Chapter Twenty-Nine

I still wasn't thrilled with Tobias coming to the party. The whole point of me going to the party tonight was to forget the things that we talked away – to relax and stop feeling like I was carrying a bag of bricks on my back.

The party was at a Fraternity at the edge of campus, so the three of us took a taxi – Tobias sat up front, thankfully.

Unsurprisingly, nobody bats an eye when we arrived, Tobias trailing behind Christina and myself. Of course Tobias had been right – he didn't look much older than most college seniors did. He fit right in.

It was infuriating.

Once we were inside, I headed straight for the keg and grabbed a red solo cup, filling it to the top. I grimaced when I took a sip – of course the fraternity would have cheap keg beer. Turning away from the keg, I make my way towards a private corner and lean against the wall, looking around the party. Christina is talking to a group of people and I see Tobias leaning against the wall opposite of me. We make eye contact and he nods to me. I roll my eyes and shove off the wall.

I make my way through the house, wandering around. There are framed pictures hanging on the wall of different years and different fraternity members. I'm in another room full of people – well, couples mainly. And they're all making out.

Disgusted, I turn back around and almost run into Tobias. "Fuck, Tobias." I exclaim, surprised. "What did I say about hovering?"

"Sorry. I won't do it again." He promised and then glances down at my cup. "As long as you don't have too many of those."

Groaning, I walk past him and head back into the room I was just in.

For a good part of the party, I hang around Christina and the group of people she spends most of the time talking to. I can feel Tobias watching me the whole time and I keep refilling my cup, unaware of how much I'm drinking. At least, I'm unaware until I feel my head starting to get fuzzy and the room starts to tilt.

I go to sit down on the couch and Christina follows, shooting me a worried glance. I wave my hand at her, letting her know I'm okay.

Everyone starts talking again and I close my eyes for a few seconds to help stop the room from spinning. I look back up and focus on the far wall and feel confident that I'm not going to get dizzy again and that I'm not going to throw up.

When I do look up, I notice that Tobias is leaning against the wall again. But this time he isn't looking at me – he's talking to someone else, some girl. The girl was tall and pretty, very, very pretty. She had long legs that were visible in the mini skirt she was wearing and she had long brown hair that touched the middle of her back. She was smiling and giggling at whatever Tobias was saying to her.

Standing up, I suddenly find myself trying to make my way over to where the two are conversing. However, halfway across the room some guy swerves in front of me, causing me to stop walking. I sway slightly and he grabs my arm, steadying me. "Thanks." I mumble, trying to move past him.

"You're Tris, right?" He asks and I finally look at him, nodding. His face comes into focus and something about him seems familiar. "We have Intro to Psych together." I nod and glance over his shoulder. "My name's Alex? We worked together on an assignment?"

I focus back on him, shaking my head. "Yeah, sorry. I forgot – I'm really out of it tonight." I sigh, crossing my arms. "Can I help you with something?"

Alex shoves his hands into his front pockets and gives me what I assume is supposed to be an alluring smile. "Maybe you'd want to go somewhere else? Somewhere quieter?"

I can't help but laugh at him and then cover my mouth. "Oh, you were serious. I am so sorry. Um, I'd really rather not. It's nothing against you, just that…I'm not really interested in a relationship."

"Who said anything about a relationship?" He steps closer to me and I shake my head again.

"Alex…I really don't…" I put my hand up, trying to push him away, but he grips my elbows so that I can't move. "Let go of me, please."

He leans in closer and, thankful for my short stature, I'm able to dodge his face but I can't escape his arms. "Dude, she said let her go." A voice growls close to both of us. We both turn towards the voice and Tobias's face is dark and I've never seen him look so angry. "Let her go."

Alex just looks at him and I can see that he's sizing him up, debating whether or not he can take on Tobias. Before he really looked him over, Alex looked like he actually thought he had a chance against Tobias, but now he looks like he'd rather walk away than make a fool of himself. But beer and testosterone have never mixed well in the history of forever, so he simply says, "And what are you going to do about it?"

Wrong question. Tobias pulls his hands off of my arms and steps in between Alex and myself. He doesn't say anything, he just stares down at him and then pulls his arm back and then punches forward. His fist connects with Alex's jaw and there are shocked gasps from around the room.

"Tobias!" I exclaim, grabbing his arm. I try and tug him backwards and away from Alex, who is keeled over with his hand gripping his jaw. "Outside!" I growl at him, beyond angry.

He stops resisting and walks ahead of me, practically jumping down the front steps and waiting for me to catch up once he's on the lawn. "What the hell was that?!" I yell, steaming.

Tobias gives me a confused look. "What was…? He was touching you when you told him to leave you alone!" He yells back, pointing at the house.

"I can handle myself! I had it under control!" He scoffs, crossing his arms over his chest. "What?" I demand, glaring at him.

He shakes his head. "It didn't look like you had it under control."

"Like you even noticed while you were flirting away with that girl!" I accused. He looked taken aback, probably not expecting me to point that out. He probably just expected me to agree with him and admit that I didn't have it under control. Asshole.

When he speaks again, his voice is strained – like he's trying his best to keep calm and not yell again. "The point is – I helped you. I know you can handle yourself, but I made the chivalrous decision to step in and help you. A simple thank you would do."

I roll my eyes. My anger slowly starts to ebb as we stand on the front lawn, facing each other. Finally, I speak up. "Why?"

"Why what?" He looks annoyed, like he doesn't feel like fighting again.

"Why did you really come with us tonight? I know that you would never normally spend your Friday night out, partying with a bunch of drunk college kids."

Tobias looks at me as if I'm blind. He shakes his head in disbelief. "Seriously? Do I really have to spell it out for you, Tris?" I barely have time to ask him what the hell he means when he blurts out, "I still love you and I want to be with you! That's the only reason I went to your apartment and that's the only reason I'm here! I want to be with you!"

I stare at him, conflicted, with my mouth hanging open. "Tobias…" I start to say, but I'm silenced by him; he strides over in front of me and takes my face between his hands, pressing his lips against mine. This kiss is different from the other night – I had initiated that kiss and it was mainly to forget pain and hurt – but this kiss was him trying to prove to me how much he still loved me and I felt my heart flutter momentarily. I let myself fall into the kiss, letting my hands find their place behind his neck.

Soon, too soon, I force myself to pull away. "If you think you can just come back into my life and tell me you still love me and I'll forgive everything and be that same love-sick high schooler, you're wrong." I take a deep breath, taking a step back from him. "I've changed and what you did – that's not something I can easily forgive." Meeting his gaze, I stare into those blue, blue eyes that still make my stomach twist in a good way. "I need time."

"So you just…walked away? You actually left him on the front lawn?" Christina asks, dipping her spoon into a large tub of chocolate chip ice cream. When I nod, she laughs. "I really didn't think you would ever do that."

I make a face. "What the hell do you mean?"

She smiles, taking another bite of ice cream. "Tris, you were completely head over heels for him in high school! I really believed that you would let him off the hook."

Shrugging, I drop my spoon onto the wooden floor next to me. Christina and I were in the living room, lounging against about thirty different pillows while sitting on the floor and flipping through the movie channels. "I want to but I just…it still hurts."

Christina nods and taps my leg reassuringly. "I get it and you have every right to make him wait. You deserve time. But just…don't wait too long. He does love you and he has apologized. Even if he did fuck up, he still loves you. And even if you don't want to say it out loud, I know that you still love him."

"I don't know how I feel about him anymore, Chris…" I lie, staring at the floor.

Christina laughs, and places the ice cream tub on the floor and then turns to look at me. "That's complete and total bullshit and you know it, Tris. You still love him and just the fact that you didn't throw him out that first night proves it. If you didn't love him, you wouldn't have talked to him or let him explain himself." She takes a breath and then continues. "Don't just throw everything you two have away. That's completely pointless. Not a lot of people get to have what you two have. You can't give it up. It won't be so easy to find that kind of love again. And normally I would tell you to drop his ass right now, but he's good for you. I've never seen you happier than when you're with him."

"When did you get all deep?" I joke, trying to change the topic.

She laughs again and shrugs. "College makes you smarter, duh."

Later that night, after Christina and I turn in for the night after a few movies, I lay in my bed and stare at the ceiling. I can't fall asleep. I still feel guilty for leaving Tobias at the party but I didn't know what else to do. Was I supposed to let him come home with me? Let him crash on my couch again?

I couldn't do that. I didn't want him the house while I was still trying to figure everything out. If he was here with me, it would make everything so much more complicated for me. I didn't need complicated.

To make matters worse, he had kept calling me throughout the day, waiting for me to pick up. I eventually had to shut my phone off. It was ironic, to be honest. I had gotten pissed at him for never calling me after the accident and for never calling me in the five months he just disappeared – but yet, here I was, ignoring his calls and refusing to talk to him. But I wasn't going to ignore him for five months! I wasn't that cruel.

I kept going through our last argument in my head until around three-thirty in the morning, when I was finally able to shut my brain off and fall asleep.