Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.I do own this story though, which is based on it. It isn't exactly AU.. it's AC, altered circumstances. Rated for the language and eventual maybe lemon. If this does well, I'll write a companion piece from Matt's point of view. This is all just Mello rambling in a "fecking" diary.
Fecking "Diary"
Dear fucking diary;
I'm a terrible eavesdropper. I don't mean I'm terrible at it, in fact I'm pretty damn stealth.
I was loitering outside of L's office thing, he was going to talk with me later. I heard Mail coming up the hall (he had headphones on blasting "American Idiot" loud enough that I could know he was coming. I wonder if that's the song he's chosen for the party...whatever) so I hid in a broom closet until I heard him go into L's office. I put my ear to the door and started taking notes of what was said. Here is what happened.
L: Matt, please take a seat
Mail: a'right... ... ... ... ... ... Am I in trouble?
L: Hmm? No, not at all. I wanted to forward my congratulations to getting along with you family, and offer some sympathy for what happened between you and Mello.
Mail: I... don't... want to talk about... Mello (his voice was cold and angry. It hurt) But thank you. Is this all?
L: er... not quite. I have a bit of a story to tell you.
Mail:... okay, shoot. But actually, before you start.. can I smoke?
L: I don't mind if you do...
Mail: 'kay thanks...
L: Shall I begin?
Mail: Please do.
L: I suppose it began roughly fifteen years ago, when I lost my virginity...
Mail: (coughs and splutters) WHOA!... uh... I don't think this is the kind of story I need to know...
L: I'm not about to give you details on the issue, Matt... It's just were the story begins...
Mail: ... if you say so...
L: I do.
Mail: Okay then, keep going...
L: her name was Naomi Misora...
Mail: FBI. BB murders. Classy chick, good taste on your part.
L: Ah...thank you, Matt.
Mail: Anyways. Continue...
L: I was fourteen... well... -just- fourteen... right now I'm twenty eight... and at fourteen I had my first brush with what one may consider love...
Mail: Hey wait. Wait... I remember... during the BB case, Mel found a notebook and -
L: I'm aware. Yes, that happened. The sex is not exactly the point.
Mail: 'Kay, what is the point, L?
L: As you should recall from my comments ('comments'? Wtf? hnn...) I am not exactly well versed in the normal relationship.
Mail: ah...alright...
L: I don't need porn, I don't usually have crude thoughts cross my mind... one may say that I still have the neivite from before I met Naomi most of the time. She stirred up thoughts in me...
Mail: Dude. You were fourteen. That's -normal-. It's okay.
L: I'm aware, Matt. As I was saying...those thoughts got dealt with and I was myself again. There were some complications, such as Near, but... that doesn't matter.
Mail: ... Near? he would have been like...two. How is he a complication?
L: that doesn't matter.
Mail:... at least get to your original point, please...
L: Ah yes... other than a few complications, we parted ways, and even when I met her a few times afterward, there was no... emotion there. I haven't felt anything akin to what I felt with her in a very long time. But now I've felt it again...
Mail:... dude. Please don't have a crush on me. O.O
L: What?! NO! I ... -.- I have a thing for your sister.
Mail: (sound of chair falling) what!? WHOA! She's asexual! And... well... you're ten years older!
L: I don't want to procreate, Matt. I've already done that. And she's more than mature enough for me...
Mail: Then why do you want my baby sister? And... WHOA, WHAT!?
L: I don't "want" her... I just... would you mind terribly if we talked a bit and perhaps considered ourselves a couple? She told me to ask you. James is fine with it if you are... And... I'll get to that...
Mail: So you want to screw her brain with the dick of conversation. Because she's smart. And...you'd -better- explain how you supposedly have kids...
L:... I would not use such a crude metaphor, but yes... I suppose you are correct.
Mail: ... I'm fine with it. But touch her in a way she doesn't want to be touched and I swear to...to... (his voice got really low here, I couldn't make it out) that...that... they won't find your body. I respect you but... she's my sister. And my twin no less. you hurt her, you hurt me. And I have a tendency to hurt people back.
L: (shocked silence) I'll keep that in mind.
Mail: Good. Now...uh...you have a kid? Do I get to meet him?
L:You already have.
Mail: Wait... the... "Near" complications... the... WHOA! I did NOT see that coming. DUDE! WTF?! Wait... no...he's too old to be your kid...
L: He's fourteen. Everyone was lied to at Wammy's in regards to Near's age.
Mail: Dude. Uncool.
L: I'm aware... but... well...
Mail: so let me get this straight. Near is your kid. And you put him in an effing orphanage for kicks.
L: ... not for kicks, my Father suggested it would be for the best...
Mail: WAIT. You have a DAD!? but...-you- grew up at Wammy's too!
L: ... You've met my father. Watari.
Mail: (I think I heard the sound of his jaw dropping. God knows I'd already managed to bruise my chin with the ground)
L: -what-?
Mail: Dude... that... wait... but... okay. Let me get this straight. Watari is Near's grandpa.
L: Yes. That is correct.
Mail: DUDE! No wonder the geezer gave that brat so many toys! I...uh... that didn't come out right...
L:... ... ... it's fine.
Mail: er...okay. so... uh... is Tesa going to hear about this? That you have a kid?
L: I will inform her at some point.
Mail: a'right... is that all now? I really...I wanna go for a walk. I need to clear my head...
L: Yes, I think that's all... thank you Matt...
Mail: no probs L...
I hid in the closet again when he came out. Then talked with L about not telling everyone about the one time he had sex. hehe... okay. o.o;;
So yeah. I had a good day today, diary. I heard a lot of Matt's voice. And even if he wasn't talking to me... it's something. Right?
