sandra's not Lily," Peter shot back. "Look, she's in Ravenclaw. She has a ton of Ravenclaw friends. She likes to spend time with them. I'm sorry that there's someone who's not dying to spend time with you, Padfoot, but not everyone cares about you as much as you care about yourself."
Remus let his book fall to his lap, mouth open as he stared at Peter. Sirius had frozen beside him, and even James was frozen as he stared at their friend.
"What?" Peter looked between James and Remus defensively. "You know as well as I do that this is what this is about, right? How could a girl not want to hang out with the illustrious Sirius Black? That's what he thinks."
"Peter, I'm gay," Sirius said slowly. "You know—"
"But you still expect everyone to fall at your feet," Peter said, rising to his own feet and clenching his fists. "Sandra thinks so too, you know? That's why she doesn't spend time with you. She thinks you're a wanker. I tried to tell her she was wrong at first, but maybe she's right. All you care about is yourself. I don't care if you're gay or not. You still expect everyone to think you're the coolest thing the world has ever seen, whether they're male or female. But you're not Sirius. You're not the greatest person ever, and I'm not going to act like you are anymore."
He stormed out of the dormitory, leaving the other Marauders staring in his wake.
"That's not how I expected that argument to go," James muttered just loud enough for the others to hear.
"I didn't expect it to be an argument," Sirius shot back.
His jaw was tight. He leaned into Remus' pillows with his arms crossed against his chest. Remus tugged one of his arms free and took his hand in his, placing a kiss on the back of it. The storm swirling in Sirius' eyes lessened somewhat, but he his body was just as tense.
"She's his first girlfriend," James said, turning around to better face them. "He wants things to be perfect, so maybe, if she hates you, he just wants to get her approval? But they'll break up eventually if she hates you so much. You're his best mate."
Sirius shot James a glare, and James quieted, holding his hands up in surrender. He stood from the bed, reaching over to pat Sirius' shoulder.
"It'll be okay," he said before disappearing out of the dormitory himself.
Once he was gone, Remus pressed himself closer into Sirius' side.
"It'll be okay," he whispered.
There were few things he would have said that about anymore, but he did feel confident that Peter would get over whatever was going on with him soon.
"How long have you been friends with Peter?" he asked, nudging Sirius' arm. "You were right to think something was up with Sandra, I guess, but James is right. You're Peter's best mate. He's not going to hate you forever because some girl he just started dating said he should."
Though he didn't glare at Remus like he had James, Sirius looked sceptical.
"He's been kissing her longer than you've been kissing me," he pointed out. "How are you going to sit there and say that their relationship is so meaningless that they'll just break up soon?"
"So? We've been best friends since first year. It's not fair to compare us to Peter and Sandra. The first real conversation they had was Peter asking her out."
"James and Lily—"
"Are also not a fair comparison. I'm not saying all that to shit on Peter's relationship. There's nothing wrong with it—except the obvious—and I'm not saying there's no way it could work out. But even James and Lily have known each other a lot longer than Sandra and Peter have. They're in the same house. They talked all the time even if it wasn't always very amicable.
"Peter will get over whatever's wrong with him sooner or later. He can't just think whatever Sandra wants him to think forever. Not when she's getting him to turn against his best mate."
Sirius didn't argue, but he didn't relax either. Knowing it was hopeless to press his point further, Remus kissed him, determined to do what he could to get him to smile again.
It worked, and Peter was promptly forgotten.
