A/N: So I understand after last chapter a lot of people got angry and stopped reading and that's fine. I get it...some people can't handle the darkness. It will not be awful forever...I promise. Bad things do happen to good people sometimes, but most don't lay down and die...they get up at some point and keep going. Besides...Jane has Maura...I mean really...who doesn't want a Maura in their life? Anyway...this one is LONG! So blot out an hour of your time...LOL! Anyway...with all that being said here we go!

Maura

The room was chilly, almost icy. Perhaps that was just a reflection of what was going on inside me. I had a feeling of icy hatred in my heart that not even the fires of hell could melt. The air around me was still and stagnant. Undulations of fury hung on me like the shadows of a murky lake. The other people in the room were quiet. They spoke only in whispers; they only addressed me if absolutely necessary. Their eyes avoided me, heads hung as they went about their work. They gave me a wide berth, being careful not to stir the anger radiating from my mind and body. I stood still, not moving, barely breathing. My eyes were locked on Jane's face, my beautiful Jane. The face that I love, admire, cherish, and held above all others was beaten, battered and bruised. Her left eye was swollen shut; she had seven stitches on her forehead from a brutal gash. Her hair was matted in blood. Her mouth was stuffed with gauze since her tongue had to be sewn back together... it took eight stitches. Jane lay on the bed naked and exposed underneath a thin, white sheet. I hadn't been the one to remove her clothing. I wasn't allowed to touch her yet. I couldn't taint any evidence that man...that fucking maniac left on her body. I could only stand by and watch. My mind was tortured by what my eyes had to bare. I had to watch the nurse strip her, bag her clothes, photograph her body...every single part of her body. I stood still as a hot summer night as the nurse and Addison took pictures of parts of Jane that were meant to be seen only by me. I bit my tongue; My trembling fingers formed fists as they swabbed her skin, swabbed inside her mouth, clipped her nails, combed and cut her pubic hair, and dragged a comb through her long dark locks the best they could through the dried blood. They charted all her injuries taking copious notes through the invasive examination of Jane's precious body.

I turned my face to the wall when Addison began to perform the pelvic exam, I could not look. That place was meant for me, only for me. Yet I stood powerless, helpless. The tears that my anger finally dried threatened to come back and overtake me. I was seething. My heart was broken. I wanted to rage against someone, something...anything. I wanted to storm from the hospital and break the neck of the man that hurt my Jane. I wanted to kill him...dear God...I wanted to kill him. I looked back at Jane's face; she almost looked serene, sleeping in this moment and I was grateful for it. It was small solace in the face of despair, to make sure Jane slept through the degradation of this exam. I could not touch her yet, I could not hold her yet, and I could not wrap her in my arms and cry into her soft curly hair the way I wanted to so much. I could not heal her wounds. I could not erase her memory. The sound of her laughter was a distant dream I could only pray I might be blessed to hear again. I could not see her pout when I annoyed her, or roll her eyes when she thought I was being silly. I could not hear her tell a joke. I could not watch her play with our daughter. I could not make love to her and hear her soft cries for me long into the night until we lay spent and exhausted in a world of bliss that belonged only to us. I did not know if we would ever know those precious moments again. That man...that awful maniac had stolen something from me and everything from Jane.

I reached out with a shaking hand to touch her beautiful face, but I stopped just short, my fingers trembling just before they reached her lips. I knew I could not touch her yet until Addison said it was ok. Chain of custody and evidence gathering was something I completely understood and I knew first-hand the importance of handling it competently. I'd performed this same exam on other women more times than I cared to count. Though I knew full well why this was necessary, it still did not make what was happening easier; it made it worse. It made what happened to Jane all to real. I turned my head to the wall quickly as tears streamed down my face. I did not want anyone to see me cry. I had to be resilient; I had to stay strong for Jane and our family. I had decisions to make. I had to fight for Jane with all my might even though the site of her injuries and knowing what she went through made me shatter inside. My soul was consumed with tormenting pain and anger the likes of which I had never known. But I would not break. I would not give that disgusting man the satisfaction of destroying me. My feelings of hatred for him were real, but he would not own my pain, he did not control my heart, I would not fall apart. He may have taken Jane's body, but he could not have her life. He may have violated her, but he would not bring shame upon her. He may have broken her bones, but he would not break my spirit or my love for the woman that had brought me to life. He would not haunt my dreams; I would vanquish him in spirit and truth. For his offenses, he would surely suffer.

Jane was mine, and she always would be. I thought the words over and over in my head 'Jane is mine!' She never gave up even while he beat her, she did not lie down and she did not submit to him. She knew she was meant for a higher purpose, she knew there were those that loved her, cherished her, and could not abide her suffering. She had fought with every bit of her strength. She had fought for her life, for her daughter, for me. Deep down inside...I knew she had fought for me. She was only in that club for me, to protect me because she loved me and for her love she had suffered greatly. For that same love I too suffered. But Jane had fought all she could, the battle for her body and our love a bloody stalemate. The beast lay injured but he had not suffered enough, not nearly enough. As long as he drew breath unpunished it was an insult to Jane and torturous for me. It was my turn now to blow the horn of war, and I would unleash a wrath of unspeakable force onto the swine responsible for this...this...abhorrent, detestable savagery! But for now my place was with Jane. I refused to leave her side even when Addison begged me to step out during the rape kit. I would not go, I said no words and I didn't look into Addison's eyes. I planted my feet, defiantly lifted my chin, and steadied my gaze on Jane's face. The power of God could not have pulled me from Jane's side. Addison did not ask me anymore to leave. She did not speak to me at all. Addison understood me well enough to know when I would not be moved.

It was devastating to look upon her body. I could not stop thinking of all the times I had kissed the places that were now injured and damaged beyond recognition. I couldn't stop thinking of how much Jane had suffered. I couldn't stop thinking of how much I wanted to collapse to the floor and wail from the depths of my heart. My eyes rolled tears as I watched her sleep, oblivious to the invasion of her privacy and the pain in her body and I could not have been more grateful for that small mercy. I don't know where I found the strength, but I smiled at her gorgeous face. Jane was the love of my life, and I had waited forever to find her. She was a priceless and precious treasure. I wanted to comfort her, love her, protect her and heal her. I could not rid my mind of its yearning to drive a stake through the heart of the man that had touched her. I wanted to grab him by the throat and break his neck. I wanted to unleash every molecule of my hatred for him on his body and destroy him through and through. Look what he did to my Janie. Look what he did to my baby. Look what he did to my little princess. I vowed to see him suffer. I yearned for it from the deepest parts of me. I swore it from the depths of my soul. I screamed for the universe to see and hear me. I prayed for the ultimate justice and vengeance to every God known and unknown. I prayed for the strongest castigation be told to the animalistic bastard that had dared hurt Jane. I would deliver these things myself. I would not rest another day until justice was carried out. I would not falter, I would not quit, I would get vengeance for Jane and it would be cold, hard, and cruel. As I watched Jane lay, her body beaten and broken, I thought the only words that gave me peace, "I'm coming for you motherfucker."

But in this moment, and for however long it would take, I had to see Jane through her darkest hour. As I watched her sleep my mind wandered through the happy times I'd spent with Jane. I thought of the first time I kissed her when she was covered in food crying tears over the dinner she so selflessly tried to make me and ruined. I remember how sweet and innocent her eyes looked and how devastated she was at the thought that she had failed me somehow. I remember how my heart soared and melted at the same time when I kissed her through her tears and her body melted into mine. I thought of the time she tried to teach me to ride a bike and how patient and funny she had been. I thought of how proudly she presented me the little pink bike her chest poking out and her smile splitting her face. I remember how I ran into her arms as excited as a child and overwhelmed with love. I thought of how Jane helped me find the courage to return to the Foundation Fundraiser after my humiliation and how we expressed our love the entire night afterward. It was our very first time, so beautiful it brought me to tears. I thought of how I fell asleep with Jane inside me, covering me with her body and with her love. I had never known true ecstasy until that night. I thought of the day we brought Angela home and the stunning smile on Jane's face. I thought of the moment when Jane opened the box and found Franklin Thomas inside. I smiled when I thought of that. I wondered if she was thinking of those things too. I hoped so. I prayed so. I was brought from my thoughts when Addison's voice broke the silence of the room.

"Maura, everything has been completed besides the pelvic exam, so you can touch her if you like," she said softly.

Addison tried to smile at me encouragingly, but her face fell when my cold, grey eyes found hers. It looked like Addison's heart broke when our eyes met. I saw the light in her eyes dim and her pretty face sagged and her mouth turned down as she studied me. Her expression made me want to cry. She looked at me like I was fire and ice. She looked at me like I'd shattered into shards. I felt as though something fragmented inside me. But whatever Addison may have thought she saw in my face, and whatever I was feeling inside, I was still Dr. Maura Isles, and Jane needed me to be exactly that person. I don't care how broken or hurt I was...I would not fail Jane again. I tried to speak but the words caught in my throat. I nodded my head toward Addison and turned my attention back to Jane. I sat on the bed at Jane's left side because her right arm was broken and immobilized in a temporary cast. I took Jane's hand in my own, the one that had been stripped of its skin and ravaged by splinters and shards of wood. I kissed her damaged fingers. Some of her nails were missing I noticed, tears streamed down my face. I did not bother to wipe them away. I cried silently. I let my tears fall on the fabric of my scrubs and the skin of Jane's fingers. I prayed Jane knew I was here. I prayed she could feel me in the peaceful place where her mind rested. I prayed she knew how much I loved her... would continue to love her...always…forever. I kissed her bruised cheek softly, several times; my lips trembled as they found her soft skin. I sobbed quietly in the crook of her neck; I kissed her over and over. I don't know why I couldn't make my lips part from her. But I couldn't stop; I wanted her to feel me and I needed to feel her. I needed to feel the warmth of her body and the rush of life blood in her veins. I needed to know she was still with me, that I still had a chance to bring her peace when her mind returned to the hellish darkness of her reality. I wanted her to know she was still mine...I would always love her...always.

I ran my hands along her long dark locks. I remembered how much Jane loved it when I did that. I remembered how Jane would snuggle up next to me at night and fall asleep with my fingers running through her hair. I remembered the way she'd tell me she loved me every night, just at the very moment before sleep came to her tired eyes. I remembered the way I would whisper 'I love you too princess' and the feeling of Jane's hair on my cheek as I fell asleep with her body wrapped in my arms. I loved to hold her when we slept. My body shook with my tears and memories. I gently kissed Jane's swollen lips the best I could. I wanted to taste her, she was mine.

I remembered the last time I saw Jane at home and the look on her face. I remember the way she cried desperately for me to stay with her. I remember the tears that streamed from her eyes. I remember how distressed she looked, how frightened, the agony. But I did not stay; I left her there, shivering, dejected, and inconsolable on our dining room floor. I had not kissed her right before I left and earlier kisses meant to calm did no good in the face of my abandoning her when she needed me most. I buried my face in her hair and cried with all the throbbing I felt in my heart. I should have stayed, I should have kissed her more and I should never have left her. Now look at my baby...my sweet precious Jane. I wiped furiously at the remnants of blood on Jane's face. I had to clean her up. Jane loved to be pretty. I wanted her to be beautiful and happy again. I kissed her over and over as I cleaned her face with a cool damp rag.

"Little princess," I started to speak softly to her. My voice was hoarse and unsteady. "I love you so very much...you know that don't you? You know I love you. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you that yesterday...I'm sorry I left you Janie. I'm so s-sorry. But I'm here now honey, I'm never going to leave you again. Addison's here sweetheart and she's taking really good care of you. James is here. Angela's at home sleeping safe and sound in her bed. You will be ok baby girl. You're so strong, you can do this, you can get better...I know it. They told me how hard you fought. They told me what you did to that man. I know you're hurting honey, I see how you suffered..."

I had to stop speaking and steady myself. My voice was trembling and cracking. I closed my eyes and fought down my tears. I swallowed many times. I cupped Jane's swollen face in my shaky hand and kissed her cheek again. My tears dotted her face, freshly cleaned of all the blood. I looked down at her through glossy tear filled eyes. I placed my hand over her heart and smiled when I felt it beating.

"I'm going to keep you safe now Jane. You just have to keep breathing...I'll make him pay. I swear it Jane, I swear it on the love I have for you and our children...I. Will. Make. Him. Pay!"

I said the last with deliberate hostility. My clenched teeth hurt my jaw, my eye lid twitched, my muscles tensed, my voice became tough, my heart hardened. I kissed Jane's cheek again to seal my promise. I didn't notice that Addison had stopped working. I didn't notice she was staring at the far wall. I didn't notice the tears that streamed down her face. I didn't notice her at all until she spoke softly to me.

"I have to give Jane more stitches, Maura. Are you sure you don't want to wait outside while I..."

"...No!" I nearly shouted at Addison.

I closed my eyes shaking my head, ashamed that I had lashed out at Addison who had shown only tremendous kindness. But I would not and could not be parted from Jane. I turned my eyes back to Jane's face and brushed her hair from her cheeks again.

"I'm not leaving her Addison," I whispered.

I heard her sigh. I winced when Addison gathered a suture kit. I knew what that meant. She didn't look at me or speak to me. I noticed the strained look on her face. I noticed how she had to change her surgical gloves because the first pair had become so bloody. My heart dropped to my feet. I was distraught at the thought of why her gloves were so bloody. I clenched my jaw to keep from exploding in tears. I held Jane's hand in my own as tightly as I dared. I shushed Jane softly and whispered sweet words in her ear. All of a sudden, Jane's face seemed to have a slight change in expression. I prayed she was neither having nightmares nor feeling any one of the many reasons she would be in physical pain. I prayed she was having dreams that brought her joy where this waking like had failed her so badly, where I had failed her so badly. I gratefully thanked Addison when I saw her push more morphine into Jane's IV before she returned to the pelvic exam with the suture kit. I could not watch Addy suture Jane's tears though the doctor in me wanted to be sure she was cared for in the best way. I could not witness the blood that pooled on the sheet under Jane. I refused to count the stitches. I just kept my eyes on Jane's face and my mind on thoughts of retaliation. The minutes ticked by as Addison worked. The clock's ticking haunted me. I felt like I was in a time warp, that hell had replaced the beauty of earth and there was nothing more than endless pain and outrage. I could not believe that somewhere, someplace, children were laughing, mothers were singing, fathers were dancing in this world. I did not believe at this moment there was joy or happiness anywhere. In my world, right now, in this hospital room, in those long horrible seconds that led into even longer more terrible minutes and hours, there was no such thing as sunshine...only darkness.

Finally Addison finished her work. She cleaned the excess blood between Jane's legs and swiftly shoved the towels in the disposal. She pulled off her gloves and slipped them into the trash quickly. I knew she didn't want me to see them. I washed the blood from Jane's hair. I washed her body gently taking my time over every single inch of her, being tender and careful around her blackened bruises. I didn't want a single speck of that son of a bitch on her body for one single second longer. I cleaned, medicated, wrapped and bandaged her damaged fingers. I cleaned and covered the stitches on her forehead with gauze and a soft bandage. I kissed her from time to time where I cleaned an area and cradled her face gently in my hand. Addy help me dress Jane in a hospital gown, neither of us bothering to speak. We went about the motions silently; our only comfort was the steady breath of Jane's lungs and the beating of her heart. I covered Jane in warm blankets to protect her from the chill of the room and the ice in my veins.

More tears ran down my cheeks when Addison handed me a box containing an antibiotic ointment.

"Maura, as you know this is for the internal vaginal tears and the torn perineum. Apply it three times a day for ten days. There is an applicator in the box. She is going to need follow-up to be sure she is healing properly. I don't want her to be left with too much scar tissue." Addison said without ever meeting my eyes.

I never looked up into hers. I gripped the box tightly in my fist. I hated the thought that Jane would have to endure the worst part of the exam again and again. I thought of the man that had touched my Jane. My chin shuddered but I did not break down again. My wrath was back full force. I stuffed down my sorrow and clenched my fists. I paced the room while Addison went about drawing blood to test for STD's and AIDS. I gave Addison consent to push a massive dose of antibiotics through Jane's IV and also administer an AIDS cocktail. Addison gave Jane 1.5 mg of progestin in a shot to prevent any possibility of pregnancy. The idea of that man's baby in Jane's body turned my stomach. Jane's womb would not give birth to evil. It was a sacred place meant to carry only the children we conceived in love and beauty. Besides that Jane had a child already...our daughter. We had a son too that I desperately wanted to find and bring into my family fold. Jane and I had a whole life with hopes, and dreams. We had a family to build and support, a home to make beautiful for our children, laughs to share, memories to make, love to give to one another. I would not let this break Jane. I would not let this destroy us. No fucking way. I cursed and spit under my breath. The world had been cruel to Jane, but I would not let the darkness overtake her. She was still mine, she was everything to me. I would stare down the face of sin. I would drive the shadow from her mind with the sword and shield of my love and my conviction. I would take her from this awful city that had brought her nothing but torment and I would bring her back into the light again. I would make her remember joy and laughter; I would make her remember loveliness and harmony. I would see to it that her attacker suffered all the rest of his days. I would stand by her side always and forever.

"They will be transporting her to surgery any minute now," Addison informed me breaking the train of thought in my head.

I stopped pacing and turned to Addison. I felt power returning to mind. There was no more time for tears. It was time to act, it was time to fight.

"How long will the surgery take?" I demanded to know.

My voice was no longer whimpering and weak. It was full of conviction and confidence. I was Dr. Maura Isles...it was time I acted like it.

"A few hours," Addison said, her face was officious but her eyes were wide with uncertainty.

"How long before Jane can travel?" I pushed.

Addison looked disconcerted like she didn't understand my question.

"At least a month or so Maura..."

"...No! She's leaving Boston today, by ambulance if necessary but she's leaving this goddamn city today!" I argued.

"Maura honey, Jane is extremely injured, and I know you understand this. She is also the only witness to her own attack. She has to give a statement to the police; she has to rest, and heal. She certainly can't travel long distances even in an ambulance Maura! She needs hospital supervision until we know her brain won't swell or bleed from her fall and that her severely bruised lungs will not collapse! She's not going anywhere today, Maura!" Addison said resolutely.

I scowled at her. I would not be told that I could not make any and all decisions regarding Jane. I would not be told delivering her from this nightmare of a hospital where her whole family had been pronounced dead and this intolerable, fucking city was not possible. Anything was possible. Boston had been nothing but a city of torturous experiences for Jane. I had the power and might of my name behind me, I had a cache of resources at my disposal, I had more money than I could count, and I would exhaust it all, call in every favor in my arsenal to deliver Jane to safety. I had not been there when that...son of a bitch...attacked her, but I was here now and by God I would not fail her again. I could and would make this happen. I would see Jane to light and happiness again. I would give her peace if I had to chase it to the ends of the earth. I would hand it to her along with all my love.

"Don't tell me it's not possible Addison. You will ride with us in the ambulance when Jane is stable after surgery. We will take her back to New York. It's only a four hour drive, she can rest in a private facility until she is healed enough to come home to me. But I will not have her in this city. I should never have brought her here." I remembered it was I that suggested Jane accompany me to Boston in the first place.

I was so proud that day when Jane agreed to return to Boston and face her fears and her pain after five long years. I'd felt so much love for her and pride at her bravery. I'd loved and admired the smile of excitement on her face. I loved how much she trusted me and didn't want to be apart from me. I thought I won some great victory, that I'd given Jane the strength to face her demons as she had given me the strength to face mine. I had a head full of dreams of all the ways I would help Jane heal and we would be happy together, forever. But now my dreams had dashed against the rocks like storming waves crashed into the shore. My best intentions turned to dust.

I looked back at Jane and my heart skipped a beat. I thought I heard her whimper; a muffled, raw sound behind the gauze stuffed in her mouth. I rushed to her side and took her hand. My heart was racing, my adrenaline surged and my hands shook in panic. I could not see Jane in pain...I could not stand it. I could not let the peace of sleep slip away from her. I brushed her hair with my fingers and kissed her forehead softly many times. I whispered what I hoped were words of comfort in her ears. Her body stirred restlessly, her moans growing more desperate every second. I fought to keep her still; I leaned over her protectively as if I could shield her from the agony. I looked to Addison desperately, pleading with her silently to help me, to help Jane. I felt my cheeks burn as hot tears washed over them. I heard the choked desperate sob escape my throat. I saw the way Addison's face fell and her shoulders sagged. She moved to push more drugs through Jane's IV to keep her under. I looked back at Jane's bruised face. Her skin glistened with perspiration, and her face was tense and fraught in discomfort. I cradled her face with my shaking hand and prayed the drugs would move swiftly. I leaned down and kissed her lips with my own that trembled so violently I could barely make them meet.

"Sleep now my little princess... Just sleep now. I'll protect you, I promise my love. Just sleep and rest and heal for me and when you wake up you'll be in a better place. I'm gonna get you out of here honey...I love you so much...I l-l-love you so much." I whispered in her ear.

Jane whimpered several more times, each sound growing softer than the last, her shivering becoming slower before finally relaxing into stillness. I breathed a sigh of relief and kissed her forehead again. I let my lips linger on her damp skin. I mopped her face with a cool towel as I held her hand gently in my own. Slowly my own body relaxed as Jane drifted to sleep again, but my heart was full of sadness. I covered Jane with another blanket to keep her warm and turned on Addison again. I hurriedly dried my tears as I faced my friend and Jane's doctor.

"I can't let her wake up in this place. Her family died here...in this place...it's haunted for her. This whole city Addison is a nightmare for her. I've failed this woman enough already, I must get her out of here. Please help me. Please." I said desperately.

I felt my eyes shining brightly, wide and earnest. My voice was pleading. My body tense despite the defeat I felt in every cell of my body. But I could not give up. I would make this happen if I had to clamber and fight tooth and nail one battle at a time. Addison seemed wearied and beside herself. Her face was drawn, her green eyes sad and heavy. I know she wanted to give in to me and help me, but she had a different duty where Jane was concerned. She saw my desperation, but she did not understand it as I did. She saw the needs of the patient through the responsibilities of a well-trained, gifted physician. She could not afford emotional wounds the same priority that I did. Still I would not give up.

"It can be done...keep her sedated until she is stable enough to be transferred, and then we move her to NY memorial where she will be safer and happier...if such a thing is possible." I said despondently.

My eyes lowered to the floor. I wiped at my tears furiously, angry that they came so often, so mercilessly and without warning. I had to be tough. Jane needed me. Addison studied me for long moments before finally letting out an exasperated heavy sigh that left her face looking overwhelmed and drained.

"I will not consent for her to be moved until I know for sure that she is stable enough to make the journey. That is the best I can do Maura." Addison sighed.

I forgot all my sensibilities. I ran to her and wrapped her in my arms, squeezing her in a tight embrace.

"Thank you, Addy," I cried in her ear.

I swallowed and choked many times to keep my rush of emotions at bay. This was one battle among many more to come, but the small victory felt like a glimmer of hope none the less. Addison hugged me back gently.

"I will help you and Jane in any way I can honey. Her physical recovery is my priority, I know you'll see to her other needs." She said sincerely.

I smiled over her shoulder through my tears. This time they were tears of hope. I could have gone on in that embrace forever. It felt like support. It felt like a glimmer of light in the face of unending misery. But my reverie over this small success was broken by a knock at the door. I sprang from Addison's arms startled. I knew Gerald Ingles was hulking outside the room glaring down every passerby, faithfully watching over Jane's and my privacy. Gerald Ingles had refused to leave my side since yesterday evening. He followed me everywhere like a faithful warrior ever mindful of danger and ready to spring at any and all threats to myself or Jane. He'd been my strength thus far, pushing me to focus when I wanted to break apart. It had been he that screamed in my face in the car on the way to the hospital as I wailed and cried, the sanity in my mind eluding me. It had been he that pushed me to think reminding me of who I am, forcing me to pull myself together and make the calls I needed to make for Jane's care. He was the reason I was still breathing and not huddled in a corner crying, hyperventilating and lost in despair. I appreciated him more than words could express. I knew he would not knock on the door for anything less than for something absolutely important.

I opened the door to find James standing outside. Gerald towered over James' shoulders eyeing me curiously looking for signs that I did not want James to be there. In which case, James would surely and very unceremoniously be hustled away. I stopped short when I saw James standing there. I was surprised to see him on his feet at all. He looked like he had gone many rounds in one of those ultimate fighter matches. I could tell he had a broken nose. Both of his eyes were black, his lip was busted and his head was wrapped in a bandage as well as his damaged hands. He was wearing a pair of fresh clean scrubs the same as me, and he looked even more exhausted than I felt. But there was certain brightness behind his blackened eyes, a fierce determination. I started to speak to him, I wanted to reach out to him, look over his wounds and force him to sit and relax. But I was afraid. But I was ashamed to be in his presence. I felt awful about the things I'd said to him, and the way I treated him in that club. Regret took over me. I lowered my eyes unable to meet his. James was the greatest friend I could ever ask for; he'd proven that to me endlessly since I met Jane. He'd done more to help her and fight for her than even I had in the past 24 hours and the ignominy I felt over it ate at me. I was dismayed for hurting him the way I did. Anyone could look at James and tell he tried his hardest to get to Jane. I can only imagine how hard he fought for her. I loved him like one might love a brother. I didn't realize this before but I certainly knew it now. I owed him more than I could ever repay.

"Can I see her?" James asked me softly.

I stepped out of his way and nodded my head slightly still unable to meet his eyes. Gerald Ingles pulled the door closed when James timidly entered the room. James seemed nervous and antsy. He was fidgeting uncomfortably. He made his way around the bed slowly almost as if he were walking into a dungeon to slay a dragon and had to gather his courage. He finally made it to Jane's bed side and I heard him gasp. He jumped and took two steps back, his hand covered his mouth, and shock covered his face. I walked to the other side of Jane's bed and looked up into his eyes briefly. His jaw worked as he studied Jane. I saw tears shining in his eyes. He reached out his hand slowly almost reverently to touch her face, but stopped short and pulled away even slower. I noticed the way his hand shook. I noticed the way he tried to clench it into a fist but could not due to his own injuries. I saw the anger and frustration in his eyes.

"This is a fucking travesty," He spat angrily.

He turned his eyes from Jane. His jaw was set defiantly. I'd never seen him look so furious. I felt affection for him as he stood there unsteady in his rage. I was compelled to reach out to him.

"James I'm so sorry for...for what I said to you," I whispered, disgracefully lowering my eyes.

James sighed and shook his head.

"I know you didn't mean it Maura, and I'm sorry too...I'm sorry I didn't get to her in time. I let you both down." James said heavily.

He looked back at Jane briefly, but slowly turned his eyes away. I could see pain and guilt in his face. I tried to reach out to him but James just backed away and shook his head, his shoulders sagged slightly and his big eyes looked worn-out.

"She's a tough one," James said nodding his head toward Jane. "She's going to get through this...but she needs you Maura. She needs you by her side. You can't get involved in this case any further...you can't leave her again." James was almost pleading with me. His eyes were glistening with tears.

"I'll never leave her again James. I will give her everything she needs...I will be everything she needs. All that I have and all that I am is in her hands." I said sincerely.

I didn't have to think about those words, they came freely...they were the simplest truth of my life in that moment and would be all my days. James smiled at me. A smile that looked like it hurt his bruised face. He winced in pain. I tried to smile back at him, but it seemed my smiles only made other people look sad, like my face was covered in some darkness that sucked the joy from other people's souls. I stopped bothering with trying to smile and looked back at Jane. I brushed my fingers over her cheek softly as she slept.

"Maura, you need to come with me now." James said. "We are meeting with Frost, Korsak and Lieutenant Cavanaugh. I won't and can't let you go in there alone."

I looked at James curiously.

"Why do I need to speak with them?" I frowned.

James' entire body looked mildly uncomfortable.

"There are things you need to know in order to protect Jane and yourself. Trust me." James stated boldly.

I shook my head. I didn't know what he was talking about, but I certainly wasn't leaving Jane.

"But I told you James, I'm not leaving her."

"Go with him, Maura. Jane will be taken to surgery any minute," Addison said behind me.

"But I have to be there...I planned to watch from the viewing area."

"Jane needs more than you just hovering over her. She needs to know that justice is being served, and since she can't see to that herself that falls to you and James. Go with him and hear what the detectives have to say," Addison said eyeing me sternly.

I sighed heavily. I knew she was right, but still...! I walked over to Jane's bed and kissed her gently many times. I closed my eyes and held her hand and said a silent prayer to any God that would listen that he would see my love safely through her surgery and return her to me where I would honor that God and Jane by loving and cherishing her as she deserved to be. I ran my fingers through her hair one last time as I gazed down at her. My heart could not contain all the love I felt for her. It boiled over in tears I wiped furiously from my face. I turned around and let James lead me out the door.

When we stepped into the hallway, it seemed like the very air around us stopped moving. Every tongue fell silent, everybody became still, and every eye was locked on me. The silence and stillness were unnerving. I felt cold and exposed; even desolate despite the attention focused on me from the many nurses and doctors standing around behind their desks and in the hallway. I had a feeling they had all been talking about Jane and I just moments before. But why? Certainly Jane couldn't be the first rape victim they ever saw. Lesbians certainly weren't so uncommon that they should illicit this level of response. I was unnerved by the silence and the piercing curious eyes. But I felt James hand on my shoulder. I swallowed my fear, lifted my chin and set my jaw. I walked down the hallway with my head high and my stride confident. The eyes followed me until I was out of sight and ran into more eyes that stopped short and stared. I wrinkled my brow. What the hell was going on? Finally James hustled me into a small private waiting area at the end of the hallway and quickly closed the door behind him. The shades in the room were closed tightly against the outside. The room was oddly dim and chilly. A TV was playing on the far wall. Detectives Frost and Korsak and Lt. Cavanaugh stood immediately when I walked in the room. I noticed their expressions were grim. The Lt. looked agitated. Frost and Korsak refused to make eye contact with me. The room was tense and uncomfortable. James stepped up next to me protectively.

"Dr. Isles," Lt. Cavanaugh said approaching me and taking my hand in both of his. He fixed me with his most sincere look of sympathy. "I'm so sorry about what happened to your friend Jane..." He started but I cut him off immediately.

"...She's my girlfriend." I abruptly corrected him.

The Lt. faltered but recovered hurriedly.

"Yes, I know. I apologize." He said sadly.

What the hell was he so sad about? I was the one with the girlfriend that was sadistically raped and beaten.

"We really need to talk about that," He said looking over his shoulders at the detectives who shuffled from foot to foot still not meeting my eyes.

I couldn't quite place their expression or why I sensed so much dread, but something was wrong. I knew it. I took two steps back and found a chair to sit. I had no more strength for bad news while standing on my feet. Whatever they had to tell me, it would be better if I were sitting. The lieutenant paced the room while James stood protectively by my side and Frost and Korsak slouched against the wall away from me. I studied all of them inquisitively. Someone better speak up or else I was leaving to be with Jane because this was quickly becoming irritating.

"Let me start by saying I wish you had come to me first with what you were all planning on doing. Detectives Frost and Korsak have explained everything to me but..." The lieutenant paused and mopped at his sweaty brow with a handkerchief.

"...This has become a media storm. I'm getting calls from the Governor all the way down to the chief of police about this craziness. The DA is all over my ass screaming for indictments and evidence. We need to get this story straight and we need to do it now before this blows up in all our faces," The lieutenant said. His voice sounded flustered and overwrought.

He looked like a man under enormous pressure. I frowned. I didn't understand what he was talking about. What media storm? How did the governor get involved?

"What do you mean? How did this story leak and why is it news? Why are you getting phone calls from the governor?" I inquired.

The lieutenant sighed.

"Someone leaked to the press what was going on at that strip club. The cameras were everywhere by the time the ambulances started carting people away. There are over thirty people downstairs in the ER that were injured in that club. When swat stormed the place we found over 200 pounds of heroin, enough guns and explosives to take out the city, and three under-aged girls that speak no English locked up in a cellar. We think those young girls might be part of a sex slave trade. It's a criminal mad house at that club. It's a mad house outside the hospital as we speak with cameras and reporters. This story is running as front page news tomorrow and...I'm sorry Dr. Isles...but Jane's name was leaked to the press. They know she was raped. It's on the news already. We have to get in front of this thing and do it now." The lieutenant said.

"WHAT!" I exclaimed.

My heart was racing.

"How did they find out about Jane? How did they know she was raped?" I screamed up at the lieutenant.

My voice thundered and reverberated off the walls in the little waiting room. The lieutenant looked twice as nervous now.

"We're not sure, someone on the inside must have leaked it or it was overheard by the wrong person. Either way they know she's your girlfriend and what happened to her! We need to make a statement as soon as possible as to why Jane was in that club in the first place," The lieutenant expressed desperately.

"They know she's my girlfriend?" I wailed.

My mind was racing as I tried to put all the pieces together. I was fighting frantically to stay in control and understand what was being said to me. I had to make sense of it somehow but I could seem to find no sense in the situation. The lieutenant powered on with filling me in on what I needed to know.

"They know Jane's family was killed five years ago...they're going to make the connection that it had something to do with this club. They're going to sensationalize everything unless we get in front of this thing, so here's what were telling them and we need you to be on board." The lieutenant explained earnestly.

"What story? No one needs to know anything about Jane. You shut this down now!" I said as my ire rose.

I was growing frantic. The last thing I wanted was for Jane to have to replay this nightmare over and over in her mind and have it played over and over on the news. I didn't want what was done to her publicized; I didn't want her haunted day and night by onlookers clambering after her for a statement or a story. Jane's pain was her own, and mine. It was a private matter to be dealt with behind our family's closed doors, not to be sensationalized in the media. I had to protect Jane. I had to do something. I looked up at James with pleading eyes. I was at a loss for words. Panic was consuming me. Thoughts of Jane's picture in the paper next to a headline that said 'local woman raped in night club' made me feel like I would retch right there on the floor. I was in full alarm mode. I had a family to protect, children to protect, and especially Jane...I had to protect Jane. But the press was a hungry monster of a storm; it had no shame, no morals, and no sympathy. It would consume helpless victims and chew them up spitting out their stories on headlines and news scrolls for the sake of ratings, destroying innocent lives in the process without even the courtesy of a fair warning or apology. How could I battle such a demon when I had so many others to face? James seemed to be inflamed next to me. I felt his fury rolling off of him. He exploded at the officers in the room.

"Oh so NOW you want to get ahead of this after it's already too late? I told you ahead of time that if this went badly I was going to sue the shit out of the department! You people have failed at every turn. You should have gotten Jane out of that club. Frost I repeatedly asked you in that van to help Jane, I knew something was wrong! When I finally took matters into my own hands and went back to the club to look for Jane you refused to come and I had to scream bloody murder into the earpiece to get you to call for backup. You kept stalling and Jane was under attack the entire time! You should have kept this insulated! This should not be happening right now! You were more worried about how Jane could help collect evidence, then getting her out of there. That woman in there is broken, raped and beaten and all you care about are your own asses. This is a woman innocent of any crime except loving someone so much she was willing to risk her life to save her and she came very close to losing her life." James roared.

His chest was heaving and his body shook in his anger.

"James we did everything we could..." Frost finally spoke up.

"The fuck you DID!" James spat at him.

"From now on I represent Jane. She's my client and she will be suing the department for reckless endangerment of a civilian." James hissed.

Frost and Korsak looked beside themselves. The lieutenant's eyes went wide.

"You can't do that, it will undermine the story we are telling the media! It won't do any good to go around making threats Mr. Licton..." Lt. Cavanaugh started but James plowed over his argument.

"...It didn't do any good to put Jane in that situation either DID IT? Now she's been raped and you're telling me this is going to be front page news? Fuck that! My client deserves peace in her time of healing and recovery. She has to move past this and not be troubled more than she already will be, by reporters, media and whatever story you're going to make up to save yourselves. I won't let you do it. I won't let you further harm her to help yourselves." James hissed and fumed.

Lt. Cavanaugh looked like he wanted to punch something or cry. I only imagined what pressure he was feeling in that moment but I had little sympathy for him. Protecting Jane was my sole focus and it would be that way until the day I died. I can say I sure was glad James with me and not against me.

"We didn't make her go in there," Frost weakly protested.

"You didn't get her out either after you knew she was in trouble! It was a gross lack of judgment to allow her to be in that place and spread it around that she was a whore. This would never have happened to her if you hadn't made me do that! I begged you to help me get Jane out of there instead but you said there was a prostitution ring running out of that bar and this was the only way to catch them. You told me it would all be ok and assured me Jane would be safe. You refused to go in there yourself and made me do it and what the fuck do I know about strip clubs and crazy bikers? But I had no choice when you wouldn't go. You said the necklace would keep her safe and you said we could get her out! You LIED to me! Have you seen her detectives? She's a goddamn mess and it's is all your fault! Are you going to tell the media what really happened...the governor...the DA... or are you going to lie to them too? I don't know what kind of half-baked ideas you've got turning in your heads but I'm not going along. Not this time! "James was enraged.

The officers looked exasperated and beside themselves, but I was something else completely. James' words struck me like lightning. I felt like I'd been kicked in the chest. What was he talking about? Jane wasn't a whore; she was the love of my life. She was my partner, my girlfriend, the mother of my child. Frost knew that, Korsak knew that! They'd met Jane; they'd seen her and shook her hand and looked her in the eye and even congratulated and supported my affection for her. I thought I could trust them. I thought they did everything they could to get Jane out of that club. I did not know that they decided to use her as bait. I didn't want to believe it to be true that they could have been party to what happened to Jane. But James would not lie; his rage told me he was telling only the upmost truth. Fury and fire consumed me. I slowly turned my head to Frost and Korsak and let my stunned hurt gaze settle on them. I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to think my own colleagues and my partners in this case could have dared spread such malicious lies about Jane for gains that could and did cause her great harm. Frost gulped and Korsak's face drained of its blood as I stared at them.

"You told those people Jane was a whore when you knew the place most likely ran a prostitution ring? You knew this place was filled with possible murderers and thugs and criminals." I hissed.

My voice was low and dangerous. My words dripped animosity. My anger rose exponentially. I rose to my feet slowly. Every muscle of my body was screaming to lash out. I glared so hatefully at the detectives they both backed up several steps. I felt the room grow stony around me. The silence screamed of fear and anger.

"I...we...she was already in the club...we needed a reason to get her the necklace...I thought if they figured she was a whore we could catch something on camera for the solicitation of prostitutes and we could build a case and have probable cause to get a warrant to..to...to search the place..." Frost stuttered and stammered.

I was walking toward him slowly, my eyes on fire, my body deliberate, my lips thinned in consternation.

"You told those sick, disgusting, low life, murderous, violent, hideous, despicable, abhorrent sons-of-bitches in that club that Jane was a WHORE!" I screamed from the depths of my soul.

My voice rang loud and clear though it shook and quaked with the threat of the violence I wanted to unleash in that room.

"I'm sorry Maura. It was a bad decision. I made a bad call." Frost pleaded desperately.

His light brown eyes were wide as a full moon and his face was tortured with remorse and self-blame.

"I did what I thought was best to help solve the case. I didn't mean for this to happen. I would never want anything like this to happen to anyone." He actually wept.

He lowered his eyes from me. I saw him weeping but I thought nothing of pain. Why should I, whose pain could compare to Jane's or mine? I cared nothing for him at all in that moment.

"How could you do that? Jane is not some pawn on a chess board to be toyed with and used. You put her at risk; you put her life at risk! She is not an officer of the law; she's a civilian, a mother, my girlfriend. She's not a whore...she's not a WHORE!" I was screaming at the detectives. I knew my voice could be heard outside and most likely all the way down the hall.

I didn't care in that moment. I wasn't thinking clearly.

"Dr. Isles please calm down. Please! Someone could hear you and leak this to the press and too much has been leaked already. We have to stay level-headed here. Please just hear us out!" Lt. Cavanaugh pleaded with me as he mopped at his brow with his handkerchief again.

His words were lost on me. I could hear only the rush of blood in my ears that my rapidly beating heart sent surging through my veins. I inched closer to them, seething and fuming. I thought of Jane lying still as death in that hospital bed. I thought of the moment when I came upon her body bloodied and broken on the cold dirty floor. I thought of the terror she experienced, the tears she cried, the violation she felt, the nightmares to follow and the trust she had lost in the world and maybe even with me. I wanted to double over from the anguish I felt but I would give no one that satisfaction. I wiped at my tears with shaky hands furious that I was becoming weak in front of these men that had brought this pain down upon the woman I loved more than anything else in this world. I wanted to hurt them back somehow. I didn't want them to see me cry, but my face burned with huge tears none the less.

"How-COULD-you!" I managed to say.

Frost was backed all the way against the wall and barely able to meet my eyes. I started to cover the last five feet between Frost and I, when Detective Korsak stepped in front of him protectively.

"Jane is a hero, Maura. I know this is horrible, I know she suffered. But once we realized she was in trouble you know we did everything we could to get to her." Korsak turned to James, "You are a hero too James, you saved Jane's life and mine. If not for Jane we probably would never have so much evidence against this club. What happened to Jane is terrible, but it is not our fault and it's not your fault either. It's the fault of that fucking asshole that attacked her and he will pay. I swear this to you Maura...he will pay dearly!" Korsak said to me boldly.

"You called Jane a whore, she was raped and beaten senseless, and you think it means a goddamn thing to call her a hero now? You can't just give her a medal and pretend her suffering was a fair trade. Is a plaque going to make her forget that precise moment when she thought her baby might grow up without her mother, Detective Korsak? Is the newspaper calling her a hero going to make her forget that man forcing himself on her? Is anything you just said going to erase her memory and make it all ok like a band aid on a scratch? Have either of you ever been raped or beaten within an inch of your life?" I screamed at the detectives.

The detectives just shrunk under my barrage.

"Please just hear them out, Dr. Isles." The lieutenant stepped in his voice was pleading, begging for understanding.

I choked and sobbed. James wrapped me in his arms and pressed my head against his chest. I turned my head away from the detectives; I trembled in James' embrace. I knew he was glaring them down. Korsak tried to get me to understand anyway. His voice was weary and sad.

"Maura, please hear me out. I see how you are hurting but please just give me a chance. Most of those degenerate bastards are under arrest and we're hunting down all the rest of the members of the Road Dog gang like the mongrels they are. They attacked us and James and Jane. Because of that we had probable cause to search the entire club. We found so much evidence we can put every member of that club away for life and that's before we add in all the evidence of unsolved murders and Jane's rape. We can return those girls to their families, we can crush that underground prostitution ring, and we can save so many women from experiencing what Jane did. Families of people that were suspected as victims of the club are already blowing up the lines at the station begging for information, praying we find out what happened to their dead or missing sons or daughters. We can do it now Maura. We blew the doors wide open. We will get one of those gang members to turn and we can bring peace to so many people. This is worthy of front page news. The whole city is going to go crazy come first light. That club is swarming with reporters as we speak. If we tell the story right we can bring some peace to so many broken people in this city. We can let them know that sometimes the good guys do win. As of now Jane is a civilian undercover liaison that was working inside the club for the BPD. That's what we told the mayor, the DA, the Governor and that's the way we are going to tell it to the press. Jane is a brave upstanding citizen that lost her family to this gang and volunteered to help bring them down. That is exactly what she did do. She's not a sad tortured victim; she's a champion of society that suffered greatly for the good of the upstanding citizens of Boston. That guy that attacked her is going to wish like hell he hadn't laid a finger on a hair on her head. Attacking her is paramount to attacking an officer of the law. You think he's going to have an easy time in jail? Every officer out there wants justice for Jane and also the underage girls. That gang is also suspected of killing an undercover officer, remember? Every police officer on the force wants to get to the bottom of this and will do anything to help and protect Jane. The feds are probably going to get involved too because of the interstate drug trade and the sex slave trafficking. It will hurt the case, Jane, you, and the police department if the media puts out a story that Jane was only there trying to save her girlfriend who just happens to be the Chief Medical Examiner for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. We don't want to see Jane made into some poor hopeless tragic case, or you made out as a villain. I'm so, so sorry Maura; I can't tell you how sorry I am about what happened to Jane. I won't pretend to know what you're going through. I would never insult Jane to think that anything she went through was less than horrific, but now that it has happened I see no other way to protect everyone, especially her. Also, I know this doesn't help or change a thing, but Jane really did a number on Jo Jefferson, he's got two broken legs and his face is destroyed from that shank of wood. They aren't giving him very much pain medicine either. He's screaming like a baby in the ER. The whole floor can hear him." Korsak said earnestly.

I did not speak for long moments. I just stood in James' arms wishing his warm body could melt my cold heart. I knew what the detective said was true, but still it was a bitter, fucked up pill to swallow. I didn't want Jane to be a tragic victim. Perhaps some good could come of this. But my thoughts shifted back to the man that had done this to her. This was entirely his fault! Was it true; was the man that hurt my Jane really so close to me?

"He's here in this hospital?" I asked casually lifting my head from James' chest and pulling out of his embrace.

"Yeah he is, along with about fifteen other thugs from that club that James and I took out, and some other people too suffering from smoke inhalation." Cavanaugh said.

I knew he was trying not to sound as pleased as he did but he wasn't being very successful. I didn't care...I was thinking of one man...the one that had hurt Jane. My mind flashed through all the ways I wanted to torture that man when all of a sudden something on the TV caught my attention. I stopped short, my eyes trained on the screen on the far wall.

"Turn that up!" I demanded, pointing at the TV.

Everyone turned to see what I was referring to. James moved swiftly, his eye catching what was happening on the screen. He walked to the TV and reached up increasing the volume on the TV. We all stood watching in shock. We knew what we were seeing. It was the hospital ER entrance, and it was absolute pandemonium. Reporters were everywhere surrounded by officers trying to corral the chaos, and civilians trying to get through the entrances of the hospital, shouting for information about relatives and loved ones. Angry looking bikers were trying to break through the crowd and get inside the hospital, most likely to see their friends and loved ones that were patients in the ER, but the police wouldn't let them through. They were trying to separate the unsavory characters from everyone else and question them, but the reporters gave them no peace or space to do so. The bikers were becoming angry and shouting threats, the officer's tempers were flaring; the civilian onlookers were hurling insults at the bikers. Fights were breaking out. A young reporter on screen was giving a report, but she could hardly be heard over the mayhem. The situation outside was threatening to boil over. The bikers were growing more and more rambunctious and aggressive, and pushing back at the officers trying to hold them back and separate them. They were screaming at the reporters about their rights being violated. Innocent civilians were clashing with the bikers screaming for justice and threatening retribution for missing, hurt or dead loved ones. It was complete pandemonium outside. Everyone's jaw dropped.

"SHIT!" Lt. Cavanaugh cursed.

"Frost, Korsak get your asses down there now! You arrest anybody threatening the peace. Call the station, get additional backup and handcuffs. Use the plastic ties if necessary. Dr. Isles and James you both stay in here until we get this situation under control."

Frost and Korsak and the Lieutenant sprang from the room. I had no intention to disobey Cavanaugh's orders until I looked up at the TV again and spotted a familiar face in the crowd. My heart dropped. James jumped up cursing and swearing next to me. I saw Molly in the crowd outside being jostled and bumped by the angry people around her. She was clutching her little infant daughter to her chest. She looked absolutely petrified. I noticed her sons clinging to her body their eyes wide and frightened. A reporter was suddenly right in her face asking her questions. Molly looked so scared. She was almost knocked over by a man that was pushed into her by a biker. I spotted Consuela in the crowd holding a crying, screaming, twisting Angela. My mother was next to her. Wait. My mother… Constance? I thought I would heave right where I stood. James and I bolted for the door at the same time without as much as a second thought. Gerald Ingles caught up to us and slipped inside the elevator just as the doors were closing. I was panicking for my child. The last thing I wanted was for Angela to see her mother in the state she was in and I certainly didn't want her in the middle of the insanity going on downstairs. I prayed my child was safe, I prayed the officers could control the situation until James and I got our families out of here safely. I prayed to God more in the last day than I had in my whole life. I thought of my mother and how on earth she came to be here.

"James, did you call my mother?" I asked incredulously.

James leaned heavily against the wall in the elevator. He looked so tired.

"I thought you could use the support." He said honestly.

"What the hell James? When has my mother ever been supportive?" I spat at him.

James sighed.

"If ever there was a need for a mother's support it's right now." He said wearily.

I just rolled my eyes. My heart was pounding and my breath was unsteady. I didn't want to leave Jane. I was worried to death over her, but I was extremely worried of what was going on downstairs. I swore in my head as my anxiety built. I was tapping my foot impatiently.

"I can't believe my mother came," I whispered.

James shook his head.

"I didn't think she would get here so fast!"

The elevator doors opened to sheer chaos. James, Gerald, and I were frozen in shock. The scene of the ER waiting room was madness. There were police officers in uniform running all over the place. The civilian scuffles between the bikers and other persons had flowed inside to the ER waiting room. Patients waiting to be seen were huddled in corners wide-eyed and afraid at the insanity playing out in front of them. Noise and tempers had reached a fever-pitch. My jaw dropped. The officers were trying to hustle the most aggressive people out the doors. Doctors and Nurses were standing on desks and tables shouting as loudly as they could, demanding that the insanity calm down and asking non-patients leave the ER waiting room immediately. EMT's were scrambling and dodging to get out of the doors. What appeared to be unsavory characters possibly relatives of the bikers and prostitutes were pushing and shoving to get to the front desks, but were being kept back by increasingly agitated police. Tempers were flaring up everywhere. The cameras outside were hungrily snapping pictures and zooming in on angry faces and heated words. I could not believe what I was seeing. I wanted to run the other way, but I had to get to my daughter, I had to see her to safety. Jane was counting on me to care for our child and I could not fail her. James took my hand and led me through the crowd. Gerald Ingles had his hand on my shoulder as we walked into the madness. We were bumped and jostled with every step. James and Gerald pushed and shoved people out of the way as we surged through the crowd and forced our way outside. I was out of breath when I finally felt the warm night air on my skin. The chaos was no less outside than inside. I spotted our party not far away from us in the crowd.

Molly was crying with James' infant daughter in her arms, Consuela was screeching in Spanish at everyone to move out of her way. Angela's face was bright red; she was screaming, wiggling and crying hysterically in Consuela's arms. She looked like she was hyperventilating. James' boys looked terrified and clung to their fragile mother like glue. They were all being bumped and jostled by the crowd around them. My mother was heatedly arguing with a police officer. Detective Frost was in the middle of it all trying to speak to them and not shout, but it was impossible to be heard without doing so. My anger rose as I became worried that James' daughter or Angela might be dropped with all the mayhem around them. I exploded forward and shoved my way toward my family. I bumped people out of the way along my path and I kept my eyes trained on my daughter's tearful eyes. I pulled Angela from Consuela's arms before anyone even realized I was there. Angela cried louder when she saw me and wrapped her arms around my neck immediately burying her face in my hair. Her little body heaved and squirmed and hiccupped on her sobs. I shushed her and patted her back trying to calm her over the noise. Everyone started trying to talk to me at once. My vision was a blur of many faces around me vying for information, pleading for an explanation and all eyes were wide and teary. I had no thoughts for anyone but my daughter in that moment. I had to get her away from this situation where she was safe. I searched for a break through the crowd but the reporters had realized who I was and they descended on me like locust.

"Dr. Isles, is the rape victim your girlfriend?"

"Dr. Isles, is that your daughter?"

"Dr. Isles, is Jane going to be ok?"

"Dr. Isles, can we get a statement from you?"

"Dr. Isles, why didn't the police department send in a trained detective to work the case instead of your girlfriend?"

"Dr. Isles, were you aware of Jane's involvement?"

"Dr. Isles, will you be suing the department for what happened to your girlfriend?"

The reporters were everywhere. James was shouting at them to back away, that an official statement would be made by the police within the hour, but the reporters' assault was relentless. Cameras and microphones were thrust in my face from every direction. Every way I turned I was met with another camera in my face. I was spinning in circles. Flashing lights made me see stars. Adrenaline was surging through my veins. Angela was jerking, screaming and crying on my shoulder, she shivered in fright. I held her as tightly as I could. I was overwhelmed with the desire to run, but I couldn't break away. I couldn't get free. I put my hand over Angela's face to protect her from the flashing cameras. I didn't want her exposed. I didn't want her on display. She was just a little baby and she was so afraid.

"It's ok my sweet love...Maddy's here...I love you angel. You'll be ok little one." I whispered softly in her ear but my words brought her no comfort.

Angela cried so hard on my shoulder I was growing frightened for her and my anger built. The reporters could come after me all they wanted but I would not have them terrifying my child. I shouted at the second security guard Arthur to get my family away from the hospital immediately and take them home. I tried to hand Angela back to Consuela but Angela screamed and flailed. She refused to let go of me. She clung to me desperately, like her very life depended on it, her tiny body tensing up and her eyes pouring tears. She buried her face in my chest and cried so hard it broke my heart. I held her tightly against me. I could not turn her away from me. I whispered in her ear promises that I would keep her safe. I almost punched a particularly pushy camera man in the face when the police officers started grabbing up reporters and their crews and hustled him away from me. The same officer that had pulled Gerald and me over was clearing a path for my family to escape.

"Go with them!" I shouted at James.

"NO WAY!" He yelled back at me over the noise around us. His eyes were bright with determination, but I was having none of it.

"James, go be with your family, Consuela and my mother. Explain what's going on. I have to stay here, but they need you to go with them. They need to know what's going on!" I pleaded with him.

James growled in frustration.

"I'll come back as soon as I can!" He shouted in my ear.

I nodded to him and turned away. Gerald wrapped his coat over mine and Angela's head and hustled us toward the elevators leading me by the shoulders. I let him push me forward through the crowd. I didn't have a choice. The chaos was everywhere, the noise of shouting police officers and reporters drowned out Angela's sobs. I began to weep softly into Angela's silky curls. I brushed my fingers through her hair and rubbed her back over and over trying to calm her down. Gerald didn't remove the jacket from my face until we were all hustled into the elevator and the doors closed on the chaos. I blinked furiously when the jacket was lifted from my face and I found my mother standing next to me, more anxious than I'd ever seen her. Her face looked grim. She looked at me holding my daughter for long moments, a certain sympathy in her eyes. I didn't speak; I was too shocked to speak. I thought surely she would turn away and go home, yet here she was standing right next to me.

Constance Isles looked between me and Angela her eyes growing soft as she studied my daughter. The elevator doors opened on Jane's floor and we walked down the hall to the little waiting room again. I was relieved when the doors closed behind us and Gerald took up his post as guard outside. My mother saw my weary eyes as I tried to still my crying daughter. Constance took me gently by the arm and led me to a chair pushing me down to sit. I sat gratefully. I was so tired and so was my child. I cradled Angela against my body. I rocked her back and forth and whispered softly in her ear. Her tears dotted my neck; she held my hair tightly in her little fists. I kissed the top of her head many times slowly calming her to peace again. I didn't speak. I felt the tears running down my cheeks as I rocked my daughter in my arms. I felt so sad when I thought of Jane. How could Angela ever understand what happened to her mother? Would she blame me one day? Would she hate me? Would she cry herself to sleep every night until Jane came home and could tuck her in again? Could I be enough for her until Jane was well again? Could I give her all the love and attention she needed when Jane needed so much of me too? I'd never felt so insecure and alone than I did in that moment.

I wept softly with Angela in my arms until my mother's fingers slid through my tousled hair. I looked up at my mother through teary eyes. She looked the same as usual, immaculately dressed, not a single strand of hair out of place. But there was something different in her eyes, something soft, something sad, something...loving. I'd never seen it in her face before, but I felt drawn to it. I wanted to feel it. I needed it so badly. I was all alone, in this cold hospital, with my little baby while the love of my life was in surgery. I felt hollow. Spent of all my energy. Exhausted of all my joy. I felt a tear run down my face as I gazed up at my mother.

"Mom," I whispered.

My voice was so hoarse and broken the word barely escaped my throat. I was overwhelmed with so many responsibilities. I needed to be with Jane, I needed to be with Angela, I needed to protect my family from those reporters, I needed to find Jane's nephew, I needed to get everyone out of the city, and I needed to make sure that the bastard that hurt Jane would get just what he deserved. I cared nothing for myself. I cared nothing that I hadn't eaten in almost two days, I cared nothing that I needed a shower; I cared nothing that my heart was breaking and my soul was shattered. I had to be strong. I had my daughter in my arms, the last anchor connecting my mind to sanity. I could not run. I had to face this.

I felt my mother's hand on my face. She lifted my chin with her fingers and wiped my tears with her thumb. The touch moved something in me; I felt a peace I didn't know was possible in that moment. She smiled down at me. It was a slight smile, barely noticeable, but it was the most loving, sincere smile she'd ever given me. She cradled my face in her hand as Angela whimpered softly on my shoulder.

"I'm here for you sweetheart. You don't have to go through this alone, I'll protect you. I'll stay here with Jane while you go home, sleep, and shower. Please also eat something. You look so tired dear." My mother said softly.

"You came here for me?" I said looking up at her with wide wondering eyes.

"But you never come for me Mom," I said softly lowering my head and wiping my tears.

My mother's face faltered. Her eyes looked pained and sad.

"I'm here now, and I will be here for you and your family as long as you want me to be." She said brushing my hair from my face gently behind my ear.

Angela whimpered slightly in my arms. I pulled her off my shoulder and sat her in my lap. Angela's eyes sparkled and she giggled excitedly reaching up and patting my face with her hands. I kissed her forehead and smiled lovingly at her dimpled cheeks. I envied her innocence; I loved her more for it. My heart swelled with affection and I kissed her tiny fingers before she tried to tangle them in my hair. My mother smiled at us.

"She's beautiful," She said.

I smiled proudly at my mother.

"She's my little angel," I whispered. Then my face fell. "Jane's my princess," I said so softly the words were barely audible.

I heard my mother sigh. She sat next to me and combed her fingers through my tangled hair again. I played with a button on Angela's shirt absent-mindedly as the seconds ticked away into minutes. I let the silence have the room. The only noises were the soft squeals and giggles of my daughter until she finally faded to sleep cradled in my arm. I ran my fingers through Angela's hair and my mother ran her fingers through mine. My mother had the grace to let me enjoy the silence a little while longer. Her fingers in my hair comforted me. My mind wandered to happy memories of Jane and me again. I found myself smiling through the tears I let silently fall and settle in the soft curly mane of my child. I hung my weary head and tried to hide my tears from my mother, she always said they were a weakness. But I could not make them go away. My mother did not admonish me however. She did not chide or scold or ridicule me. She kept running her fingers through my hair.

"Tell me what happened," She asked me finally.

Her voice was soft but encouraging. I sighed and took a deep breath. I covered my daughter's ears as I recounted the story from the beginning. My voice was hollow and disconnected as I spoke, almost as if I were narrating a bad dream. When I was finished I was not crying anymore. My eyes were zoned out, focused on nothing and barely blinking. I felt like I had bared my soul. Like I had been stripped and revealed my innermost thoughts for the first time in a long time. I'd only ever done that with Jane, and never my mother. But it felt good somehow. Like I had emptied a heavy load. I felt lighter, emptier, but the sadness was still with me...the sadness would always be with me. It was a while before my mother spoke but when she did she took my hand.

"What happened to Jane was horrible, unspeakable. That man deserves death for what he did to Jane's family and to her. I won't insult you by pretending empathy, but my heart does break for you." My mother said softly.

She studied my child sleeping in my arms and smiled that quaint little smile again.

"I'm so proud of you Maura," My mother whispered.

I turned my head to study her with curious eyes. Our eyes locked and I saw her, I saw into her, for the first time...I saw her. She was not lying; she meant every word she said. It was written all over her face, in her smile and in her eyes. I was shocked still. I'd never heard those words spoken to me from my mother before. Only Jane ever said that to me.

"Y-you are?" I asked my voice high and hoarse.

My mother tightened her grip on my hand.

"I am. You have everything you've ever wanted. You have a loving girlfriend, a daughter, and friends that look up to you and admire you for who you are and not just what you can offer them. Someone loves you so much they risked their life for you. I've never known such love before." My mother said sadly.

I saw her eyes shining with tears. I shook my head and turned away from her.

"I don't deserve Jane's love. If it weren't for me this never would have happened to her," I said.

My heart ached.

"Maura darling listen to me. This is not your fault, this is many things...chief among them a tragedy. But one thing this is not, is your fault in any way at all. You can't waist time blaming yourself when Jane needs so much from you right now. She needs you to love yourself the way you love her and she loves you. I know she loves you, I knew it the moment I met her. If the roles were reversed, she would fight for you...I know it. But when she is frail, you must be strong. She needs you to fight for justice for her. You must make sure that man is punished for what he did. You have the power to do it." Constance said with authority.

I smiled at my mother lovingly for the first time in my life.

"I will...I will give her justice, and I will give her peace." I said.

Angela squirmed in my arms. I quickly moved to still her. I kissed her head softly and shushed her back to sleep. My mother watched us with lidded eyes.

"You're so good with her. I was never any good with you. I failed you so many times," My mother said sadly.

I looked at her with sincere eyes.

"You're not failing me now," I said honestly.

My mother's eyes rimmed with tears. I smiled at her.

"Would you like to hold her?" I asked. "I'm very hungry and thirsty. Jane will be in surgery a while longer. I could use a break."

My mother's eyes lit up. She looked between Angela and me excitedly though she tried to hide it.

"May I, please?" Her voice sounded like it was aching.

I gently placed Angela's sleeping body in her arms. My mother held Angela against her and smiled like I'd never seen her smile before. I kissed Angela's head and stood slowly arching my back and stretching my tired muscles.

"I'll be right back," I said before slipping from the room.

I don't know if my mother even heard me. She was humming softly to Angela cradled in her arms.

My mind raced as I walked. My mother was right; I did have the power to bring justice for Jane. So many said the man deserved to die and I thought so too at first. But now I understood, I saw clearly, death was easy...it was life that was hard. Life is suffering, and that man deserved to suffer. He tried to destroy my family and made a public mockery of my love for Jane. He violated my girlfriend, subjected her to unspeakable torment, and infected her mind with fear and rage. My hatred for this man had been simmering in my blood. I wanted to see his face. I wanted to look into the eyes of the man that I would spend the rest of my life finding fresh and horrific ways to torment. I stood on steady legs for the first time in hours and hours. I walked with purpose. There were no tears to cry in that moment. No one would cry tears for the man that had raped Jane, especially not me. I felt the detached calm of one with ice in her heart. Vengeance is a dish best served cold. My eyes were a chilly blizzard grey. I wanted the man to see my eyes, I wanted him to hear my voice, I wanted him to taste my revulsion and know all his waking and sleeping moments, that he would never escape the shadow of my unforgiving heart. I slipped into a supply room and locked the door behind me. I looked around frantically searching for what I needed. I found surgical booties, a surgical cap and an attendee's coat. I put them on quickly. I walked out of the supply room and down the stairs to the ER. There was still major chaos in the waiting room but I pushed my way through the crowd easily. The uproar was a distraction and I used it as cover to slip right past security into the patient areas. No one bothered to stop me as I looked like a surgeon. I walked around the rooms checking names on the charts outside the doors until I found the one I wanted. There was a police officer outside the door. I smiled up at him innocently.

"I need to see to the patient, we have to assess his wounds and prepare him for surgery." I said politely.

The officer looked me over and stepped aside. I opened the door and closed it softly behind me breathing a sigh of relief. My heart raced with pure indignation. My fingers were shaking with the desire to unleash fury onto my enemy. But I took a deep breath. I could not kill this man; it wasn't fair to Jane to let him go so easily. But I would make him suffer, I swore it to Jane. I owed her this. My eyes narrowed, my lips thinned, my stance was straight and determined. I did not tremble or shake. I was not afraid. In this moment I was the beast.

The room reeked of blood and antibacterial cleanser. The man in the bed was whining and sniveling in pain. I walked toward his bed with slow methodical steps. I looked down at his legs as I passed them. They were horrible to witness. Both of them were black and blue, grossly swollen and distorted from his ankles to his pelvis. The entire left side of his face was covered in a bandage but the blood from his wound was already seeping through. He was handcuffed to the bed tightly, his wrists chaffed and raw. He was sputtering, coughing, and whimpering in pain every time he jostled his legs too much. I stood by the side of his bed looking down at him. He was the most pitiful thing I'd ever seen, which made me smile. Tears were spilling down his face. He opened his eyes and looked up at me. His eyes were filled with agony and desperation.

"Please...please doctor. Have mercy on me...I need pain medicine...p-p-p-please. Have mercy!" His voice was high and shrill like a whining, young boy. His words were broken and barely understandable because of his damaged cheek. His body was covered in sweat. He smelled of dread and misery. I smiled down at him warmly. He smiled back at me thinking his savior had finally come.

"I need to change your bandages Mr. Jefferson," I said in a most professional manner.

I pulled a pair of surgical gloves from the container on the wall and put them on never breaking my smile. I whistled as I walked around the room gathering supplies. I grabbed a large bottle of alcohol and surgical tape and bandages and gauze.

"Plea-s...plea-s...so muuuk pain," Jo choked and spat.

A steady stream of slobber ran from the corner of his mouth I imagined because it was so painful for him to swallow and he had a giant hole in his face.

"I'm sorry Mr. Jefferson. You have too many drugs in your system already." I said lightly.

Jo began to weep and sob. His entire body shaking which only made him cry harder because of the pain in his legs from the tensing of his muscles. He wailed and blubbered and cried. He sounded like a helpless little boy, he looked like a man tormented by the most unspeakable pain. Had it been anyone else I would have felt terrible for him, but this was the man that had raped my girlfriend, beaten her, abused her, and tortured her. I had not so much as a single sliver of sympathy for this bastard. I reached for the tape of the bandage on Jo's face and ripped the entire bandage off his skin in one strong hard jerk. Jo screamed and wailed like a stuck pig. His entire body seized in pain. I'd say he was crying from the depths of his soul if I thought he had one. I did not care. No one would come for him. No one cared. Some of the gauze of the bandage had gotten stuck in the staples holding his face together and I ripped at the gauze mercilessly. Jo shook and screamed and cried tossing his head from side to side begging me desperately to stop. I spoke not a word to him. I opened the bottle of alcohol and poured it all over the wound. Jo screamed so loudly I had to shove gauze in his mouth. I poured the entire bottle of alcohol on the wound and tossed it in the trash. I wiped his face dry with a towel not bothering to be careful of the staples. Jo was whining pathetically and tears flowed from his eyes like a fountain. I covered a clean gauze bandage in antibiotic ointment and held it to his cheek. I taped it in place with three times as much surgical tape as necessary so that the next time the bandage was changed it was very likely a bit of skin would come off with the tape. I removed the gauze from inside his mouth.

"All done," I said.

"W-w-w-why are y-you hurt-in m-me?" Jo pleaded in a high pitched barely discernible wail.

"That's interesting that you should ask me that. Let me ask you something, why did you rape and beat my girlfriend tonight?" I asked leading over Jo's face.

I felt my eyes catch fire. I felt a malevolent spirit rise. I felt my face go hard as stone and my expression turn to ice. Jo's face fell, his eyes went wide. I'd never seen such fear on a person's face before. Jo shrunk into himself. He seemed to dissolve right before my eyes.

"You have no idea who I am. You have no idea the power I have. You have no idea who you fucked with you insipid little worm! I am your worst nightmare; I am the face of what will be your never ending pain. I'm the friend of police officers, lawyers, prosecutors, judges, and wardens. I'm going to make sure you get the best Mr. Jefferson. I'm going to get you the best prosecutor; I'm going to get you the most vicious judge. I will see that you are convicted of my girlfriend's rape, and the first degree murder of my girlfriend's family. I will see that your sentence is death. I'm going to make sure you're sent to the most violent maximum security prison. I'm going to make sure the warden puts you in with the most hardened violent offenders." Jo started weeping again.

I leaned over further so I was whispering right in his ear.

"You're never going to be the same again after your surgery. You'll never be able to run or fight. I'm going to tell the warden to make sure all those men in lock up with you know exactly how you love to rape and beat little boys and girls you fucking child molester. You know what they do to child molesters in prison? They are going to rape you without mercy day and night. They are going to pass you around and fuck you like the little bitch you are day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year. No one will save you, the guards will turn their heads, and your pleas for help will fall on deaf ears. They will laugh at you and rape you again until you learn to take it like you like it. You will pray for death just to escape the pain. You will beg for it at night. You will cry to the heavens for mercy, but there will be no mercy for you. When they've raped you half to death, when can't even hold your own feces inside you because you've been torn apart so many times, when you are sitting in your own filth rotten like the shit you are, they will come for you. They will strap you to a table. They will put a needle in your arm...and you will die! They say lethal injection is painless and humane. They are lying. Your body will be wracked with pain, your veins will burn like fire as the poison courses through you. You will not be able to scream, you will not be able to move, but your mind will be alive and well. You will feel every single horrible excruciating thing as your organs slowly shut down, your lungs can no longer draw breath, and your heart finally stops beating. I will be there and I will watch. The last face you will see in your head before death comes to take you to hell, Will. Be. Mine! I will see to it personally that all this comes true...I promise you this!"

I looked down into Jo's face again. He was crippled with sickening fear. His lips shuddered and his eyes bulged. He lay helpless, broken, damaged and handcuffed to the bed. In his condition, he could not so much as swat a fly. I stepped back and looked him over in disgust. This person before me was the true Jo Jefferson, a broken, battered, helpless piece of trash that had nothing to offer the world. He turned to violence and rape as a way to make himself feel strong and powerful...but he was nothing. He was a creature, a vile stain on the earth, not even worthy of the air he breathed. He cried and cried in the bed, wailing like a child. I looked at him with all the contempt in my heart.

"P-Please miss...don't let them h-h-hurt me, have mercy...h-h-have mercy" Jo pleaded with me with red desperate eyes.

Snot ran from his nose. Tears streamed from his face, his bandage was already bleeding through again. My chilly eyes ate through him. My rage exploded.

"You dare ask me for mercy? Did you show mercy on my girlfriend?" I hissed at him.

Jo started to respond when I spit directly in his face. Jo flinched, shocked still as my spit slid down his face. He looked up at me with hopeless eyes. I glared at him one last time as he cowered in his bed. I sneered in his face. I walked toward the door, my job here was done, and my place was now with Jane. She would be out of surgery soon and I wanted to be by her side. I stopped at the door and turned around before I pulled it open.

"Oh and Mr. Jefferson," I called, "I always keep my promises."