Chpt. 29
The following morning Carlos awakened me at 0500 by pulling off my covers. Thank God I was wearing my Wonder Woman cami and boy shorts set. Unfortunately, that really didn't cover much, but considering I slept nude half the time, it could have been worse.
"What the hell is your problem?" I whined. He shoved a jumbo-sized mug of coffee into my hands.
"Drink up and change into some actual clothes. We're going running in fifteen." With that he turned on his heel and closed my bedroom door, likely heading down to the kitchen. At least he brought me coffee, the caffeinated nectar of the gods. Even though I'm not a morning person, I was somewhat used to being awakened at ungodly hours to run five to ten miles with either Carlos or Les, or sometimes both of them. Ever since I got back from Spain, they had been making me run with them about four times a week. Endorphins and running-induced exhaustion were a part of their version of "therapy".
After drinking half of the coffee, I got up and started pulling open drawers, looking for a t-shirt, sports bra, and running shorts. Considering I was still half-asleep, it was amazing when I found them neatly folded in the laundry basket sitting next to my dresser five minutes later.
I trudged down the stairs into the kitchen while braiding my truly terrifying hair. (It was so scary that Valerie had started calling my morning hair "Medusa's hair." I totally felt the sisterly love every time she said it.) With five minutes to spare, I poured myself another cup of coffee.
"Babe." I was too tired to try to decipher his meaning.
"What?"
"Babe."
"Seriously? It's 0510. I am too tired and brain dead to decipher what that 'Babe' meant. Just tell me." The caffeine hadn't kicked in and combined with the lingering headache I had from yesterday's relationship implosion and subsequent cry fest, I was feeling downright bitchy.
"You're going to have to take a piss halfway through our run if you keep downing coffee like that."
"You realize I'm a girl, right?" I sighed. "We don't 'take a piss'."
"Babe."
"Fine. I'm going to go pee right now before. Does that make you happy?" I just couldn't turn off my bitchy attitude and tone of voice.
"What will make me happy is that I won't have to listen to you whine about how you have to pee for five minutes only to have you then drag me into the trees. Standing in front of you to block potential a potential creep's view of you while you take a piss a great way to start my morning. Also, you need to learn what poison ivy looks like so that I don't have to find you 'safe' leaves that you can use to clean yourself up."
"It's not my fault I don't know what poison ivy looks like."
"Babe, I've shown you five times. I'd have thought you'd pay attention considering getting vaginal poison ivy would be miserable."
"How would you know that?"
"I have sisters. We went camping with my dad as kids because it was a cheap vacation. Celia ended up in the hospital for a week while she dried out. I love you and all, but I refuse to visit you in the hospital for that – especially when I've shown you what poison ivy looks like."
"You're mean."
"No, being mean would be me not teaching you so that you'd then end up miserable. Now go to the bathroom so that we can get going. It's already 0520. And I have a 0630 meeting with the General."
I left the kitchen without comment and used the bathroom. I didn't like Carlos having to listen to me pee in the woods anymore than he did, but it's not like it's my fault I have a small bladder! After not even two minutes, Carlos knocked on the door to move me along. Thankfully, I was washing my hands already.
Carlos practically dragged me out of the house and started jogging. I was happy that he was starting at a slow pace for me. I knew from experience that he was already warmed up and ready to run at a fast pace. After jogging for five minutes we started running. It was obvious he was going easy on me this morning. The pace he set was slow for him and a medium pace for me. He shocked me when he started talking. We normally ran in silence.
"How are you doing today?" he asked me.
"Um, you know…fine. I have a bit of a crying hangover, but it's nothing I can't deal with."
"Babe." That one clearly told me to cut the shit and tell him the truth. Man had a freaking super power of expressing himself with only one word.
"Do you really want to know?" He just looked at me out of the corner of his eye. "I'm a mess. I want to cry, break things, go into denial and forget that he cheated on me…. I guess I'm relieved, too. The uncertainty of where we stood was stressing me out and I kind of have a heaping pile of shit on my plate right now from everything else. I feel like a tiny portion of that is gone now that I know where I stand. Does that make sense?"
"Yes."
"Does it get easier?" I had to ask because I didn't know how long I could feel this way and continue on functioning.
"Which part of the plate full of shit are we talking about?" Right, he didn't know if I was asking about killing people in cold blood or being heartbroken.
""You know, the stuff from yesterday."
"I think so, though I can't say I've ever had a relationship that lasted that long. I don't think I've ever been in love before. Ask Les."
"Les has been in love?" I asked. Of the two of them, he seemed like he would be the one that was more likely to have one night stands due to his flirtatious, friendly nature. Carlos was quiet and serious. You would think that his personality would lend itself more to serious relationships rather than random hook-ups.
"That's his story to tell, but I know he can help you more in this area than me."
"How come you've never been in love? I know you date. Women throw themselves at you. It's not like you have to work at it." Focusing on his love life, or lack thereof, seemed better than talking about mine…well, more like my broken heart. My chest actually hurt from Mat's betrayal. I spent last night hugging myself while I sobbed, trying to make the ache go away.
"One night stands don't lead to love."
Even though Mat's cheating made me feel like I had been kicked while I was already down, the thought of Carlos having a girlfriend made me nauseated. I felt that a good friend would put their friend's happiness ahead of their own, so I asked, "Why don't you date some of them?"
"I'm not at a point in my life that lends itself to having an exclusive, serious relationship. Besides, none of them would understand me. I've only met one person that could, and neither of us are close to where we need to be in life for a relationship to work."
I felt the pit in my stomach grow larger. I just lost Mat. Now I had to worry about losing Carlos to another woman. I didn't comment which was unusual for me and garnered me a look from my running partner.
After a few more minutes of running in silence I decided to change the topic. "So, I decided last night, well more like early this morning since I didn't really sleep, that I'm going to set up a bunch of appointments to visit different colleges."
"What made you decide this last night?"
"Well, there's no reason to go to Emory anymore and I think I need a little space…from Mat…and my uncle."
"It would probably be good for you to get some distance from them." I noted that he didn't tell me how he felt about the possible physical distance between us.
"You think so? I want to get away, but…I'll miss you guys and Aunt Marjie. And what if I can't handle the distance? I won't have any support. At least here, I have you guys, you know when you're not on a mission…." It took all my self-control to stop babbling.
"First, look for schools that have programs that interest you and would be beneficial. Then you can always decide based on scholarships, distance from home, if you would have any established friends there that could support you there. Everything is manageable, Steph."
"You think?" My anxiety about getting out of Georgia skyrocketed last night after I decided that I needed to go away to college, but at the same time, I felt like leaving here was the right decision.
"Yes. You're stronger than you realize."
"Yeah, so you and Les say," I sighed. I looked up from the trail we were running on and realized we were only a mile from home.
"You are. One day you'll believe me." We ran in silence for a few more minutes while I tried to convince myself that I was as strong as Carlos said. If he believed in me, I should believe in me, too.
"Do you think going away for school is a good idea? I mean for reasons other than the fact that I need some distance."
"I think you focusing on school, deciding where you want to go to college is healthy. I think deciding where to go based on academic programs is a much better idea than following a guy, but I don't think you should go away to college just so you can run away from your problems. I think everyone should leave home for a period of time. You learn a lot about yourself when you live away from your immediate family. You discover who you truly are, so the answer is yes. I think you should go away to college, make new friends, live life like a normal college kid, get away from the military and everything that comes with it."
We reached my house just as Carlos finished.
"Thank you. You always know what to say to me." I rested my hands on his forearms, stood up on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek. "I'd be lost without you…and Les. I hope you realize that. I'll see you later?"
"Yeah, Les and I are having dinner here tonight."
I smiled at the thought of dinner with Carlos and Les. Besides the fact that I loved being around them, there was the added bonus that their presence would piss off Valerie. I started walking up the porch steps so I could go get ready for school. "Can't wait! Thanks again, Carlos."
"Babe." And with that he took off towards his apartment while I entered the house to get ready for school, happy to have something to look forward to tonight.
