SORRY FOR THE ACCIDENTAL 9-MONTH HIATUS I swear I'm still working on this.

westcitypubliclibrary on Tumblr is the best place to get content for this in between chapters, though!

Thank you for reading; I hope you enjoy it! I'm always open to feedback if you have any.


Upa drummed his fingers on his bicep and glared at the wreckage. Sometime during the night, someone had attacked the trash cans and recycling bins behind the library. Trash bags had been ripped apart, their contents strewn across the alleyway. The recycling bins were mostly untouched aside from the garbage that had gotten thrown into them. His father said that meant it was probably just a hungry animal that smelled something in the trash, but Upa wasn't sure. He'd left his dad to review the footage from the night before and went to check the area to make sure it was secure.

Not that he needed to bother. Lazurite was cleaning it up, and if there was one of Upa's coworkers who could take care of himself, it was Lazurite. Still, it was Upa's job, not Lazurite's, to make sure things were safe. So here he was, double-checking the wreckage to see if the vandals were still around.

"I still say it was a racoon," Lazurite said. He straightened one of the recycling bins and started shuffling paper back into it. "I suppose I had not put the lid on the bin on properly when I took the trash out last night. It must have attracted an animal."

Upa shrugged. "Better safe than sorry, right? Besides, it gets me outside for a few minutes."

Lazurite smiled, soft and small, not looking at Upa. "I understand. It can get very...tedious, being indoors all day."

Upa kicked at an empty chip bag that had been torn to shreds. "Well, whoever or whatever it was, I don't think they're coming back right now. Let me give you a hand."

"No, no." Lazurite shook his head. "You are not wearing gloves."

"So give me some gloves." Upa held out a hand. "I can at least throw some trash in a bag before I go back inside."

Lazurite hesitated, but dug a pair of flimsy disposable gloves out of his toolbelt and handed them and a garbage bag to Upa. "They will be too big," he apologised. "But thank you. Just do not touch anything sharp."

"Can do." Upa pulled the gloves on and shook the bag open, grabbing handfuls of random trash from the ground and jamming them into the bag. "Ugh, I don't envy you your job, I'll tell you that. This part, anyway. It's kind of gross."

"Hm." Lazurite righted one of the trash bins. "It is not so bad. I enjoy what I do, and I am allowed to spend my breaks at the birdfeeder." He looked at the mess surrounding them. "This part is less desirable, I will admit."

"No kidding." Upa readjusted the bag and stuffed a half-eaten tissue into the bag. "You should get locks for these."

"I should." Lazurite shrugged. "It is not usually a problem."

Upa gave a hum of acknowledgement and hefted the bag. "Where do you want this?"

"The far bin, please."

As soon as Upa lifted the lid on the trash bin, an unearthly yowl sounded from it. Upa dropped the lid with a bang. "What the hell was that?!"

Lazurite's eyes widened. "There is an animal trapped inside."

Upa fumbled for his walkie talkie. "We should call animal control."

"No, no, it is fine." Lazurite walked to the bin and lifted the lid to peer inside. Whatever was in there let out another screech, and Lazurite shook his head. "Bad kitty. You know better."

"That was a cat?" Upa stared incredulously at Lazurite. "Is it dying or something?"

"I do not believe so. Here, look." Lazurite shifted to the side and beckoned Upa closer. "He cannot get out. He is quite harmless."

Upa inched closer, one hand still on his walkie. Peeking inside, he saw Lazurite was right. At the bottom of the trash can, trying in vain to claw its way up the plastic sides, was a skinny, hairless, purple cat. "It's purple," Upa said numbly.

"That is Beerus." Lazurite's nose wrinkled. "He lives in an apartment building just a block from here." When Upa looked at him, he shrugged. "This is not the first time this has happened."

"Well, he can't stay here." Upa reached into the bin. "C'mere, kitty, let's get you - "

"I would not - " Lazurite started, but Beerus interrupted him by hissing and swiping at Upa's hand. Upa reeled back with a yelp. "He does that," Lazurite explained as Upa checked his hand over for injury. "I know his owner. I will call him. You wait here and make sure Beerus does not escape."

"Oh yeah, sure, just leave me here with the murderous psycho cat," Upa muttered as Lazurite moved away, cell phone already in hand. He hadn't actually gotten hurt, which was good because his father would never let him live it down if his first work-related injury was from a cat, but still, this stupid cat was clearly nothing but trouble. Still, at least that gave him an answer as to what happened last night. Clearly, Beerus had decided the trash cans were offensive to him and destroyed them. Upa peeked into the can again. Beerus pinned his giant ears back and hissed at him, but didn't attack him again. Well, it was progress.

"The owner is on his way." Lazurite's flat voice interrupted Upa's train of thought. He'd gone back to tidying up Beerus's mess. "He will be here in approximately ten minutes. You should let Bora know what happened."

As if on cue, his father's voice crackled over the walkie. "Upa, what's going on out there?" Upa fumbled with the walkie talkie, nearly dropping it. "I found the footage and I was right; it was some kind of animal last night. It's not clear what kind, but there's nothing for us to worry about."

"It was a cat," Upa replied, glancing at the bin. "He's still here. Lazurite knows the owner and he's on his way."

"Fine. Come on back to the office and give me a hand with the report."

Upa groaned. "Be there in a minute. I'm just going to wait for the cat's owner." He looked at Lazurite. "Is that okay?"

Lazurite waved him off. "If you have work to do, do not worry about me. It is nothing I have not done before. I will manage." He paused. "But the company might be nice."

"If you say so." Upa leaned against the wall. "So Beerus comes here a lot, then?"

"Constantly." Lazurite shot the garbage bin a glare. "He gets out of his apartment and thinks the alleyways are his private playground. His 'owner' is really more of a babysitter for an unruly child. Or maybe a zookeeper."

Upa laughed. "Zookeeper sounds about right." His hands fidgeted at his sides. "Do you want some help with that?"

"No, thank you. You have helped plenty." Lazurite paused. "That was much harsher than I intended it to be. I did not mean to imply that I thought you were unhelpful."

"It's fine." Upa shrugged. "Just thought I'd offer, since I'm here."

"This is part of my job, too," Lazurite explained, tossing a bag of trash into the bin that didn't have Beerus at the bottom of it. "Besides, the longer I take at it, the longer I can be outside."

Upa grinned. "I know the feeling. I like what I do, but on a day like this all you want to do is take the day off and go fishing with a couple beers."

"I prefer hiking, but yes."

The sound of footsteps echoed down the alleyway and a tall, lanky man with impossible hair stepped into view. "Well, where is our little lord of destruction?" he sighed.

Upa eyed him warily. This was supposedly Beerus's owner? He sure didn't look like a guy who could handle a high-energy cat, though he did look like the sort of guy who'd own a hairless cat just so he could have a cat without it getting fur all over his luxury condominium.

"Oh. Whis." Lazurite straightened and beckoned the man (Whis?) over to the other garbage bin. "He is not very happy right now."

"When is he ever?" Whis chuckled.

Lazurite shrugged and reached into the bin. Upa heard a yowl, but Lazurite lifted Beerus out with surprising easiness. "Try to keep him inside this time."

Whis reached for his cat with a long-suffering sigh. "Well, I do have a restaurant to run, you know. Sometimes he gets out when I'm not home."

"And you just...don't notice he's missing?" Upa asked incredulously. Whis looked over at Upa, Beerus curled up and purring in his arms. "I mean, uh." Upa opened and closed his hands. "I'd think it'd be hard to lose a purple cat."

To his surprise, Whis laughed, a high, giddy chuckle that Upa associated with obnoxious, cartoonish noblewomen. "Beerus can be quite sneaky when he wants to be! Though if he's not sleeping on the couch I do get a little concerned." He turned back to Lazurite. "Thank you for contacting me." He gave a strange little bow and turned away. "Have a nice day!"

"Please keep Beerus inside," Lazurite called after Whis as he walked away. "He could get sick or hurt if this continues."

Upa shook his head. "I don't think he's going to follow your advice."

"Unlikely." Lazurite shrugged. "But it is not my place." He nodded once, decidedly, at Upa. "Thank you for your assistance. I will finish here. You should go back to work before your father wonders where you are."

Upa grimaced at the thought of the paperwork waiting for him. "I guess. See you around, Lazurite."

Lazurite gave another small smile. "I will see you later, Upa."


Upa rubbed his temples and resisted the urge to bang his head on the brick wall. "Again? Seriously?"

"I am sorry." Lazurite walked past him towards the wreckage from the upended trash bins. "I thought I locked them last night. It seems I did not."

"No, I guess you didn't," Upa muttered. It had barely been a week since the last time the library's garbage disposal area had been vandalized. Only this time, instead of it being a hot, sunny, gorgeous early July day, it was pouring rain and muggy. Upa tugged the hood of his plastic poncho tighter around his face. It didn't help. "Let me check the area and I'll give you a hand cleaning up."

"It was likely just an animal," Lazurite said. He had a bright green raincoat that seemed to be working much better for him than Upa's poncho. "But thank you."

"Yeah, sure. No problem." Upa looked around. There was nothing deliberately smeared anywhere, no graffiti, nothing indicating humans had caused the problem. Just a mess. Lazurite was probably right; it probably was just an animal. But still, it was Upa's job to make sure things were okay.

Upa paused when a low yowl came from under one of the upturned bins. "Lazurite," he called, "there's something under here."

Lazurite appeared next to him, a huge and imposing figure in the rain. "Probably a scared animal. Please keep your distance."

Upa backed up a few steps. He needed to be able to jump in if the situation took a turn for the worse, but Lazurite was better with animals than he was. He stuck close, but not too close.

As soon as the trash can was a foot off the ground, something zipped out from under it and dashed around the corner. Upa stumbled back in surprise. He hadn't gotten a very good look at it, but - "Was that thing purple?"

"Yes it was," Lazurite said matter-of-factly, placing the bin back down properly this time. "Beerus was back again, from the looks of things."

Upa groaned and rubbed his forehead. "Can't that Reese guy or whatever keep him locked up? He's a cat, for crying out loud."

"His name is Whis," Lazurite corrected gently, turning back to his work. "I will talk with him again later."

"Please do." Upa's feet were soaked and he was starting to get cranky. Maybe it was time to go back inside. "And Lazurite, please, get some locks for those garbage bins already."

"I did." Lazurite shook his head. "I must have forgotten to use them."

Upa grimaced. "Alright, I'm going back in to help with the report. Let me know if you need anything else."

"Of course. Thank you, Upa."


Upa threw his hands up in defeat. "If it's Beerus again I'm calling animal control."

"I do not understand." Lazurite surveyed the wreckage, his brows creased with uncharacteristic confusion. "I locked the garbage bins last night. I checked three times."

"Dad's checking the footage." Upa moved cautiously towards the overturned bins. He wasn't eager to get swatted at by an angry cat again. "It might've been an actual person this time, to do this much damage even with the bins locked up." He almost hoped that was the case. It had only been a few days since the last incident this time, and if it was a human they could at least take legal steps against them.

"Possibly." Lazurite nodded, snapping the wrists of his rubber gloves into place. "I had best get to work."

Upa nudged one of the bins with his foot. No sound came from it, so he figured it was safe and turned it back right side up. "I'm still kind of new here; is it normally this bad?"

"No." Lazurite shook a black garbage bag open. "We have had vandals before, but I have never seen so many incidents so close together."

"Hm." Upa moved towards the two other bins across the alleyway from the first one. "So it's an escalating issue. Dad and I might have to start switching off on overnight shifts if it keeps up." He grimaced at the thought. One of the main reasons he'd jumped at this job was that the hours didn't include overnight shifts. It was nearly impossible to find permanent security work for a day shift with his level of experience.

As he gently shook the bin on the left, a low growl came from inside it. Sighing, Upa eased the lid up just enough to be able to see inside. Sure enough, there was Beerus, hissing at him from the bottom of the bin. He sighed again and closed the lid. "Found Beerus," he called to Lazurite. He'd already gotten his phone out, presumably to call Whis. Upa stepped back and surveyed the wreckage. Beerus had really outdone himself this time. No wonder Whis had referred to him as his "little lord of destruction."

A yowl came from the garbage bins, and Upa looked back to see the one on the right shaking back and forth. Frowning, he reached out to steady it. "Lazurite, there's another one," he called.

Lazurite was over his shoulder immediately, phone still held to his ear. Upa gingerly opened the lid to peek inside. At the bottom of the bin, screeching and rolling around and making quite a racket, was a second hairless purple cat. This one was fatter than Beerus, but still definitely a hairless purple cat.

Upa stared, then looked up at Lazurite, who was also staring. "Whis," Lazurite said into the phone slowly, "do you have a second cat? Sort of a...fat Beerus?"

He didn't hear Whis's reply, but shortly after that Lazurite ended the conversation and hung up. "It is not Whis's cat," he declared, tucking his phone away. "But he knows the owner."

"Of course he does," Upa muttered. "They probably go to purple cat owner conventions together or something."

A brief smile flashed across Lazurite's face. "Perhaps." His expression settled back into his usual neutral one. "In any case, I don't see how just two cats could cause this much chaos, even if one of them was Beerus. Perhaps - "

"Upa?" His father's voice was staticky over the walkie-talkie. "I just finished checking last night's footage. Turns out there were two animals this time."

Upa grabbed his radio from where it was attached to his belt. "Is that it? There weren't any people around?"

"None that the footage caught, and the camera was trained directly on those trash bins." He sighed. "Do we have any actual animal-proof garbage bins?"

"We do not," Lazurite confirmed. He pointed at the lid of one of the bins. Something - probably Beerus - had ripped right through the plastic around the lock to get it open. "At this point, I believe only a fully metal dumpster would be able to stop them."

Upa relayed the information to his father, who sighed again. "I'll tell the boss lady, but she probably won't like it. Still, it's better than having our stuff broken into all the time. Upa, make sure everything's alright, then if both of you could come help me convince Bulma we need a new dumpster that'd be great."

"Sure, Dad." Upa shook his head. "Well, that's that, I guess." He looked at Lazurite. "Any idea when Whis'll get here?"

Lazurite checked his watch. "Soon, I think. Though the other owner may be here first; he did say she lived closer."

"I thought you said Whis lived, like, a block away."

Lazurite shrugged and shook open a garbage bag.

A woman stepped into the alleyway. She was almost identical to Whis, even down to her ridiculous hairstyle and garish outfit. She smiled almost serenely at the two men, hands clasped behind her back. "You must be the men Whis told me about. He said you have my cat?"

Upa fidgeted. "Uh, yes. I think so. Fat, purple, hairless?"

She brightened. "That's my Champa! Honestly, he's such a troublemaker. This isn't his usual haunt, though - he likes the dumpster behind that nice Italian place up the street."

It took everything he had for Upa not to say something about how that might have something to do with his weight.

Thankfully, he was saved by Whis sauntering in. "Vados!" he said, stepping forward to embrace the woman. "It's been too long, dearest."

"Likewise, darling." The woman - Vados - stepped back, holding Whis by the shoulders and smiling adoringly at him. "How's my favourite little brother?"

"As well as can be expected," Whis sighed, "what with Beerus out being his usual self so much."

Vados nodded. "True, true. Champa has been worse than usual lately. It's almost as though they're trying to outdo each other." She tapped a manicured fingernail against her chin. "Maybe we should try to make them get along. Then they won't be at each other so much."

"True!" Whis turned and peeked into the bin where Beerus was hissing and spitting. "Now, now, is that any way to behave?" he asked, reaching down to pull him out. Beerus settled in his arms almost immediately, nuzzling up to Whis's chest and purring. "That's better."

Upa glanced at Lazurite, who shrugged. Vados wrangled Champa out from his trash can, and almost immediately the two cats were hissing at each other. "Oh, stop," Vados sighed, cradling Champa and scratching behind his ears. "Honestly, you two haven't changed at all, have you? They've been this way since they were kittens," she explained to Upa and Lazurite.

Lazurite folded his arms. "This is the third time this has happened recently." His eyes turned hard and Upa swallowed. "It ends."

To their credit, Whis and Vados both looked unfalteringly at Lazurite, their respective cats still hissing and spitting. Whis smiled serenely and nodded. "Don't worry. I've found the loose paneling that was letting Beerus escape. He won't be bothering you anytime soon."

"And Champa's definitely getting a new harness for his outdoor adventures." Vados snuggled her cat, despite the fact that he was now almost growling at Beerus. "You're such a naughty kitty!" she said, in a tone of voice completely contradictory to her actual words.

Lazurite tapped his foot, still glaring. Whis cleared his throat and smiled again. "Alright, alright, we'd best be going. Going my way, Vados?"

"As usual, Whis." The siblings walked off, somehow ignoring their still screaming cats.

Upa groaned and buried his face in his hands. "Why?" he asked no one in particular. "Why is this the most exhausting thing I've ever experienced in my entire life?"

A sympathetic hand landed on his shoulder. "That is simply what it is like dealing with Whis and Beerus," Lazurite said simply. "Although if it had happened another time I would not have called Whis until after I had called Animal Control."

Upa laughed and ran a hand through his hair. "Well, hopefully it won't come to that." He looked around. "Need a hand cleaning up?"

"Not really." Lazurite paused. "Although your continued company would be appreciated."

Grinning, Upa held out his hand for a pair of disposable gloves. "All you've ever gotta do is ask."