I refused to get up from bed, and it had been three days.. My eyes were sore from crying, my stomach was inside my throat, and I was paralyzed. It wasn't a good feeling. I deserved it though. I blew it. I wish I had a good enough reason to do what I did; I wish there was some way to justify it, but there wasn't anything to help me. All I could do was face up to what I had done and admit it was wrong. I was wrong.
Chase and Michael had run off with Quinn somewhere. I couldn't help but be a little curious on what it was they were working on. Chase had been on edge ever since they started working on whatever it was. Brandon was here, but he was silently reading something. I'm pretty sure he could tell that I didn't want to talk because he hasn't said a word.
I turned over onto my stomach and put my head in my pillow. "UGH…" That was the only thing that came out. I'm sure I probably didn't smell exactly fresh at this point, and I really wanted to tell Zoey off bad. She was wrong for her part in this. If it wasn't for her, Dana never would have found out! "UGH…." I said again.
"Umm…are you okay?" Brandon finally asked.
"What do you think?" I asked not taking my head out of my pillow. He didn't say anything else until he finally left. The silence probably wasn't his cup of tea.
I felt my phone vibrate.
"WE NEED TO TALK.
I'M A LITTLE CALMER NOW,
BUT MY DECISION HASN'T CHANGED.
MEET ME AT THE SPOT IN A FEW MINUTES."
I hopped up quick. No shower, no hair products, this was the rawest form of me. I had to go right now to make sure there was no hope before I completely gave up.
I got there, but she wasn't there. I started to rethink my non-brushed teeth and wearing the same clothes I had on yesterday. It was too late to change anything now though. I turned around, and there she was: walking up to me. She was groomed, unlike me, but she did have circles under her eyes. I punched myself in the face mentally. She stood right in front of me and just looked at me.
I didn't want to be the first one to say anything.
"I…" we both started at the exact same time. We laughed nervously.
"Go ahead." I told her. Like I said, I did not want to go first.
"I knew that we needed to talk, but I wasn't really sure what to say." She told me honestly.
"At least you made the step for us to talk. I was scared to death of even seeing you."
She looked at the sand. Her eyes swelled up with tears; I hated seeing her like this. I punched myself again mentally.
"I didn't mean to come down here and cry again." She said as she wiped a tear away and tried to smile. "No one has ever done anything like this to me; I guess, I'm just taking it kind of hard."
I scratched my arm for a lack of anything better to do. I wanted to hug her, kiss her, apologize, cry some more, make her believe that I would never do anything like this ever again, but it wouldn't do me any good.
"If I ask you a question will you be honest with me?" I asked.
"Sure," she said.
"Is umm…do we…will we ever be back together?"
She glared at me, but her eyes didn't take to long to soften up once she saw my face.
"You look kind of rough, Logan." She told me.
I just shrugged a little. She had ignored my question.
"I didn't mean it when I said I don't love you." She told me. That made me a feel a lot better inside. "Just because you did this it doesn't mean that I can stop loving you so quick, but it takes more than just love to make a relationship work. It takes a lot of trust and respect, and at the moment, I don't' have those two things for you." She told me. I could believe that. Why would she trust me?
"Yeah, I understand." I said as I started to walk away.
"Come here," she said with a smile in her voice as she grabbed my hand. I looked her in the eyes. "Logan, you have a lot going on right now, and I know that Benny thing hurt your feelings, but you can't just give up on us and sleep with another girl every single time we get into a fight. It's not gonna work out if you do that, and you already know that. How am I supposed to know you won't do this anymore because this is the second time..."
"I know I'm wrong for this. I'm sorry." I said. My eyes where watering again. Dana pulled my by the back on my neck into her shoulder, and I started to cry. I couldn't believe that I was crying. Not that I'm embarrassed…it's just not my style. I guess this is what separated her from any other person.
I didn't anticipate on crying, but it was over-due. I never cry. I didn't cry when my mom and dad left me here. I didn't even cry when Dana left. (Although I got close) I don't like to be weak, but it all needed to come out.
Dana pulled me even closer to her, and I dug my head as far into her shoulder as I could. She ran her other hand up and down my back. How was she the one taking care of me when I was the one that hurt her? I guess, hurting her hurt me just as much as her. I felt her kiss my arm. I couldn't tell for sure, but I thought she was crying a little too. I could feel the waves crash on our feet, and I could smell her hair.
"I'm so sorry." I said between sobs. "I was wrong. I…"
"Shhh…" she commanded as she ran her fingers through my hair. I just kept crying. "You're just a stupid boy." she said. I smiled for some stupid reason at this comment. I was a stupid boy, but I needed to become better than that.
