If you thought that you hated Daniel already, get ready to hate him some more, just a warning.


Alex dropped down to sit on the sofa, simply staring at Emma in complete and utter shock, out of all the things she had imagined, that was, well, that was nowhere on the list, nowhere at all. "You love her?" She asked, she needed to clarify it again, she had already done so once, but she couldn't really believe what she was hearing. Emma was in love with Regina! That was crazy, ludicrous, clearly Regina suspected absolutely nothing at all, she thought that Emma hated her, despised her completely.

"Yes." Emma nodded, whispering as she stared at Alex, trying to work out what she was thinking. Did she believe her? Did she think she was lying? Oh god, she had known about her sister not even twenty-four hours and had already well and truly messed up. "You have no idea what it's like to keep a secret like that."

"Are you fucking kidding me? I was in the closet once Emma and yeah, I had a pretty shitty time. I got bullied at school, so I knew exactly what Regina was going through. I would never, never have done something like that to someone, just because I didn't have the fucking guts to come out!"

"I didn't bully her." Emma shook her head.

"You did though! You made her feel like shit Emma, you made her miserable and why? Because you say you are in love with her, that's complete and utter bullshit! You don't treat someone you love like that."

"I know; I know alright I was a fucking bitch! I'd be the first person to admit that, but I was scared okay! I had to push her away, I had to, I couldn't bare it and I was scared, scared of telling her, scared of being rejected, so I had to protect myself. I couldn't be her friend when all I wanted to do was be her girlfriend, to kiss her, touch her, it's all I still want. I can't forget about her, I think about her all the time, constantly!"

Alex sighed and shook her head, rubbing her hands over her face "this is such a mess. Such a mess." She slammed her hands down on the couch, "what do you expect me to say Emma, what do I do? Tell me what you want me to do."

"I don't know." Emma sat down beside her, "Alex, I hate myself."

"Emma." She sighed, not looking at her.

"I hate myself." She sobbed, burying her head in her hands.

"Oh god, Emma, please don't cry." Alex wrapped her arm around her, "we'll sort this okay."

"How? I'm a horrible person, I don't deserve anyone's help. I don't deserve anything."

"Emma…"

"No Alex, you don't need me in your life, I'm a failure, an absolute fucking failure, I'm horrid, I might as well not be alive."

"Emma stop."

Emma stood up tears flooding down her cheeks, "it would be better for everyone if I just went away, Regina hates me, Robin hates me, all my friends hate me, one by one they are all hating me and it's all my fault, how can they like me if I don't even like myself?"

Although Alex in no way condoned what Emma had done to Regina, it was clear she was in pain, she had been suffering in silence, taking out her self-hatred on Regina, because she was mad and Alex got that, she understood. She herself had been mad when she had first realised that she liked women, mainly due to the fact that she couldn't come out straight away and when she did, she had to put up with homophobic idiots who couldn't accept people for who they were. She somehow felt like she had to help Emma get through it, she hadn't had anyone, but Emma had people, she wasn't alone, despite everything, she still had some friends. Killian for one, he had brought her all the way to California, so he must still have some good feelings towards her, still want to help her.

"Emma shut up."

"Alex, I can't do this anymore, I can't, I can't deal with feeling like this, hiding, but I can't come out either."

"What?"

"I can't do it, you don't understand, there are people who won't accept me."

"Who?" Alex asked, narrowing her eyes at her.

"My adopted parents for one."

"Fuck them."

"Alex, they raised me."

"I don't give a shit, if they can't accept you for who you are, then they don't deserve you." Alex sighed, thinking back to when she had told her mother and Frankie had actually thrown her a party. She had been so supportive, even Zelena's mother after the initial shock had been accepting, maybe Emma was just over thinking everything.

Emma stared at her sister, she could see why Regina liked her so much, she was gutsy and she didn't let anything bring her down, but Emma knew that she would, she brought everyone down. Her sister deserved someone better, someone who wasn't her, "I can't"

"Emma, look at me." Alex grabbed her shoulders, staring her straight in the eye, "come out to me right now, tell me. It's the first step, I don't think you've admitted it to yourself yet, you can't accept yourself yet, so you think that people are going to judge you, let me tell you now, it's a hell of a lot easier once you are out."

"I can't do it." Why couldn't she say it out loud? She had already confessed her love for Regina, but that was completely different to outright stating that she was a lesbian. She didn't know how she would ever work up the courage to do that, "Alex, you can't tell her, you can't tell Regina what I told you."

Alex shook her head, "that's for you to tell her, not me, but Emma, sooner or later, everything is going to come out and if you don't tell her, someone else might."

"I'm sorry Alex, I'm sorry that you have to have me as a sister, it would be better if I was…"

"Shut up, stop, why do you hate yourself? That's what I want to know." Alex furrowed her perfectly shaped eyebrows, pushing her black frames up her face. "Why do you hate yourself Emma? Why?"

Emma swallowed heavily, she hadn't told anyone, nobody knew…


Two years previously...

Emma smiled at Regina as she walked into the dining room, her best friend was the prettiest girl in school. Lately she had started to feel things towards her, things that she hadn't felt before, she'd had boyfriends, but she hadn't felt this way about a girl before, never. It scared her, a lot, but Regina was her friend and she couldn't just ditch her.

"Em." She hugged her, before sitting down at the table next to her. "You'll never guess what, Daniel just asked me to junior prom, how cool is that?" She smiled, swishing her dark hair.

Emma faked a smile and nodded, Regina had been dating Daniel for a while, but Emma really didn't know what she saw in him, he was a jock, played in the football team; but Regina, she was smart and she wasn't one of those girls who just ran around sleeping with people. Emma knew for a fact that Daniel was after one thing and one thing alone, yet Regina, well she was less than willing to give that up, which worried Emma, she was worried for her friend, she might nearly be seventeen, but if she wasn't ready, she wasn't ready and Daniel would have to accept that, she was afraid that he wouldn't. "yeah."

"You could act a little more excited for me." Regina chuckled, before furrowing her eyebrows at her, "Em? You alright?"

"I'm fine, yeah, of course I'm happy for you." Emma faltered, moving a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear.

"You don't look it."

"Regina." She took her hands in hers, "of course I am." She wasn't, not in the slightest. She pulled her into a hug, closing her eyes as she inhaled the scent of her shampoo, holding her close. When she opened her eyes, she saw Daniel walking into the canteen and staring right at them. "Just don't do anything you might regret."

"I won't, Emma, you know I'm not ready, I told you."

"I know, but don't let him force you."

"Emma, this is me, do you really think I'd let that happen?"

"No." She sighed. Regina was so important to her; she couldn't bare it if anything happened.

"I gotta run, I'm meeting J, he's having boy trouble again." Regina stood up and hugged her, before hurrying out the door.

Emma watched after her longingly, admiring the way her hair bounced as she ran, swishing from side to side as her skirt swayed in time. Her toned legs…

"Boo." She looked up to see Daniel smirking at her, "checking out my girlfriend?" He tutted, coming to straddle the chair opposite her.

"No!" She yelled defensively, "what are you talking about?" what was he talking about? She hadn't been obvious, had she? He was right about her checking out Regina, but she had tried to be discreet.

"Oh don't worry lesbo." He laughed, "I won't tell anyone about your dirty little secret."

She narrowed her eyes at him and took a deep breath, "what?"

"That you like women, that you're a lesbo."

"Lesbo?" She scoffed at the stupid derogatory abbreviation.

"Yeah, that's your dirty little secret isn't it, that you like girls."

Emma felt panicky, how did he know? He was going to use it against her and she knew it. "I don't know what you are talking about." She shook her head.

"Oh, I'm sure you don't, but I bet you check them all out in the locker room right, stare at their arses and breasts, I envy you, being able to look at all the women you want, including Regina. She is quite the picture isn't she Emma, all innocent, untouched, just waiting to be broken in. Her perky breasts, tight ass…"

"Shut up!" She spat, her eyes fiery.

"Ooh someone's tetchy." Daniel taunted. "I know what you want to do to her Emma, shame that I'm going to beat you to it."

"She's never going to sleep with you, so you might as well forget it, she'll see exactly who you are, you won't be able to fool her forever."

"Who am I then?" He scoffed, "hu?" When she didn't reply, he let out a dark laugh "I didn't think so and you just told me what I needed to know, you want to sleep with her you dirty little lesbo, you want to touch her don't you? You want to fuck her."

"Stop!"

"What? Are you ashamed? You should be. Regina would never want you, she's not a pussy licker like you."

Emma couldn't bare it, couldn't listen to him anymore, she hated herself, she didn't ask for this, she didn't want it. Daniel was disgusting, a vile person, but he still made her feel like she was the disgusting one and she hated herself. "I am not; I am not a..."

"Prove it." He rose his eyebrows, "prove it to me."


Present day...

Emma trembled as she looked up at Alex who was in tears, "oh my god Emma."

"I never told anyone."

Alex shook her head, "I'm going to kill that son of a bitch. How could he do that?!" She pulled Emma into her arms, appalled at what she had just told her and already knowing Regina's side of the story, she really hoped that he hadn't tried to do anything to her, hoped that Regina had told her the whole truth.

"He made me feel useless, dirty, pathetic, so I slept with him, I knew it was wrong, I knew it was, but somehow it made me feel better about myself and that's the worst part. I kinda felt like I was protecting Regina, by doing it."

"You felt you had to do that to protect Regina?"

"Yes." She nodded.

"So did he force you? Em did that bastard…"

"No, he never did that, I went willingly." She cried. "Every fucking time, he was such an arsehole!"

"Yeah, he was." Alex nodded, running her fingers through her sister's hair, "he still is an arsehole, I think I could think of a much stronger word to describe him. So Regina, she never…"

"No, god no, she was way too stubborn, she wasn't giving that up to him just like that, she wouldn't let him touch her in that way." She sighed and looked up at Alex, thinking about the difference between the Regina back then and the Regina now, she was crazily happy, ridiculously so and Emma knew exactly why. "She's happy with Robin isn't she?"

"Very, very happy." Alex nodded, feeling bad for Emma, she got it now, she understood. "But you can be happy too, you'll find a girl that will love you, trust me. But you will need to come out first." She stated, running her hand over her cheek, "you don't have to do this alone Emma, not anymore, I'm going to help you okay, I'm going to help you."

"Why?" Emma asked, wiping her eyes.

Alex kissed the side of her head, "because you are my sister and you clearly need help in how to woo a woman, it's safe to say, I have a bit of expense in that field."

Emma laughed through her tears, "thank you."

"But, Em this thing with Regina, you have to stop, you can't treat her like you do anymore, because you know you're telling me that you hate yourself, that's how you make her feel about herself, she hates herself because of how you treat her. I know unrequited love can be a bitch, but that's no reason to let it make you become one."

"I know." She nodded.

"Just keep your head down and you'll be fine. Regina won't come near you, if you don't go near her." Alex stated.

Emma nodded, "I was so scared last month, when I found out that Daniel was back, I was so scared that he would try to hurt her, she said she wasn't hurt, but…"

"He bruised her wrists and her arms." Alex sighed, thinking back to the night she had gotten off shift to be told that Regina had been attacked, it made her so scared, scared for Regina who she saw as her little sister. She was glad she hadn't been majorly hurt, but the bruises had been bad enough.

"So he did hurt her?" Emma swallowed heavily, she should have known that Regina wouldn't have told her the whole truth, that she would have pretended to be fine. When Emma had caught Daniel she'd had more than a conversation with him.


Last January...

Emma ran down the corridor, she needed to find Regina, hopefully she would have gone home already, hopefully Robin would have taken her home, so she couldn't be hurt by her creep of an ex. She continued to run when she heard a commotion coming from further down the hall.

"Who the hell do you think you are? She told you not to touch her, you need to learn that you can't treat women like that, you sick twisted…"

"Mate. He's not going to touch her again, are you?"

"No, you can have her, she's a frigid bitch, even if she weren't, she'd probably be a crap fuck anyway." That was Daniel and she was pretty sure that the other two voices were Robin and Graham. Oh god, Robin had said that he had touched her, that he had touched Regina, what if he'd hurt her or even worse, what if he'd sexually assaulted her?

"Wanna say that again?" Robin would surely have beaten Daniel to a pulp if he's hurt Regina wouldn't he? Of course he would, he wouldn't just allow someone to do that to her, because as much as Emma hated to admit it, Robin loved her as much as she did. "You touch her again and I will end you."

Then she heard the squeaking of shoes coming her way down the corridor and hid slightly, as soon as she saw it was Daniel, she reached out and pushed him into the wall, "you fucking scum." She spat, "what did you do to her?"

"Nothing, that dumbass boyfriend she's got herself stopped me, but he can't be around to protect her all the time."

"I swear to god, if you hurt her…"

"What's the little lesbian going to do?"

"Castrate you." She glared, "don't think I wouldn't. Do you want to call me a lesbian again?" She asked, sniggering at him, "at least you're using the proper word now."

"Poor little Emma, has Regina still not noticed you, have you had to watch her bounce from guy to guy?"

"No, because she isn't a slag, Robins the only boyfriend she's had since you."

"You still want her though don't you Emma, you still lust for her, want to have your fingers inside…"

Emma punched him square in the jaw "go fuck yourself." She spat before running down the corridor towards Regina, seeing Robin with his arms around her and Regina with her eyes slightly red, "Shit!" They all turned to look at her and she felt extremely awkward. "Are you okay? Oh god." She rubbed her knuckles which were red from having punched him, the look on his face when she had was well worth a couple of scraped knuckles.

She saw Regina look behind her before turning back "What me?"

"Yes you." Emma nodded, looking at her, she really needed to make sure that Regina was alright and that Daniel hadn't done something to her. At that moment she didn't care about her persona, about pretending to hate her, pretending that she wanted to make her miserable, she only cared about Regina, cared that she was alright.

"I'm fine." Regina furrowed her eyebrows, clearly totally confused as to what was going on.

Emma took a deep breath "Right, right okay." She nodded and turned back the way she had come. As long as Regina was fine, that was all that mattered, not that she would tell her if she wasn't anyway, why should she?


Present day...

"A little bit yeah."

"She told me she was fine, told me that he hadn't hurt her." Emma sniffed.

"Yeah, well she's a tough cookie and Robin pulled her through it." Alex nodded.

"Oh good." Emma smiled weakly, she was still annoyed that Daniel had been able to get to her, able to hurt her like he had done. "What do we do now?" Emma asked looking up at her sister, having absolutely no clue how to deal with things from here.

"We deal with this together, but Emma, I love Regina too okay, so please don't hurt her anymore." She sighed, "and if you are ever doubting yourself, ever hating yourself, I'll be here for you, don't suffer alone, okay?"

"Thank you Alex." She hugged her sister.

"You're my sister and sisters look out for each other right?"


Regina clung to Robin's arm as they made their way to the boat, they had been around the tower of London and done all the other stuff, but she hadn't been able to enjoy it as much as she would have done if she hadn't been thinking of how she would be having to go out on the water. Then she halted, pulled on his arm and shook her head, "Robin I don't think I can."

He turned to look at her, she clearly hadn't been enjoying her day, every time he looked at her she would quickly put a smile on her face to hide the fear that she harnessed deep down. "Regina, I'm gonna stand with you holding your hand the whole time, but if you decide that you don't want to go, that's fine too." He nodded, pulling her into his arms and hugging her tight.

She swallowed deeply, "okay, I suppose we could try." She sniffed, looking at the boat which was bobbing about on the water at the end of the pier. The water in the river was a lot calmer than the sea she had fallen in, but that didn't make her any less scared of it.

"Regina, you don't have to do this." He stated, pulling back to look at her and caressing her cheek lightly, "we can tell them that you have a phobia of water, don't the teachers already know?"

"I don't think so, my mother didn't tell them why we were off, she just marked us as having an explained absence. I need to face my fears Robin; I can't be scared of water forever."

"Regina, you nearly drowned, is it any wonder that you are scared to be near water?"

"No, I suppose not." She smiled at him weakly, "let's go." She clung to him as they made their way towards the boat.

"Hello folks." Dr Hoper announced through his megaphone, "so who's looking forward to the boat trip?" There was a brief murmur among the students before he carried on, "if anyone needs to go to the restroom, go now before we get onto the boat, the toilets are back down at the other end of the pier."

Robin turned to look at Regina, "I'm gonna just pop to the loo, will you be alright here? Or do you want to come wait outside?"

"I'm fine here." She nodded, she would feel like an idiot going along with her boyfriend and waiting outside while he went to the bathroom. So she would just face her fear and wait where she was, away from the edge.

Robin kissed her cheek, before jogging back down the pier, he hated leaving her when she was really scared, but he really needed to go. Surely she'd be okay for a couple of minutes, there were enough people still on the pier.

Regina stood, waiting for Robin, trying to control her fear and stop the shaking when Marian came alongside her, "hi." She smiled.

"What?" Regina huffed rolling her eyes.

"Nothing, I was just saying hi."

"Did you come to apologise for trying to kiss my boyfriend?" Regina asked.

"No."

"Whatever then." She scoffed, shaking her head, the audacity of the woman, she made Regina so mad.

"So the boat trip right?" Marian rose her eyebrows.

"Yeah." Regina nodded, the nerves returning a little.

"Me and Robin went on a boat once." Marian nodded, "hmm, it was very romantic."

Regina rolled her eyes as she turned her back to Marian, staring out at the water, thinking that jumping in might be a better alternative than listening to Marian. "I couldn't care less."

"Oh Regina, we have a past, we have history. What do you expect? We did things together, had moments together, I was the Marian to his Robin Hood."

"Shut up."

"Why? Don't want to hear about us being together? We are perfect for each other, you know it, but you're just too scared to admit it."

"What is actually wrong with you? Are you that pathetic, how many times do we have to fucking tell you? We are together, we love each other and you and your jealousy isn't going to break us up."

Marian narrowed her eyes and pushed her, Regina screamed and dropped to the wooden pier, curling up and burying her head in her lap, "no, no, no." She shook her head as she rocked herself not looking up.

Marian stared at her, "Regina?"

"No, no, no." She cried. Still not looking up, hugging her knees.

"Sorry, I'm sorry, Regina?!" Marian bent down and tried to comfort her, but she pulled away violently. "Regina, I'm sorry, I, Regina! Help!" Marian shouted, "somebody help, Dr Hoper!"

"Regina? What happened? What happened?"

"I was joking with her and pushed her, she just dropped to the floor."

Dr Hoper kneeled beside her, "Regina, it's Dr Hoper, are you okay?"

"No, no, no. Robin, I need, I, no, no. Not again, can't, water, no."

"Somebody get Robin." Dr Hoper turned around, " go get Robin now!"