Never be alone again - Shelby finds out she'll never have to go through anything alone again. Originally a oneshot inspired by THAT kiss!
Rating - T
Characters - Shelby, Puck, Beth, Annie and Nate (the twins) Mrs Puckerman (Sarah), Noah's sister (Hannah), Bruno the dog & occasionally Rachel.
A/N - So I'm going back to longer updates once a week, and I know I'm putting myself at risk by saying this, but I'm sort of thinking about bringing this fic to an end in the not too distant future. There may be a sequel, or I may just take a break for a while and come back to this after a time jump or I might have a sudden burst of inspiration and carry on, I don't know.
I'll stop rambling and get on with the show.
"If I had just one wish, only one demand. I hope you're not like me, I hope you understand that you can take this life and hold it by the hand. And you can greet the world with arms wide open... With arms wide open, under the sunlight. Welcome to this place I'll show you everything, with arms wide open. Now everything has changed, I'll show you love, I'll show you everything, with arms wide open" Shelby stood in the doorway to the master bedroom, watching as Noah laid on the bed, Annie laid on the left side of his chest, Nate on the right, singing softly to them both, empty bottles laid on the bed beside him and she could tell that her babies were struggling to stay awake.
"Do you want me to take one?" Shelby made her presence known as she stepped into the room.
"Sure" Noah smiled, holding his arms open so Shelby could take a baby from him, "take your pick."
"Give me my boy" she smiled, it was a long running joke, both Shelby and Noah loved all of their children, but they always joked that Annie was Noah's daughter and Nate was Shelby's son. Noah smiled as Shelby lifted Nate into her arms and he instantly began to nuzzle at her chest, "you can't be hungry" she cooed softly, "you've just had a bottle."
Noah grinned, "maybe he's my son and not yours" he winked, "he just wants to see some boob."
Shelby laughed as she slipped the strap of her vest top down and allowed Nate to feed again, "he's definitely your son" she told Noah, "he won't take a dummy but he's happy to use me as an alternative, he's not really feeding." She moved him away and Nate immediately began to whine, "okay, okay" she moved him back, "be like your father."
She sat on the bed beside Noah, and soon found herself laid against him, her head on his chest and his arm around her shoulder, Annie had long since fallen asleep but Nate was still half awake, "looks like he's going to be the difficult one" Noah nodded at Nate, "or that Annie's going to be the better sleeper."
"He's dropping off now" Shelby told him as she watched Nate's eyes flutter closed, "I'll just give him a minute to make sure he's properly gone before I put him down."
Noah nodded, "I'm going to wait a few more minutes before I put Annie down, just because I like holding her" he laughed.
Shelby smiled, "well, there's that too of course." They were silent for a moment before Shelby spoke again, "Sometimes" Shelby admitted, "I just want to take them away and curl up with them somewhere on my own where nobody can find us, but then there are times when I feel like I can't stand being near them but at the same time I don't want anyone else to have them either."
"Oh Shel" Noah sighed and kissed her head, "I wish you'd said something. I, I'm, I don't know what I'd have done, but I, I still wish you'd tell me."
Shelby sighed, "if we can get these two down Rachel said she'd stay up here and keep an eye on them so we can talk downstairs." They managed to lay the twins in their Moses baskets without waking them, and they walked downstairs hand in hand, greeting Bruno as he met them at the bottom of the stairs and followed them to the sofa where he settled himself at Shelby's feet. "I saw Dr Stevens today" Shelby told Noah once they were settled, "like you know, he erm, he arranged for me to see a therapist. They, they both agreed that I, I've got postnatal depression."
Noah nodded and kissed Shelby's head, "Mom, she said last night that she thought that's probably what it was."
"The therapist prescribed anti depressants, and I've got another two appointments with the therapist next week, she erm, she suggested that you came along to one of them, and Rachel the week after."
"I'm good with that" Noah smiled, he'd do anything to see Shelby happy again.
"There's something I should tell you Noah, I've not told Rachel yet, I will, I will some time but not yet, so please, you can't tell her. I told Dr Stevens and the therapist but Noah, you can't tell Rachel."
"Shel, you're worrying me."
"I, I stepped out in front of a car, when I left yesterday." She dipped her head, unable to look Noah in the eye.
"Oh Shel" he pulled her onto his lap and held her tightly, partly to comfort her and partly to hide the tears that had formed in his eyes, "you should have called me, I should have said something. I'd noticed you've been distant lately but I just thought you were tired, none of us have been sleeping well. I should have said something, I should have been there."
"It's not your fault Noah" Shelby told him, "there, there's so much love in this house, being here with you and Beth and our family, I feel more loved than I've ever felt before, and the fact that Rachel is a part of that, sometimes it's so overwhelming Noah, I'm over 40 years old and I don't know how to react to being loved."
"Well" Noah kissed her temple, "it's about time you learned how to let us all love you, and you can start by letting us all be here to help you with whatever you need, we all love you Shelby and we want to be here for you, but you need to open up to us, you need to let us in and tell us what you need. Promise me, promise me that you'll never leave like you did yesterday. I was so scared, I was terrified when Han rang me to say you were missing, I didn't know what to do, I wanted to be at home to hold you if you came back but at the same time I wanted to be everywhere I could think of looking for you, and babe, please, promise me, promise me that if you ever even think of hurting yourself again tell someone, find one of our babies to cuddle, cry with Rachel, call my Mom. I'd love for you to come to me, but if you don't think you can tell me, please, speak to any of us. I, I don't know what I'd do if I lost you Shelby. I love you and I'm so sorry if I've ever done anything that made you doubt that."
"It's" Shelby shook her head, "you haven't, I just struggle sometimes to see why you'd want to be with me, apart from the children of course."
"Shelby" 'he sighed as he laid his forehead against her head, "I want to be with you because I love you and you are amazing, you're so, so beautiful, inside and out."
"I'm not" she interrupted, "I'm fat, and I..."
"Hey" he batted his hands away from where she was pinching at her stomach, "you're not fat, you've got curves, you're a real woman, this" he placed his hands on her stomach, it was true, she was bigger than when he'd first met her but it had only been four weeks since she'd given birth to twins, "this only reminds me of how much you sacrificed for us to have a bigger family, if anything it makes me love you more, and Shel, I'd still love you if you put on another 200 pounds, there'd just be more of you to love." He took a deep breath, "everyone, everyone told me I'd screwed up when Quinn got pregnant, they told me they couldn't believe how stupid I'd been to make such a huge mistake, but then I look at you and I look at everything we've got and I can't understand how this could all be a mistake. I don't see how screwing up my life could ever lead to me being so happy, because being with you makes me happier than I ever thought I'd be. I don't care what anyone else says Shelby, being with you makes me happy, and I like to think that I make you happy too, and as long as we're happy, and the kids are happy, nothing else matters."
Shelby nodded, "I love you." She whispered.
"I love you too" Noah smiled, "and I'm going to do whatever I can to see you smile more often. I've extended my paternity leave, I said I'd go back when the babies are three months old, but if you think you need me to stay home longer he's happy to extend it further, I know things might be tight financially, but I'd rather we had nothing but our health and we were all happy, than for us to have a million expensive things and all cry ourselves to sleep at night."
Shelby nodded, "I've been thinking about this for a while" she said quietly, "and I think I want to get a hysterectomy, I love you and I love my children but I don't think I could do this again Noah, I don't think I could physically have another baby, and while I don't feel ready to start having sex again yet, I think I'll always worry that we could be caught out again until I know for sure it's not at all possible."
Noah shook his head, "no, I mean, I've looked into it too. I, I hated seeing you in so much pain when you were pregnant, I hated seeing you constantly worried about the twins. It's much easier if I have a vasectomy."
"No" Shelby gasped, "you can't do that."
"Why not?" Noah was confused, "if you have whatever done, it's a serious medical procedure Shelby, they have to knock you out and you'll be in hospital for at least a week, and then you'll still be recovering for a while after that. If I get a vasectomy it can be done with a local anaesthetic, and granted the little guy will probably be a little sore for a while, but I can be in and out the same day."
"Noah" Shelby whispered, "you can't, what if, what if something happens and one day you want to have children with someone else? I know that I don't want, that I can't have any more biological children. You, you..."
"I don't want to be the father of any children that you aren't the mother to Shelby, I don't know what I can do to make you realise that I mean that but I do Shel. I don't want to have a million children with a million different women. The only children I ever want to have are yours, apart from Rachel because that'd just be weird."
Shelby laughed slightly, "it's a big thing for you to do Noah."
"Let's call it repayment for you carrying the twins."
"I'm not saying that I want you to do it Noah, I'm, let's just look into things and then make a decision okay?"
"Yeah" Noah nodded, lowering his head to rest on Shelby's shoulder, "okay."
Whilst Shelby and Noah were talking, Rachel was laid on her bed reading a book, "Rachel" Beth whispered softly as she walked into the room, "where's Momma?"
"She's downstairs talking to Daddy" she noticed Beth looked paler than usual, "are you okay Bee?"
Beth shook her head, "my tummy hurts" tears began to roll down Beth's face, "I want Momma and Daddy."
"Okay darling, okay" Rachel lifted Beth onto the bed and pulled the covers around her before kissing her head, noticing that she was slightly warmer than usual, "you stay right here and I'll go fetch them. She watched for a moment as Beth curled herself tightly into a ball, still sobbing into the pillows before walking down the stairs and tapping lightly on the living room door before opening it, "I'm sorry to interrupt you both" she found Shelby still sat on Noah's lap on the sofa, "I know I said I'd watch the kids tonight so you could have some time alone together, but Beth's woken up, she says she's got stomach ache and she wants you both. She's in my bed."
Shelby flew out of the room with Rachel and Noah right behind her, "Momma" Beth sobbed as Shelby opened the door to Rachel's room to find Beth stood by the bed, "I was sick in Rachel's bed Momma, I'm sorry."
"Hey" Shelby scooped Beth into her arms, "it's okay, we can change the sheets, calm down baby, take some deep breaths" Shelby sat on the edge of the bed, mindful of the vomit by the pillow.
"I'll go get some clean sheets" Rachel smiled at Beth, "it's not a problem Bee, we all get sick, we'll wash the sheets and it'll be like it never happened, don't get upset about it."
Noah rubbed Beth's back and kissed her hair, "I'll go get you a glass of water" he looked at Shelby, "and a bowl."
Shelby nodded, "Beth and I are going to have a bath, we'll get you all cleaned up" she kissed Beth's hair, "and see if it makes you feel better."
"Momma" Beth groaned as she laid, chest to chest, with Shelby in the bath, "it hurts."
"I know darling I know" she brushed Beth's hair back from her face before glancing to Noah who was sat on the closed toilet seat, holding onto the bowl Beth had been sick in several times already, "can you call your Mom? Ask her to come and check Beth over, she's burning up." Noah nodded and left the room, "It's okay" Shelby whispered to Beth, Bubbe's going to come over and take a look at you."
"Where does it hurt Beth?" Sarah asked as Beth laid on Rachel's bed with Shelby, she gestured to her stomach as the thermometer Shelby held in her ear beeped.
"102.2" Shelby told Sarah as the older woman pushed on different parts of Beth's stomach.
Sarah nodded, "I think she'll be just fine, we've had a couple of kids in this week with a stomach virus and I'm pretty sure that's what Beth's got." She stroked Beth's hair as she curled into a ball on the bed, "keep an eye on her though, if her temperature rises above 103, 104, or the pain seems to settle about here" she gestured to the lower right of her own abdomen, "or she starts complaining of neck ache or she can't look at light, anything that worries you at all, call me again or take her to the ER, it doesn't matter what time of day it is, if you're worried by anything, call me. Have you got anything to bring her temperature down?"
Shelby shook her head, "I'll go get something from the late night pharmacy" Noah told both women before kissing Shelby, "I'll be back as soon as I can."
He bumped into Rachel at the top of the stairs and she tapped on her bedroom door a couple of minutes later before pushing it open slowly, "Noah said he'd gone to get something to bring Beth's temperature down, I thought this might help for the time being." She passed Sarah the damp wash cloth and Sarah laid it on her granddaughter's warm forehead.
"Try to keep giving her small sips of clear fluid, lemonade or something might be better than water if you shake it until it's flat, but don't give her too much at once. We don't want her getting dehydrated, but too much in one go will probably make her sick again, if she goes more than 24 hours without keeping any fluids down then take her to the ER, but call me too, I'll come in with you. Fingers crossed it wont come to that though, but I'm going to warn you, you'll be lucky if she's only being sick, and you might want to keep her away from the twins, we don't want them to risk catching it."
Shelby nodded and looked to Rachel, "could you watch them for me? Do you think you'll be able to cope with them both?"
Rachel nodded, "sure, I was going to suggest you slept in here with Noah and Beth tonight anyway and I'll take your bed."
"Thank you sweetheart".
"It's no problem."
Sarah smiled, "If you feel like you need an extra pair of hands call me Rachel, even if it's 3am" she looked to Shelby, "you call me if you're worried about Beth" she looked to Rachel, "and you call me if you can't handle the twins."
Shelby and Rachel both nodded, "Thank you Sarah" Shelby smiled sadly, "thank you so much."
"Hey" Sarah smiled, "don't worry about it, we're family, it's what we do."
"But even so."
Sarah shook her head, "But nothing, if you were a nurse and I was worried about Hannah being sick, I'm sure you'd do the same."
Noah arrived home just minutes after Sarah left, "I bought some pedialite too" Noah told Shelby as he walked back into the room taking the painkiller from the bottle, scanning the label and pouting a dose into the measuring cup "I didn't know what flavour she'd prefer so I got one of everything. The freezer pops are in the freezer."
Shelby nodded and took the medicine from Noah, helping Beth drink it, "she likes the strawberry one."
"Okay" Noah poured a small amount of the red liquid into the now empty glass of water that he'd taken Beth earlier, "drink it slowly baby." He wrapped his left arm around Beth's back to help her sit up before holding the glass up to her lips.
"I feel sick daddy" she groaned.
"Okay" Noah put the glass down and laid Beth down, "try and get some sleep baby, I'm just gonna go and get changed and I'll be right back."
Beth nodded as Shelby helped her under the covers, "come on darling" she pulled Beth to lay against her, "you'll feel better in the morning."
Shelby, Noah and Beth had a restless night, Shelby and Noah hated seeing their daughter ill even more than Beth hated being ill. Rachel on the other hand was surprised when Nate woke twice and Annie only woke once, at three am, for a feed and a cuddle before she fell asleep again and didn't wake til almost seven.
She sat rocking Annie, humming softly to the girl who was now wide awake and staring at her sister with wide eyes. Rachel loved how inquisitive Annie was, Nate needed to be kept entertained, he needed almost constant stimulation but Annie was quite content to sit back and take in her surroundings, it was like she needed to know every detail of everything around her. The two girls sat in almost silence for almost an hour before Annie had another bottle, just ten minutes before Nate woke. Rachel fed her brother before propping both twins up against the cushions and sitting in front of them. "You're so lucky" she told them both, "you've got a Momma and a Daddy who love you both so much, your Momma went through so much to have you, and I know she'll do nothing but the best by you. You're so lucky that you'll get to grow up with her."
"Hey" Shelby made her presence known as she leant against the door frame.
Rachel looked up, "Hi, is everything okay?"
Shelby nodded, "Beth and Noah are still asleep, Beth kicked me out of bed so I thought I's come and see how you were getting on with the twins."
Rachel smiled, "we're doing good, Annie's been awake almost half an hour but Nate's only been up about fifteen minutes."
Shelby smiled, "he sleeps like his father, dead to the world. Did they wake you up much?" she asked as she sat on the edge of the bed and lifted Annie into her arms as Rachel picked up Nate.
"Not really" she shook her head, "this little guy got me up just after midnight and then again about four, I fed Annie at eleven, she woke up at three and then she slept right through."
"Wow" Shelby was shocked, "we should get Rachel to watch you more often hey" she kissed Annie's head, "if it gets you sleeping through like that."
"How's Beth?" Rachel asked.
"She's not too bad, she's been asleep since two. She's been quite restless though. I'm going to go downstairs and call the school and then I was hoping you'd be okay with these two for a while so I can get my head down in Beth's bed for an hour or two."
Rachel nodded, "I'll be fine, I'll take these two over to my fathers' house or something, you can sleep in your own bed and we're all out of the way."
"Are you sure you don't mind?"
Rachel shook her head, "neither of my dads are working this week, they'd love to fuss over these two."
Shelby smiled and leant over to kiss Rachel's cheek, "thank you."
Rachel smiled too, "it's okay, I really don't mind."
Shelby smiled again, "it suits you" she nodded to where Rachel held Nate on her lap, "you with a baby."
Rachel laughed, "thanks. They do make me a little broody sometimes, but it's not going to happen for a while yet."
Shelby laughed, "I have to say I'm glad to hear it. As much as I know that, one day, you'll make some baby an amazing mother, I'd like at the very least for my youngest to be in kindergarten before you make me a Nanna."
Rachel raised an eyebrow, "you mean you wouldn't want to be Bubbe?"
Shelby shook her head, "can you really see Sarah giving that up without a fight? She's going to be your children's Bubbe too, you won't have a choice in the matter."
Rachel laughed, "I'm sure I won't."
"But seriously, please let me get my children into kindergarten before you start giving me grandbabies."
Rachel smiled and nodded, "I think I can agree to that."
