Sorry this has taken so long. Thank you for your patience and your reviews: QueensDoItBetter, kardamon, Smile Back, HannaMi3, River, elora brunelle.

Disney owns the things, I'm just mucking around in their universe.


Chp 29

She held his hand on the beach. There was something strangely intimate about holding her hand. Hand holding was not something he often did. He would offer his arm to a woman, as would be appropriate in fine company. He might even put his arm around their shoulders or their waist if he was being familiar.

Really, the only time he'd held a woman's hand was when trying to steal the rings from her fingers. He quickly checked to make sure all of his rings were still there. But there was something about this entanglement of fingers with the pirate king that he found particularly disarming. He might even get used to it. If there was time to get used to such things. He was surprised to feel a sigh escape him.

He looked at her, while trying not to look like he was looking. Her face as tanned as any sailor. Her neck bare of any adornment. So too the lobes of her ears. Her calloused hand free of any rings. Hatless with her hair loose falling almost halfway down her back. Bleached blonde in the sun.

He wondered if she missed being dressed in pretty gowns. If she preferred to be powdered, painted and bejewelled. To be pampered and protected. Is that what she wished for? No, Elizabeth shared his love for freedom and adventure. Didn't she?

Maybe Marta was right, maybe every woman longed for gifts of jewels and pretty things. He did as well, so he could hardly hold that against her. A gold bangle for her slender wrist. An amber pendant to adorn her throat. Drop pearl earrings dangling from her ears.

Beautiful brown eyes caught him staring. She looked away with a smile. The kind of smile that suggested she knew she had him hooked. Siren. He found himself so mesmerized by her.

She said something to him, he heard the melody of her voice, but missed the words. Something about the weather, perhaps. He nodded and smiled, unsure. She laughed at his bewildered look. That tinkling laugh like the shimmer of sun on water. She squeezed his hand gently, as if to say, "all is well, as long as we're together." He felt his heart melt.

Bugger.

That feeling was starting to happen far too often. That was not good. It made him anxious and uncomfortable. It made him feel like running. The last thing he needed was to fall into love's trap with Elizabeth Swann.

The crew would crow their "I told you so's." It wasn't a surprise to them. Jack could hardly deny that he enjoyed her company. This was supposed to be a tryst. Just some fun with a willing participant. It wasn't supposed to mean anything.

Captain Jack Sparrow was not fool enough to confuse lust with love. To be sure he lusted for her. There was no way his body could deny it. He desired her. He wanted to hold her down and do terrible wonderful things to her. He wanted to find himself inside her and make her scream his name in pleasure.

It was one thing to feel that rush of pursuit. To feel his heart racing. To find himself breaking into a sweat. But now he found himself thinking about how lucky he would be to wake up to see her face next to him every morning. He found himself missing her whenever he thought of how soon he'd be leaving.

He found himself contemplating his future... or rather their future. This was not something he did. Well not like that. He never expected to live past 20. But here he was, half way through his thirties and contemplating growing old with a woman who was married to an immortal.

He shook that thought out of his head. There was a plan now. The crew was picked. Preparations made. They would sail the day after the new moon for Melaka to find the Flor du Mar. Reports suggested that there were 60 tons of gold aboard that ship when it went missing. Jack was sure that if anyone could find it, he could.

But now he was having a problem shaking this feeling of not wanting to leave. He even found himself contemplating what he might do if he stayed. It wasn't supposed to be this way. He wasn't supposed to have feelings for her. Nor did he expect her to hold any feelings for him. Not like this.

It's true he was not shy about his fondness for the girl. To be honest, he'd hoped to bed her before the Pearl set sail, so that he could get her out of his system. Like a snippet of song that gets stuck in your head and the only way to free yourself is to sing the whole thing.

He had simply wanted to gift her with a little carnal pleasure and to take some for himself before he left. Certainly, that was fair play? He was quite sure he would make a better lover than that whelp husband of hers. What a waste. Poor girl, still in the flower of her youth.

If her could have his way with her and quell this lust, then he could put her behind him. They could be "just friends." Or not be friends. It wasn't as though he hadn't sailed away from other women who wanted more from him. Now, he wasn't so sure that bedding her would rid him of these fantasies. She'd gotten under his skin.

There was some truth in what Gibbs had said of him breaking the hearts of unsuspecting lassies. But you see, breaking other people's hearts was not his problem. He did not suffer other people's broken hearts. He would be off and away on some new adventure. It was only if he fell in love with them, that his heart might break to see them broken hearted.

He should have stuck with whores. There was no allusion of love in those situations. Not that they couldn't be loving in their interactions, but they both knew that it was fee for service and there were no expectations beyond each transaction. Sailors had a reputation for finding comfort in every port. Pirates reputations were certainly no better, if anything, worse.

Falling in love was the kind of trap that Jack had skillfully avoided by making himself just distasteful enough for people to hold him at arms length. It seemed that Elizabeth was immune to his questionable hygiene, his whoring, his poverty. For all his posturing, he couldn't imagine what good she saw in him. But he couldn't help feeling secretly pleased that she did.

The only way to avoid heartbreak, once you'd fallen in love, was to tie yourself to that person. A prisoner of their heart and yours, and for a free spirit like Captain Jack Sparrow, the thought of being trapped, even by something like love, was rather like death itself.

This situation was beginning to make him anxious. He was starting to feel like he should run from this. Maybe a trip to the brothels would set him straight again. Variety was the spice of life. He enjoyed the spiciness of life, didn't he? Surely a romp with salty wench would fix him right up. Maybe that brunette with the big breasts, what was her name? The one that was always coming to find him.

Bedsides, Elizabeth had said she wanted to just be friends. She'd had been quite adamant about that. Insisting on chaperones and all. She was quite steadfast in considering herself married. She was just toying with him. He was just a distraction for her. What else could he be but that? Why else would she care for his company?

Just friends. Whatever that meant, he wasn't sure anymore. After their entanglement last night, he was particularly unsure, though she didn't seem to regret it. He was sailing in less than a week. Someone's heart was bound to break. He was determined that it would not be his. Damn siren. There might still be hope for him if he broke it off with her now.

He let go of her hand. Annoyed with himself for being weak. He used the children as an excuse to step away from her. Distracted himself with their chaperones. Tried to ignore the sound of his own heartbreaking.


They took advantage of the low tide and dug for buckets of clams and gathered baskets of kelp along the beach. Elizabeth found something tangled among the seaweed. A small black leathery square with strange spines curving out from each corner. It fit neatly in the palm of her hand.

"What is it?" asked Marta tugging on her arm. "Let me see! Let me see!"

Elizabeth held it firmly between her fingers to show the girl. "Careful," she said, worried about damaging it. "Do you know what it is?" she asked.

"Oh...! A mermaid purse!" said the girl excitedly. "Can I have it?" It was a coveted good luck charm among the children in Shipwreck City.

Mermaid purse? A sign that mermaids were in the area. Elizabeth scanned the horizon but didn't see anything but the roll of the sea. She strained to hear their hum, but all she could hear was the wind and the crash of the surf.

"Can I have it?" came the question again, with a tug on Elizabeth's sleeve. By now others had gathered to see the cause of the commotion.

"Do you think they'll come back for it?" asked Elizabeth turning to them. The children shrugged. Maybe. Elizabeth stared at the sea. She stared so long the children joined her. Is that one? Is that one? they asked and pointed, but it was just seafoam swirled up by a stiff wind.

"Has anyone ever seen a mermaid?" sighed Elizabeth, wondering if her recent sightings had been real or imagined.

They shook their heads. "My brother saw one when he was at sea," said Clara. "There was a bad storm and she led them to land. Some say she was trying to have them run aground, but he thinks she led them to safe harbour."

Jack was searching for oysters on the shore. They were usually found in deeper water, but some may have washed up in the storm. You never know if you might be lucky enough to find a pearl. He looked up from his work to see the children gathering around Elizabeth. He strolled over to see what was so interesting.

"Find something darling?" he asked, flashing a golden smile and turning on the charm. He frowned a little. Reminded himself that he wasn't supposed be to charming her.

They were just friends. Friends. No touching. He put his hands in his pockets to stop himself from reaching out to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. To stop from putting his arm around her. Feel her soft skin under his fingertips. Feel her sighing breath on his neck.

Stop. He chided himself for feeling so roused. His hands in his pockets to hold back his desire. Took a deep breath. "What have you got there, Mrs. Turner?" With the emphasis on Mrs. They were just friends. She didn't want him. He told himself.

She held out her find for him to see. Mermaid purse. Ahhh... thought Jack, of course a siren like her would find such a thing. Even now he found himself entranced by her. He swallowed. Felt suddenly warm with the memory of her body pressed against his.

"So," he said, frowning at her hold on him, "found your purse did you? I always figured you to be part mermaid."

She smiled at his words, taking it for flirting, but when he didn't meet her eyes her smile faded. He looked up to see her frown and felt a slight pang of guilt or some small pain where his heart should be. He offered a strained half smile.

"Don't look so frightened, Jack," she said softly. "I promise not to drag you into the deep to drown."

He laughed and fought to keep his arms from reaching to draw her close. "I'm going to hold you to that," he said. Then, instead of giving her a kiss to seal their pact, he turned and walked away.

"Come on," he said over his shoulder, "tide's coming in. We best make ready to cast off." Elizabeth put the mermaid purse in her pocket. She and the children followed Jack to the boat. They would follow him anywhere.


Just friends. That was what she wanted, wasn't it? It was what she requested. That was supposed to be enough satisfy their attraction. No, not just an attraction, it was more than that. It went deeper. It was a connection. A touching of souls. She could see it, couldn't she? It was shining in his eyes. So why did she feel like he was avoiding her now?

She was infatuated. She didn't mean to be. She couldn't keep her her eyes off of him. Couldn't help but imagine his arms around her. His lips on her lips. His calloused hands wandering under cloth to find her skin. The sound of his voice. Everything about him.

She kept replaying intimate moments from yesterday. Every little compliment. Every small gift. Every touch. Every kiss. Just a look from him did things to her body. She found herself blushing at the mere thought of it. She felt things she'd never felt before. She revelled in the warm buzz of feeling desired.

She felt shamed at the memory of throwing herself at him last night. What must he think of her? How could he hold any respect for her after her behaviour last night? What lady would straddle a man's lap and let him remove her blouse? What lady would writhe and moan with his every touch?

Yet he was gentleman enough, even in his drunken state not to take advantage of her. It made her wonder now if perhaps he felt sorry for her. Was he only feigning desire out of pity? Did he find her prudish for not ...going all the way? How pathetic and lowly she suddenly felt.

She watched him help the children weigh anchor. Their little trip would soon be over and everything would go back to normal, whatever that might mean. The sails unfurled, their boat was off and bobbing along in rough waters.

What did it mean to be going back to Shipwreck City? She would return to her little room tonight. Leave the window unlatched for the cat to come in. He would go down to the docks and do whatever it was that he did, with women who were willing to do things that she...

That's where it all fell apart for her. How could things go back to the way they were, after last night? What happened yesterday that let her guard down? Why was she fool enough to kiss him? Why was she fool enough to drink with him? He must think her wonton for throwing herself at him and a prude for not going all the way.

She wanted to look up and find him staring, but he was busy. She watched him teach the shepherd boy how to properly reef a sail. Heard Captain Novella call her name and blushed to be caught day dreaming at her post. She hopped to and scrambled to tidy her lines.

She hated to think that he was right that Will was not man enough to satisfy her. Will was inexperienced, she didn't fault him for that. He had saved himself for her. He was gentle and fumbling in his love making. Their consummation was best described as awkward and painful. Will was bashful and apologetic when it was done and she was left wondering if that was all there was to it. After years of saving themselves, she found the act rather anticlimactic.

She just thought there would be more... something. She didn't know what it was that she was missing, only that something was wholly unsatisfying about the act. She would never admit as much out loud and she was adamant that she didn't love Will any less for it. Will was her husband. Will was dead. Will would be back.

She felt guilty to have survived the battle. She felt guilty for desiring another man. She felt trapped by her guilt. If only she could talk to him. If only she could explain her situation. She was alone and he was gone and Jack was... If only Will could see that her love for him was not diminished by this... infidelity? She recoiled at the thought of her... of what she had done.

She could tell him she was drunk, that she'd been taken advantage of. Her heart was big enough for both. But it was a lie. She knew in her heart that she desired Jack in wicked sinful ways. She desired Jack in ways that she'd never considered with Will.

It was best to be honest, wasn't it? It was better to tell Will how she felt. That she had fallen for someone else. Someone who loved her. Will would understand, wouldn't he? Sweet William Turner. He would want only the best for her.

She stared at the horizon, willing the Flying Dutchman to appear with all her might. She was used to her prayers going unanswered. Sometimes she wondered why she bothered. Perhaps it was out of habit. Please Will, she prayed, I just need to talk to you.

The sea swelled and the boat lurched. The knot in her stomach twisted. She stumbled trying to keep her feet. Just at that moment Jack was passing by and they caught each other. She felt weak. She held onto him for a moment longer than necessary to steady herself. Breathed his scent. Felt the strength in his arms holding her upright.

"Steady there," he mumbled, before letting her go.

How could she think that they could be just friends? Her heart raced at the sight of him. "Can we talk?" she asked. The crash of waves against the boat hid the anxiety in her voice. She felt a flush of heat and stomach churning bile rising.

He paused. "Uh...," he muttered. The only thing worse than a woman wanting to talk was a woman wanting to cry. This had all the markings of being both. He really didn't want to talk about last night. As sweet as it was, it would never work out. He would only need to avoid her a few more days before the Pearl set sail. He harden his heart against her feminine wiles. "Of course," he said, clearing his throat. "We're friends, aren't we?"

"About last night..." she started. She didn't see him blanche at those words. Something was rising in her. Some impending, inevitable thing. She pushed him aside and chummed the waters with tea and biscuits.

He stepped out of the way of the spray. "A little too much to drink last night," he whispered, rubbing her back, as she emptied herself into the sea.

He thought she was hungover. She wanted to slap him, but felt too sick to do anything. She turned around and slid down until she was sitting on the deck with her head between her knees. She took a couple of slow deep breaths. The cold slosh of the sea soaked her back as it washed over the deck. She shivered, but focused on her breath to calm herself and keep from vomiting again. Her eyes were tearing from the effort.

Jack took her hands and pressed his thumbs into the inside of her wrists. Another breath and she felt better. More in control of her body that wanted to rid itself of her insides.

"Have you got a pebble or something?" He asked, looking at her with concern. She pulled a handful of pretty shells and stones out of her pocket. Jack selected two, tore a strip from his sash and bound a pebble to the inside of each wrist. "Better?" he asked.

She nodded stupidly. He surprised her with this gentle caring act. She felt as though she was falling in love again. She didn't realize how deep the well of love could be. She wanted to kiss him, but her mouth was still sour with bile. She felt dirty and wretched and wanted to hide.

"Good," he said, wiping a tear from her cheek.

She spent the rest of the trip below deck willing herself not to feel sick as boat rolled across the swells. When they arrived back at the docks of Shipwreck City the children's parents were all waiting for them with open arms. She felt much better on the calm waters of the cove. Helped unload baskets of seaweed and buckets of clams. She watched bright eyed children share tales of their adventures. One by one they left with their families.

She watched men gather around Jack to talk business. He'd missed a day of preparation with their extended adventure. She felt her heart sink at the thought of his impending departure. She felt suddenly panicked at the thought of losing him.

"Elizabeth," he called, snapping her out of her daze. "There are some things I need to attend to." He looked like he was going to say something more, but the men were impatient and rushed him away and he went with them.

She stood by herself on the dock. Once again, she was all alone. The dark cloud of loneliness filled her until all she could see was black. She stumbled home to her tiny room. A vase of dead flowers on the dresser. She unlatched the window for the cat, the afternoon sun streaming in. She crawled into bed, and dreamed of living alone trapped in a gilded cage of her own creation and a yearning to swim with the mermaids.


Ah... you thought I've give you a happy ending already? Oh no no no... the slow burn of ambiguous human relationships continues. That's what you're here for isn't it?

I'm just relieved that we're finally off that island.

Note to self. When writing in OCs don't do 12 all at once. Whooooo... what a pain in the ass that was. And really I probably could have done with half? A third? of those kids. Anyhoo... onward.

I hope this story still makes sense sometimes so much time passes between chapters that I forget what I've actually written and posted vs written and deleted vs stuff that still swirling around in my head. Drop me a review or PM if you think I'm off track.

If you like this so far (I assume you do, we're almost 30 chapters in and my updates are sporadic, so you must be true fans, right?) please follow, favourite and review.