~A-Sato~
I'm so excited! The look on Korra's face will be priceless. Hopefully, my appearance will make up for almost costing us our Snapchat streak. Also, it will give us some bonding time today.
The door swings open and I'm met with a tall gentlemen with curly black hair.
"Welcome Rep. Wan and Miss Sato."
Once we enter the classroom, everyone stops what they're doing and smiles. Everyone except one girl, who I'm judging must be Suki, based on Korra's description of the girl. I can't find the devil horns, though.
Still keeping my friendly smile, I look around the room and can't spot my girlfriend anywhere.
"If I could get everyone's attention, please. I'll like to introduce you all to our guests, Rep. Wan and Republic City's Sweetheart Asami Sato."
The room erupts with applause as I give a friendly wave.
"Thank you for allowing us to join you. It's wonderful that you all are working together to create something that this whole city will enjoy. I attend the pride festival every year, and I especially look forward into attending this one. Did this awesome gentlemen, tell you why we're here?" Wan asks.
"You're Republicans, who want to bank on our festival." Suki says, bluntly.
Her comment causes the leader to smile awkwardly.
"Our lovely vice president is just teasing. Yes, they're aware you will have a booth at the festival. And let's just say, we're happy to have more allies." Tachno speaks.
"We are happy to hear that, because my husband and I want to right a check to you all for 3,000 dollars."
The room gasps.
Even I'm shocked by such a generous offer.
"No. That's far too huge for us. We're doing this for the people, not the money." The president stresses.
"Trust me, I'm well aware! I was apart of a similar club and sometimes our hard work gets unnoticed. This isn't charity, because you all worked hard and earned it. I'm not taking no for answer."
Tachno blushes.
"I guess we have no choice, then. Can we all give Wan a round of applause?"
The room erupts with claps, and I never met such an energized group. Now I can understand why Korra loves being here so much.
"Asami would you like to say something?" Wan asks.
"Yep! Wan and I will be your servants for the day. So if you all need any help, we would be delighted to provide our services."
"In that case, follow us out to the gym. So we can show you what we been working on." Suki says, getting up from her seat. Her action cause the others to follow.
Where is Korra?
~K-Glacier~
I sit on the bleachers watching my teammates prepare for their upcoming meet. It must be easy for them. Being able to practice with a clear mind, is a luxury. Sure, they might be thinking of ways to perform their tasks better. But they don't have the world on their shoulders.
Ironic, huh? Given that my sport happens to be Shot Put. Which is nothing but weight on your shoulder.
Coach sees me in the bleachers, then motions for me to come over.
Right now, she's working with the pole vaulting team. I don't have practice today, so I'm confused on why she's calling me over. It's not uncommon for players to watch their teammates. Why couldn't she just let my appearance slide?
I get up and quickly jog towards her.
"What's up, Kiddo? Have you been hitting the weight room?" She asks, raising one eyebrow.
"My hand just healed! So I wanted to take it easy for at least one more day. I'll head back in tomorrow."
"You better! You're looking a lot like my vaulters. You're supposed to be diesel, strength is your element. I'm debating whether or not, I should order you to head over there now."
She pats my back.
"How are you?" she asks.
I start to wonder if Kya told coach about my episode. I know Kya would never do such a thing, but don't married people tell each other everything?
I could certainly see myself,telling Asami something about someone we're both close to, without giving it a second thought.
"I'm doing good. Tired, but well. What about you?"
She throws her hand in the air.
"I'm living, I'm living. I just saw the coach from our rival school today. Despite everyone on the team being clear, he still questions about the steroids. I swear, if I wasn't married I would had given him a knuckle sandwhich."
I have to laugh at Coach's frustrations. I'm glad I stopped by today, I needed to laugh.
"Violence is never the answer, you better start doing yoga." I tease.
" Child, please. If this coaching thing doesn't work out, I might steal you away and put you in the ring."
"Nah, I'm not a fighter."
"If you don't start hitting the weight room, you certainly won't be. Tomorrow, I want to see you, 10 am sharp. Power lifting, battle rope, the works. You're my superstar. Now, let me get back to coaching."
"Alright, Coach."
On my way back to the bleachers, I'm tackled by my friend.
"Hey, Korra." Mai says,
"What's up, Runner.?" I greet.
"Nothing much. Just trying to work on my time."
"Are you serious? You're like the fastest sprinter in this whole city. Why do you even come to practice?"
"If I sleep, others get better. I can't afford to take the risk."
"I don't know how you do it."
She starts jogging in place.
"Simple. I just run away from my problems. Ha-Ha I'm just teasing. Running always clears my mind. Thinking of mind, I have to get back to it. I'll talk to you later, bye."
"Bye."
~A-Sato~
The float that Korra and everyone brought to life was beautiful. It was better than I imagined.
The members were very helpful too. And when I asked them how they became so good at their craft, their response was ' Korra taught me'.
It made me proud hearing about my girlfriend's lasting effects on these people.
So you can understand how hurt I was, finding out the whereabouts of their teacher. Apparently, Korra is no longer part of the festival team. This news wasn't just shocking, but confusing. I have so many questions, but the main one is 'Why didn't she tell me'?
After spending four hours helping with the float, I strut toward the track looking for the girl In question.
I sigh in relief when I see her running around the track.
She doesn't see me, so I decide to wait on the bleachers until she makes it around, before I speak to her.
Once she looks up, I give a wave.
Instead of returning it or stopping, she just continues running.
Did she just ignore me? Oh, she did not just… She got the wrong one.
I grab my purse and head onto the track, stopping her dead in her tracks.
"How did you find me?" She asks, in a tone that offends me more than her ignoring me.
She didn't even have practice today. Even if she did, it's never this late at night. Nor does her workout routine call for this much cardio. The girl is clearly drenched in sweat, so who knows how long she has been out here.
"You didn't reply back to my texts, so I stopped by your dorm and Opal told me. Can you take your headphones off?"
I know she turned her music down, but I still find it's respectful to take them off completely.
She takes them off without a protest, despite how I could tell she wanted to.
"I left my phone in my locker. I usually use my iPod when I run, It's less distracting."
I nod, understanding the choice of gadget.
With her only wearing shorts and a sports bra, I start to notice how frail she looks. She still has her tone and definition, but it's slightly smaller than before.
"Are you hungry?" I ask, thinking it would be most appropriate to discuss the whole club situation at a restaurant.
"No, I don't really have an appetite." She replies.
"Are you serious? You're drowning in sweat, you must be hungry. What did you eat today?"
She scrunches up her face, as if I asked a silly question.
"Since when did you start keeping tabs on my eating patterns? Not everyone is hungry after exercising."
I know my girlfriend.
She has the appetite of a whole football team. She would never turn down a meal, especially a free one!
"Now that you know I'm safe, can I get back to running?" She asks.
*Record Scratch*
What is up with this attitude of hers? I'm going to need her to check herself.
"No, I think you did enough running. Let's go back to my place, and I can order us a pizza."
"I have to stay away from grease."
"Then, I'll make you something! Come on."
I turn around expecting for her to follow, but instead I hear the sneakers hitting the pavement.
"Just one more." She calls out.
Not wanting to chase after her, I have no choice but to wait.
It's so unlike her to keep something like this away from me. I'm also pissed with Tachno for letting Korra go. Of course I understand his reasoning behind it, your image is very important. However, there would be no festival without my Korra. She has done a lot for all of them.
Korra finally finishes her lap, then stops to catch her breath.
"Why didn't you tell me you were no longer apart of the festival team?" I ask, not being able to wait any longer.
The runner doesn't even seem shocked by my statement.
"Did you really need to hear another unfortunate event about me?" She replies, before sitting on the field.
I would sit beside her, but I'm not liking her demeanor today.
"I wasn't able to finish the letters, are they painted?" She asks.
"Yes! I helped Smellerbee paint them. Wait…? How did you know I was at the meeting?"
She smiles.
"Tachno still has me a part of the group chat. Congrats on getting a booth, the sign up list was packed with vendors."
"Thank You. Everything looks wonderful, you did a great job…..Why would you keep this from me? I wouldn't had cared, I'm already proud of you. Standing on top of a float means nothing. "
"Like you said, It wasn't a big deal. Even if I did tell you, when could I? You were practically running around the city for your father."
I'm a little taken back by her passive aggression.
"Korra, you know how close we're to the finish line. You may not want to be active in your father's campaign, but I do. I thought you understood that? I thought you were happy for me. "
"I am happy, I'm just curious."
"Curious about what?"
"I'm curious about what you're going to do when all of this is over?"
"Korra, I don't understand. When all of what's over? You have to be specific."
"The election, the campaigning, the meetings, and whatever you put your heart and soul into. Why does all this matter to you?
I mean? You're going to graduate this year, and you'll probably take some internship. And I'm probably going to lose more of myself. No person, nor president, will be able to change that. Why does all these efforts of yours matter, when things are going to change regardless of who's in office? "
She's right, I do have hopes of taking internships. Internships, I put on hold to focus on my father's campaign. I been so caught up with living in the moment, I never really thought about the future.
A new future that I want my girlfriend to be a part of.
Now with this new factor, I'll have to make some adjustments. Changes that I have no problem doing, because I love her so much. But it's certainly going to be a new challenge.
Is this what, been bothering her? Does she feel our relationship will be in jeopardy due to my plans?
I start to feel guilty because I never took all of this into a count until now.
Just when I'm about to tell her I plan to include her in whatever path I take, she speaks.
" Do you ever feel like your life is one giant domino effect? One bad thing happening after another?"
"Yes." I reply, finally taking a seat in front of her.
"Well, that's how my life feels right now. But, the thing is… nothing is crashing down yet. Everything is the same and it shouldn't be. Things are getting worse, but where is my fall?"
I think carefully, trying to figure out where all of this is coming from. I thought she was referring to our relationship. But it seems to be something else.
"It's never as bad as you think. It just seems that way, because we sometimes focus on all the negative things in a collection, Instead of moving forward. I get it, I really do. I just want to know….Why do you want to fall so badly?"
I ask the last part almost like a whisper, because things haven't been going in her favor lately, and I don't want her to feel hopeless.
She stops picking at the grass, then looks up at me.
"So I can start over."
~K-Glacier~
She looks at me with those same pity filled eyes everyone has been giving me. The only difference is, her eyes are alot lighter.
Why did I say that? Why did I tell her all of that? It's like the more I talk, the worst it gets. Then vice versa. It's like I can't win.
"Why do you want to start over? Beating yourself up, isn't going to fix your problems. You're doing more harm than good. I can tell you haven't been eating enough, I'm worried about you."
"You don't have to be. I promise, I'm okay! If I wasn't, don't you think I would be breaking down into tears, right now?"
"Maybe you want to, but you can't. All because you been suppressing your feelings for so long."
"Trust me, I'm not avoiding anything. Regarding my nutrition, I have been lacking. I been so busy with school, I haven't been eating as much. With my meet coming up, I will most definitely do better. There is nothing to be worried about."
I force a smile, but she doesn't buy it.
"Asami, please don't do this."
"Do what? Care? Because you're making it mighty difficult not to. Especially when you're talking about giving up."
"I'm not giving up on anything, I'm just speaking in general. If you don't want me to talk about stuff like this, I won't. I thought you wanted me to express my feelings. Does that only apply when I'm angry?"
She brings her hand to the bridge of her nose.
I don't understand why she's getting frustrated at me, I'm telling her the truth.
"You tell me what you want me to know. ...You think I don't notice how there's more to a story, but I do. I don't pry because I don't want to make the situation harder on you. Now hearing you speak, I'm regretting not doing so. Please tell me what's going on."
There is a silence, because I'm not going to tell her.
I'm not even sure how I would go about telling her. And I feel guilty because I want to, but I know once I do, things are going to change. And I don't want her life to be effected like mine was.
"I can't tell you, Asami!"
Instead of protesting like I thought she would, she just nods.
Here it goes, she's finally tired of me. There is just so much a person can take. And I already put enough stress on her.
"...I can respect that. Can you at least tell me, why you're afraid to tell me?"
I'm about to run my hand through my hair, but she stops it and proceeds to holds it.
" I love you. There is nothing that's going to scare me away from you."
"I love you too, that's why I want you to be happy. You just overcame your obstacle with your father. You're back doing what you love and your bond with him improved. You deserve all of that, I want you to live that. I don't want you worrying about my problems."
"I'm so sorry. This is all my fault ." She says with tears in her eyes.
"What are you talking about? You did nothing wrong."
Asami has been nothing but supportive over me. I should be the one apologizing.
"I'm sorry for allowing you to think I wasn't going through obstacles. I'm honest with you, but I keep a lot to myself. Which isn't very honest in a way. I have something to tell you."
From her constant movements, I can tell whatever she has to say is important.
"The guy I have been spending most of my time with, is named Wan. "
My heart starts to speed up just from hearing that whole sentence.
"You're cheating on me?!"
"What? No! Wan's gay. How could you even think?"
The look of horror on her face and my look of disbelief, causes us to both laugh. Which I'm surprised by, given how serious this talk seems to be.
I scoot closer to her so I can wipe her tears away.
"Look at me, crying. It's pathetic. "
"It must be nice..."
"What?"
"Who is this Wan guy, again?" I ask, changing the subject.
"Oh, yeah! Wan works for my father's campaign, and I been talking to him about coming out."
This news is shocking, because we don't really talk about this topic. The fact she talked to a politician about it…is just wow!
"You don't have to come out, if you aren't ready. There is no pressure, you know that." I stress.
"I know. It's just….I see everyone else out and proud and I feel guilty. The people at the club probably get heat for being their selves. And here I am, loving my girlfriend not getting it. I feel selfish, for playing it safe."
"Forget those people. You're the president's daughter! You have more things at stake, than them. I'm not down playing the challenges they may have faced, but I can certainly see how challenging it may be for you. What did this Wan guy say?"
" Everything you told me, like 'It's a personal decision' and 'Don't worry about what others think' and stuff."
"If that's so, why did you talk to him about it instead of me?"
"Sometimes it's easier to talk to someone you have no connection with. I'm not saying I can't talk to you. I just wanted an unbiased opinion. That's why I can understand your fear of telling me about this obstacle of yours. I think we hold things back from one another because we don't want either of us to be viewed differently. That's just something we're going have to work on. But until then, you still need to handle everything in a healthy way. Do you understand?"
"Yeah. it's not just you, I even have that problem with my father."
"Same. But it just goes to show, that it's normal. When I was younger, probably 17 or so. I met a woman on my vacation."
"A woman?"
She really needs to do a better job with how she phrases her words.
"It's not like that. But we were close, very close. I told her about how much pressure I was under, back when my father was running for president. You have to understand. I was just recognizing my attraction for girls. Imagine dealing with that, on top of preparing to be the president's daughter? I told myself I would never act upon my feelings. Fearing it would not just hurt me, but my father as well. Due to my new role, the thought of me kissing a girl was never in question.
I knew I was missing out in life, and I felt terrible about it. Also,I knew my friends wouldn't understand, and even if they did. I doubt they could truly get it. I wasn't just angry at everyone, I was angry at the world. Everyone could be themselves, but I couldn't. It wasn't fair! I went through days smiling pretending I was alright, even though I knew I wasn't. "
"How did you fix it? How did you stop feeling like that?" I ask.
"I talked about it. I walked into some random shop and screamed my heart out. I was tired of feeling the way I was feeling. I wanted to be happy again. I was determined to be happy Aunt Wu's help, I don't think I would had ever taken my first drink or kissed a girl. Without her help... I would have never found you." She says, all while playing with my hair, as I lay my head on her lap.
"The point I'm trying to make is… you're doing the same thing, Korra."
"Doing what?" I ask, enjoying being this close to her.
"Ignoring your feelings."
"Asami, I told yo…"
"You need to talk to someone! The more you go about this toxic way of yours, the easier it's going to engulf you. The mind is a complicated thing. You can trick it and it will believe you. I don't want to lose my girlfriend."
I quickly lift my head up due to this unexpected turn in our conversation.
"Lose me? I'm the same person!"
"Wu is a nice woman. We can leave in the morning for Makapu Village. We can spend the whole weekend there. It will be good for the both of us. We'll be away from the election and everything."
" I have practice tomorrow, so I couldn't even if I wanted to. Also, what would your father say about this random trip of yours?"
"Who cares about what he thinks?! I'm more concerned about us!"
I don't need to talk to a shrink. How could she even suggest such a thing? There is nothing wrong with me. I'm just dealing with information that's difficult to grasp. That's all!
"I'm not going to talk to some stranger about how I'm feeling. I'm not depressed or lost! Just because I'm not getting angry like I used to, doesn't mean something is wrong with me. We all have our ups and down. I just happen to be dealing with my downs, right now. Who knows? Maybe tomorrow I'll feel better. "
"What if you don't? Then what?"
"There is nothing wrong with me!"
"I know there isn't anything wrong with you. But if you continue this cycle of yours, it could be damaging. When I look into your eyes, I don't just see despair, I see hope. I see that you want to feel better. That's how I know, I haven't lost you. Listen to your heart, and get help. My friend Is really good, she's not judgmental or anything. I can be there in the room with you too."
"You will not be in the room, because I'm not going!"
She frowns.
" You asked me what it would be like after this election and I don't have an answer. But I do know, I want you included in whatever I choose."
She's picturing our life together. And all I can think about is a life of me constantly hurting. No person deserves a life like that. She should be doing whatever she loves, without worry about me. I don't want to be what's stopping her.
"I don't want your life dealing with my feelings. Please don't make choices around me. Can't we just take it day by day?"
"How can we… if you keep doing this?"
I don't know if it's the intensity of this conversation that has me over thinking her words or not. But if she's fed up, so am I.
"I agree. You took the words right out of my mouth. Maybe this isn't working."
"I never said that! You're being ridiculous, not everyone wants to hurt you. But if you got all of that from this whole conversation, maybe I am wasting my time. "
"THAT'S WHAT I BEEN TELLING YOU! But you're so sure of yourself, you never want to listen. Stop trying to fix everything!"
I watch as she collects her things, and gets up.
She looks down at me as if I'm going to apologize or take back what I said, but I'm not.
"Maybe you need to be alone, since that's how you feel inside. I can't fix you, because you aren't fixable!" She says, before walking off.
I'm not going to chase after her. She'll realize how foolish all of this is.
"Are you done?" I call out, seeing how she has yet to come back.
"No. We Are!"
I didn't think three words could hit me so hard.I felt more emotions from those words, than anything I been feeling in weeks. It was like my body regenerated with new emotions that almost overcame my numbness.
There it was,
my crash.
~A-Sato~
I'm freaking out right now, because Korra won't even return my calls. I didn't mean what I said. I was just frustrated and tired.
I was tired of her not trying to make an effort. I know she can, she has done so many times in the past.
How could she just give up, all of a sudden? How could I give up on us, for a few stupid seconds?
First I scared her with getting help, then I mentioned spending my future life with her. Her reactions were practical, mines weren't. I called Opal and she told me she didn't even return back to her dorm. It's 2 am and the morning and I'm 5 minutes away from looking up Tonraq's number and calling him.
How could I be so foolish? .
I can't even focus enough to think about where she could be, because I'm too worried.
What if she hurt herself?
I doubt it was be intentional, but she could had gotten drunk. If someone told me I needed a therapist right before breaking up with me, I would be drinking too!
She uses her emotions…Shit! Why do I keep using and saying that. She has a mind of her own, she's fully capable of being logical. I'm not helping my fears by thinking like this.
I get a text message and I quickly race to the phone. I see it's an email from Wan and texts from Vira's and Gingers group chat. Then quickly put the conversation on do not disturb and ignore the email.
It's like nothing matters at this point.
I could care less about anything, that's not my girlfriend.
She is still my girlfriend, I'll make everything right. I just need to know if she's safe, first.
Stopping myself from pacing the floor, I take a seat on the couch.
What if I'm the last person she trusted?
Heck! Half of this city, thinks she's problematic. Now she thinks I view her that way too.
What is wrong with me?
I said no one could fix her. I'm terrible.
I meant it as in, no one can help her but herself. But of course my frustrations made it seem out of context and I could had rephrased it better...
But I didn't.
I just wanted her to open her eyes, and see what she had at stake. Hoping she'll get the point and give in...
But she didn't.
The sound of my doorbell ringing, causes me to get out of my train of thought.
Please let it be her.
I look through the peep hole, then quickly open the door.
"Thank God, you're safe."I say pulling her into a hug.
I don't even want to let go, because I almost lost her.
"I don't want to feel like this anymore…. I don't want to lose anyone else. I'll go, just don't give up on me." She says, with matching tears.
"You didn't give up by coming home, and that's all I ever wanted from you."
