So, this is the final chapter before the epilogue. Thanks to everyone who's read this far.
After 6 months with Miranda, Tony is finally coming to terms with what he's done. He's forgiven himself for the most part but there are times he looks back and wishes things had gone differently. He sometimes wonders that maybe if they hadn't invited Bucky into their lives, their marriage could've been saved.
Miranda says it's possible their marriage could've been saved if Bucky hadn't been involved, but even with Tony's past behavior he would still have been likely to venture outside of his marriage. They work on identifying the situations that lead to Tony's downfall and Tony finally gets closure. He doesn't even drink excessively anymore. He's sleeping better and he's working better and Pepper has to remind him less and less of the things he has to do.
Miranda tells Tony that their sessions won't be necessary for much longer and Tony's kind of apprehensive about that. Then again, the end of his therapy is a new beginning for him of sorts. He's got the tools to deal with all of the things he's never dealt with before, but even then he's scared of messing it up. Miranda assures Tony that if he stumbles and breaks, she'll be there to help him pick up the pieces and try again.
He's still anxious about coming across Steve, but it hasn't happened yet. Tony's thankful because he doesn't have to see how Steve is coping, but at the same time he wishes Steve could see that, if nothing else, Tony has benefited from their separation. He knows Steve would find comfort in that.
Tony's never stopped thinking about Bucky. He wants to call him, always. He wants to be with him again. It'd be enough for Tony to just be near him. They could be friends and Tony wouldn't care because at least he would still have Bucky. Tony keeps telling himself that if they're meant to be together and the time is right, they'll run into each other. The city is huge, but they're bound to cross paths sooner or later, and Tony's still surprised that it happens when it does. He's leaving the tower when it happens.
Bucky clears his throat and he's sort of faded into the background as he leans against the building, the stale cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth. The cigarette, seemingly forgotten, falls freely from his lips and onto the pavement when Tony looks at him.
"Bucky," Tony says, and the tone of his voice does little to deny his surprise.
"Hi," Bucky responds simply. He runs a hand through his hair and he's trying to act so nonchalant that it's obvious. He's nervous and it's stupid but being around Tony makes him act like this.
"To what do I owe this surprise?"
Bucky shoves his hands in his pocket and kicks the ground lightly because he feels so incredibly stupid under Tony's stare. "Just wondering how you're doin' and everything. It's been a while." He shrugs. "You got a minute?"
Tony purses his lips and gestures with his head. "Walk with me."
"No, I just—"
"No, I'm meeting someone. C'mon." Tony unlocks the car that's waiting by the curb and Bucky hesitates before stepping closer. He probably shouldn't be doing this, but if he wants to talk to Tony he doesn't have a choice.
They climb in and Tony glances across the car. "You been okay?"
Bucky shrugs and snorts because it's kind of obvious. "I lost everyone I had so… not really. I've been better, though. Trying not to focus on what happened. How 'bout you?"
"I'm divorced."
Bucky tries not to roll his eyes because literally everyone knows that. "You look good. Healthier, I mean."
"Therapy," Tony shrugs as he pulls onto the street.
"Therapy? Bucky echoes.
"Yeah. I've been going for a while now. It's really been helping me sort out my endless piles of shit and emotional trauma."
Bucky nods and it's silent for a while. It's not awkward or uncomfortable; it's pleasant and it's just like old times, which is weird considering the circumstances. He doesn't really even know why he's in Tony's car and he has no idea where they're going. That's when it occurs to him to ask.
"Where, exactly, are we headed?"
"Dinner with Pepper," Tony answers, glancing over with a small smile. "Wanna join?"
"I—I don't think that's—"
"I guess Pepper's not exactly your biggest fan." Tony glances over and Bucky's just staring at his lap and Tony feels stupid because it's too soon for jokes. "Hey," he says softly, "it'll blow over. People will forget."
"It doesn't make it okay," Bucky sighs.
"Kinda late for regret, isn't it?"
"Yeah," Bucky shrugs. "But I talked to Steve the other day."
"And?"
"He was upset, but he seemed a little more receptive than the last time I tried talking to him. Not a total loss."
"Not a win, either."
"Can't blame him," Bucky mutters, picking at the hole in his jeans.
"Is he doing okay, though?"
"He seems to be. He's living with Natasha for now. He said something about it being a transition phase."
Tony breathes a small sigh of relief. "Good."
It's silent for a short while until Bucky speaks again. "Why don't you just tell people what really happened?"
"Because it doesn't matter. Steve being an ass doesn't justify me cheating on him. Nothing I say is going to make a difference anyway; he's everyone's favorite. Hell, he was even my dad's favorite. Steve Rogers can do no wrong."
Bucky starts to say something about Howard, but he figures if Tony knows about Howard and Steve, he'd bring it up. It's obvious that Steve still hasn't told Tony, but it's really none of Bucky's business, so Bucky just stays quiet.
"You coming in?" Tony asks when he pulls up to the restaurant. "I'm sure there's room for one more."
"No, I'll just—"
"Aww, c'mon. Pep's not that bad."
"But I'm ninety-five percent sure that Steve told her about what happened," Bucky retorts. "Not exactly a good dinner topic."
"...I'm going in. You can stay out here if you want." Tony climbs out and leaves Bucky no choice but to do the same. He jogs up beside Tony and falls into his stride, head lowered as they enter the crowded restaurant.
Pepper is already seated and she smiles when she sees Tony winding his way through the tables, but as soon as she sees the man trailing behind him, she stands up.
Immediately upon their approach, she stands up. "Tony," she says in a warning tone.
"Pepper," Tony retorts in the same voice. "C'mon. Be nice."
"The table's for two," she says simply. "Not that I wouldn't be delighted to have your boyfriend join us."
"He's not my boyfriend," Tony says flippantly.
"Oh, right, not anymore. Sorry, I forgot," she says with probably the fakest smile Tony's ever seen. "I'm sure you're just friends now."
Tony sighs and rolls his eyes. "You don't have to stay."
Pepper is already gathering her cell phone and her purse. "Good, because I'm not having any part of this. I'll talk to you later, Tony."
"If you insist."
Tony and Bucky are left standing next to the empty booth and Tony sits down, motioning for Bucky to do the same.
"I'm not—"
"Sit," Tony says simply.
Bucky hesitates but finally sits down, tucking his hair behind his ear. "I shouldn't be here. It's stupid, I—"
Tony looks at him pointedly. "It's not stupid."
"No, I meant showing up to talk to you. It was stupid."
"Why was it stupid?" He ducks his head to catch Bucky's gaze. "It's not stupid."
Bucky's tongue slides out to wet his lips. "So what is this, then? Are we just picking up where we left off?"
"I wouldn't say that," Tony shrugs. "I never took you out to dinner before, so I wouldn't say that. It could be starting over… if you want it to be."
Bucky shakes his head and he really thinks he should get going, but just before he stands up Tony reaches across the table and touches his metal hand.
"Bucky," he pleads softly. "Come on. There's a reason you were waiting for me."
Bucky shrugs and looks away. "I'm stupid for feeling like this."
"Well you're here now and you can't do anything about it, so shut the hell up and have dinner with me." Tony clears his throat and he stares at Bucky until Bucky rolls his eyes and begins to look over the menu
Soon, the awkwardness fades away, the familiarity settles back in, and after dinner Tony says he'll drive Bucky home.
They're quiet for the most part until Tony pulls up to the curb and turns the car off. "So, here we are."
Bucky stares at his lap and Tony's not sure if he's expecting something. He probably is, but Tony doesn't want to push it.
"Wanna come up for a drink?"
"I don't drink much these days," Tony shrugs, and he's trying to read the signs but Bucky is being so damn careful.
Bucky snorts and brushes his hair out of his face. "Since when?"
"Since after I wrecked my shitty marriage. If you had wine, it'd be a different story, but you're not exactly a wine guy."
He holds down a laugh and shakes his head, climbing out of the car. "Suit yourself, Stark." Bucky turns and heads for the building, but Tony isn't ready to let him go. He kills the engine and climbs out, jogging after Bucky.
"Had a feeling you'd change your mind." Bucky smirks over his shoulder.
"Shut up."
Tony follows at his heels and once they're in the apartment, Bucky heads for the liquor cabinet. Tony watches him closely and admires the way he moves under his clothes. He's never known for sure if he'd be this close to Bucky again but now he is and Bucky's pouring him a drink and things are feeling sort of good again.
When Bucky passes the glass, their fingers brush and Tony tries to ignore the shock of cold metal against his warm flesh but he can't. It's so familiar and he doesn't realize until this moment just how much he's missed it. And apparently he's in a daze, because the next thing Bucky says goes through one ear and out the other.
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
Tony doesn't even hear the question. He's too occupied by the shape of Bucky's mouth and the way his lips move when he speaks. And suddenly, Bucky is right in front of him and they're kissing and Bucky's tastes like the cheap whiskey he's serving, but it's good. It's so good that he can't stop, and Bucky isn't exactly complaining. The kiss is messy and it's mostly teeth and tongue, but hands start to roam and Bucky pulls Tony to the bedroom.
It's impressive how quickly they're undressed and Tony isn't refraining from anything when he pushes Bucky onto the bed. He licks and kisses his way down Bucky's stomach and his hand squeezes around Bucky's hard cock, but as much as Bucky enjoys being worshipped, he wants Tony inside of him even more. His hips jolt against Tony's grip and he lets out a quiet groan. He knows he's not going to last long, and the longer Tony teases, the more he needs release.
Tony's mouth is relentless as he drags his tongue along Bucky's protruding hipbone and Bucky threads metal fingers through Tony's dark hair, giving it a rough tug. Tony isn't ready to stop but Bucky makes him when he pulls Tony up to his mouth. And then they're kissing again and Bucky can't wait for Tony to fuck him senseless.
Bucky fumbles for the lube in the nightstand drawer and he grasps it, pushing it into Tony's hands with a needy moan. "Please," he rasps. "Tony."
Tony finally realizes just how much he's needed. The feeling warms his whole being because he's forgotten what it's like to be needed. He wants Bucky to feel just as needed and he leans down to kiss him again as he coats his fingers generously.
Bucky's long legs drape on either side of Tony and Tony's fingers work him quickly. He's so ready for this and he wants it. He needs it. He needs to be close to someone again, he needs to be loved; he needs to be taken care of.
Seeing Bucky in such desperate need makes Tony want him even more. His fingers slip out and he doesn't waste any time pushing in and bottoming out. When he does so, Bucky's cries are like nothing Tony's ever heard.
They build a steady rhythm and they're both so loud and Bucky's so loose and every touch is electrifying. Tony knows he won't last long, and by the way Bucky is reacting, he won't last much longer. Metal fingers dig into Tony's shoulder and his other hand reaches out blindly for purchase. The sound of breaking glass is muffled by their moans and Bucky's entirely unaware that he's broken his only lamp. He doesn't care, though, because Tony can replace it ten times over.
"Oh god," Bucky groans, and he's certain that he's in such bliss that there are tears in his eyes when he comes. Dry sobs leave his lips and he drags his fingers over Tony's shoulders, leaving red marks in the wake but it's okay because Tony's face is in his neck and Bucky can feel it when Tony comes inside of him. He's missed this feeling and he's certain he doesn't want anyone else to fill him like this ever again.
Tony's panting above him and it's not until he pulls out and climbs off the bed that Bucky speaks.
"You leaving?"
Tony shakes his head and reaches for the pack of cigarettes on the nightstand. "I'm not letting you go ever again."
