So, my birthday just passed. Can you update as a present for me please? I got some of the 'rules' off ifaq. Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, just this plot. That sacred honor goes to J.K. Rowling.
I was sitting at breakfast with Lisa, James, Elton, and Ray. My grandmum had sent me a letter and I was placing it in my knapsack for safe keeping. I really did miss Grandmum. Christmas couldn't come sooner. We left for break in only a few shorts days.
"Ugh, Rebecca Umfraville is so annoying," Lisa muttered miserably.
Rebecca Umfraville was a Slytherin in my year. Her younger sister was Noel Umfraville, a Ravenclaw in Albus' year. Rebecca seemed like a decent girl, so I didn't understand why Lisa found her annoying.
"What did she do to you?" I asked Lisa, after taking a bite of my toast.
Apparently Lisa wasn't fond of most girls. She only really liked guys. I mean, she did have friends who were girls, but I don't think she really liked them. She always talked about them behind their backs. Why did girls pretend to be friends with each other when they really just hated each other behind the other person's back? It made no sense to me.
"She's just annoying, Sam! All she does is blabber on and on about her boyfriend. I thought she was cool for like a second, but she's really not," Lisa bitched and bitched. All she seemed to do lately was bitch.
You know, it was funny that she said that because all she did was talk about me to her friends. Girls could be very hypocritical when it came to that kind of thing and they never even realized it. All Lisa talked about with her friends was bragging about her hot third year boyfriend. You have to love the irony.
"Lisa, you do the same thing about me," I voiced my opinion out loud. "When you're with your friends, all you do is talk about me. Trust me. I can hear it most of the time. You're not very subtle about what you say sometimes."
Ray shook his head. "Sam," he whispered under his breath. He noticed my mistake before I did.
"I do not, Sam! Would you just shut up? I am nothing like that obnoxious Rebecca Umfraville. You know what, you can just sit with your stupid guy friends." She grabbed her things and ran off to join her friends at the Ravenclaw table.
"Sam, you don't correct your girlfriend like that," Elden told me.
Ray nodded his head in agreement. "We don't even have girlfriends and we know that precious little rule. Women are sensitive creatures. Any little comment like that can set them off. Just avoid saying anything like that from now on. Later apologize with flowers and tell her how beautiful she is, okay?"
"How do you two know all this?" I asked with a clueless expression on my face. I didn't even need a mirror for me to know that I looked confused beyond all belief. Jeez, girls were something that could puzzle Einstein.
The two looked at each other and laughed. They didn't even answer my question, they just kept laughing. I looked at James and he looked as confused as I was. What was the joke that we were so obviously missing? But they never explained, they just kept laughing.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the Slytherin, Barry Theodore, get up from his seat. He was three years older than me and a total arsehole. He was graduating the next year and I could not wait for the day. The less time spent near him is time I treasured. The Slytherins adored him, but the rest of us hoped he would go in a hole and just die a slow and painful death. Dramatic, I know, but it's the truth.
"To change topic, Albus does origami now!" James exclaimed randomly. James with his random comments...
I laughed loudly at that remark. It was so typical of Albus to do origami too. His mum was always getting him into arts and crafts projects with his little sister. Albus will be a whipped man to any woman.
"Why would he do that?" Elden questioned simply.
"The real question, Elden, is why not?" Ray said with a smile on his face. Ah, the philosopher Ray. Gotta love him.
My mind couldn't get off Lisa. Why did she flip out at me? What did I do to make her so angry? All I did was say the truth! How was that so upsetting? I ran a hand through my red hair. Maybe if I dug my hands into my head long enough, some sense would kick into it. And….it was not working. I'm still as lost as ever.
"You look lost, Sammy boy," Elden commented.
I nodded my head. "I just don't understand women, El. And I don't think I ever will. I understand getting them to fancy you and date you but definitely not keeping them."
"Same thing happened to my dad, man. The folks split when I was two because my dad just couldn't understand my mum. But when I was five they got back together. You can always figure out women, Sam," Elden informed me.
"It's not like I'd ever marry Lisa. I'm just wondering why she's mad," I proclaimed.
"Because you corrected her," Elden explained. "Women don't like being corrected. If there was a rulebook for how to handle women, that would be rule number one."
"And rule number two would be that you never ever compare them to their friends in a negative sense. You broke the two big rules in one shot, buddy. Nice going," Ray chuckled lightly. "The third rule would be that you have to call her when you're not with her. Like during Christmas break, please remember to call her. She'll be extremely angry if you fail to do so."
Elden nodded his head solemnly. "Rule number four is that you never ever lie to her. Women hate liars. Even if it's about something stupid, just tell the truth. Rule number five is don't tape any of her body parts together." I gave Elden a confused look. "Don't question the rules, just follow them. If she ever asks you if she looks fat, never, ever, in a million years, say yes. Even if she does look heavy, just don't say it. Tell her she always looks beautiful. Burping is also not acceptable."
James and I stared in wonderment and awe at the two as they continued to sprout off the rules.
"How do you know all this?" I yelled. "And why do you know all this? Why don't I know any of this! Just….WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON?"
Okay, I overreacted. But it wasn't fair how they had all that knowledge and I knew absolutely nothing. Not fair at all, I tell you, just not bloody fair.
Both of them started laughing. Did they want to piss me off even more? Oh, I think they did.
"We got those rules from a book my dad bought when he split up with my mum. I found it in my attic during the summer when Ray slept over once and we were just reciting rules about how to treat a lady," Elden said with a huge smile. The explanation made sense.
"Thanks for showing this to me so soon…." I stated sarcastically.
Elden shrugged and looked at the watch on his hand. "We better get going. Class is going to start in like three minutes. Four, if we're lucky."
As we got our books and started walking towards class, I had to say, "It is kind of ridiculous that you two memorized all those rules though. Not kind of, really ridiculous."
Ray laughed. "At least we're well informed, unlike you, mate."
I punched him lightly on the shoulder as we headed towards History of Magic.
!!
And already it was Christmas break. I got off the Hogwarts Express and saw all my relatives in a huddle together, ready to take all their children home. Uncle Ron had the ugliest scarf I'd ever seen in my life on. Aunt Hermione really wasn't the best knitter… Then I saw my dad. Ever since Mum died, I had to say, all the energy in him was gone. It was quite sad, actually.
I approached him and he gave me a pat on the back. "How are you doing, son?" His voice was rough but still affectionate.
"Good." He ruffled my hair lightly. His face had stubbles on it. Obviously he hadn't shaved in a while.
Aunt Cadee came up behind me and wrapped her arms around my thin frame. "How are you doing, sweetheart?" Aunt Cadee was Uncle Percy's loving wife.
"I'm fine."
She let go of me. Her face looked tired at that moment, but I had to admit that Aunt Cadee was always very good-looking. Her brown hair was long and flowing down her back. Dark gray orbs looked at me while she said hello. Her son, Todd, looked an awful lot like her, I had to say.
Remus approached her with a smile and Aunt Cadee threw her arms around him. She really was the most loving person I knew.
Albus tapped me on the shoulder. "I guess Aunt Cadee really didn't want to see Remus again. She just seems disgusted by his presence," he joked with a little smile on his face.
I laughed loudly. "Oh, yes, she is totally repulsed by her son. Probably wishes he just stayed at Hogwarts."
Elden, who was still with me, put his arm around my shoulder in chummy way. "I have to say I'll miss you, bud. Am I still invited for the famous Weasley Chrimas dinner? I'll be upset if I'm not."
"Are you kidding me, Elden? You're always invited for the famous Weasley Christmas dinner! Hell, you might as well just be one of us," I said honestly. "All of us like you enough."
He gave me a quick hug and then went off to find his mum. I thought about saying hello to her but decided against it. I'd see her at Christmas anyway.
"What do you want for Christmas?" Aunt Hermione asked me as she approached me for a greeting. "If you say dungbombs, I think I might cry. Freddie has been asking me for them ever since he could talk and I can't have another nephew thinking like him. Besides James, of course."
"How about making me a pair of socks?" I suggested.
She was a terrible knitter, but I knew it made her happy.
She grinned. "Now, I can do that!" We both noticed Lily chasing Hugo around the station. "Oh, Hugo, Lily, don't do that!" she yelled as she ran to catch up with them.
"You can't catch me!" Hugo taunted Lily as he continued sprinting and her shorter legs tried to keep up.
I loved coming home for Christmas. My favorite part was watching everyone catch up on platform 9 ¾. It swelled my heart to see parents and other family members reuniting with their children after not seeing them for such a long time.
The prime example was right in front of me. A girl in probably her third year was hugging her younger sister tightly. The younger sister was probably seven. Now, usually those two would be bickering and yelling about something or the other, but on platform 9 ¾, life wasn't like that. People were just glad to see their loved ones and all resentment towards each other left right here. It was sacred ground in my opinion.
Aunt Cadee gave me a kiss on the cheek. "I'll see you soon, okay?"
I nodded my head. "Bye, Aunt Cadee."
Uncle Percy was by her side and gave me a pat on the shoulder. Then they left with their three sons. I noticed Remus had his arm around his little brother Todd. The last time they spoke Todd had set fire to Remus' favorite book and Remus wasn't on speaking terms with him. The beauty of a reunion works wonders.
