This is the best episode of the Pack thus far! Also, those of you who are in the UK might recognize the cameos in the 'present day' scenes, as they were. But a quick internet search should tell you who they are if you don't know.

AaronCottrell97: Thomas is the best part of these, I agree! It's fun watching him be the straight man for once.

Reality Rejection Service: That might be more accurate than you may think. XD.

Bronze Shield: They will, actually! At the end of this mini-season. If the Pack ever make it to the BAFTA's.

Game-Watch: That is entirely correct. Why do you think they're asleep half the time on the job?

MattPrice01:. :D

JD145: Ta! And I fixed it, so don't worry!

UGX7: Appreciated! A lot!

Radical Sandwiches: NOT A CLUE MATE. NOT A CLUE.

The Nerdinator: It's maaaaaaagic.

Hughie96: Yeah, I'm actually interested in seeing if I can do those moments justice. I do want to show that there is a nicer side to these guys. But, who knows? Keep reading, dude!

CUE THE...lee than impressive theme music.


It was a simmering summer's day on the Island of Sodor...oh look, for once, a bit of description that isn't cut and pasted from another twenty episodes! What are the odds of that happening? ...He asks, while sitting in a shithole recording booth with no air conditioning.

Oh, apparently I'm not allowed to mention that. Continuing onwards, then!

The Fat Controller had sent Thomas to help Jack and Co at their latest building site. One would wonder why not send another engine who didn't have anything going on his life to do the work, such as Edward, or Henry, or even at a pinch, Derek. But no. Thomas he wanted, and Thomas he got. He got the wonderful job of watching Jack and Alfie put soil in his trucks. Truly, a great and wonderful thing to be doing on this summer's day.

This was the area for foundations of the New Community Center. Mayor Bedella had ordered that everyone get together more after the unfortunate 'Molotov Cocktail Incident of 2002' burnt down a nearby hotel. One where Allcroft and Mitton had been staying at, actually.

Patrick was a mixer. He was also a complete nhilist. He differed from Kelly in that while Kelly only cared about killing himself, Patrick wouldn't have minded EVERYONE dying. Preferably in painful ways. And as he poured the concrete(Which looked surprisingly delicious, by the way), he was reflecting on how brutally short life was.

Fun times for all!

"ROASTING RADIATORS IT'S HOT!" said Jack. "SO HOT THAT IT'S MAKING ME SAY STUPID ALLITERATING CATCHPHRASES LIKE 'ROASTING RADIATORS'."

"Makes my boiler ache." said Thomas. He wasn't talking specifically about the weather. More in a general sense of being HERE. At this moment.

"Out of the way, young uns! The most important person in this hollow, shapeless, pointless world of ours is coming through!"

"WHAT MAKES YOU SO IMPORTANT?" chuffed Jack, who was basically waving a red flag at a rather distressed bull at this point.

"CONCRETE. It is the future! It is the past! It is all that we are and all that we will become! The universe will burn and we will burn with it into endless nothingness. Concrete is nothingness! We shall BECOME the concrete."

Talks of nothingness and universes burning were too big a concept for Alfie to take in now. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, whateves, loser! We're important too! Because we DIG!"

Patrick didn't care. Thomas sympathized with this, and only this. "Well I am the MOSTEST important in this cruel world of lies and illusion!" And off he raced. Thomas was beginning to wonder if the Pack were mentally well.

"He's a bit...ah...of a dick? ...No, not good enough? Oh, too vulgar, Mr Cameraman? Fine. He's a bit cheeky. Bit like James. There. I'm done for now. Great! Let me just go get something to drink. Yeesh, you lot could drive an engine to snort glue, you could."

"My FAVORITE PASTIME!" slurred Oliver in the corner. But unbeknownst to all of them, Jack and Alfie's buttons had been pressed. Who was the most important? One thing everyone agreed on was this.

It sure as shit wasn't Ned.

...

Jack, for some reason, couldn't wait to ask Byron. Byron was keeping a watchful eye out for anything and everything that even resembled a certain...well, you've probably caught on to what it is now.

"IS PATRICK THE MOST IMPORTANT?"

"Patrick? Most important? PAH! AS IF! Until I level the site, he can't do jack-squat!"

"I CAN'T SQUAT ANYWAY." said Jack, who was very stupid.

"...I'm going to ignore you. I am the most important if that is the ca-DID THAT TREE JUST MOVE!? So...it's a cold war, you want, eh, forest? I CAN WAIT! I can wait forevvvvvvvvvvvver."

...

Alfie, meanwhile, had made a beeline for Oliver, who was currently wondering if the sky was meant to be eating up the sun, or whether or not that was just his warped perspective on the thing. "OLLIE OLLIE OLLIE!"

"Oi oi oi! Now slow down, what's got you racing around in this heat!? When you could be taking it-" He inhaled sharply before continuing "-sloooooooooow."

"Yeah yeah yeah, no one cares, Patrick says he's the most important! He's a buttmunch, right? Yeah yeah yeah? It's not true, is it"

"Oh...my...noooooooo..." said Oliver, who's mind was going slower than a snail at this point. "Digging...the...foundations is the...moooooooost important...and that's what...I...do."

"But I did the foundations as well?" said a very confused Alfie.

"Well NO ONE GIVES A HOOT!" said Nelson, the very loud and jerkish lorry. "TRANSPORT! Without that there would be NOTHING. NADDA. NILCH. NO WORK AT ALL! And that's why I'm the big cheese and you're just a weakling!"

"THANKS, NELSON!" said Jack, unaware that he had just been insulted.

"Banksmen!" said Ned, whom had recognized that whoever was the important, it wasn't Ned. "They keep us safe and warm! They're the most important! ...Can I please join the cool kids club now?"

"We'll think about it!" said Hawkeye, who silently mouthed "No way" to the rest of the banksmen.

...

"I GIVE UP!" said Jack.

"No no no, they can't be the most important!" snapped Alfie, like a kid who has been denied sugar after a ten hour rush on the stuff. And as Thomas drew back in from his drink break, he could see everyone was having a paddy on about who was the most important. Even Max and (Suddenly-introduced-out-of-the-blue-never-before-seen-twin-brother) Monty! ...Why that is a surprise to anyone who has watched previous episodes with Max in them, I don't know.

"I'm the most important!" said Max, doing an impressive Diesel impression.

"NO WAY BRO! I AM!" said Monty, who was just as much a pain in the ass as his brother. "I can haul more in less time than anyone else!"

So, one thing lead to another and they were soon trying to one up each other on the load situation...look, that gutter you're in? Get your mind out of there! Max went to Ned to give him a big load- TITTER YE NOT. I can see you there. "MORE!" demanded Max.

Monty, meanwhile, had gone to Oliver to complain about how Max was- You know what, I'm beginning to see that I might be fanning the flames a little. "MORE!" bellowed Monty.

"I think that's enough." said Oliver, who knew how to tease the trucks until they were on the verge of blowing...up. Okay, that one was on purpose by me. Sorry.

"MORE AND HURRY!" said Monty...and this is now 'The Pack-XXX Edition' starring- What do you mean, that's too risque even for this thing? ...Fine. Spoilsport.

"If you say so!"

Monty shot off like a cork from a bottle the second that the last of the dirt was shoved in.

"Max! Monty! Stop, police, murder!" said Kelly, who had just now turned up after having been talked down from drowning himself in concrete by Isabella. "Slow down!"

"Oh, here we go." said Thomas, who was already wearing his special 'splatter proof' coat for this moment in particular. Luckily for him, the two sped past him. "All right! Take off the COAT!"

Max and Monty rocked and rolled along the road, smacking each other around.

"I'm in front!"

"No you're not!"

"Yes I am!"

"WASSUP WITH THAT!?"

"WASSUP WITH YOUR FACE?!"

This, and other incredible insults, kept on coming out of their mouths until they reached a bend in the road where Patrick was returning from preaching about the 'END OF EVERYTHING' and how it would involve a giant white wave destroying the world until all that was left was concrete. He was very obsessed. And then he registered their presence. "LOOK OUT!"

"LOOK OUT YOURSELF!" wailed Max and/or Monty.

Patrick swerved to avoid the two of them. Unfortunately, his driver was apparently incapable of using that thing called 'a brake' and thus, Patrick sailed over the embankment. Thomas looked up in time for Patrick to land face first into the wet concrete, which looked...less delicious now.

"Oh. Of course." said Thomas, who was now used to getting splattered.

"Ohhh. Flatter my fenders."

"Uhhh."

The two trucks were silent for a moment.

"Not my fault!" sneered Max (or Monty, I forget.)

"Yes it was!"

"No it wasn't!" his brother snapped back.

And thus they continued arguing until they were back with the Pack, and the fitter had to stop them by slapping them across the face.

"MY BEAUTIFUL CONCRETE!" wailed Patrick.

"MY BEAUTIFUL PAINTWORK!" moaned Thomas.

"MY SAINTED, TWENTY POUND ARSE, WHAT THE FECK IS HAPPENING HERE?!" said Miss Jenny.

...

"I go away for THREE HOURS AND YE KLUTZES SCREW IT UP! Ye two! I'm disappointed for some reason! Because I know that ye pull this shit ALL THE TIME! ALL. THE. TIME. Ye've caused an arseton of trouble! Look at Thomas! He's going to be a whiny little bitch for the rest of the day now! Ye're shoving off back to the Yard before I pick ye up with my bare teeth and carry ye there myself!"

"We were only trying to show who was the most important." said Max, picking now of all times to speak up.

"YER ALL PART, OR SUPPOSEDLY ARE, PART OF A TEAM! NO ONE IS MORE IMPORTANT! Except for Jack, who's getting his name on the spin off, and Ned, who is beneath all of ye!"

"And I'm okay with that!" said Ned.

"NOT EVEN PATRICK?!" asked Jack.

Jenny turned to Patrick. "Were ye giving them that FANNY about CONCRETE?!"

"...S'not fair...might have said something!"

...

PRESENT DAY.

"And how we LAUGHED!" said Nelson, grinning at a very grumpy Patrick.

"Okay, so what's the plan here?" asked Isabella, as Team Wreck It returned with the news that they had not, in fact, managed to get them to the BAFTA's on time. "Because they start in...an hour. So what are we going to do?"

At which point, three reasonably priced cars raced past them, followed by one driven by a tame racing driver.

There was a pause.

"Well we follow them! Obviously!" said Nelson.

...

"James?"

"Are you calling to say 'Your choice was better, James', because if not, then piss off."

"First of all, I would never say that. Second of all, look in your rear view mirror."

"Oh what? Is it Jeremy- WHAT? ...Are those construction vehicles?"

"Yes."

"With faces?"

"Yes."

"And are they trying to race Jeremy and the Stig?"

"Yes."

"...Buckle up, Hammond."