Dinner Date

by Castlefan6

Authors Note: Thisis my AU version to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for.

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

A/N This chapter is going to be EXTREMELY Difficult for Caskett Shippers, I'm sure I will get Hate regardless of what I say but Examine Becketts Actions described in her letter and Ricks response. Respectful reviews welcome, PM me with sensitive questions TROLLS will be deleted.

Chapter 29

Previously

"Rick, Lord Barrow NEVER praises anyone, he doesn't even mention their name in the same breath as Sir Ian, they were very close and he has held such high standards for any work, that's why there's been so few. This is quite the compliment"

"We thought the press would be out in full force for the next month or so trying to figure out which author is writing the book, so by shaving I'm back to me and they can see I'm at home in New York not off in London writing about a certain British Secret Agent", he smiled.

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NYPD 12th Precinct

Monday 9:00 AM

Kate had enjoyed the remainder of her weekend, getting caught up on the household chores, and only thinking about Rick for a few hours, oh hell, why lie he was in her thoughts all the time. She was curious, Did Gina even attempt to get her letter to him, did he read it or trash it like some piece of junk mail. Her thoughts turned to him more now that the new 007 book was coming out, she knew how much he idolized the author and the series.

Could it possibly be? The press was right, he had completed two Heat Books, including the heartbreaking finale to the series in less than 5 months. No one knew Rick like she did and when he got "in the moment" as he called it, he could write for days without stopping, so it could be possible. She chastised herself for even thinking that, and was just about to go for a coffee when a messenger strode up to her,

"Detective Katherine Beckett?"

"Yes, that's me"

"Begging your pardon Mam, but I need to see your ID, either Police or Driver's license."

Kate presents her Police Credentials and signs the clipboard the courier was carrying.

"Thank you, Detective," and the courier is gone.

She looks at a rather large envelope, that obviously contains another letter or package inside and her eyes go immediately to the return address, it's from Rick's Lawyers here in New York, what on earth?

Her hands are trembling as she finally succeeds in getting the outside envelope open, using the scissors instead of that damn pull string which never works. Inside was another envelope and she immediately recognized the handwriting on the outside. Neatly addressed was her name,

Detective Katherine Beckett

c/o NYPD 12th Precinct

230 East 21 Street

New York, New York 10010

Personal and Confidential

There was no return address, meaning Rick had used his Attorney as a clearing house to forward her something, perhaps it was the answer to her letter. As much as she was dying to rip it open and read his words, no matter how bad they could be, she had prepared herself for that, she thought better. She was at work, and as Roy had spelled out once before, she did not enjoy the same status as she once did.

She carefully folded the letter and placed it in her purse, she only had to wait three hours for lunch, or another 6 hours if she worked through lunch and went home early. Deciding this was the safer plan, she requested permission from Roz, begging off that the building super just called and needed her there for a home repair this afternoon. Roz approved her working through lunch and leaving early but it wasn't lost on her that Kate had just received a courier delivered letter.

Hamptons Beach House

Same Morning

Rick had once again been the first to rise with Cricket following in less than 15 minutes, although they did manage to sleep till 7:00 EST. They set about making coffee for everyone but Cricket, she had her teapot boiling and was enjoying her tea as they prepared breakfast for Alexis and Gina. Everyone had a good breakfast as they discussed their plans for the day.

Rick offered, "Well now that Hugo, AKA Edgar, is retired, I thought I would hang around the beach and get my face as tan as the rest of my body so I don't look like someone just painted me the wrong color" as everyone laughs.

"It'll be good Rick if we could walk up and down a bit, Genny Boyle is in town, and that's all we need is for her to spot you and all of Paula's work will be done" as they laugh.

Cricket asked, "so this Mrs. Boyle is a bit of a gossip I take it, just exactly where does she stay when she's here Gina."

Alexis replied, "You mean when she's not sneaking out of some man's bedroom, car, or boat?"

"Oh My, a bit on the tart side I take it, we need to keep Rick a safe distance away from that chipie that's for sure"

"Well she is a bit on the permissive side, putting it politely, and I agree Cricket, keep her away from Rick, she can look but no touching which she always does to every man. We won't have to worry about finding her, she has a built-in radar when it comes to men" Gina laughed, but it wasn't one that was meant to be funny.

Rick could sense the tension, "So what do you girls have in store?"

"Alexis is going to take me on a long Bike Ride around the Island, then we thought we would grab some lunch before we came home to shower and get ready for a party tonight" Cricket smiled

"Marcy's throwing her welcome to summer party Daddy, so I thought I would stop for a while and introduce Cricket, we are using her alias as a young Graduate looking to join a publishing firm and Gina is combining work with pleasure on this trip."

"That sounds like a great plan, and unfortunately, anyone who knows me would believe it since I took work here far too often and I'm sure dampened if not ruined some vacations. I'm sorry for that Alexis, Rick I see how much I really missed with the last few trips here."

"Gina, we talked about this, no going back, just make the most of everyday going forward right?" Alexis has taken one of Gina's hand in hers

"Yeah Baby, you're right, but I wasted so much, time, and fun with you both"

"So, we just party more, simple solution Genes" Rick kisses her gently on the cheek and wipes a tear away with his thumb.

Two hours later

Rick swore the papers had taken out an Advertisement announcing his arrival, he had spent the better part of the last few hours greeting neighbors he hadn't seen in several summers. Gina was the ultimate in hosts as always fixing up pitchers of ice-cold lemonade as they sat in the beach chairs under the umbrella, enjoying each other between the frequent visitors stopping by.

They took a stroll down the beach, hand in hand each holding their beach shoes in their free hand as they trailed the waves coming just kissing their lower legs. It was romantic and also provided perfect shots for the few paparazzi who had dared scale the security fences. The occasional stop to kiss, added the perfect touch to their collection, and made the scrapes from scaling the fence more than worth it.

Gina was enjoying every minute of this relaxed, and open Rick, they knew that some paparazzi were around, neither cared as long as they didn't trespass on the actual property.

"Well who do you think will print the biggest spread, Times, Post or one of the Rags" Gina asked

"My money is on the Times, how about you?"

"Well it's a tossup, the Rags have been coming on strong lately, but I would have to agree if it's not them it will be the Times. Does it bother you, Rick, seriously, I mean would you rather be spotted alone rather than with me?"

He stopped, turned, dropped his beach shoes and took her face gently as he looked deep into her eyes, "When I have the choice to be with you or be alone, it's you, every time, and I don't give a damn who knows or sees it," then he kisses her with the passion she hadn't felt in a long time. The cameras clicked away, and this would make a great spread soon on TV as well as paper.

Gina was weak in the knees but managed wrap her arm around Rick, leaning into him and walk back to their umbrella where she sat,

"Gosh Rick, you haven't kissed me like that since, well since the first time you wanted to get into my pants, what's come over you Love?"

"Maybe I remember the same thing you do, and wanted to see if I could succeed like I did that night"

"That night? Hell, we never left the bed for almost a full day Rick, is that what you want?"

"Yes, but I want it when we both know it's going to last forever, don't get me wrong, that night was the best sex I have ever had but when we do it again, I want it to be making Love, not just having sex, does that make sense?"

Gina has a tear run down her face, "You just don't understand how special you are do you Rick, only you would give the perfect answer, and yes, I want what you want. I still don't think it would hurt to practice, would you?" as she gets an evil smile and pulls him toward the house.

Beckett's Apartment

4:45 PM Same Day

Kate thought the day would never end, and when she tried to get out a few minutes early Roy called an All Hands meeting, Damn couldn't catch a break today. Finally, she closed the door to her apartment, and took the letter from her purse, God what did he say, as she reminded herself to expect the worst.

She kicked off her shoes, silenced her phone when she put it on the charger, got a tall glass of the Good wine, and went to the couch to prepare herself. A few sips of wine, and then she began to trace the address on the outside of the envelope, knowing he had touched this, it had been the closest she had been to him in almost 4 months. Her fingers gently slipped under the seal, and she slowly opened what appeared to be Rick's response to her letter. At least he responded, God forgive me Gina, I should have never thought you would just throw it away.

She took the neatly folded pages out, noticing it's on his stationary, with the RCE Embossed at the top of each page, meaning he had written it at one of his properties, or had the stationary with him for whatever reason. Enough stalling, it was time to read what he wrote, once again, she reminded herself to expect the worst.

She read the first paragraph, as tears flowed, she focused on the words,

You do own the fact you allowed conduct that I never thought I would see directed at the worst of the criminals we interviewed to flow my way, not only by your Boyfriend Demming, but you got in some pretty good shots yourself and Espo, well he took the sucker punch when he could.

She couldn't argue, he was totally correct, she had allowed Demming and Espo to take shots that were totally inappropriate, what was worse, was not only didn't she stop it, she added to it with her own smart comments. Rick was correct, she never had spoken to the lowest of low criminals, yet she spewed the vile language towards him.

She gained a little confidence in the next few paragraphs, Rick was being honest, he did almost throw the letter away, but when he said she surprised him with the content and "perhaps too much ownership" and the Murder Board being a nice touch comment touched her, even as hurt as he was he still found some golden thread.

She cringed a bit reading about her timeline, once again he only stated what she had done, no sugar coating it, and her words describing him as a nine year old on a sugar rush, and attention span of a cocker spaniel read more hurtful to her than she could have ever thought when she said them.

The next paragraph brought her to tears, flowing which she couldn't stop,

The murder of Esposito's career is not really a murder but more of a suicide. You can only act like the Macho Man for so long till someone calls your bluff and either kicks your ass physically, or through strategic maneuvers which Alexis was able to take him apart easily. The sad part you were there watching and did nothing to stop him from pulling the trigger so to speak, so for that you can share that guilt with Esposito.

This was perhaps one of the things she was most ashamed and sorry for, allowing others on her watch to behave in such a fashion. Rick wasn't holding back; he was letting all of the hurt loose and he was right.

He mentioned Roy and Kevin next and as he said, she had brought embarrassment upon him, and also placed Kevin in a very precarious situation. To his credit, he would not agree with her and Javi, probably why he's in the lead position now rather than her, and also that he thought Kevin would excel without her, that she had been a bad leader for him. It wasn't written spitefully, but it hit home, perhaps he was correct.

As she read the next line she could hear her own words coming back to bite her in the ass, Don't flatter yourself Castle had been said how many times, and now she regretted each time. He was adamant about him not disappearing, only that he kept in contact with those he wanted to. It hurt, really hurt to see herself on the outside looking in as he must have done for so long. She read the line replying her words, word for word about who the killer was, what a fool she was, he was right all along.

Detective Haller broke the case in less than 24 hours after getting the lead from Castle. She thought how he must have felt to remember in such vivid details, including her laugh, people only remember really good or really hurtful events in such detail. This almost broke her, she had to take a break and go blow her nose, the tissue box was almost empty as well.

After a few minutes, another shot of wine, and a fresh box of tissues she was ready to continue. She read all of the not a cop put downs and could hear not only Espo's, Tom's but her voice as well vocalizing these thoughts, Damn it, he may not be a cop but was as smart or smarter than most of them. If she had only told him the truth instead of joining in with the gang.

This hit another nerve when she remembered one conversation they had earlier about his childhood and how he had always been the oddball, made fun of, and never fit in. Damn it Beckett, you wonder why he left, it's right here for you to read. YOU knew him, he was YOUR partner, HE protected YOU at all cost, and all YOU did was ridicule and make him feel like that child being bullied all over again. Once again, the tears start with a steady stream and she did little to stop them this time.

She continued through watery eyes and when Rick mentioned that she was writing the letter as part of an assignment from her shrink, she felt ashamed, it was, and probably the only reason she wrote the damn thing to begin with. His very forgiving answer, I forgave you the minute I stepped outside the precinct, forgetting is going to take longer but you're clear, tell your shrink things are good between us.

Apparently she wasn't the only one who had to seek professional help, Rick was very astute and either had researched the subject, but it appeared he knew how the process worked far too well, Hell why wouldn't he need to see someone. No matter how happy he always seemed to be, he had tragedies occur in his life, he just didn't wear them on his sleeve for everyone to feel sorry for him.

If she thought she had hit bottom with shame and guilt before she was about to get a platter of it, all true, all facts but the last line almost broke her;

The last weeks with Demming don't need to be repeated here on paper, you touched on some of what you did, but as always you glossed over the bigger ones, ones I'm not going to bring up, now or ever. I will tell you this, there were times when I wished I never created Nikki Heat, times which I wished I never met you Detective.

She immediately felt sick; did he really mean he wished he had never met her? God, she remembered that feeling when she was so hurt in High School, Damn Brent Edwards

It only got worse with the next two paragraphs, so much for forgiveness and knowing how protective he is of Alexis, if this much pain had been caused she would never have a chance until Alexis forgave her, good luck with that.

You're correct, I have the reputation of having a forgiving heart, when it comes to me being wronged, I can forgive almost anything. Detective, that wasn't the case the last several weeks I was with you, your actions were callous and cruel and caused pain to Alexis, and Gina both who had to watch me spiral down trying to figure out what I had done to deserve this type of treatment.

You left a mess of a man that Gina put back together and comforted my teenage daughter when she saw her Dad so sad, she was afraid he would harm himself. I think your threat of shooting me would have hurt them less that the emotional pain you inflicted. Words are like bullets; some pass-through causing flesh wounds others can cause massive internal hemorrhaging to the point of no return.

He congratulated on things she did right, and also called her on her bullshit excuse for the lies, truth was she didn't know why she lied to him, to keep him chasing her, or perhaps it was because she was afraid he wouldn't.

Congratulations on continuing your treatment with Doctor Burke, perhaps he can help you find some of your triggers that cause the behaviors I have witnessed. You brought up the lies, I wasn't going to, but I don't buy that I'm the only one you lie to because I'm the one you fell in love with, common reasoning is just the opposite, at least it is for me, I would lie to protect the one I love, not hurt them.

Once again, he expressed sorrow for her shame even though he had nothing to do with it, that was just him. He did ask a good question

I often wondered what would make you run a complete background check on me, just to allow me to sit next to your desk, yet you begin encounters with men you take at face value without a second thought.

He openly admitted to cheating other commitments out of his attention as he tried to get her to see the real him. He also called her on the Instant Cure she was professing, he was correct, she was fucked up and a few counseling sessions were not going to cure all and make it all better as if nothing happened.

Now I'm supposed to see that one disciplinary hearing, a few sessions with a shrink have opened your eyes to reality, and you love me?

One of the hardest truths for her to accept, she had cried herself till no more tears would fall, yet she still felt like they should, was when he described her mission, her reason for living and why it was so easy for her to treat him the way she did.

The only thing that you feel is the urge to find your mother's killer, to bring those responsible to justice and anyone or anything that gets in your way is collateral damage. I got in the way, and since I'm not a cop such as Sorenson or Demming, I could be treated like yesterday's trash. Harsh? Perhaps. Truth? Most Likely and until your action prove you have changed, I don't believe a word you have to say, especially about having feelings for me.

She had tried to be complimentary of Gina and Alexis relationship, but apparently, she had succeeded in totally pissing him off. She needed to go back and see what she had said that had struck such a response. The last thing she wanted to do was to make him angry, or hurt him, or anyone he loved.

I'm sure Gina will appreciate your appraisal of her relationship with her Stepdaughter, you see, She divorced me but never stopped being her mom. I have never referred to Gina as a blood thirsty ex, you are treading into a territory you really don't want to go, especially with thoughts and conjectures and nothing else for proof.

Once again he used her own words to cut her to the bone, She had tried to get him to return to be her partner, yet he was correct this things had been said, without regard to how hurtful they could be.

all you have done is threaten to shoot me or wait in the car Castle, stay here Castle, once again Detective one incident and a few trips to the shrink doesn't change things. There is as much chance of me returning to the 12th precinct to assist as there is in me running for Mayor to succeed Bob when he hits term limits, not very likely.

It was apparent that Rick had invested time in his response to her, following her letter paragraph by paragraph, and she thought she had felt as deep a hurt has she could feel, but when she read the next line, she was destroyed. Not that it wasn't truthful, but she did consider him a friend, if only she had shown it, to him and his family who did so much for her to make her feel at home when she had none.

You were never my friend, even when my family opened our doors to you to provide you a home, you never allowed anything to progress past working colleague. If we weren't friends before what makes you think our friendship, hell any friendship, could survive what I call the Demming Debacle?

Reading the next paragraph, her own smart-ass mouth had once again born fruit, Rick remembered, God did he remember every fucking thing?

The last few paragraphs of your letter dealt with my relationship with Gina, and how she feels, again I wonder how you garnered those thoughts, and reflections. I know Gina was polite and professional during the last book launch, but you certainly don't know her or me well enough to offer an opinion Dr. Phil as you used to call me.

She thought she had hit bottom and the last few paragraphs thanked her for writing, acknowledging how hard it was, and even explaining how he wasn't trying to hurt her, God it had but thinking it was her words and her actions that caused the pain.

He asked her to move on, he had forgiven her, to find her inner peace she was longing for. It wasn't a surprise when he declined the invite to see her face to face, really what was left to say? His comment about not worrying about his heart did hurt, she loved him, more now than she even knew when she sent the letter.

As I said earlier in this letter, I have forgiven you long ago, forgetting is the hard part and it will take time. Thank you for the letter, I know it was hard for you to write, to express your feelings, so it is appreciated. This response is not meant to be cold, or hurtful, I just removed all emotion, or at least I tried and responded with as many facts as I could.

He asked her to live her life, and let him live his, since they were both adults and without saying it, he was tired of the childish games she had played. The standard I truly wish you happiness, but then, No, No, No he can't mean it, he just can't as the words I truly hope I can forget I ever met you resonated deep within her soul.

She just took the letter with her to her bed, didn't bother to change or even turn the covers, she just laid down and cried until she hurt like she never had before. Loosing her Mom was the hardest thing in the world, until she lost Rick, and she knew he was gone.