Guilt was what Gavin felt as he lay awake in his bed staring out his window at the bright glimmering moon. He hadn't been to see Michael in a week. He had been bed-ridden with a bad flu and Geoff had forced him to stay despite all Gavin's protests. But he had decided that he was well enough to go tomorrow and was over excited for it.
Gavin shivered and pulled his blankets tighter around himself, itching for Michaels long gone scent. Everyday the loneliness and longing that he felt for Michael increased. It was almost Christmas and that just made his feeling stronger.
Despite their wishes Michael was still there and the summer had been spent lazily lounging around Austin doing pointless teenager-y things like hanging around shops and drinking in random places with people they didn't know.
Because Gavin, Ray, Lindsay and Josh were friends with Michael this gave them a sort of status which meant they were invited to each and every party that was planned, no matter the social status of the person throwing said party. They were once invited to a basement party held by a group of stoners and the next day to a roof party by one of the richest girls in school.
They hardly ever turned these invitations down and it was never hard to convince Gavin to go because they were on after visiting times were up and he was always up for a distraction. Some days he would go into Michaels hospital room with a hangover and sleep it off, resting his head on the edge of the bed.
When there was no party to go to the place they went was a secret secluded area of a small forest where all you could see was the stars and the trees. It was Gavin's favourite place to be. He swore to himself that he would take Michael there one day.
Gavin rolled over, turning his back on the moon and closed his eyes tightly, willing himself to sleep. Then suddenly he was awake and the sun was shining and his right foot was freezing, he retracted inside the blankets.
"Hey Gavin!" he heard Geoff shout form downstairs "Come here!"
Gavin groaned and rolled out of bed, an icy shiver shooting through his body as his foot made contact with the cold, hard, wooden floorboards. He hopped around on one foot, pulling his socks on. Then he padded downstairs.
"Geoff what is it?"
"I'm going into town want me to drop you up to the hospital?"
"Yeah that'd be great"
Half an hour later Gavin was up in Michael's room reading The shawshank redemption when he got to the end of a chair and slapped it down on a modern looking end table near him and pulled his chair up close, studying Michaels face. He looked much more attractive with the tube out of his mouth, it had been gone for a long time and Gavin never wished it back.
He curled his fingers gently around Michaels limp ones and smiled, he was soft and warm and it was comforting."I love you" He whispered as his gaze slowly drifted back up to his face. Michaels eyes were open, they were out of focus, staring blankly ahead.
"Michael?!"Gavin exclaimed. The boy's limp fingers twitched. Gavin's heart began to beat faster.
"Dr Jenkins!" He screamed "Holy shit!, Nurse, Dr Jenkins!" With his free hand he jabbed the button for urgent calls to the nurse and waited extremely impatiently.
"What is it Gavin?" Dr Jenkins asked
"H-His eyes!" he pointed "And his hand moved" At that moment Michaels left arm flew up in the air and fell ungracefully back onto the bed, a dull groan came from deep within his throat.
"Martha!, come here!" Called Dr. Jenkins "Call his parents he's waking up!"
"Michael, Michael" Gavin repeated, his eyes starting to open a floodgate of huge round tears to express his sublime happiness "Michael"
Ten minutes passed and Michael's better hand had begun to half-heartedly tug at the cords attached to his body. Gavin swatted his hands away as gently as he could. Michaels eyes began to come into focus and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion "guh-vn?"He mumbled, looking directly into his eyes.
"Yes, It's me, It's okay" He said hanging onto Michaels hand like it was the most precious thing on the entire planet.
"Gavin, I'm sorry" Dr Jenkins said "but can you wait outside, his parents are here" He felt his heart sink. He reluctantly placed Michaels hand down on the bed and left, passing his parents on the way back. He slumped down onto the chair outside the door, refusing to go any further away.
He took out his phone and began dialling numbers, opting to contact Geoff first.
"Hey buddy what's up?"
"He's waking up"
"What!?"
"Michael's waking up!"
"Holy shit...I'll be right over...fuck" Then Geoff hung up and Gavin brought up Lindsay's number
"Lindsay?"
"Oh hello Gavin, I thought you were up with Michael today"
"I am, he's just woken up"
"Oh my god, Ray and Josh are with me, we're coming now, Ray, Josh Gavin just told me-" the connection was cut and he was alone. He sighed and leaned back into the chair. He waited, rather impatiently, for more news to come through.
When the others had come he went to the waiting room to tell them what he knew. As soon as he came through he was bombarded with questions.
"Did he talk?" "Is he moving?" "what did you say?"
"Hey!" Gavin shouted "Calm down a little, I'll tell you so sit down okay?"
Once everyone was seated and the noise level had settled Gavin started to speak "Before I say anything I want you guys to know that he didn't actually do much while I was there" he took a breath "It wasn't like the moves say it is at all, he didn't jump up and pull out his I.V's or anything like that. I had put my book down and his eyes were open, they weren't looking at anything, they were just open. Then his hand twitched and his arm went up like this" He demonstrated the action, flicking his arm up into the air "then he looked at me and said my name and after that I had to leave"
"so are his parents are in there now?" Geoff asked
"Yeah, they passed me on their way in"
Dr. Jenkins appeared at the door and called Gavin over, he placed a hand on his back and led him down the hallway "Michaels mind seems to be a little foggy he's forgotten some things-"
"he's got amnesia!?"
"Now just hold on a second don't get too excited, I don't think it's permanent he's been remembering things, but slowly."
"Oh" Gavin choked, all the happiness and excitement that had built up inside him had washed away.
"I want to bring you in to see if it will trigger anything, is that okay?"
Gavin nodded fearing that if he said something now he would start to cry.
"Don't overload him with information, his brain is in a fragile state at the moment. Don't get frustrated if he can't remember something because that might upset Michael and that's the last thing we need" He placed a hand on the door knob and turned to Gavin "you got all that?"
"Mhmm" was all he could manage.
"Alright" he opened the door, revealing an upright Michael who seemed more than a little upset. He mom and dad were sat around him, his dad looking awkward and his mother trying her best not to cry.
"Mr and Mrs Jones can you leave us for a while please?"
They left quickly. Dr Jenkins and Gavin took their places.
"Okay Michael, do you know this boy?" He gestured to Gavin.
"Michael nodded "yeah, he's the new guy, he calls me Mi-cool and I hate him" He spat "why was he holding my hand?, was he the one who put me here or something?"
Each word felt like a knife being edged into his heart. "I didn't..." he whispered then He looked to Dr. Jenkins helplessly, he didn't know what to say.
"He thought you were just the new kid earlier, he was completely neutral towards you, so this is a good step, trust me"
"Can I know the date now?" Michael asked "I want to know how far behind I am"
"I don't see the point in keeping from you any longer" Dr Jenkins sighed "It's December twentieth"
"Shit, That's months away...I missed all that...I will remember it all, won't I?"
Dr Jenkins smiled "Yes, I'm sure you will...Gavin do you want to talk with him on your own for a little while?"
"Yeah"
Dr Jenkins headed for the door reminding Gavin not to tell him anything too dramatic before he left.
"Why are you here anyway" Michael asked "hey look at me!"
Gavin looked up, Michaels eyes seemed unfamiliar and it broke his heart
"why are you here?" He repeated
"Well, I can't really tell you that. You wouldn't believe me even if I told you"
Michael groaned "No-one will tell me any-fucking-thing, I've asked everyone about you but they all say they same thing. Are we friends now or something?"
Despite the situation Gavin smiled "something like that"
"Do you know why I'm here?, They won't tell me that either"
"You got beaten up"
"Aw weak, by who?"
"Brett"
A crease of confusion formed between Michaels eyebrows "But why would he beat me up I've never even spoken to him"
"Now that's harder to explain, You were angry at Josh because you thought he told everyone that you're...uh told everyone your secret so you went to give him a piece of you mind but he ended up kissing you-"
Michael's eyes widened considerably "He what!?, but he's straight and he hates me!"
Gavin laughed "He had a major crush on you and he's gay, back to the story, so Josh tells Brett what happened and he thinks that it's your fault he's gay because...reasons...and he got Reese an Trent to hold Josh back while he beat you up"
"Brutal"
"right?, and he just left you there for dead"
"Wait if he left me there than who called the ambulance, did I do it?"
"No you were.." the image of Michaels body laying flashed across his mind and Gavin's hands flew up to his face "no" he breathed
"Uhh, you okay?"
He removed his hands slowly, pushing the image out of his mind "Yeah, no, yeah I was the one who called the ambulance"
"Well, thanks I guess"
"I think I should be off now..." Gavin said, standing up "I'm a bit tired after all that"
"Alright bye Gavin"
Gavin walked out as fast as he could and stormed through the hallway.
"Gavin!" Dr Jenkins called "How did it go"
At this moment he was on the verge of tears "he's the same person but he's so different, I don't know this Michael"
"Gavin, I told you not to worry he'll remember everything soon enough"
"But what if he doesn't?, what if he never remembers me! What if I'm stuck loving him on my own?!" Gavin's lip wobbled and a tear fell from each eye "I'm going home now"
"Gavin"
He wiped his face and headed through the double doors to find Geoff. "Can you take me home?" he asked once he'd found him and gotten him alone.
"Why?, I thought you wanted to stay until visiting was up?"
"He doesn't remember that we're together, he forgot that we were even friends and I just want to go home and sleep"
"Holy shit, okay let's go, I'll tell griffon first"
Gavin tried his best to put the whole day out of his mind as he shuffled to the car, his energy was low and he felt drained. As soon as they arrived home he went upstairs and curled up his his blanket and cried. After all he had been through, after all those lonely days spent in Michaels room. He had been forgotten and it was the worst pain he had ever felt.
